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From News Discussion / The Wild, the Innocent and the LAX shuttle
Posted 9 Sep 10 23:58
Message
If it looks too good to be true Fergus, it probably is.

Like buying leather furniture on a buy now - pay later basis.

Only ever end in tears.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Colin Farrell: Go West, Jung Man!
Posted 9 Sep 10 23:48
Message
Personally, I'm all in favour of big, long sentences.

Saves the bother of hitting the full stop key.

And then the shift key for the following capital.

Nakes life much easier if you think about it.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / The Wild, the Innocent and the LAX shuttle
Posted 9 Sep 10 23:44
Message
I liked the ad with the blonde bird in the vest.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / My Wife Thinks I'm So Dull...
Posted 9 Sep 10 17:39
Message
JB

Now I know you're seriously deluded

Regards

Skoob

 
From General Discussion / My Wife Thinks I'm So Dull...
Posted 9 Sep 10 17:06
Message
Good for you TT

I applaud that.

When you're nice to 'em they tend not to be so horrible to you.

If you're lucky.

I love mine really...

Just praying that one day she'll love me back...

We went to our wedding ceremony in a fire engine don'cha know...

That's true that is.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Jesus Commands Muslim Burning and Koran Burning in the Holy Bible
Posted 9 Sep 10 16:55
Message
Don't remember Jesus saying that.

Mind you, I never met the man.

Can't imagine him ever promoting hatred though.

9/11 was the worst peacetime atrocity I ever witnessed. It was too horrible for words to convey. In every respect. And my sincere sympathies are with all the victims.

All I'd say is that the actions of Al Qaeda don't represent the Muslim community as a whole.

Burning books is not the way forward.

Sincerely

Skoob.

 
From Magazine Discussion / The First New Idea In Hollywood In 20 Years - Some Truly Horrific Ideas For Movies
Posted 9 Sep 10 16:05
Message
Stop it, you're cracking me up.

"It's clear what happened here - anybody fancy pie and peas?"

Mad.

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / My Wife Thinks I'm So Dull...
Posted 9 Sep 10 15:58
Message
Just a joke JO

Not to be taken seriously...

Mind you...

I love my wife. I really do. Honest.

She's devoted to me and I'm devoted to United.

Sometimes.

Regards you mad Erith cockney chirpy chappie.

Skoob

 
From News Discussion / Isle of Wight Excitement Over Johnny Depp Visit
Posted 9 Sep 10 15:54
Message
Re previous thread about starting threads...

Will this one do?

It's a classic Isle of Wight non news story and me, I gave it five stars.

Ellis looks like he's going to be...

Well, you fill in the blanks.

Apparently he's a mate of CJ's.

So anything can happen.

Just don't blame me for it.

I've been too busy making life changing decisions today.

Regarding backache and dental treatment.

And work.

Or lack of.

But anyway - simple as that Ellis.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / My Wife Thinks I'm So Dull...
Posted 9 Sep 10 15:38
Message
My first wife's dead.

I told my second wife to get on with it and eat the mushrooms...

Or else...

(Yeah - I wish)

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Burn Blair memoir instead Brits urge US pastor
Posted 9 Sep 10 14:39
Message
One of your very best QM

IMHO

5BT's

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / My Wife Thinks I'm So Dull...
Posted 9 Sep 10 13:31
Message
She constantly checks my pulse to make sure I'm still alive.



 
From Magazine Discussion / The First New Idea In Hollywood In 20 Years - Some Truly Horrific Ideas For Movies
Posted 9 Sep 10 13:20
Message
I read this one earlier and fived it.

I always wanted to see Wile E Coyote subject that bastard beep-beeping Road Runner to a violent demise and some serious post mortem mutilation.

That Tweety Pie too. If he'd have come round our house at any point, he'd have been chargrilled and served with spuds.

Going along with theme, how good would it be to see Michael Crawford playing Frank Spencer playing Dirty Harry?

"Go ahead punk. Make my day. I've had a lot of harrassment! ooh Betty!"

Or the late, great Les Dawson playing Darth Vader:

"I'm not your father Luke. How should I know? Shut up and eat your carrots."

Or maybe Jack Dee playing the Tom Cruise role in Rain Man:

"Oh great...I've got a brother who's a bit mongy...What the hell do you expect me to do with him? Okay - granted - he's good at counting things, but you can buy gadgets that will do that at Curry's. Jesus - what did I do to deserve this?"

Apologies to our American cousins who probably won't be familiar with these characters.

Or Katie Price and Wayne Rooney playing Howard and Marina out of Last of The Summer Wine?

Or Ronnie Corbett playing Cracker?

I liked this piece, and it provokes thought, which can only be a good thing.

Sorry for being serious - some life changing shit going on in my head today.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Last Of The Summer Wine - Howard And Marina Finally Get It On
Posted 8 Sep 10 20:46
Message
Police Blotter idea sounds interesting Cap...

Maybe another Isle Of Wight or Hog Jaw.

Go for it Skipper!

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Last Of The Summer Wine - Howard And Marina Finally Get It On
Posted 8 Sep 10 19:56
Message
This is what happens when you start running out of ideas.

Let that be a warning to you.

(You know who you are.)

At least I assume you do.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Angela Jolie plays King Canute in Pakistan?
Posted 8 Sep 10 19:42
Message
Well, you would say that.

Wouldn't you?

Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Steven Gerrard And John Terry Don't Deny 'Knowing' Wayne Rooney Hooker Jennifer 'Juicy Jeni' Thompson
Posted 8 Sep 10 02:14
Message
The ones that really moved me on Boys From The Black Stuff were chrissie's Story and George's Last Ride.

Sublime, touching and oh so true.

When Chrissie (Julie Walters played his wife) found a fiver down the back of the sofa, bought a bottle of scotch, got pissed and killed the chickens... classic.

We'd all been there. Desperate and not knowing where to look.

George's Last Ride - the end of an era.

Yosser's Story - hopeless and lost forever.

I hope those days never, ever come back.

And with that I'll take my leave,

Thank you all for your company.

Regards

(In a somewhat sleepy way)

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Disappearing ee Theories
Posted 8 Sep 10 01:48
Message
Ollocks.

 
From General Discussion / Lay off Wayne Rooney
Posted 8 Sep 10 01:13
Message
Made me laugh that TT/J-Man

Because I suspect that's just about what his wife will set in motion.

With a handsome settlement.

He plays for my team but he's from JP's city.

That's all a local rivalry thing. Nothing to worry about.

(Except on match days when it's like World War 3)

Regards mate

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Lay off Wayne Rooney
Posted 8 Sep 10 00:39
Message
I just PM'd you JP

If anyone here thinks this has been getting out of hand, I can assure you it hasn't.

It's just perfectly normal Manc/Scouse rivalry.

Me and JP are fine. (Obviously not in a gay way)

I think I'll ask CJ if he fancies a day trip to Liverpool so we can take advantage of JP's hospitality.

That'll do for me.

Sorry if we caused any offence with our Manc/Scouse thing.

It's just the way it is.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Lay off Wayne Rooney
Posted 8 Sep 10 00:09
Message
Not a problem JP

Sitting here right now, thinking about what we've both just said, it's all highly emotive - and I get the Reese thing and the Crocky thing entirely. The others I won't go into, simply because I don't believe anybody else really wants to hear about it.

The same as Munich.

These are local rivalries that are perhaps better aired privately, and not on a forum.

Most people just wouldn't comprehend the depth of feeling anyway. Unless you're in it - you just wouldn't get it.

As I said, no malice intended towards yourself at all - if anything, I quite enjoy the crack, and it's always fun to try your hand with the sharpest knife on the block. Which you are.

But if we wanna ruck over deeper issues, maybe we should do it privately, because otherwise, people are gonna think that we're all out to kill each other.

They just don't get it.

As I believe I said, if you turn up at a writer's meet, it'd be an honour to buy you a drink. Who knows, maybe we'll have one in Liverpool. Haven't been in years but I heard it's changed a lot.

Just not on a match day.

Take care mate,

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Lay off Wayne Rooney
Posted 7 Sep 10 23:37
Message
Oh, and a mate of mine was left for dead in Stanley Park after a midweek game against Burnley.

They even took his jeans.

He was found unconscious by a dog-walker the following morning.

He survived after days in the ICU.

Didn't see you lot laying any flowers or having outpourings of very public grief over that.

Can we just can this stupid tribalism and get on with the spoofing?

Sincerely

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Lay off Wayne Rooney
Posted 7 Sep 10 23:31
Message
One way to kill an informative thread is that JP.

My, my, what short memories you people have.

All out yer prams over you know what, and yet you mob were making airplane wings at us from the kop, the Anny Road End and the Kemlyn road stand for years previous.

That was funny (to you) but you can't hack it when you get it back.

That previous diatribe was unnecessary and distinctly low class.

I expected better, to be honest.

I'll bet you a tenner, that because of your previous posting this thread gets pulled. Which would be a shame, because prior to your potty-mouthed intervention there were some useful pointers and some good discussion points for casual observers.

No malice intended, but maybe think sometimes before you go off on one.

Best Regards

Skoob.

 
From News Discussion / Noel Gallagher pays 25 million Euro for Irelands iconic rock venue, Slane Castle.
Posted 7 Sep 10 23:19
Message
All right Ferg.

It was lovely.

Don't milk it.

Back on your roof now - it's stopped raining.

Sorry - couldn't resist the smiley.

Regards

Skoob.

PS - You got three hits on that from me. One when I read it. The second when the Mrs asked me to read it to her but got sidetracked by a phone call, and a third when she got off the phone.

I loved that one. It really made me smile me big dumb toothless grin - dentists on Thursday.

Always a pleasure Ferg.

Whoever the hell you are.

Regards

Skoob.

 
From General Discussion / Lay off Wayne Rooney
Posted 7 Sep 10 23:13
Message
That would be when you get forum postings from veterans like QM, J-Man, Abel, Bureau, CJ etc congratulating you on a job well done.

No finer praise than that of your peers.

And if Fergus, Monkey Woods or Jesus Budda ever rate your stuff - you know for sure you're on a winner.

Regards

Skoob.

 
416 Pages - «« « 177 178 [179] 180 181 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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