Discussion Forum

What? Singing 'Walking On The Moon'?

Makes sense to me.

Regards

Skoob.

She's just gone the bog. She's mellowing a bit now coz Barca are winning 1-0. Cracking goal from the Brazilian lad, Adriano.

I'll pass the message on when she's done.

Regards

Skoob.

You know I don't do Cockney patter mate. I'm quite good at Manc moaning though.

Regards

Skoob.

Shhh! Barca's on the box.

Nice idea. But I'm not talking to her at the moment. She wouldn't let me go to the match this avvy.

Regards

Skoob.

Clivey

My slathering gangsta made man. Nowt wrong with having a softer, more feminine side to one's otherwise psychopathic nature.

It's good to be loving and tender and caring and sharing sometimes. It's nice to wax lyrical and fold in a mewling puking heap as one slathers romantic soliloquies at breathtakingly gorgeous soulmates.

Plus it gives you something to think about when you're crushing some recalcitrant fucker's head in a vice.

Regards

The Consiglieri

Bloodshot eyes.

Regards

Skoob.

Clive...

Are you drunk? It's just that I never thought of you as a soppy sod.

Regards

Skoob

I dunno.

See what I mean Maria? They're like a slathering pack of baying gangsta hounds sometimes.

Leave the lady alone!

As you were.

Skoob.

You'll do for me Maria. I suppose one or two of us are a bit suspicious of newcomers these days. Hardly surprising really, considering how some of us have been maliciously trolled in recent months. Most of us really want to roll out the red carpet and welcome people with open arms, but the sad truth is that occasionally, as history demonstrates, it can blow up in your face.

Most people here are genuinely good people. I've met quite a few of them, and haven't yet come across a bad apple. Except Clivey D who's a tight fisted git when it's his round, and Lynton, who slips strange chemicals into your drink when you're not looking. Oh, and...

Regards

Skoob.

Good day ladies

May I be so forward as to propose a spot of therapy here?

Why not Spoof all the bad stuff about your respective exes and give vent to your emotions in an angry tirade in this organ's Magazine section?

Not only will such an exercise prove to be therapeutic, it also has the potential to be absolutely hilarious. Hell hath no fury and all that.

Just musin'

Skoob.

Dear Spoof

May I say what a divine pleasure it is to see Cliveypops popping in for the occasional cup of tea and slice of Battenburg.

Also, I shouldn't really be here. I should be trawling my ticket touting contacts in search of tickets for today's United match at Southampton.

But the wife's ruled that out on economic grounds. I'm trying to sweet talk her into changing her mind, but I'm rapidly running out of time.

Martin Shuttlecock

Titchfield.

I forgot what it's like breaking up with somebody.

As I recall, I used to down the pub when that happened.

Regards

Skoob.

Nah. Sorry Maria. I'm thinking I should be down the road at Southampton trying to pick up a black market ticket to watch United this avvy. But wifey seems to have kicked that idea into touch.

I'll watch it on the telly instead.

Unless I can summon up me best powers of persuasion...

Regards

Skoob.

I bet Maria's thinking: "NEVER AGAIN!"

At least until next time.

Regards

Skoob.

Ignore him. He's a dickhead.

Regards

Skoob

By God!

I only read the first line, then I had to go for a lie down.

Help!

Skoob

Go on then. Mine's a pint of Stella.

I do not beat the wife.

If anything, it's the other way round.

Regards

Skoob.

The fridge Maria.

The fridge.

You'll never guess what for...

Regards

Skoob.

Don't...

Squirming Skoob

I read all my Spoofs out loud to my wife. She can't be arsed to look at them.

She usually just shakes her head and rolls her eyeballs.

Am I doing something wrong?

Regards

Skoob.

Couldn't get a hotel room on account of all the blood.

I still blame CJ

God love him.

Regards

Skoob.

I sometimes bring Marvin Gaye CD's

But only if she's special.

(Not now obviously, but back in the day. Oh...and beer!)

Skoob

Never got a bed!

I was under the arches by a burger van.

True that.

Regards

Skoob.

You should come to one of our meet ups.

I ended up in hospital after one of them. Then spent the night outside Waterloo station.

How I laughed!

Regards

Skoob.

Three sanders.

And a vernier caliper.

Miserable gits round here.

Regards

Skoob.