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From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 6 Dec 12 21:37
Message
Dear Spoof Dear Spoof Users

This thread has been closed due to the current Fisting Cliff. However, we'd like to remind you that if it's zany humour and off the wall comments you're looking for - there's always the 'ACRONYMS' thread.

Where basically you just write a stream of meaningless drivel based on the previous word. The advantage of this is that if you have a reasonable vocabulary you can participate, and the results are invariably hysterically funny.

Providing you're a drooling resident of a nursing home.

The originators of this thread apologise for any inconvenience, but they're all busy right now attending a BNP meeting and getting blind drunk whilst they discuss the possible outcome of being sued for plagiarism.

On behalf of the thread stalwarts

Skoob (Idiot non-pareil)

Where's the door?

WHERE'S THE BLADDY DOOR?

Oh...you blew it off...

Never mind...if it ain't broke, don't fix it...

 
From News Discussion / Pre Menstrual Woman Kills Husband For Whistling
Posted 6 Dec 12 20:58
Message
You cad!

You obviously cut and copied this story from my Mystery Blonde series and edited it and improved it to make it funny.

That's nothing short of Lesbianism as defined in Section 5, subsection 4 of the official bollocks act.

Paragraph 22 (b) (ii) stroke 1

See you in court. With a slathering jury who always work on a 12:1 ratio.

I don't think I shall sleep for two consecutive nights.

Somebody...anybody!...for God's sake...pass the Acronyms...I'm getting withdrawal here...

I DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME?

Furious.

Bletchley.

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 4 Dec 12 20:11
Message
Dear Spoof,

Going back to what my honourable friend, Mr Danton related previously, I've decided to join him. It isn't a knee jerk reaction, but something I've been mulling over for some time now.

The simple truth is that I've lost the urge to have fun here, because quite frankly, it isn't fun any more. At least not for me. Or, I suspect Clive, and others who are notable by their absence.

Coming here used to be a fun distraction, but it just doesn't seem that way any more. It's just filled with behind the scenes bitching and point grabbing mania, with little regard for writing or humour. What was said to Clive, and what lay behind it was kind of the last straw. That on top of the writer who launched a scathing public and personal attack on myself in a week where my father died, and my router broke down, so that I couldn't even respond. Nice move that matey chum. Fucking impeccable timing.

So it seems fitting to announce my own retirement from Spoofery on Clivey's thread.

Visiting this site ought to be an inspirational and fun experience, but in recent months it's sapped my will to live. It's akin to watching a dear friend suffer a slow, excruciating death. Sorry, that's how I feel at the moment.

On a happier note:

Season's Greetings To All,

Thank You

Goodnight,

Skoob.

 
From Magazine Discussion / Rolf's Christmas Animal Hospital Jamboree
Posted 4 Dec 12 17:19
Message
That's a five from me Cap.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 4 Dec 12 17:08
Message
Dear Spoof,

Who is this mysterious Gang Of Four?

Just curious

Sherlock Baskerville
Holmes Mansions
W1

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 3 Dec 12 18:44
Message
Dear Spoof,

May I just take this opportunity to categorically state that my good friend Clive is in no way one of them racialists.

In my experience, Sir Clive finds all forms of racism abhorrent. What he does do, is mercilessly lampoon racist types - in his own inimicable style.

The reality of the situation is that some people are inherently racist, but they don't even see it. These are the people Clive mocks with his comments.

The late, great, Johnny Speight wrote 'Til Death Us Do Part' with an identical message in mind.

Personally speaking, I find this all rather sad.

And I sincerely hope that Clive reconsiders his decision to take his leave.

With a heavy heart,

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / 2 new facts about armfeetand toe!
Posted 2 Dec 12 20:10
Message
You've gone mad mate. Join the club.

Regards

Skoob

 
From Magazine Discussion / My life as a man #35
Posted 2 Dec 12 19:39
Message
Glitch methinks DuBois.

Just commented on another My Life As and was told I couldn't post in that forum.

Regards

Kardashian III (Junior)

 
From General Discussion / My Friend At Work Called James
Posted 2 Dec 12 18:51
Message
That's bang out of order Clive.

You can't just go around imbuing mechanics with human characteristics. Do you hear me? You can't do that!

It's immoral. Everybody knows (Especially the ladies) that car mechanics are the biggest collective bunch of robbing swines on the face of the earth.

Good grief man! Next you'll be trying to get us - Joe Public - to empathise with bankers, lawyers, compo winners by a country mile, and loan sharks!

Away with you! You Cocker-nee charlatan! I for one won't be falling for your blithering blarney anytime soon!

Outraged!

From Penge East.

 
From General Discussion / Great Sporting Obscenities
Posted 1 Dec 12 21:14
Message
15 rounds Francois?

We talking beer here or what?

As Ever

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Andrew Flintoff Fails Breathalyser Test During F1 Debut
Posted 1 Dec 12 17:15
Message
A sure fire compo winner if ever I saw one!

Regards

Skoob

 
From News Discussion / Bears WR tells Scottish reporter about Viagra use in the NFL
Posted 1 Dec 12 15:48
Message
Just watching England v The All Blacks. 15-14. Game on!

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / National HIV Screening Week Starts In The UK Today!
Posted 1 Dec 12 13:40
Message
Why can't I get Mogadishu up on Google Street View?

Just askin'

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Great Sporting Obscenities
Posted 1 Dec 12 13:18
Message
Haven't seen the Flintoff 'fight' yet so can't comment on that. I think Clive's right about women boxing though. Not being sexist or anything - there are ample medical grounds which suggest that women boxing is not necessarily such a good idea.

Just my opinion.

Having been a fight fan for as long as I can remember, it was a joy looking at Clive's link. Mr Hagler was always one of my favourites, and Hearns could throw a punch too. I think it was Reg Gutteridge the ITV commentator at the fight who said: "And Hearns is reduced to a spot of involuntary breakdancing!" when Hagler connected.

Having been around during the golden age of the heavyweights, Ali, Foreman, Frazier, Norton, Terrell, Quarry, Holmes (In his early days) - when any one of the top ten could have been a champion in his own right, and the welter/middlewight dream years of Hagler, Leonard, Duran and co - I think as well as being priveleged I've been a bit spoiled too.

Things don't seem so great at the moment, but as usually happens, somebody will step up and become a sensation in one division or other.

Anyway, thanks for the clip Clive. I think the Hagler/Hearns fight still holds the record for the most punches traded in a title fight in history.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / National HIV Screening Week Starts In The UK Today!
Posted 1 Dec 12 12:25
Message
I remember when the AIDS thing first reared its ugly head, back in the day when it was referred to as the 'gay plague.'

I mentioned in conversation down the pub that one of the most common things to happen with full blown AIDS was the onset of skin cancers, which often proved fatal due to the immune system being destroyed.

This bloke said to me: "How can you die of cancer if you've got AIDS? Don't talk like a cunt."

You see what I have to put up with?

As for Africa, and people hacking other people to pieces with machetes - there's an awful lot of money out there in the form of natural resources, just waiting to be mined, or tapped. Most people want a piece of that, and are prepared to fight for it.

Not dissimilar to the pioneer/gold rush days in America's infancy as a nation.

And to suggest that everyone down there is running around with machetes hacking bits off their neighbours is a tad misleading. I know this bloke who's African...etc etc etc.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / TV Choice.
Posted 30 Nov 12 04:09
Message
I've got a 3D telly. Cost me an arm and a leg. And a foot and a toe.

55"

There's still fuck all on.

I dunno...

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 30 Nov 12 03:59
Message
Dear Spoof

You're getting way too sinister for my liking.

Normal Bates

Route 66.

 
From News Discussion / Texas vet says DNA proves Bigfoot is part human, 'At least his penis is'
Posted 30 Nov 12 03:55
Message
In a gay way?

Just axn'

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / The Big Match!
Posted 30 Nov 12 03:49
Message
I don't want to hear this!

Do you hear me?

You don't?

Ah well...

*Adjusts iPod volume and ignores abuse.*



 
From General Discussion / People Who Should Seriously Consider Changing Their Name By Deed Poll
Posted 28 Nov 12 00:26
Message
At one place I worked, somebody had written on the toilet wall in marker pen: "Is Rod's wife called Tess?"

I didn't get it for a while, until I recalled that a bloke on the opposite shift's name was Rod Tickle.

True dat.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From Magazine Discussion / Quentin Kelp MP - A Wind Up
Posted 27 Nov 12 04:31
Message
Glorious!

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Life's Great Pleasures
Posted 27 Nov 12 01:48
Message
My greatest pleasure is slathering, ganging up in a ratio of 12:1, losing two consecutive night's sleep, before folding like a girl and projectile vomiting into a brightly coloured plastic bucket.

Oh, and being the real secret owner/operator/admin of the Spoof, and Mark Lowton's sinister alter ego.

Oh, and beer, ciggies, black pudding, real gravy on chips, and Hollands pies with mushy peas, lashings of malt vinegar, and salt and pepper.

Oh, and watching United tank Bayern Munich and Chelsea in the last minute of the Champions League Final.

And the wife's all right. Although she does go on a bit sometimes.

And having a nice lie in.

And of course, The Spoof!

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Prison bitches of the world, Unite!
Posted 24 Nov 12 23:19
Message
41 minutes remaining for the Coal Hole writing compo.

Just sayin'

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / "Dirty Jobs" cancelled but Mike Rowe's new series "Dirty Girls" begins Jan on Discovery
Posted 24 Nov 12 16:49
Message
Sorry Frankie mate. Means nowt to me. I'll consider it for the compo, but don't be rushing to the airport on the off chance...

Stiff upper lip old chap!

Kindest,

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Mechanic Claims To Have Seen The Face Of Christ On Apprentice's Buttocks
Posted 23 Nov 12 18:49
Message
Nice one Clive.

Regards

Skoob.

 
418 Pages - «« « 3 4 [5] 6 7 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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