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From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 23 Feb 18 04:31
Message
A creepy kind of Where's Waldo with a chicken

 
From News Discussion / Nashville Man Experiences What He's Pretty Sure Is a Feeling
Posted 22 Feb 18 03:41
Message
Well done I think.

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 21 Feb 18 00:02
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So where did the chicken in Britain go to?

Can we equate this to bravery?

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 20 Feb 18 01:04
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Is this part of Brexit negotiations?

 
From General Discussion / New Olympic Sports
Posted 18 Feb 18 18:54
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I had a girlfriend who said her favourite sport was luge

She said she liked any sport you could do on your back

 
From General Discussion / New Olympic Sports
Posted 18 Feb 18 04:00
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Just put them in snowboard togs and push them down the hill

 
From General Discussion / New Olympic Sports
Posted 17 Feb 18 18:30
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How do they make up these new sports, are they on drugs.

 
From Magazine Discussion / The Door Of Opportunity Hangs On Small Hinges
Posted 16 Feb 18 00:05
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An open door now closed.

 
From News Discussion / Lempit Opik to give Donald Trump careers advice
Posted 15 Feb 18 02:13
Message
This is one of the finest stories ever posted on The Spoof. Clearly hall of fame material, right up with Erskine's treatise on Isambard Kingdom Brunel.


Quote: Mark

I found this on Wikipedia.

Lempit Opik (1879-1930) was a manufacturer of biscuits from the German city of Ausberg in south-west Bavaria. Son of Lemartz Opik, the inventor of the cheese grater, and his African-born mother Pitah, Lempit takes his name as a compound of the first syllables of his parents, as is the tradition in Germany.

His father, a Frenchman by birth, was determined his son should have access to the high-quality education he was denied in his youth in France. Accordingly, when Lempit was eight, he was apprenticed to McVitie's in Edinburgh, Scotland, where he learned the classics. Namely, flour, butter and sugar. Lempit excelled in all aspects of biscuit manufacture and, at the age of 13, he invented the digestive biscuit, but his recipe was stolen by a man who would go on to become his arch-enemy, Alexander Grant.

On his father's death in 1895, the young Opik left McVitie's and returned to his native home. With the inheritance from his father's cheese grater legacy, Lempit set up his own biscuit manufacturing plant in Bavaria. Enjoying only moderate success in his lifetime, Lempit was beset with industrial saboteurs and many of his original inventions, including the Fig Roll and Jaffa Cake, were stolen before he could profit by them.

This all culminated, when, at the age of 51, Lempit was found murdered in his office. He had been working on a secret recipe for a new product made of two chocolate biscuits, sandwiched with chocolate cream, and then covered in milk chocolate. Opik had named the new biscuit a Reticulated Giraffe (in his native German, Netzgiraffe), after his mother's favourite animal. Product development was well underway with packaging designs featuring beautiful pictures of proud reticulated giraffes in the wild, and even a marketing slogan, "Nimm einen Netzgiraffe" (Pick up a reticulated giraffe).

Investigations into Opik's death centred around a young apprentice at Lempit's biscuit factory, a Scotsman from Glasgow named William McDonald. McDonald had worked closely with Opik during his apprenticeship and was the last man to see Lempit alive, but no conclusive evidence could be found to link McDonald with Opik's death.

Soon after the killing, McDonald went back to Glasgow and set up his own biscuit firm with funding from Sir Alexander Grant. From 1932, McDonald began production of the famous Penguin biscuit.


 
From General Discussion / Elon Musk
Posted 11 Feb 18 21:47
Message
Mark should try and respond to this before he passes on and collapses into a pile of dust.


Quote: Erskin Quint

Maybe this is the equivalent of Dorian Gray's picture, only in reverse.


 
From General Discussion / Elon Musk
Posted 10 Feb 18 20:21
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Yes, that is good.

Mark should update his picture, he must have
started shaving by now.

 
From General Discussion / Elon Musk
Posted 8 Feb 18 00:23
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What about the obvious

Elon Musk

 
From General Discussion / Elon Musk
Posted 7 Feb 18 04:08
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What would Elon Musk name his new cologne.

 
From Magazine Discussion / The Door Of Opportunity Hangs On Small Hinges
Posted 7 Feb 18 03:33
Message
It think the new storey link was broken.

 
From Magazine Discussion / The Door Of Opportunity Hangs On Small Hinges
Posted 6 Feb 18 00:29
Message
I am glad we retired the margarine smuggler thread

 
From General Discussion / Gilgamesh
Posted 6 Feb 18 00:25
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What do you use to catch Gilga?

 
From General Discussion / Quorn
Posted 3 Feb 18 00:39
Message
Was that the show that gave away a dog as a prize?



Quote: Erskin Quint

Trousers, of course, you cream-faced loon.

"Teeth or Trousers" reminds me of the even older 1960s gameshow "Scrubbers Galore!" hosted by Wilfred Pickles and Twiggy. Husband and wife teams competed, the husbands answering general knowledge questions. The wives had a filthy doorstep to scrub. If their mate answered the questions correctly, the ladies got two minutes of uninterrupted scrubbing but if the question was answered incorrectly, then more rubbish such as fishheads, dog sick and the contents of Twiggy's ashtrays were emptied on the step.

The winning couple, with the cleanest doorstep, won a week at a Butlins resort. There was always a message from Billy Butlin at the end of the show.

The runners-up won a two-week holiday at Butlins.


Quote: Sir Geoffroy Cockface


Quote: Erskin Quint
Has anyone seen my old Carthusian braces?



Would those be braces for teeth or for trousers?

That reminds me of the old 1970s game show "Teeth or Trousers". It was presented by Bruce Forsyth, who had a surfeit of both.

The object of the game was to look at items on a conveyer belt - a toothbrush, a belt, a dentist's chair - and say whether they corresponded to teeth or to trousers.

As a game show it was a terrible concept and it was cancelled after one series. It was a simpler time, full of simpler people. Old people are stupid, aren't they?



 
From General Discussion / Quorn
Posted 3 Feb 18 00:39
Message
Was that the show that gave away a dog as a prize?



Quote: Erskin Quint

Trousers, of course, you cream-faced loon.

"Teeth or Trousers" reminds me of the even older 1960s gameshow "Scrubbers Galore!" hosted by Wilfred Pickles and Twiggy. Husband and wife teams competed, the husbands answering general knowledge questions. The wives had a filthy doorstep to scrub. If their mate answered the questions correctly, the ladies got two minutes of uninterrupted scrubbing but if the question was answered incorrectly, then more rubbish such as fishheads, dog sick and the contents of Twiggy's ashtrays were emptied on the step.

The winning couple, with the cleanest doorstep, won a week at a Butlins resort. There was always a message from Billy Butlin at the end of the show.

The runners-up won a two-week holiday at Butlins.


Quote: Sir Geoffroy Cockface


Quote: Erskin Quint
Has anyone seen my old Carthusian braces?



Would those be braces for teeth or for trousers?

That reminds me of the old 1970s game show "Teeth or Trousers". It was presented by Bruce Forsyth, who had a surfeit of both.

The object of the game was to look at items on a conveyer belt - a toothbrush, a belt, a dentist's chair - and say whether they corresponded to teeth or to trousers.

As a game show it was a terrible concept and it was cancelled after one series. It was a simpler time, full of simpler people. Old people are stupid, aren't they?



 
From General Discussion / Kim Jong Un Fatal Oversight
Posted 2 Jan 18 04:02
Message
Does Kim not realize that Sean Connery is still alive?

He could take out Kim and North Korea with his I phone before Shirley Bassey starts singing.

 
From General Discussion / Reveller Without a Cause
Posted 1 Jan 18 01:26
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The Messiah may have been paddle boarding

 
From General Discussion / Reveller Without a Cause
Posted 30 Dec 17 04:14
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I am glad to see this thread gaining traction though the holiday season is waning fast.

 
From General Discussion / Advice Wanted
Posted 29 Dec 17 05:15
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A relative has not departed since visiting for Christmas, what should we do with this unwanted gift.

 
From General Discussion / Reveller Without a Cause
Posted 8 Dec 17 23:31
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"I don't have to explain anything to anybody."

 
From General Discussion / Reveller Without a Cause
Posted 6 Dec 17 03:21
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Rudolph, Rudolph, Rudolph, why Rudolph? Is my nose not bright enough for some people, anybody.

 
From General Discussion / Reveller Without a Cause
Posted 5 Dec 17 02:52
Message
Merry Christmas. Uh maybe, I dunno, what's a Christmas.

 
167 Pages - [1] 2 3 4 5 » »»
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