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From General Discussion / TV Choice.
Posted 30 Nov 12 04:09
Message
I've got a 3D telly. Cost me an arm and a leg. And a foot and a toe.

55"

There's still fuck all on.

I dunno...

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 30 Nov 12 03:59
Message
Dear Spoof

You're getting way too sinister for my liking.

Normal Bates

Route 66.

 
From News Discussion / Texas vet says DNA proves Bigfoot is part human, 'At least his penis is'
Posted 30 Nov 12 03:55
Message
In a gay way?

Just axn'

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / The Big Match!
Posted 30 Nov 12 03:49
Message
I don't want to hear this!

Do you hear me?

You don't?

Ah well...

*Adjusts iPod volume and ignores abuse.*



 
From General Discussion / People Who Should Seriously Consider Changing Their Name By Deed Poll
Posted 28 Nov 12 00:26
Message
At one place I worked, somebody had written on the toilet wall in marker pen: "Is Rod's wife called Tess?"

I didn't get it for a while, until I recalled that a bloke on the opposite shift's name was Rod Tickle.

True dat.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From Magazine Discussion / Quentin Kelp MP - A Wind Up
Posted 27 Nov 12 04:31
Message
Glorious!

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Life's Great Pleasures
Posted 27 Nov 12 01:48
Message
My greatest pleasure is slathering, ganging up in a ratio of 12:1, losing two consecutive night's sleep, before folding like a girl and projectile vomiting into a brightly coloured plastic bucket.

Oh, and being the real secret owner/operator/admin of the Spoof, and Mark Lowton's sinister alter ego.

Oh, and beer, ciggies, black pudding, real gravy on chips, and Hollands pies with mushy peas, lashings of malt vinegar, and salt and pepper.

Oh, and watching United tank Bayern Munich and Chelsea in the last minute of the Champions League Final.

And the wife's all right. Although she does go on a bit sometimes.

And having a nice lie in.

And of course, The Spoof!

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Prison bitches of the world, Unite!
Posted 24 Nov 12 23:19
Message
41 minutes remaining for the Coal Hole writing compo.

Just sayin'

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / "Dirty Jobs" cancelled but Mike Rowe's new series "Dirty Girls" begins Jan on Discovery
Posted 24 Nov 12 16:49
Message
Sorry Frankie mate. Means nowt to me. I'll consider it for the compo, but don't be rushing to the airport on the off chance...

Stiff upper lip old chap!

Kindest,

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Mechanic Claims To Have Seen The Face Of Christ On Apprentice's Buttocks
Posted 23 Nov 12 18:49
Message
Nice one Clive.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Bovril
Posted 22 Nov 12 19:55
Message
When I was stood on the summit of Portdown Hill by the kebab van run by Ali Bullo, neath a fluttering Union Jack, as I waited for a chicken shish with the works, I just nipped straight back ito the pub for a pint and a bag of pork scratchings. Because it was cold and windy.

I don't know what the fuck I'm on about here - sleep deprivation - carry on...

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Dead Man Laughing: 2
Posted 21 Nov 12 22:08
Message
Very true. Probably. Enjoyed this.

5*****

Regards

Skoob.



 
From Magazine Discussion / My life as a man #30
Posted 21 Nov 12 21:22
Message
Frankie

I'm with your Dad on this one.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / The Big Match!
Posted 20 Nov 12 22:10
Message
I remember you Mockney tossers all bottled it and stayed at home when you played United at OT.

ICF my arse.

Mind you, I feel a bit silly typing that, given that I was always too short to ever be classed as a credible hooligan, and that United got beat tonight.

So I think I'll shut up and bugger off to bed.

Before somebody exposes me for the idiot I truly am.

*Hangs head in shame, lights pipe and giggles*

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Francois Dubois' US of A v Goddamn Limey Fags Quiz Of Doom
Posted 20 Nov 12 19:43
Message
Galatasaray my arse.

I've had rougher nights in Wigan.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / The Big Match!
Posted 20 Nov 12 19:36
Message
This user is banned.

Probably suspended by the neck from a flagpole somewhere.

 
From News Discussion / American Koreans are an endangered species
Posted 18 Nov 12 21:04
Message
Somewhat disturbingly - this shit has been live for 8 days.

That should distinctly not have happened. I appreciate that Mark is busy, but somebody should have red flagged this.

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 18 Nov 12 18:06
Message
Dear Spoof

What is it with Armfeetandtoe? He's got an arm, some feet and a toe. Hopefully not a hump as well.

Of course he's more than welcome. To suggest otherwise would be silly. Be a pleasure to stand him a drinky poo or two.

So, Arm, - who kindly advised you that your presence would not be appreciated?

Be interested to know.

Although I could probably hazard a guess.

Regards

Skoob.



 
From News Discussion / American Koreans are an endangered species
Posted 18 Nov 12 16:01
Message
HIGNFY - Under normal circumstances, I'd probably advise you to edit that comment, but on reflection, I think it's a pretty accurate summation of how the vast majority will feel. Including myself.

The writer wanted a reaction. The writer got it.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / American Koreans are an endangered species
Posted 18 Nov 12 11:25
Message
Absolutely. I doubt that the editor in chief has seen this yet. I'm pretty sure that when he does he'll remove it.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Message From Churchmouse's Exotic Missus Who's Far Too Good For Him
Posted 17 Nov 12 21:58
Message
Liffey Water, Frankie.

Lovely stuff, but it turns your shit black.

Popular misconception: Guinness isn't actually black. In reality it's a very deep and dark shade of red. As can be seen if you shine a bright light through it.

Not the shit - that would just result in a horrible stinky mess - a pint of Guinness.

True that.

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 17 Nov 12 21:09
Message
Dear Spoof

What on earth are you thinking by running this frankly rather crap thread at the head of your 'General Discussion' forum when there are hilarious acronyms to be revelled in and Erskine Quint has been unleashed on the world?

Are you mad, or what?

The Gods of comedy are being ignored and bypassed while people are reading this load of old toot.

It's a shameful state of affairs.

Major Thomas Percival(Ret'd)
Cotswolds.

 
From News Discussion / Pattinson cousin is only man in America who has never seen the Twilight Saga
Posted 17 Nov 12 19:48
Message
You shouldn't hit the moonshine before you write, Francois mah sahn.

Like wot I do.

In the interests of research and understanding - I googled 'Honey Boo-Boo.'

That's just weird. The whole thing. Are you all on drugs in America or what?

Next thing you'll be dressing poodles in tu-tus.

Sick.

Regards

Skoob.



 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 17 Nov 12 19:24
Message
Dear Spoof

This fuckwittery has gone too far.

A gorilla walks into a pub, orders a pint of poncey Fullers London Girly Lightweight Pride. The barman pours it and serves it up on the bar.

The gorilla hands over a twenty pound note.

The barman gives the gorilla three pounds change, and says:

"We don't get many gorillas in here."

The gorilla takes a deep breath, sighs, and says calmly:

"I'm not fucking surprised, at seventeen quid a pint."

I'll get me coat.

J. Davidson
Gaza.

 
From News Discussion / Florida Man Still In Line To Vote
Posted 17 Nov 12 13:53
Message
Could have been a compo winner Clivey.

By a country mile.

You're going to need to be on point for next Saturday's compo.

Either that, or send me some moolah in the post.

Regards

Skoob.

 
416 Pages - « 1 2 [3] 4 5 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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