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From General Discussion / Isms
Posted 25 Apr 11 07:17
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Poeticalism - the inability to write a spoof story without descent into an orgy of rhyming couplets...




FJG

 
From General Discussion / Alternative Vote
Posted 21 Apr 11 17:42
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To answer your original question, researchers do know that AV is an attempt by parent company Yahoo! to re-launch the AltaVista search engine.

It's a better search engine, as if you're after information about the boxing match you can simply type in:

Boxing, Cricket, Polo, Topless Darts

According to David Cameron, Alta Vista will be good for Anne Widdicombe but is not a search engine for proper government.

For that we need Bing!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 20 Oct 10 16:28
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spoofing: print outrageous outlandish fucking insults, nicely gentrified

 
From General Discussion / Angela Merkel. I found her speech very worrying.
Posted 18 Oct 10 19:19
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Quote: Colonel Juan

Any excuse Jimbo...

It lubricates....


No. Vaseline lubricates. Butter lubricates. WD40 lubricates. Laughter, on the other hand, causes a tightening of the sphincter and no lubrication whatsoever.

 
From General Discussion / Angela Merkel. I found her speech very worrying.
Posted 18 Oct 10 18:09
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Quote: Colonel Juan

I've a theory there was laughter in Auschwitz...




Of course there was, but it doesn't take a bottle to explain. Laughter is a coping mechanism, as well as a bonding behaviour.

That's why so many professional comics are complete fuck-ups. They use laughter to cope with their disability and bond with the friends they'll otherwise never have.



 
From General Discussion / Angela Merkel. I found her speech very worrying.
Posted 18 Oct 10 17:44
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There's plenty of help and support in the UK for gay teenagers who want to come out to their parents.

But there's absolutely no helpline or charitable organisations to help liberal children born of Daily Mail-reading parents explain to their parents that they actually voted for the Lib Dems.

Hence I learn to pass as a borderline racist every now and then.

Hey, Fergus - what do you call the nun in the nunnery who looks after the laundry facilities?

Sister Matic

 
From General Discussion / Angela Merkel. I found her speech very worrying.
Posted 18 Oct 10 17:40
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KF - FWIW I actually agree with you, the law should apply equally to all irrespective of race, ethnicity, colour, contrast and H-SYNC.

But where's the comedy in that?

Plus Fergus and Skoob would run me out of town if they knew I was secretly wearing I Heart Nick Clegg undies and not only read the Guardian but have a life-long subscription and have even been commissioned to write the odd piece for them.

Jimbo "not in my backyard" Gunn

 
From General Discussion / Angela Merkel. I found her speech very worrying.
Posted 18 Oct 10 11:21
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Quote: Fergus McCarthy
I've been in the building game for the past 20 years Jimbo so I think it's fair to say that I don't do morals, I could do a decent fence though.

I think I'll electrify it....



A copy of the Observer, now that's funny.


You know what - so have I. Kind of. It's all a bit difficult for the mainstream managing agents and consulting engineers with their procurement procedures, health and safety, liability and indemnity rules...

Difficult when a group of travellers turn up on site and tell the foreman it's their patch and they'll do the labour on this job... And supply the blacktop.

See the travellers, although eager workpeople, don't have the correct insurance, or safety plans, or machinery, or hard hats, boots and high viz.

So we turf them off site, get our regular lazy-arsed turn-up-at-9-and-leave-at-3pm guys to work the site.

Then the travellers, taking umbrage at the decision, think it's fun to literally shoot at the site vehicles to try and regain their rightful contract.

Oh yes, I can see how one might not want to take the moral high ground here. But the Observer told me I have to.

 
From General Discussion / Angela Merkel. I found her speech very worrying.
Posted 18 Oct 10 02:00
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Come on Skoob, Fergus - we have to take the moral high ground, don't we?

We have to occupy the moral hillock, stake our claim and live our lives up there.

And build a bloody great big fence around our moral mound so the bloody pikeys and gyppos don't take over our hillock when we nip out on a Sunday morning to collect our copy of The Observer...



 
From General Discussion / Chile Miners Rescue.
Posted 13 Oct 10 06:56
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I was just wondering how they are going to cope with being media stars then I saw one of them wearing shades.

Apparently they got a "star pack" on the way up, which included shades, a quick-start guide on thumping paparazzi and 5 grammes of Bolivian's Finest.



 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 11 Oct 10 13:13
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oscillator signal carries information like little ants to our radio

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 11 Oct 10 13:12
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yo-yo oscillator, yo-yo oscillator

 
From General Discussion / The 'Questions Only' Thread
Posted 10 Oct 10 15:40
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What bug got up Frankie's arse last night?

 
From General Discussion / The 'Questions Only' Thread
Posted 9 Oct 10 15:25
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Why isn't "pulling up a minor" a criminal offence?

Or did I mishear that? Was it "pulling up a miner?"

Is there talk of a book deal for the miners?

Why didn't they all write their books already, what with all that spare time on their hands?

Has the fat one lost enough weight yet to fit through the escape shaft?

Wasn't there a song about that? Shaft?

How many questions are allowed in one post?

Is there a social limit? Are there rules to this game?

Or is there a technical limit? Does the forum software even work underground?

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 5 Oct 10 21:11
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Launch an unusual negligee company, Howitzers

 
From General Discussion / The 'Answer To The Question In The Post Before' Game
Posted 5 Oct 10 07:54
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Mid-weekend DIY work on the electrics left me in a precarious near-death state. Admitted to hospital late in the evening suffering the after-effects of a nasty shock, the nurses dubbed me what?

Correct!

A cute little trouser-ferret

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 5 Oct 10 07:51
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statements trashing America torment ecclesiastical ministers - especially nasty terrorist speeches

(I get extra points for avoiding recursion here, surely...)

 
From General Discussion / The 'Answer To The Question In The Post Before' Game
Posted 4 Oct 10 13:38
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"I want you to take me out tonight and get me WET" Carina whispered in IanB's ear. What was his reply?

Correct!

Please can you tell me how to get to the railway station?

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 3 Oct 10 18:22
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Thursday! Happy usually, run, swim, do Armenian Yoga

 
From General Discussion / The 'Answer To The Question In The Post Before' Game
Posted 3 Oct 10 16:17
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According to local bylaws, what is the age of consent in Norfolk?

Correct!

About 30kg

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 2 Oct 10 15:35
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If I had a comedy club I'd call it:

Jimbo' S laughter house

Slaughterhouse: loved animals undergo gruesome hacking to endow restaurants heart offal. Unusual, sure... Eat!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Oct 10 22:51
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Yellow ear lobe licker offended warden

 
From General Discussion / The 'Answer To The Question In The Post Before' Game
Posted 1 Oct 10 17:36
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Name one method to Kill a Mockingbird?

Correct!

He couldn't get his foot out of the stirrup in time


 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Oct 10 17:10
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necromania examines cold romance of man and necropolis in America

 
From General Discussion / You couldn't make this shit up...
Posted 1 Oct 10 12:19
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I really hope this is real, apparently appearing in an unidentified local rag:

http://twitpic.com/2tgz1r



"Burglary

A 38-year-old Cole Avenue man reported that his home was invaded on Sept. 9. The man said that he was sitting home alone masturbating and watching a pornographic movie when a man came down into the basement, holding a gun, and started to videotape him. The man said that before he left, the intruder fed his dog some mushrooms and the dog died."



 
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