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From News Discussion / Trump, Putin Ride Horses Together
Posted 21 Nov 16 20:59
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Here, close to the glorious "Lake District", it's a very Conservative area. If you stuck a blue rosette on a monkey, they'd vote for it. Often have, in fact.

 
From General Discussion / Uniforms
Posted 20 Nov 16 15:37
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I bought a genuine original Prussian Cavalry uniform, 1975 edition, about 6 months ago. The man who came to the door selling them said "you can't go wrong with these. They attract women like flies."

I have to say, he was right. All the women I have been meeting have been looking like flies.

 
From General Discussion / Atilla the Hun
Posted 20 Nov 16 15:25
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Anyone else out there interested in ancient history? I had a most fortunate discovery the other day. A young man rang me up and offered me a very rare original collodion plate daguerreotype-type black and white sepia photograph of Atilla the Hun hunting on horseback.

He said he was able to offer me a generous discounted price of £3500 for one, or £6500 for two, because one of the photographs has a slight blemish due to the silver nitrate used in the collodion plate process being of an inferior quality in Mongolia in those days. Apparently the silver nitrate mines were struggling due to safety reasons (they couldn't get the wood for the supports, because it tended to be used to hold the yurts up. This was the main reason the Mongolian silver nitrate industry declined, to be replaced by European industries whose timber supplies were more abundant and whose dwellings were of the non-yurt variety).

I am really excited about this and am keen to go for the offer of £6500 for the pair, so I am offering to go halves with anyone who is interested.

I think this is a great opportunity to get in on the ground floor of something truly unique and special. The young man said he could probably also get hold of some really rare photos of Julius Caesar on holiday at Margate when he was in the UK checking out his outposts.

There is even talk of rare archive movie footage of Charles Dickens working on the missing ending of The Mystery of Edwin Drood. This isn't available just yet because they are still restoring the delicate tapes.

I think you'll agree that the detailed nature of this young man's knowledge of his merchandise must surely rule out foul play, shenanigans or mountebankery in this case.



 
From General Discussion / Pancakes
Posted 20 Nov 16 15:10
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"My wife made a 30-foot pancake last night. Is that a record?"

"I don't know. Bring it over and I'll stick it on the gramophone and we'll find out."

 
From General Discussion / Fake news
Posted 20 Nov 16 14:26
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[amazingly witty response edited out]

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 17 Nov 16 20:25
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Tenacious, eternally nagging anxiety creates irritation, often underlying sickness.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 15 Nov 16 22:09
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Union: nearly ion; onion - not.



 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 12 Nov 16 14:03
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Kingdom is Norse god's domain or milieu.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 10 Nov 16 21:09
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"Enjoy?" Neville jeered. "Oh, yuk!"

 
From General Discussion / I don't care about anything any more.
Posted 8 Nov 16 21:07
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Buddha or Jesus Budda?

"Since all is empty, all is possible." - Nagarjuna

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 7 Nov 16 18:50
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Norwegians occupy regions. West? East? Generally it's around Norway, Sweden.

 
From News Discussion / Trump, Putin Ride Horses Together
Posted 6 Nov 16 16:34
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Can I just add "can I just add"?

 
From News Discussion / Trump, Putin Ride Horses Together
Posted 6 Nov 16 16:33
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A hatter friend of mine writes:

Hats are great. I think if they were wearing those kinds of big hats that rastafarians wear then that would look splendid. Sou'westers are another good option for the horse-riding megalomaniac to consider, especially now that we are sailing into equinoctial waters.

Finally, let us not ignore the multifarious benefits of the tricorn hat: functional, dignified, it confers an undeniable air of traditional authority that few other hats can match. It's not just for town criers!

"Come to The Non-Millenial Hatting Emporium. You won't bump into any of those pesky Millenials here!"



 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 31 Oct 16 19:38
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Leak effluvium, and kill.

 
From General Discussion / How to talk like a parrot
Posted 30 Oct 16 15:37
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Pretty Poll, Pretty Poll
Polly wants a cracker
Pieces of eight, pieces of eight


Is that talking like a parrot, or talking like a human? I'm never sure.



 
From General Discussion / Detractors
Posted 30 Oct 16 15:26
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Well, a robot horse might do as good a job. Do they still make those?



 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 30 Oct 16 15:22
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"Sir" is regimental.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 29 Oct 16 16:16
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"You oaf, Ulysses!"

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 28 Oct 16 20:10
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"Discuasion?" I sneered. "Conversation's useless, since silence is our normality."

 
From General Discussion / Where Can I Buy a Lodestone?
Posted 27 Oct 16 21:27
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Cheers Osama!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 26 Oct 16 20:12
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"Simile, I mean image," Lassiter explained.

 
From General Discussion / How to talk like a parrot
Posted 25 Oct 16 21:03
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unless the original subject had been "how to not talk like a parrot."*





*note the subtle difference between "how to not talk like a parrot" and "how not to talk like a parrot". it's a little thing but it makes all the difference, as the transvestite said to the transsexual.

 
From General Discussion / How to talk like a parrot
Posted 25 Oct 16 21:01
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otherwise it wouldn't work.

 
From General Discussion / How to talk like a parrot
Posted 25 Oct 16 21:00
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one that talks, obviously.

 
From General Discussion / Make the welkin ring
Posted 25 Oct 16 21:00
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Go on, do it. Make the welkin ring.



 
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