Discussion Forum

You leave my missus out of this, you cad. She's good to me. Too good in fact. So good that she's got me typing this with a loaded gun aimed at my head.

I have to laugh...because she's a really crap shot.

BLAM!

*THUD*

Dear Spoof

Please convey my thanks to Mr Hobbs.

Aaaaarrrrrrghhhh!

Desperate.

Skoob.

I'm waiting to watch United v Braga in the CL. Been up since 5 this morning, and feeling a bit cream crackered, but once the match starts, I'll be waiting for bedtime.

ZZzzzzzzzz......lovely.....


Regardzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hup! Sorry....

Skoob

Pyromaniacs? Blow em all up!

Regards

Skoob.

Richard Madeley

Jimmy Savile

Michael Jackson

Jack The Ripper

Hitler

Pontius Pilate

Jose Mourinho

Will Self

Salman Rushdie

Ian Hislop

And if I was a girl - not that I'd in any way condone violence against the fairer sex:

Princess Diana

Katie Price

Joan Collins

Denise Richards (The Agony Aunt from This Morning)

Kerry Katona

And if I was gay: Jimmy Summerville and that bloke I used to work with.

Regards

Skoob.

I'd bitch slap John Terry if I could. Trouble is, he's bigger than me, and younger than me, so he'd probably kick me head in and then chat the wife up.

Or something.

Regards

Skoob.

John,

Are you clicking the correct link? It's the one at the bottom which says: 'Didscuss This Story In The Forum'

Hope this helps.

Skoob.

Phil,

That's a pretty awful acronym.

We were talking about sex. I've been wanked off in a bus stop.

Oh yes!

True that, Skoob.

And when you're fucked all over the place...

You are completely fucked.

Just sayin'

Skoob.

It's a wonderful and beautiful thing when it's shared with the love of one's life. It isn't bad even when you aren't all that bothered who you're doing it with.

I did it once, and found it quite enjoyable, even though there was only myslef present.

But when you get to my age, a nice steak and kidney pie seems more wholesome than drooling over Britney Spears dressed as a schoolgirl.

Or is it just me?

Regards

Skoob.

Dear Spoof

While we're on the subject of books - the Dorking Review 2 is coming out soon. And there's a launch piss up at the Coal Hole on December 15th.

I hope I don't fall off Waterloo Bridge, but I'll be buggered if I'm paying four squids for a one stop tube ride.

(Take note TFL)

Bobby Bollocks
Southampton.

Did I just say 'bacon tree'? I meant a 'ham bush.'

AND THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THIS!

I'm locking this thread. Now then, now then, where's me keys...?

Victor Vanquish
Scarborough

The Coal Hole Firm? It's probably a bacon tree.

AND THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THIS!

N Pledge
Poland.

There is no 'Coal Hole Firm.'

AND THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THE SUBJECT!

Captain Maggot
The Strand.

You ungrateful, heartless bastard!

The lad poured his heart and soul into that work of "sheer warped genius" (Burnley Express)

There's nothing wrong with the good old days! Damn your eyes! Times of...well, we won't go there.

I wish him well.

Every success!

HUZZAH!

Judas.

Who'd have thought our very own cutting edge reporter has a book out?

That must have been the world's most closely guarded secret.

Has it got acronyms in it?

I shan't be buying it anyway. For obvious reasons. But then I shan't be slagging it off in the comments sections of Amazon etc. either. Like certain warped individuals do. I might have considered it, had it featured Maggot Armies, Messiahs and Judas's, but as it stands I'd rather read Simon Cowell's autobiography.

I asked in Tesco when I popped in after work earlier tonight if they had it in stock, but the pimply faced shelf stacker off the night shift just looked at me as if I'd gone out as he shrugged and pointed haplessly at the beer aisle.

That was all the inspiration I needed.

Go Jaggy!

This time next year you'll be a billionaire!

Regards

Skoob.

They always used to say that goalkeepers are a weird bunch.

Regards

Skoob.

No need for me to go too deeply into reasons for writing here - I've bored people to virtual death with all that.

As for submitting - I've had a few knockbacks. Sometimes I've agreed and sometimes I've disagreed with decisions, as I'm sure we all have. I tend to just try to keep calm and carry on.

I'm displaying my goods in somebody else's shop window, and I respect that. I wouldn't be too pleased if somebody swanned into our house and crapped on the sofa...if you see what I mean.

This only my opinion, but I think anything's fair game for satire, no matter how distasteful or abhorrent a real life incident may have been. It's how people do it that counts.

I recall watching a TV News report about a gun rampage where several innocent people lost their lives, and a reporter quite callously asked a police spokesman if the bodies had been left out in the open on a hot day as investigations continued. That aspect sickened me, and I spoofed it, wanting to take a pop at the bloodthirsty media.

It wasn't really funny, more of an angry rant about insensitivity. There's always an angle.

Also saw a post relating to 'mutual understanding' between US and other contributors. As in - do we understand what we're approving/disapproving? I approve a lot of US stories involving people I've never heard of, or could care less about. There's celeb stuff and sports stuff - unlike Frankie I don't always have the time or the inclination to Google subjects - but generally I'll approve, providing it doesn't contravene the general rules.

And as for the app center (sic) I must confess that I haven't really been as active as I should have been over the last couple of weeks, but that's purely attributable to personal circumstances.

As for so-called 'men' who abuse women, either physically, mentally, or in some online fantasy existence as a tormentor - not my bag.

I'm going to start ranting now, so I'd better shut up.

Regards

Skoob.

Here's a link - there are loads of others. Just don't blame me. You asked!

Regards

Skoob.

Frankie,

I think I know you well enough by now to know that you wouldn't make light of a situation regarding child molestation.

And I know you'd never do that.

The lizard people thing is a reference to a guy named David Icke (Google him) a former sports reporter who currently conducts 'lecture' tours, and has some pretty weird theories.

One of which suggested something along the lines of a cabal of 'lizard people' who are really aliens, who run the earth from some subterranean cave. In South America or somewhere.

Personally, I think he's crackers, but having said that, he has his adherents.

Not for me to criticise - I can only give a personal opinion.

He is a bit mental though. (In my opinion.)

Regards

Skoob.

Can't see why you're pissed off mate. Seems to me that we're all singing from the same hymnn sheet.

And Frankie - just for information - you got it wrong sbout the British press. Every newspaper is a private enterprise. They tend to have political affiliations in much the same way that Fox News and others do The BBC is state funded, but in its basic code of practice has always been for free editorial control. It is far from being a propoganda machine. (Despite complaints from the right that it leans too far to the left, and vice versa when it suits people with vested political interests.)

Although some people would - as is their right - dispute that.

The Savile case will be thoroughly investigated.

Albeit decades too late.

Anyone who covered anything up should be made to pay. And I'm reasonably certain that we all hope they are.

By the same token - what's been going on for decades in the Catholic Church needs to be exposed, and justice needs to be served.

As a Catholic myself, I don't hesitate to demand this. What I will say, is that as this was going on among Catholics...it's never happened among any other religious group?

These freaks know no boundaries - whether it's an internationally renowned media outlet, or one of the world's leading religions.

This problem needs resolving across the board. And I'm sure we all hope it is.

I could probably have argued my point a little better, but it's late, I'm tired, and I've had a very unpleasant last few days.

Just don't interpret this as a taking a pop at anyone here - because I'm not - I just want to see justice, for all victims.

Sincerely

Skoob.

Best fish and chips I ever had were from a Greek owned chippy opposite Brighton Pier. Lovely!

Regards

Skoob

Sometimes things happen under people's noses, but they just don't smell it.

Just sayin'

Skoob.

120,000 feet...mad if you ask me. He's on his way up as I type this. I hope he makes it.

Regards

Skoob.

Beware Of The Trolls, Your Sins Will Find You Out!

I bet this guy thought he was so clever. Maybe a point to ponder.

Just sayin'

Regards

Skoob.