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From General Discussion / Slavery, thats what it is, Slavery
Posted 24 Oct 12 17:09
Message
You leave my missus out of this, you cad. She's good to me. Too good in fact. So good that she's got me typing this with a loaded gun aimed at my head.

I have to laugh...because she's a really crap shot.

BLAM!

*THUD*

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 23 Oct 12 19:47
Message
Dear Spoof

Please convey my thanks to Mr Hobbs.

Aaaaarrrrrrghhhh!

Desperate.

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Waiting
Posted 23 Oct 12 17:47
Message
I'm waiting to watch United v Braga in the CL. Been up since 5 this morning, and feeling a bit cream crackered, but once the match starts, I'll be waiting for bedtime.

ZZzzzzzzzz......lovely.....


Regardzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hup! Sorry....

Skoob

 
From General Discussion / Which living or historic person would you like to bitch-slap?
Posted 23 Oct 12 17:37
Message
Pyromaniacs? Blow em all up!

Regards

Skoob.

 
From Magazine Discussion / My life as a man #23
Posted 23 Oct 12 17:03
Message
Only thing I can say is "Bravo!"

Read this. A fitting tribute to a lifelong friend.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Which living or historic person would you like to bitch-slap?
Posted 23 Oct 12 16:24
Message
Richard Madeley

Jimmy Savile

Michael Jackson

Jack The Ripper

Hitler

Pontius Pilate

Jose Mourinho

Will Self

Salman Rushdie

Ian Hislop

And if I was a girl - not that I'd in any way condone violence against the fairer sex:

Princess Diana

Katie Price

Joan Collins

Denise Richards (The Agony Aunt from This Morning)

Kerry Katona

And if I was gay: Jimmy Summerville and that bloke I used to work with.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Which living or historic person would you like to bitch-slap?
Posted 22 Oct 12 16:58
Message
I'd bitch slap John Terry if I could. Trouble is, he's bigger than me, and younger than me, so he'd probably kick me head in and then chat the wife up.

Or something.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Does Anyone Know....
Posted 22 Oct 12 15:56
Message
John,

Are you clicking the correct link? It's the one at the bottom which says: 'Didscuss This Story In The Forum'

Hope this helps.

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Let's Talk About Sex
Posted 21 Oct 12 20:44
Message
Phil,

That's a pretty awful acronym.

We were talking about sex. I've been wanked off in a bus stop.

Oh yes!

True that, Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Let's Talk About Sex
Posted 21 Oct 12 18:08
Message
And when you're fucked all over the place...

You are completely fucked.

Just sayin'

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Downturn at Downton Abbey - Financial crisis can't even escape fictional historical drama
Posted 21 Oct 12 16:08
Message
BLIMEY!

5er

Regards

Skoob

 
From Magazine Discussion / Lecture in Nottingham by Prof. Grimesworthy
Posted 21 Oct 12 15:19
Message
A different and hugely enjoyable approach to story telling by our very own inch high private eye.

5 from me.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / 1966 World Cup Final Footage Was Doctored By BBC Technicians - England Have Never Won The World Cup!
Posted 21 Oct 12 01:18
Message
Not even worthy of a comment...

Just sayin'

 
From General Discussion / Let's Talk About Sex
Posted 20 Oct 12 21:01
Message
It's a wonderful and beautiful thing when it's shared with the love of one's life. It isn't bad even when you aren't all that bothered who you're doing it with.

I did it once, and found it quite enjoyable, even though there was only myslef present.

But when you get to my age, a nice steak and kidney pie seems more wholesome than drooling over Britney Spears dressed as a schoolgirl.

Or is it just me?

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 20 Oct 12 20:11
Message
Dear Spoof

While we're on the subject of books - the Dorking Review 2 is coming out soon. And there's a launch piss up at the Coal Hole on December 15th.

I hope I don't fall off Waterloo Bridge, but I'll be buggered if I'm paying four squids for a one stop tube ride.

(Take note TFL)

Bobby Bollocks
Southampton.

 
From Magazine Discussion / Presidential Order protects voters this election
Posted 20 Oct 12 13:55
Message
"Safety conscientious" or "Safety conscious"? "Insure" or "Ensure"?

Couldn't make head or tail of this.

Just sayin'

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Jaggedone's Book is on the shelves!
Posted 20 Oct 12 13:47
Message
Did I just say 'bacon tree'? I meant a 'ham bush.'

AND THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THIS!

I'm locking this thread. Now then, now then, where's me keys...?

Victor Vanquish
Scarborough

 
From General Discussion / Jaggedone's Book is on the shelves!
Posted 20 Oct 12 13:45
Message
The Coal Hole Firm? It's probably a bacon tree.

AND THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THIS!

N Pledge
Poland.

 
From General Discussion / Jaggedone's Book is on the shelves!
Posted 20 Oct 12 13:20
Message
There is no 'Coal Hole Firm.'

AND THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THE SUBJECT!

Captain Maggot
The Strand.


 
From News Discussion / O.J. will sell 'murder knife' for $5 million--Jimmy Hoffa found during prison cavity search!
Posted 20 Oct 12 13:16
Message
Frankie

Skip the "this" from the end of the first para, so that it reads "at the time of writing."

Other than that it reads well. And for once I get this, because I'm familiar with the characters and situations involved.

There's room for a couple of jokes in there too, like about 'the glove' and the low speed getaway car, and possibly where the authorities had been concentrating their efforts in the search for Hoffa's body. Or maybe that would be too much and bloat the whole thing.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Jaggedone's Book is on the shelves!
Posted 20 Oct 12 04:33
Message
You ungrateful, heartless bastard!

The lad poured his heart and soul into that work of "sheer warped genius" (Burnley Express)

There's nothing wrong with the good old days! Damn your eyes! Times of...well, we won't go there.

I wish him well.

Every success!

HUZZAH!

Judas.

 
From General Discussion / Jaggedone's Book is on the shelves!
Posted 20 Oct 12 01:51
Message
Who'd have thought our very own cutting edge reporter has a book out?

That must have been the world's most closely guarded secret.

Has it got acronyms in it?

I shan't be buying it anyway. For obvious reasons. But then I shan't be slagging it off in the comments sections of Amazon etc. either. Like certain warped individuals do. I might have considered it, had it featured Maggot Armies, Messiahs and Judas's, but as it stands I'd rather read Simon Cowell's autobiography.

I asked in Tesco when I popped in after work earlier tonight if they had it in stock, but the pimply faced shelf stacker off the night shift just looked at me as if I'd gone out as he shrugged and pointed haplessly at the beer aisle.

That was all the inspiration I needed.

Go Jaggy!

This time next year you'll be a billionaire!

Regards

Skoob.

 
From Magazine Discussion / My life as a man #22
Posted 19 Oct 12 11:31
Message
I enjoyed it Frankie. Good to know that kids in America are finally wising up!

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Jimmy Savile
Posted 18 Oct 12 12:16
Message
They always used to say that goalkeepers are a weird bunch.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Jimmy Savile
Posted 18 Oct 12 01:03
Message
No need for me to go too deeply into reasons for writing here - I've bored people to virtual death with all that.

As for submitting - I've had a few knockbacks. Sometimes I've agreed and sometimes I've disagreed with decisions, as I'm sure we all have. I tend to just try to keep calm and carry on.

I'm displaying my goods in somebody else's shop window, and I respect that. I wouldn't be too pleased if somebody swanned into our house and crapped on the sofa...if you see what I mean.

This only my opinion, but I think anything's fair game for satire, no matter how distasteful or abhorrent a real life incident may have been. It's how people do it that counts.

I recall watching a TV News report about a gun rampage where several innocent people lost their lives, and a reporter quite callously asked a police spokesman if the bodies had been left out in the open on a hot day as investigations continued. That aspect sickened me, and I spoofed it, wanting to take a pop at the bloodthirsty media.

It wasn't really funny, more of an angry rant about insensitivity. There's always an angle.

Also saw a post relating to 'mutual understanding' between US and other contributors. As in - do we understand what we're approving/disapproving? I approve a lot of US stories involving people I've never heard of, or could care less about. There's celeb stuff and sports stuff - unlike Frankie I don't always have the time or the inclination to Google subjects - but generally I'll approve, providing it doesn't contravene the general rules.

And as for the app center (sic) I must confess that I haven't really been as active as I should have been over the last couple of weeks, but that's purely attributable to personal circumstances.

As for so-called 'men' who abuse women, either physically, mentally, or in some online fantasy existence as a tormentor - not my bag.

I'm going to start ranting now, so I'd better shut up.

Regards

Skoob.

 
416 Pages - «« « 3 4 [5] 6 7 » »»
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