Discussion Forum

Dear Spoof

I knew a lippy little gobshite once. No idea what happened to him, because I was down the pub with my mates when he 'disappeared.'

Jimmy Hanley
Burton On Trent

Soft southern lightweight who never buys a round.

What?

Skoob.

He's okay really. Short arms, deep pockets.

Dear Spoof

Is it just me, or are stroppy kids getting lippy with everybody these days? I ask because last night, on my way to the chippy, I stopped off in the Co-Op to get a few tinnies, and as I was waiting in the queue, this little shit standing behind me inferred to his two female companions that the unsavoury odour pervading the vicinity was emanating from my good self.

Upon turning and fixing the lippy little cunt with my very best thousand yard stare, he mumbled something about having had a bath earlier.

Did the idiotic fuckwit not realise that he came within an inch of having his fucking napper repeatedly smacked into the sauce shelf? By the fuck, it's a good job I'm a pacifist or the result may well have been emergency surgery.

Tommy Becket
Canterbury

Please bear in mind Gentlemen, that this is a public forum.

And not a 'Gentleman's' Club.

Apology required. Had my good lady been subjected to such comments, I'd be a bit ticked off too. A joke's a joke, fair enough, but please try to remember that there's a real person on the end of it.

My mate got banned for a similar tongue in cheek 'joke.'

Now then, behave, or I'll lock the thread.

Manners cost nothing.

Regards

Skoob.

Agreed.

Hysel was infinitely more complex, and the people who lost their lives there deserve justice too. Again, an antiquated stadium, idiotic ticketing policy by UEFA, and innefective policing contributed hugely.

Circumstances entirely different though.

Regards

Skoob.

Back on topic, I'm glad the Scousers got a result of sorts. They won't be celebrating of course, but all this has taken way too long when it was evident from the very start.

I stood on that terrace at an FA Cup semi final some years prior to 89, and it was a nightmare. From beginning to end.

I'd worked a night shift the night before Hillsborough, and turned the telly on when I woke up. I was gutted at what I saw.

I'll never forget a young lad in one of the side pens, holding the railings and screaming in desperation at a pitchside copper. The response was that the copper kicked at the lads hands.

Anyone who's ever been on terraces would have known instantly that what was occurring at Hillsborough that day was carnage. What I found most shocking of all, as the horror unfolded, was that it wasn't the police who took control of the situation, or the initiative. It was the Liverpool fans. They were the ones who seemed to be taking control of organisation, and initiative, even breaking up advertising hoardings to use as makeshift stretchers, and carrying the casualties away from the scene.

I'm glad the truth is finally out.

Hopefully now the families of the victims of the Bradford fire will get their day too.

That also, is long overdue.

Regards

Skoob.

I've just been busy getting beasted by a bunch of slathering maniacs on an alternative 'comedy' website which in reality is about as funny as third degree burns.

Bucket list?

Wallpaper paste.

Chicken.

Beer.

Salud!

Skoob.

Don't worry about it - my brain's in a mush all the time.

Regards

Skoob.

By the bloody cringe! I pop over to dunkbikky for a bit and this is what happens!

HUZZAH MY ARSE!

Regards

Skoob.

Will it happen again? Will there be a repeat of that sepia tinted day in the pub? Knee deep in slather? Roaring with gay abandon as the lightweights mooched away one by one?

Or is this the tragic and untimely demise of the Coal Hole In The Wall Gang? Probably.

Regards

Skoob.

Dear Spoof

Speaking of silly consumer goods, I spotted a packet of 'Baboon's Arse' flavoured crisps this morning in the papershop.

Do I win five pounds?

Reginald Molehusband

Toxteth.

Ends now. Disastrous sequence.

Nighty night Cliveypops!

See? Fucking lightweight.

Heh heh!

Skoob.

I don't think he'll be best pleased.

He doesn't find most things funny.

Apart from the late Rod Hull and Emu...but that's another story for another day.

Regards

Skoob.

I'm not OLD!

And another thing...

Oh, I forgot.

Regards

Skoob. (Graceful)

By the clappers! I appear to have stumbled upon some sort of Indian rope trick! What the heck is going on? No...on second thoughts, don't tell me...Ignorance is bliss and all that.

By the way, I don't speak Mexican.

Encantado

Libro.

Clivey boy - you're pissed again. It's a shame really, because you don't slather or fold as well when you're in your cups. You romantic ole Cambridge Heath Road clunge welder.

Anyone fancy a pint and a sleeping pill?

Last one to Canada's a sissy! Yahoo! Up the Klondike!

Beauregards

Skoob

Fucking hell!

Bucket of cold water anyone?

Skoob, the sweet talking pheasant plucker.

London again? That means Danton and CJ, and probably another night for me in A&E.

Bastards.

Skoob.

Oh bugger. I said "coming out." In fairness, I was talking about the book. Perhaps I should have asked if it was going to be ejaculated prematurely on an unwitting public?

I am Northern you know. At times like this, I wish I was/am a Scouser, with a ready self deprecating wit, and a wry outlook on life's unpredictable peccadilloes.

But alas, I am not.

Mind you, I'm good at drinking beer, smoking fags and doing press ups.

Not some lightweight Cockney wanker.

Anyone fancy a pint?

Skoob.

^^^^^^Dorking Review 2 my arse!

Am I in it? No! So it can't be any good. Stands to reason dunnit.

Just sayin'

Skoob.

Car mechanics and central heating engineers? I've shit 'em!

When's it coming out?

PS - Forgot to say PS...

^^^^^ Admirable diatribe there from my terminally bewildered yet somewhat lightweight Mockney mucker.

Seven thirty in the morning? Early riser? Or just folding after a long session on the tiles?

We should be told.

Regards

The Sober One.

Snow - Chains - Not Only Women -Cheetahs Having Anginal Insanity-Bursts Neverending Shite.

FFS...

Skoob.

Other than in a football sense, does anybody know anybody who has nice feet? I mean in the aesthetic sense?

Personally, I've got aesthetically horrible feet, and they smell awful.

Both of 'em.

Probably moreso the right one.

Anybody know of nice feet?

Regards

Skoob

A pair of wellies and a cheesegrater.

Regards

Skoob.