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From General Discussion / Madonna, Debbie McGee or Jesus Budda?
Posted 22 Jan 09 19:38
Message
I'd take JB.

Although obviously not in a gay way.

 
From General Discussion / Stupid Questions I Get Asked
Posted 22 Jan 09 17:20
Message
I once went out with a hooker and had very little cash on me so I offered her a new pair of shoes as a kind of barter arrangement.

She agreed to take the shoes but told me not to expect her to get too passionate in the throes of romance.

As it turned out, once we'd got down to it she was groaning and wrapping her legs around me like you wouldn't believe.

Turns out she was trying the shoes on.

Ain't life a bitch sometimes.

 
From General Discussion / Stupid Questions I Get Asked
Posted 22 Jan 09 17:14
Message

Quote: Jalapenoman


Quote: Mark Lowton

What are love balls? Are they like anal beads?


Nope, they are actually more like truck testicles (which is a new craze sweeping parts of this country).


According to Phoenix Nights, insert a pair of love balls (it helps here if you're female) and you'll come before the bus does.

Allegedly.

I'm originally from Salford you know, although I'd never admit it in public.

 
From General Discussion / Does Debbie McGee look more attractive than Madonna? Do you care?
Posted 21 Jan 09 23:15
Message
How come nobody on here mentioned Joanna Lumley, Helen Mirren, Twiggy, or that fat bird out of 'On The Buses'?

 
From General Discussion / Does anyone think Boy George's sentence was a bit too long?
Posted 21 Jan 09 01:39
Message
Phil Edgar's Bones loves prostitutes and rent boys.

Each to his own

Don't support Chelsea do you Phil?




 
From General Discussion / Does anyone think Boy George's sentence was a bit too long?
Posted 21 Jan 09 00:09
Message
If I could chain a nubile young lady to my radiator and get eighteen months jail time...

I dunno, I might even risk it...

Tongue firmly in cheek here.

 
From General Discussion / "I rhymed menstrual with consensual - it was f***ing brilliant!" - Russell Brand
Posted 20 Jan 09 20:09
Message
To quote Michael Jackson:

"Can You Feel It?"

 
From News Discussion / The Pope says "Muslims are gay"
Posted 20 Jan 09 19:26
Message
I don't know any Moslem pig farmers.
Why is this?

 
From General Discussion / Stupid Questions I Get Asked
Posted 20 Jan 09 15:42
Message
Hi all,

I used to be trade union rep, and one time I had a really irate member come to me complaining that a fork lift truck had crashed into his car.
I went through the motions, but when the manager asked the aggrieved party:
"Were you travelling at over 5mph?"
"Were you wearing a seat belt?"
"Have you been drinking?"
That was game over.
There's dumb and there's dumb, but this guy was off the scale.

 
From News Discussion / People Eating Grass
Posted 17 Jan 09 02:43
Message
It's the constant rain that does it.

 
From News Discussion / People Eating Grass
Posted 17 Jan 09 02:41
Message
Hence the hat and coat on the avatar.

 
From News Discussion / People Eating Grass
Posted 17 Jan 09 02:40
Message
Mark must be a Gene Pitney fan.

I was once twenty four hours from Tulsa.

But I gave it up and went home.

Lancashire is so lovely in the rain.

 
From General Discussion / Newsbiscuit
Posted 17 Jan 09 01:43
Message
Got it.

Thanks Morse.

Rusty's top.

Although I'm not too sure about Rusty being a name for a penguin who lives on the Ross Ice Shelf.

Seems a bit like tempting fate to me.

 
From News Discussion / Man Saves Time And Money By Having A Wank Instead
Posted 17 Jan 09 01:19
Message
That would be the one who got run over by the bus shortly afterwards?

Classic.

 
From News Discussion / Boat lands on New York runway
Posted 16 Jan 09 23:26
Message
Loved that story.

5*

The best of it is that the more you think about it once you've read it, The funnier and more surreal it gets.

Quality.

Thanks for that.

 
From News Discussion / Man Saves Time And Money By Having A Wank Instead
Posted 16 Jan 09 23:14
Message
5*

Excellent.

Wish I'd thought of it. The wanking that is, instead of wasting money.

I always wondered why people called me a wanker all the time, maybe it's the pallid complexion.

 
From General Discussion / Newsbiscuit
Posted 15 Jan 09 23:01
Message

Quote: Morse


Quote: Phil Edgar's Bones

I've done this and cannot find it.



Opps! Sorry....on left side of home page go to "more funny sites" cllick @ scroll down till you find "rusty".....


Thanks Morse. Appreciated. I'll check out Rusty's website as soon as I sober up.

Best wishes.

 
From General Discussion / The last thing I remember ......Game (New members welcome)
Posted 14 Jan 09 23:15
Message

Quote: carina-eta

The last thing I remember was Dubya saying " No, Not THAT
button!"

The last thing I remember is forgetting...


The last thing I remember is spoofing the Russian Mafia.


The last thing I remember was thinking it wasn't really a big glass revolving door.

The last thing I remember is thinking,"what duck?"

The last thing I remember was falling over in the seal suit while someone shouted "Is that a polar bear?"

The last thing I remember is the taxi driver driving past my street and locking all the doors automatically.

The last thing I remember is pointing out that GAP means "Gay and Proud" to some big, hairy bodybuilders.

The last thing I remember is walking through Liverpool Town Centre wearing a Rolex.



Quality.

Like why does the Mersey run through Liverpool?

Because if it walked it'd get mugged.

Calm down!!!

 
From General Discussion / 20 Questions
Posted 14 Jan 09 22:57
Message
Q8 Not sure.

Q9 Undecided.

Q10 What the hell am I playing at?

Answers on a postman.

 
From General Discussion / Family Guy, Simpsons, King Of The Hill are funny, but they are safe, what else is funny?
Posted 14 Jan 09 22:20
Message
JB What is it with you?

Are you mellowing?

Help me out here

 
From News Discussion / People Eating Grass
Posted 14 Jan 09 22:03
Message
Probably pan fried, Victor.

With some Jalapenos.

Try it, it's lovely.

 
From General Discussion / Just in case you had your suspicions...
Posted 14 Jan 09 20:24
Message
Millwall?

Amateurs.

Red Army.

 
From General Discussion / Things You Can Do With Cinnamon
Posted 14 Jan 09 18:45
Message
Good point Fergus.

 
From General Discussion / Family Guy, Simpsons, King Of The Hill are funny, but they are safe, what else is funny?
Posted 14 Jan 09 17:31
Message
Loved Meet The Fockers.

When Mrs Skoob and I arrived at JFK in New York the first thing we saw outside the airport was a cab with a Meet The Fockers ad on a fin on its roof.

"How did they know we were coming?" asked Mrs Skoob.

I like Owen Wilson, and Clerks II was brilliant, but for my money you can't beat the old stand-up guys.

Billy Connolly - genius.

Richard Pryor - ditto.

Tommy Cooper - not strictly stand-up but still as funny as ever, although my daughter didn't seem to get him at all.

 
From General Discussion / 20 Questions
Posted 14 Jan 09 10:46
Message
Proper geezers never do anything in a gay way.

I'm shocked.

 
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