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From News Discussion / Nick Griffin named new Liverpool manager
Posted 24 Oct 09 20:55
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Many thanks. Yes, I am puzzled as some of my ratings for my more popular stories have been a touch stingy recently. I must have pissed some people off big time...racists, Liverpool fans...who next?

 
From News Discussion / BBC converts Television Centre into 'brothel'
Posted 28 May 08 14:56
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Cheers...now I feel loved. But in a nice way.

 
From News Discussion / BBC converts Television Centre into 'brothel'
Posted 28 May 08 12:40
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Cheers, 16 and rising...if it breaks the 20 barrier, I may well retire...

 
From News Discussion / BBC converts Television Centre into 'brothel'
Posted 28 May 08 10:34
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I would like to complain about this story. It is inaccurate, disgusting and turns an established institution into a laughing stock. Young people today have little of worth to cling on to as it is, without destroying yet another bastion of good taste and truth. And only 13 views, too!! Perhaps the writer should have put Miley Cyrus in the title...

 
From News Discussion / Nazi fined by local council for killing 6 million jews
Posted 25 Apr 08 14:33
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Nice to see you're still around - thought Monkey Woods was gonna beat you up?

~IS~


Nah, we talked things thru in a consensual and non-judgemental way and respected each other's personal visions. And I have a 16 ounce hammer.

 
From News Discussion / Nazi fined by local council for killing 6 million jews
Posted 24 Apr 08 16:31
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My point is this: the man who overfilled his wheelie-bin is a criminal because...he committed a crime! If you believe it's a petty reason to criminalise someone then, fine, but the law says he is.

My issue is with the hysterical reaction of the media...only 4 inches above the rim! just for an overflowing bin! how ridiculous, 'nanny-state' etc etc.

The media are not the arbitors of moral values...they have a duty to report the news impartially. Also, they are not there to reflect the views of the public who, they assumed, would find the case as ridiculous at the man at the centre of the story.

Where do you draw the line? Where does 'everyday behaviour that won't upset many people' become 'crime'? Look at the speed camera debate - the media can't help being generous to those who break the law becuase they feel they're reflecting the views of their audience and have to be incredulous in the face of what is basically the law of the land.

I chose the most extreme crime I could think of to create an impact...now it's you job to think back to the original story and decide where you draw the line.

Sometimes my satire is quite playful, sometimes I use a sledgehammer to crack a nut. Either, I'm making a point!

Hopefully, only a f**kwit would think I was pro-BNP!!

 
From General Discussion / Good Things To Do #749
Posted 16 Mar 08 20:17
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No, mine didn't get published either. The BBC just can't take a joke, tho some of the legitimate replies are funny enough. Perhaps we should sign all our comments as The Spoof?

I'm wondering what headline would provoke the most angry responses on the bbc forum...

Goverment to allow illegal immigrants to dictate how council tax is spent on adverts to limit speed to 20 miles an hour for motorists who drink more than 7 units a week

 
From General Discussion / Good Things To Do #749
Posted 16 Mar 08 18:35
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Quote: Jalapenoman

If they continue to allow people like you to post on this site, then I'm leaving!


How so?

 
From General Discussion / Good Things To Do #749
Posted 16 Mar 08 13:04
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There's a plan to make some cinemas smoke-free; that is, not to show films that have scenes with smoking in to young people. A daft idea, yes, but it's a gift to those people who post on the 'Have Your Say' forum on bbc.co.uk/news.

It's fun to read the 'nanny-state...pleasure-police...fascists' comments from the Daily-Mail types. So, I thought it would be fun to post some more explicit comments along the lines of 'if they ban dog-fighting, I'm leaving the country'...will my post get authorised? If you want to have a go, here's the link:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/default.stm

 
From News Discussion / Robert Gates - was he pushed or did he fall?
Posted 26 Feb 08 21:53
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I charge a fee for appearing in other people's stories...5 euros per mention, 20 for straight comedy, 100 for anything else but nothing weird...

 
From News Discussion / Growing tensions between spoof writers leads to call for first virtual gun store ever at TheSpoof.com; writers use all their points to buy virtual handguns
Posted 19 Feb 08 18:44
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SOUNDs appealing J-Man. 900,000 ain't that far behind my tally.


With my current points tally, I could go around and flick peanuts at people...but I can flick 'em real hard...and they'll smart if they're salted...



 
From News Discussion / The Spoof! To Ban Certain Types Of Story
Posted 16 Feb 08 09:53
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This is just the kind of material that should be banned. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are, truly, a bad man.

 
From News Discussion / After knives, guns, government plans new "fist amnesty"
Posted 15 Feb 08 22:41
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I'll pimp for you if you need me to.

Passion Vine House is a real lady. She should never be mentioned in the same categroy as those other skanks.
I apologise to the other skanks.

JB


With a name like Passion Vine House, I'd imagine that skankiness couldn't be further away...

 
From News Discussion / After knives, guns, government plans new "fist amnesty"
Posted 15 Feb 08 07:56
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I'll pimp for you if you need me to.


Great...but I don't exchange monies for said transactions...I give only the gift of language (and spare change)...

 
From News Discussion / After knives, guns, government plans new "fist amnesty"
Posted 14 Feb 08 22:44
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ooooh Monseiur Simon,

You are so brave, but if need any support, I will bust him in ze Monkey Nuts pour vous.



It's good to know you think I'm brave...I have won cups for my fighting...in fact, I have a chest of drawers full of them...;)

 
From News Discussion / After knives, guns, government plans new "fist amnesty"
Posted 14 Feb 08 21:52
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Quote: IN SEINE

Hey Mr Cockle..

How do you propose to fight Monkey Woods with NO fists?

I'm gonna fight him with words...punch him in the nouns 'til he bleeds commas across the canvas...

...seriously, I have no desire to fight anyone, especially not on Valentine's Day! I must have some female admirers out there who like my dashing wordplay and linguistic dexterity...;)

 
From News Discussion / After knives, guns, government plans new "fist amnesty"
Posted 14 Feb 08 19:45
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Why thankyou to the both of you! That's made my day, that has...:)

 
From News Discussion / 'Klitting' Grabs the World
Posted 10 Feb 08 18:05
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Brilliant story - surreal and full of invention...i'm still smiling now...

 
From News Discussion / New Reality Show "The ATM" to Premiere
Posted 7 Feb 08 23:27
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Excellent! Where reality shows will end up if we apply the law of diminishing returns. Great story, Jeff.

 
From News Discussion / African Cup Of Nations Halted As Tribal Wars Break Out
Posted 5 Feb 08 20:58
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SNOT FUNNY Simon

Mr Gloves


Now that is a funny joke...in fact, it made me hoot-er with laughter...oh god oh god that was truly the funniest joke anyone ever said...

 
From News Discussion / African Cup Of Nations Halted As Tribal Wars Break Out
Posted 5 Feb 08 20:29
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I used to know this guy called Vic...he got up everyone's nose...I bought that joke off e-bay for £3.50 - I think I got a bargain...

 
From News Discussion / Cockle v Woods - Tickets going for $$$s on ebay
Posted 5 Feb 08 20:26
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Yeah, Mr. Gloves is a bit lame, I know...but I have to do my bit in the linguistic feeding-frenzy of name-calling I find myself in...it was never like this when I was Diana's butler...

 
From News Discussion / African Cup Of Nations Halted As Tribal Wars Break Out
Posted 5 Feb 08 19:01
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Hey, Jesus! (I've waited all my life to say that)...thanks for the compliment...and glad you've enjoyed my spat with the Monkey but I think we're cool now...

Not worried about the rib-removing now I've got a handle on the climate here...I shall have to give as good as I get...

Cheers for now,
Simon

 
From News Discussion / Cockle v Woods - Tickets going for $$$s on ebay
Posted 4 Feb 08 21:21
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Quote: IN SEINE


Quote: Simon Cockle

I'm shell-shocked!!!



"Shell-shocked"...Cockle...oh I see...very funny Mr. Gloves! I must now see a surgeon as I fear my sides may have split.

Yes, you can be the referee if you must...no more mollosc jokes or I'll get my wit out...

 
From News Discussion / Cockle v Woods - Tickets going for $$$s on ebay
Posted 4 Feb 08 20:15
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I'm shell-shocked!!!


That we made up? Well you've got to let go some times...

 
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