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From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 17 Nov 12 21:09
Message
Dear Spoof

What on earth are you thinking by running this frankly rather crap thread at the head of your 'General Discussion' forum when there are hilarious acronyms to be revelled in and Erskine Quint has been unleashed on the world?

Are you mad, or what?

The Gods of comedy are being ignored and bypassed while people are reading this load of old toot.

It's a shameful state of affairs.

Major Thomas Percival(Ret'd)
Cotswolds.

 
From News Discussion / Pattinson cousin is only man in America who has never seen the Twilight Saga
Posted 17 Nov 12 19:48
Message
You shouldn't hit the moonshine before you write, Francois mah sahn.

Like wot I do.

In the interests of research and understanding - I googled 'Honey Boo-Boo.'

That's just weird. The whole thing. Are you all on drugs in America or what?

Next thing you'll be dressing poodles in tu-tus.

Sick.

Regards

Skoob.



 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 17 Nov 12 19:24
Message
Dear Spoof

This fuckwittery has gone too far.

A gorilla walks into a pub, orders a pint of poncey Fullers London Girly Lightweight Pride. The barman pours it and serves it up on the bar.

The gorilla hands over a twenty pound note.

The barman gives the gorilla three pounds change, and says:

"We don't get many gorillas in here."

The gorilla takes a deep breath, sighs, and says calmly:

"I'm not fucking surprised, at seventeen quid a pint."

I'll get me coat.

J. Davidson
Gaza.

 
From News Discussion / Florida Man Still In Line To Vote
Posted 17 Nov 12 13:53
Message
Could have been a compo winner Clivey.

By a country mile.

You're going to need to be on point for next Saturday's compo.

Either that, or send me some moolah in the post.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Francois Dubois' US of A v Goddamn Limey Fags Quiz Of Doom
Posted 17 Nov 12 05:25
Message
Okaaaay...

So what's the third highest mountain in the world?

Thinking...

It's Kangchenjunga - horrible avalanche threat - like Anapurna...

I'll have you know that Clivey and I scaled that mountain in half a day, drinking cans of Stella, eating hot dogs and even pausing on our summit attempt to change a headlight bulb in an Audi Quattro.

It's what we would have wanted.

Doyens come and go.

Mountains are just there.

Quite boring really,

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Florida Man Still In Line To Vote
Posted 17 Nov 12 03:55
Message
Fantastic!

I was eating a king prawn curry when I read this!

I almost choked!

My laptop is littered with prawn fragments!

Keyboard! Screen! The whole deal!

This story was so rip-snortingly hysterical that I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep again!

It's marvellous!

Everyone should read it!

By the Christ himself! I can't possibly big this story up enough! It's more gut bustingly funny than Monty Python's 'Parrot Sketch' Pete and Dud's 'Derek And Clive' and 'Fawlty Towers' rolled up in a big fluffy towel with 'The Office' and 'The Secret Policemen's Ball.'

I can barely type for laughing and spitting up bits of prawn curry...

Oh God...

I can't breathe now....

This story has done for me....

In fact I was so hysterically wiped out by this piece of comedic genius that I rated it with five thumbs, then registered under 28 new email identities and awarded it another 28 five stars!

OMG!

I think I'm going into coronary arrest!

Can't stop laughing though!

Aaaarrrgh!

Funniest thing since Liverpool tanking United at OT!

Skoob.

Aaaahhh....

(Deceased. Probably diseased too.)

 
From News Discussion / BBC Launch Probe Into Bruce Forsyth "False Chin" Allegations
Posted 17 Nov 12 03:22
Message
I agree absolutely.

It's just something you learn to live with. It would help that people who feel so strongly that they downgrade a relatively innocuous story would explain why.

But they won't.

They're inadequate. They just do it because they can.

It's to be expected that you'll get one star/thumb ratings if you mention a popular football team, or a popular celebrity and say things that fans of said team/star don't like.

Sadly, there are some warped people out there.

My best advice would be to dismiss the rater as a muppet.

A really crap muppet.

Ignore it mate. Trolls abound. Writers don't.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / BBC Launch Probe Into Bruce Forsyth "False Chin" Allegations
Posted 17 Nov 12 02:08
Message
Certainly wasn't from me old boy. I say 'down with that sort of thing!'

But then, I would, because I've had my fair share too.

It makes one question the motivation behind such heinous deeds. I attribute it to a predilection for beating on people with total anonymity.

Name and shame the bastards!

That's what I say.

I've only ever one-starred/thumbed stories on two occasions in the four plus years I've been writing here. And on those accasions it was to prove a point.

Don't be dispirited by it. There seem to be throngs of messed up people on the internet who thrive on trying to hurt people with a degree of talent, in order to mask their own insecurities.

It's pathetic really.

Write on!

Skoob.



 
From General Discussion / The Add A Funny Clip Thread
Posted 16 Nov 12 04:45
Message
Answer: It's bollocks.

Jacob's Crackers = Knackers.

Mind them on the rungs of Jacob's ladder.

Sorry chaps.

Skoob

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 15 Nov 12 05:33
Message
Net empty tonight.

Speaks volumes....

Net empty tonight.

 
From News Discussion / Major retailers to put out barf buckets Thanksgiving afternoon
Posted 14 Nov 12 06:17
Message
To be quite frank AB - no, it doesn't. It isn't remotely funny, or even vaguely disgusting - it's just aspartame.

It's utterly worthless.

Like a half hearted fart.

I would have refrained from commenting at all - but you started it.

Sad.

Nice edit there. And it's 'Skoob'

Just sayin'

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 14 Nov 12 05:26
Message
Dear Spoof,

To be quite frank, ask me if I give a frying fluck about absolutely anything? Answer:No.

I'm off to Deutschland for three days between Christmas and New Year.

In a five star hotel. With the love of me life.

Not to mention a meet up at the Coal Hole in some hovel called The Strand on December 15th.

Wherever that may be.

(Four quid from Waterloo on the Underground - that's where that is. And it's only one fucking stop. To Embankment. Unless you want to brave the elements and walk all that way across Waterloo Bridge...running the risk of having your snazzy fedora being blown off into the river - Ed)

Thanks Ed.

Not that I give a jumpin' jack flash - that's me sorted until next year!

Martin Shuttlecock
Titchfield.



 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 11 Nov 12 01:46
Message
Dear Spoof,

Having read in an article somewhere that the finest subversive internet stories emerge from the keyboards of the seriously demented in the wee small hours, this is just to let you know that I'm keeping an eye on you bastards.

One can never be too careful.

Shuttlecock,
Titchfield.

 
From General Discussion / A poll that really matters in today's world!
Posted 6 Nov 12 19:07
Message
Sir/Madam

Speaking as a baldy, I find this extremely offensive to the follically challenged. Especially to my wife's previous husband. The baldy seafaring skate loving krunt.

Regards

Wasn't me!

Titchfield.

 
From General Discussion / The Good Old Days
Posted 5 Nov 12 19:04
Message
Praise the Lord and pass the Kleenex!

I'm filling up!

AAaaaaarrrgggghh!

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / The Incredible Hulk Opens Expanding Trousers Shop In Dorking
Posted 5 Nov 12 18:47
Message
A sure fire compo winner if ever I saw one.

I say a sure fire compo winner if ever I saw one!

One thumb!

Bastard!

Aaaarrrrghh!!!

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Hurricane Sandy
Posted 30 Oct 12 23:10
Message
Stay safe Gentlemen.

All the best.

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Ali Bullo To Remove The 'Big Jimmy' From Kebab Van Menus
Posted 28 Oct 12 20:35
Message
Cheers Frankie.

Too easy to go OTT with a story like this. To be honest with you, I was once infatuated with an eleven year old girl. Mind you, I was the same age myself. I used to fantasize about rescuing her from a fire or some similar disaster.

I think her family moved to Australia.

I don't blame them.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Ali Bullo To Remove The 'Big Jimmy' From Kebab Van Menus
Posted 28 Oct 12 14:24
Message
Cheers mate

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Jimmy Savile
Posted 25 Oct 12 14:11
Message
 
From General Discussion / Jimmy Savile
Posted 24 Oct 12 17:13
Message
Who knows where it'll all end?

Shameful.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Slavery, thats what it is, Slavery
Posted 24 Oct 12 17:09
Message
You leave my missus out of this, you cad. She's good to me. Too good in fact. So good that she's got me typing this with a loaded gun aimed at my head.

I have to laugh...because she's a really crap shot.

BLAM!

*THUD*

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 23 Oct 12 19:47
Message
Dear Spoof

Please convey my thanks to Mr Hobbs.

Aaaaarrrrrrghhhh!

Desperate.

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Waiting
Posted 23 Oct 12 17:47
Message
I'm waiting to watch United v Braga in the CL. Been up since 5 this morning, and feeling a bit cream crackered, but once the match starts, I'll be waiting for bedtime.

ZZzzzzzzzz......lovely.....


Regardzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hup! Sorry....

Skoob

 
From General Discussion / Which living or historic person would you like to bitch-slap?
Posted 23 Oct 12 17:37
Message
Pyromaniacs? Blow em all up!

Regards

Skoob.

 
416 Pages - «« « 2 3 [4] 5 6 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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