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From News Discussion / Rooneygate: Wayne & Colleen, a True Partnership - He Beds the Call Girls, She Issues the Injunctions...
Posted 6 Sep 10 12:51
Message
Never met the man - although I'd have loved to.

Saw him at games though when I was a nipper. Always seemed to wear a grey suit and a pinkish to red shirt. Not much dress sense but certainly a top man.

Kinell JP - you'll have me queuing for a season ticket next...nah, not happening.

Are you old enough to remember the lads pen in the corner of the kop, and they had one at Goodison too?

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Walnut Whips
Posted 6 Sep 10 12:44
Message
There's a place over here in Newcastle where they serve what they claim to be the hottest curry in the world.

Similar deal - if you can finish it, it's free.

It often gets mentioned in Viz Comic, but very few ever finish the curry.

I saw the chef there making this dish on a TV show - and he said that anybody who tries it is mad. Said he wouldn't touch it, let alone try eating it. Apparently it's pretty hard to keep down.

I once saw a lad try to eat curried eggs that were so hot that his top lip literally turned pink as it burned.

I recall telling you Gents that a company I worked for had a plant in Texas. My then boss went over there and went to a restaurant where they cut your tie off with scissors as you entered. He showed me the pics. He had a massive steak too, and finished it so got it for free. Don't think it was the same place as the one on TV yesterday though.

Think I also said that my wife is a fully qualified chef, and she quite fancies visiting Texas, mainly for the food on offer there. Not so much the giant steaks, more the spicy Tex-Mex stuff you chaps do so well.

It's been slowly catching on over here too - you can get fajitas, burritos, nachos and stuff and we have a Tex-Mex restaurant chain called Chiquitos, but the main fast staples here are still Indian, Chinese, Kebabs, pizzas and of course good old fish and chips - which if done properly is delicious.

The best fish and chips I ever tasted were in Brighton on the south coast. Big thick, chunky cod done in batter and lovely golden thick cut chips.

Mmmm - delicious it was.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / George Michael - "I'm NOT gay, I was just stoned"
Posted 6 Sep 10 12:19
Message
Five from me JP.

Some great wordplay in there.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Rooneygate: Wayne & Colleen, a True Partnership - He Beds the Call Girls, She Issues the Injunctions...
Posted 6 Sep 10 12:14
Message
He was a character Shanks - even our lot loved him. Joe Mercer was a cool half-back too.

I remember Alex Ferguson in an interview saying how he once went to Sir Matt for advice.

"What's up son?"

"It's the press boss - they're doing my head in..."

"Don't read 'em."

Simple.

One story about your man Shankly I always loved was when your mob were playing an away leg somewhere in Europe and the players couldn't sleep properly for the constant ringing of church bells.

Shanks went out to try to put a stop to it - even though it was a thousand year old tradition. He didn't succeed but the old bugger certainly gave it his best shot.

Great bloke, and a legend to all true fans.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Rooneygate: Wayne & Colleen, a True Partnership - He Beds the Call Girls, She Issues the Injunctions...
Posted 6 Sep 10 05:47
Message
Sandhills, Everton Valley - I was the one who wouldn't ever run away.

BTW - the Shitty/Shameless line was well below the belt.

Just what I'd expect.

Can I go to sleep now?

Hugz

Skoob.



 
From News Discussion / Tony Blair Book - The 'Missing' Chapter
Posted 5 Sep 10 21:50
Message
Fergus

I found you. And you'll do for me. Even if you lived in Bury for a bit.

You always make me smile,

And you've always been kind to me. Love you for that geezer. (Not in a gay way - obviously) Can you help me out with these stroppy Scousers?

Terrible they are.

You always get respect from me mate - mind you I am as pissed as a fart on me Spoofday!

Bollocks

Skoob.





 
From News Discussion / Tony Blair Book - The 'Missing' Chapter
Posted 5 Sep 10 21:19
Message
Fergus, you big puff

It's me second Spoof birthday. I've been on the piss all day in a West Manchester way.

I've been waiting for you!

Give us a big hug!

Whoah! Back of Ferg I was just kidding...

I'm not gay - ask the Mrs... she'll sort it ...

Not in a gay way Mister McCarthy

Love U

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Rooneygate: Wayne & Colleen, a True Partnership - He Beds the Call Girls, She Issues the Injunctions...
Posted 5 Sep 10 20:44
Message

Quote: Jeremy Paxman

How can you stand on the Kop and then defect to Manure? Did you have some trauma in your life that resulted in a complete mental breakdown?


With all due respect to NMC - yes, whatever.

To JP - Yes, I really have stood on the kop in the wet legging days.

I was an away fan at all times. Saw Kevin Keegan, Stevie Heighway, Ian Callaghan and Emlyn Hughes - respect to those guys, And to Tommy Smith - nails he was.

Had to keep me gob shut because the accent was a dead giveaway.

Anyway, I'm not grovelling to you any more you Scouse bastard. I bet you were one of them gobshites trying to kick my head in at Lime Street Station.

They never took to me, them Scousers.

You're alright though JP - I'll make an exception in your case.

Knowing how you love Gary Neville and that...

I live in Portsmouth these days, and I talk like a right proper Southerner, nearly Cockney.

If you don't believe me, ask Colonel Juan. Lynton. or QM - they'll set you straight.

You make me laugh you bad Mickey Mouser

Skoob.



 
From News Discussion / Rooneygate: Wayne & Colleen, a True Partnership - He Beds the Call Girls, She Issues the Injunctions...
Posted 5 Sep 10 18:43
Message
Oh bugger!

5 thumbs for the story!

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Rooneygate: Wayne & Colleen, a True Partnership - He Beds the Call Girls, She Issues the Injunctions...
Posted 5 Sep 10 18:42
Message
JP

I'm not going to fuck about with you.

Honest.

You're a Scouser and I'm a Manc. (Salford to be exact)

I can't extend the hand of friendship more effectively than I offer it to you.

You're a great writer with a great deal of insight, and although I hesitate to say this, you do have a proper scouse sense of humour.

Cutting, even vicious.

Reading your stuff makes me homesick.

Man I miss that humour.

So if you'd be so kind as to let me be your buddy, I'd be honoured.

Except on match days. I promise I'll only hate your guts on match days.

You scouse bastard

Deal or what?

Skoob (You'll never take the Stretford End)

And yeah - I stood on the Kop back in the day

 
From News Discussion / Kate Gosselin is Considering Taking Legal Action Against Dancing With The Stars
Posted 5 Sep 10 18:12
Message
Hey Abel

Just between you and me...strictly on the QT...

That Scottish chap on the walking sticks was effin brilliant.

I think the locals thought he was a bit bats in the belfry.

Seemed like they all knew him - but he was as good as gold and it was a pleasure meeting him. That's what life really should be all about.

Communication.

Wish you could have been there dude.

HATO

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Walnut Whips
Posted 5 Sep 10 17:07
Message
There's got to be a Spoof in this Adam Richmond guy...

Thinking on it...

Regards

Skoob.

(He's doing 180 oysters now - the fat get)

 
From General Discussion / Walnut Whips
Posted 5 Sep 10 17:05
Message
Them old Jamaica bars.

They were nice.

Like toffee with raisins in 'em.

These days I like them big Kit Kats.

Some Yank bloke on me telly right now scoffing a big 72oz steak with prawn cocktail and salad. In Texas. (Hello Abel and J-man!)

Man vs Food or somesuch.

Adam Richmond his name is.

Why is the telly really crap on Sundays?

Uurgh - disgusting!

Skoob



 
From General Discussion / Walnut Whips
Posted 5 Sep 10 16:58
Message
Ooh er!

Mark, behave.

Take this as a warning. If you insist on putting your finger in it and leaving biccies, I can no longer be held responsible.

Any more of this and I'll ban you forever from this esteemed website.

You're not too old to get a good kick up the arse young man. Just ask my wife if you don't believe me.

Oh bugger...I think I just made a right arse of this. Truth is I'm a slave to the wife and Mark Lowton's website...

Sorry...I'm so sorry...really repentant...

I am. Honestly...

I'll get me coat...



 
From News Discussion / Pikey County Amish elders 'shuffled paedo perv just like the Vatican'
Posted 5 Sep 10 16:45
Message
Cap - that's 'Horse's Arse'

A 'Horses Ass' would be a pet donkey or something.

Right - I've started so I'll finish.

QM

I like you a lot - as does my Mrs (but not in a lesbianite way, as our esteemed amigo Abel might say) but really...

These constant attacks by your good self on organised religeon and politics are just unfair.

You wanna watch it young lady...

You might just end up in a suitcase in a bathtub somewhere.

Jill Dando was controversial too.

You know what I mean

And there was me, believing that we only have pervy paedo priests in the Catholic church...

Five big bruised thumbs for ya by the way.

Top spoofer. Class lady.

Respect your madge

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Guess who's back, back again?
Posted 5 Sep 10 15:38
Message
Adam Sandler innit.

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Walnut Whips
Posted 5 Sep 10 12:32
Message
Just an idle thought while I'm demolishing a couple of beers on a well earned day off on me second Spoofday...

Walnut Whips...

Do they still make them?

As I recall, they were fucking horrible.

Love

Skoob.

(Be gentle wiv me, it's me second Spoofday)

 
From General Discussion / The "Exclamations Only" Thread
Posted 5 Sep 10 11:37
Message
You should be worried!

This is all so wrong!



 
From Magazine Discussion / It's a shame being gay is not what it used to be, not in a "gay" way (sorry Skoob!).
Posted 5 Sep 10 11:19
Message
Eric - genius.

My hero was the original King - Denis the menace.

Met him and George Best once - lovely blokes.

Bit awestruck I was. Only time.

Spoke to Paddy Crerand too. Top geezer.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Man's Head Explodes Whilst On Telephone To Virgin Media
Posted 5 Sep 10 11:12
Message
Nick

That one is an absolute all-time Spoof classic.

Loved it! Simply brilliant!

Made my day that has!

All the very best

Skoob.

 
From Magazine Discussion / It's a shame being gay is not what it used to be, not in a "gay" way (sorry Skoob!).
Posted 5 Sep 10 11:04
Message
Get on the Rooney story right now JO.

That's an order.

Eric would want you to do it.

You never know, Mark might give you a speedboat as a mystery prize.

Still looking for Eric...

Skoob

 
From Magazine Discussion / It's a shame being gay is not what it used to be, not in a "gay" way (sorry Skoob!).
Posted 5 Sep 10 10:40
Message
JO - I loved that.

Not in a gay way - goes without saying really dunnit.

Give it five thumbs up I did.

Is it an experimental piece or just a mental piece promoting gayness and sheep slaughter?

Ticked all my boxes mate.

Not in a gay way...

Regards

Skoob (Not gay. Nothing against 'em, just not one of 'em.)

 
From News Discussion / Kate Gosselin is Considering Taking Legal Action Against Dancing With The Stars
Posted 5 Sep 10 10:07
Message
Would have been even better if you guys had been there.

Maybe...

Let's wait and see what happens Gents.

Hats off to America's finest.

Sincerely

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / There is a name for it - try doing one
Posted 5 Sep 10 09:54
Message

Quote: victor nicholas

Groucho has a bunch.[/blockquot

"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."

"Pardon me Ma'am, I thought you were a guy I once met in Hollywood."

"Why, a six year old child could work this one out. Go get me a six year old child - I can't make head nor tail of it."

Bit of Groucho there. Now he was a geezer.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / There is a name for it - try doing one
Posted 5 Sep 10 00:39
Message
Funny that, my Mrs says the same.

Poor deluded fool.

Me, not her...

Regards

Skoob.

 
416 Pages - «« « 180 181 [182] 183 184 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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