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From General Discussion / Stupid Questions I Get Asked
Posted 20 Jan 09 15:42
Message
Hi all,

I used to be trade union rep, and one time I had a really irate member come to me complaining that a fork lift truck had crashed into his car.
I went through the motions, but when the manager asked the aggrieved party:
"Were you travelling at over 5mph?"
"Were you wearing a seat belt?"
"Have you been drinking?"
That was game over.
There's dumb and there's dumb, but this guy was off the scale.

 
From News Discussion / People Eating Grass
Posted 17 Jan 09 02:43
Message
It's the constant rain that does it.

 
From News Discussion / People Eating Grass
Posted 17 Jan 09 02:41
Message
Hence the hat and coat on the avatar.

 
From News Discussion / People Eating Grass
Posted 17 Jan 09 02:40
Message
Mark must be a Gene Pitney fan.

I was once twenty four hours from Tulsa.

But I gave it up and went home.

Lancashire is so lovely in the rain.

 
From General Discussion / Newsbiscuit
Posted 17 Jan 09 01:43
Message
Got it.

Thanks Morse.

Rusty's top.

Although I'm not too sure about Rusty being a name for a penguin who lives on the Ross Ice Shelf.

Seems a bit like tempting fate to me.

 
From News Discussion / Man Saves Time And Money By Having A Wank Instead
Posted 17 Jan 09 01:19
Message
That would be the one who got run over by the bus shortly afterwards?

Classic.

 
From News Discussion / Boat lands on New York runway
Posted 16 Jan 09 23:26
Message
Loved that story.

5*

The best of it is that the more you think about it once you've read it, The funnier and more surreal it gets.

Quality.

Thanks for that.

 
From News Discussion / Man Saves Time And Money By Having A Wank Instead
Posted 16 Jan 09 23:14
Message
5*

Excellent.

Wish I'd thought of it. The wanking that is, instead of wasting money.

I always wondered why people called me a wanker all the time, maybe it's the pallid complexion.

 
From General Discussion / Newsbiscuit
Posted 15 Jan 09 23:01
Message

Quote: Morse


Quote: Phil Edgar's Bones

I've done this and cannot find it.



Opps! Sorry....on left side of home page go to "more funny sites" cllick @ scroll down till you find "rusty".....


Thanks Morse. Appreciated. I'll check out Rusty's website as soon as I sober up.

Best wishes.

 
From General Discussion / The last thing I remember ......Game (New members welcome)
Posted 14 Jan 09 23:15
Message

Quote: carina-eta

The last thing I remember was Dubya saying " No, Not THAT
button!"

The last thing I remember is forgetting...


The last thing I remember is spoofing the Russian Mafia.


The last thing I remember was thinking it wasn't really a big glass revolving door.

The last thing I remember is thinking,"what duck?"

The last thing I remember was falling over in the seal suit while someone shouted "Is that a polar bear?"

The last thing I remember is the taxi driver driving past my street and locking all the doors automatically.

The last thing I remember is pointing out that GAP means "Gay and Proud" to some big, hairy bodybuilders.

The last thing I remember is walking through Liverpool Town Centre wearing a Rolex.



Quality.

Like why does the Mersey run through Liverpool?

Because if it walked it'd get mugged.

Calm down!!!

 
From General Discussion / 20 Questions
Posted 14 Jan 09 22:57
Message
Q8 Not sure.

Q9 Undecided.

Q10 What the hell am I playing at?

Answers on a postman.

 
From General Discussion / Family Guy, Simpsons, King Of The Hill are funny, but they are safe, what else is funny?
Posted 14 Jan 09 22:20
Message
JB What is it with you?

Are you mellowing?

Help me out here

 
From News Discussion / People Eating Grass
Posted 14 Jan 09 22:03
Message
Probably pan fried, Victor.

With some Jalapenos.

Try it, it's lovely.

 
From General Discussion / Just in case you had your suspicions...
Posted 14 Jan 09 20:24
Message
Millwall?

Amateurs.

Red Army.

 
From General Discussion / Things You Can Do With Cinnamon
Posted 14 Jan 09 18:45
Message
Good point Fergus.

 
From General Discussion / Family Guy, Simpsons, King Of The Hill are funny, but they are safe, what else is funny?
Posted 14 Jan 09 17:31
Message
Loved Meet The Fockers.

When Mrs Skoob and I arrived at JFK in New York the first thing we saw outside the airport was a cab with a Meet The Fockers ad on a fin on its roof.

"How did they know we were coming?" asked Mrs Skoob.

I like Owen Wilson, and Clerks II was brilliant, but for my money you can't beat the old stand-up guys.

Billy Connolly - genius.

Richard Pryor - ditto.

Tommy Cooper - not strictly stand-up but still as funny as ever, although my daughter didn't seem to get him at all.

 
From General Discussion / 20 Questions
Posted 14 Jan 09 10:46
Message
Proper geezers never do anything in a gay way.

I'm shocked.

 
From General Discussion / Things You Can Do With Cinnamon
Posted 14 Jan 09 07:38
Message

Quote: Madame Bitters


Quote: Black Forest Gateaux



Gateaux? Gateaux?

I know what it means, but why don't we all just call it what it is in English, which is the laguage that the vast majority of us speak: CAKE

Why do people pepper phrases with French words? It's pretensious.

I don't hate the language or French people. I do hate the people who talk like that and then get pissy when I'm not impressed.

I wait on people every day who throw around French words and I hate them. They're the same people who give $2,000 birthday parties- for their 3 year old.

So once again, it's cake.

Got that?

CAKE!

At least that's what the poor white trash like me, who actually make them for a living call it

Cake. Goddammit.

I'm going to bed.


C'st la vie Madame.

Mon Dieu!!!

 
From General Discussion / Things You Can Do With Cinnamon
Posted 14 Jan 09 07:36
Message
Cake?

Gattox

Bollo

Whatever

 
From General Discussion / The last thing I remember ......Game (New members welcome)
Posted 14 Jan 09 07:32
Message
PS

Please remind me never to piss Phil off.

Scary.

PPS: Bernard manning classic:

What about the Jewish kamikaze pilot who crashed his plane into his brother's scrapyard?

Boom Boom!!!

 
From General Discussion / The last thing I remember ......Game (New members welcome)
Posted 14 Jan 09 07:25
Message

Quote: Fergus McCarthy


Quote: Skoob1999


Edgar Allen Poe rules.




Go on then Skoob.
Name them.


There are 8........But I'll let you off with 5.


Bit behind here Fergus, sorry about that, but:

The Fall Of The House Of Usher

The Raven

The Masque Of The Red Death

The Pit And The Pendulum

The Tell Tale Heart

The Oval Portrait

The Black Cat

The Gold Bug

The Purloined Letter

The Facts In The Case Of M Valdemar

The Commitments.

The last one is bollix by the way.


Fergus


 
From News Discussion / People Eating Grass
Posted 14 Jan 09 06:21
Message

Quote: Aspartame Boy

Mine was true. Not trying to be funny here, for once. I guess that DOES make me loopy in a fun house sort of way.

You hate aliens just because we are aliens.

I just ordered two more jars of grass from PA. They have great grass there. They throw in some herbs too. Tastes great on spaghetti. Of course I add salsa and olive oil and sea salt. You should try a plate, on a bed of grated Parmesan cheese.

If you still don't believe it, I suggest you look up the history of vitamin tablets.


Quote: Monkey Woods

I liked Rocky's story, but not Aspartame Boy's tale.

So, I gave Rocky 5 stars.



Whoah!

Roll that back!

I never said I hated aliens.

But I couldn't eat a whole one.

 
From General Discussion / Things You Can Do With Cinnamon
Posted 14 Jan 09 06:18
Message

Quote: Fergus McCarthy

The moon is boring, you have to wear stupid suits and it takes fucking ages to get there and when you do get there, there's fuck all to do, and then it takes you fucking ages to get back.


I'm getting a Black Forest Gateaux first thing in the morning.

Fuck the recession.

Ferg


Good point.

 
From News Discussion / Pierced Testicle Craze Sweeps University Campuses
Posted 14 Jan 09 06:08
Message
Aaaah Jeeeze Morse!

Now I'm squirming even more.

Enough I say!!!

 
From News Discussion / Ehud Barak Obama picks Opus Dei lapdog Leon Pancetta for top CIA post
Posted 14 Jan 09 06:01
Message

Quote: Aspartame Boy

I was sucked in and driveled upon.


Lucky You

 
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