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From General Discussion / The Truth About Hovering
Posted 25 May 16 01:25
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Hovering...broken nose...multiple abrasions...pain.

Still...it was worth a try...

 
From General Discussion / Books That We've Recently Read
Posted 30 Apr 16 18:29
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Hello MW. In response to your question: Really enjoyed it. Was a long time ago that I read it but it stuck with me. Changing tack slightly Stephen King's 'Gerald's Game' made me feel slightly sick towards the end. The denouement was great, but the run up to it was very unpleasant.

The Fan Man was good - quirky and hugely enjoyable. Penned by William Kotzwinkel if memory serves.

 
From General Discussion / Books That We've Recently Read
Posted 28 Apr 16 02:22
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Don't blame me - I read Hard Times, Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Roy Keane's autobiography, The Dice Man, American Psycho, The Henry Root Letters, Confessions Of A Window Cleaner and the scripts of Michael Palin's Ripping Yarns.

And A Stone For Danny Fisher and Papillon.

It's not me...it's them....

So fuck off.

 
From General Discussion / Coracles
Posted 15 Apr 16 01:47
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Tricky things is coracles. Hard to tell which is the front, what is the back, and where the sides are.

Let alone which way the thing will go when you start paddling.

Strictly for the experts I'd say.

 
From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 9 Apr 16 01:33
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This thread is just trivet porn.

Subliminal suggestion I reckon.

Shameful.

Harrumph...

 
From General Discussion / Books That We've Recently Read
Posted 9 Apr 16 01:29
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I don't usually read books but I did read one about a shark terrorising a community on Long Island.

Can't remember what it was called though.

 
From News Discussion / Doc Corbyn "has built a time machine back to the 1970s"
Posted 9 Apr 16 01:24
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Either that or TABOO!

I'm easy either way but I've given up on colours.

 
From General Discussion / Exclusive Preview of My Novel
Posted 9 Apr 16 01:07
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I think Erskine's "book" preview is some sort of online scam, but I'm not falling for it. Oh no - I wasn't born yesterday. Or if I was I don't recall the detail but I digress.

Everyone knows that a "yoke" is a lump of wood slung around the neck of an ox to tie ropes to so it can pull stuff, or a lump of carved wood that humans slung across their shoulders to enable them to carry buckets of stuff.

Whereas a "yolk" is the yellow bit of an egg. The semi-globular bit that tastes nicer than the runny bit unless you're making meringues or something. But not omelettes because that just involves beating the contents of an egg to smithereens. So that doesn't count.

An erudite gentleman such as Erskin would surely be capable of differentiating between the two - seeing as he knows about obscure stuff like narwals and trivets and whatnot.

Erskin didn't write that - he knows better and has high standards.

Trust me - it's a scam. Next thing there'll be requests for bank details and pin numbers and stuff.

This Quint imposter doesn't fool me.

Think on.

 
From General Discussion / Unlikely couples
Posted 5 Aug 15 21:58
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Not really. They were good though.

 
From News Discussion / "Queen Not A Nazi," Says Unconvincing Palace Spokesman
Posted 19 Jul 15 20:13
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I would.

 
From General Discussion / Home for Writers etc
Posted 18 Jul 15 18:07
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RIP

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 14 Jul 15 16:57
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Skoob knows only one beast.

(You did that on purpose...you...you...you cheeky monkey you!)

 
From News Discussion / Rolf Harris Stripped in Jail
Posted 14 Jul 15 16:53
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Zackly mate. I'll shut up now and refrain from responding to that person in future.

Sorry.

It won't happen again.

Probably...

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 13 Jul 15 20:25
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Different is fairly flipping extreme regarding entirely non-conformist traits.

I think this thread is shit BTW - but I get a clean sweep.

Thanks!

 
From News Discussion / The Spoof encrypts its news website
Posted 13 Jul 15 18:27
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Irrational at best Doc.

 
From News Discussion / Rolf Harris Stripped in Jail
Posted 13 Jul 15 18:25
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Oh do keep up. I love being insulted. Maybe I deserve it sometimes. Try harder though or I'll go elsewhere.

 
From News Discussion / Legendary Actor Omar Sharif Dies
Posted 13 Jul 15 18:13
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Try to keep up dear.

You aren't anywhere near quick enough.

 
From News Discussion / Rolf Harris Stripped in Jail
Posted 13 Jul 15 18:10
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It isn't a gem. It's a bag of shit. That's my honest opinion.

It's shit.

And that's the problem here, which it has been for some time.

So what ya gonna do?

 
From News Discussion / Legendary Actor Omar Sharif Dies
Posted 13 Jul 15 18:07
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I'm going to PM God (Mark) and warn him that there's a nasty woman who's being abusive towards me on the site.

I'm furious I am.

There ought to be a law against vindictive old bags.

 
From News Discussion / Legendary Actor Omar Sharif Dies
Posted 13 Jul 15 17:58
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Ah but I'm quite a handsome dashing chap.

As you know.

I saw the damp patch and can only assume you didn't piss yourself.

 
From News Discussion / Legendary Actor Omar Sharif Dies
Posted 13 Jul 15 17:41
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I'm sure he did.

Count me out of your sad existence Queenie.

Ta very much.

 
From News Discussion / Legendary Actor Omar Sharif Dies
Posted 13 Jul 15 17:16
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Ha!

Neither of you ever knew the man! The rank hypocrisy on display here is unbelievable!

Coming from somebody who regularly scribbled nonsensical bollocks about murder victims.

Get the fuck over yourself Queenie.

 
From News Discussion / Obama calls Dick Cheney 'worst Vice President ever'
Posted 9 Jul 15 20:38
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I didn't get it at all.

 
From News Discussion / Police arrest man who failed to use knife and fork in Didsbury restaurant
Posted 11 Jun 15 22:49
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Nice yarn Jack.

Poor chap. Having been tasered myself once for not putting enough malt vinegar on a black pudding at Burnley market, I sympathise entirely with your character.

Pass the ketchup man!

 
From News Discussion / Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were born conjoined twins
Posted 11 Jun 15 22:44
Message
Hi Bill

I enjoyed this, and I enjoyed your guide to writing spoofs in the magazine section.

I was so impressed that I had the guide laminated, framed and hung on the wall.

I refer to it all the time but it isn't much use as a train timetable.

Sincerely

Skoob.

 
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