All times are GMT

Forum Home / Forum posts by Erskin Quint


185 Pages - [1] 2 3 4 5 » »»
From General Discussion / Black & White Minstrel Show
Posted 30 Apr 17 22:57
Message
Yeah, these cats are really gone.
There was more to the 60s and 70s than Hendrix and Led Zeppelin.

 
From General Discussion / Black & White Minstrel Show
Posted 30 Apr 17 18:56
Message
I think this is so good that it deserves its own thread:

Highlights of BWMS

The clip is especially valuable because two and a half minutes in, Mr Ed can be seen in a cameo, in one of his rare appearances on TV in drag (he was often to be seen in drag in the theatre of course).


 
From General Discussion / Coracles
Posted 30 Apr 17 16:55
Message
Indeed.

It is high time someone spoke up for the whelkstall owners of this land. Are you that man?


Quote: victor nicholas

What about whelks?


 
From General Discussion / Coracles
Posted 30 Apr 17 13:50
Message
George Wild Galvin, better known as Dan Leno, the famous English Music Hall comedian, kept a coracle at Bwllegghli, on the River Lelbww in mid-Wales.

A lot of Music Hall artistes of the time were fond of using strong drink to help them relax and recuperate from the rigours of performance. With Leno, it was different.

When life in the Music Hall got too much, he would repair to his pied a terre in Bwllegghli, there to while away many happy hours caulking or actually sailing his coracle on the steel-grey waters of the Lelbww.

Some argue that Leno's vessel was an example of the Teme coracle, others preferring to assert that it was a Taf coracle. Either way, it is unlikely that Dan Leno would have been able to sustain such a brilliant career without his coracle.

 
From General Discussion / Worse BBC Show
Posted 30 Apr 17 10:51
Message
There's been a lot worse.

 
From News Discussion / Pay and display on M60
Posted 29 Apr 17 10:41
Message
Short and to the point.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 29 Apr 17 10:16
Message
Elegance liquorice elephants garner antiquities, never calculating everything.

 
From General Discussion / Coracles
Posted 29 Apr 17 10:05
Message
Sound advice.

Regular caulking is also a must. Most people neglect that.

I careen and caulk every month without fail.

It has to be without fail. My fail broke.


Quote: Sir Geoffroy Cockface

A doctor once told me to check my coracles twice a week for whelks. I never found any, although I did once suffer from mast-ache.


 
From General Discussion / Coracles
Posted 28 Apr 17 20:25
Message
I'm sure you know best.

 
From General Discussion / Coracles
Posted 27 Apr 17 22:36
Message
It's been a while since coracles were given an airing.

This is an invaluable reference source for the coracle enthusiast:

Coracles!

No. Something went wrong there. Ah. The site below is more like it. On second thoughts, sod you, why should I spoon feed you, you idle bastards. Find your own information about coracles.



 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 27 Apr 17 11:52
Message
Style that yields laconic elegance.

 
From General Discussion / Readers' Rostrum
Posted 26 Apr 17 21:48
Message
I just need to get my notebook.

It's in Tasmania.

(variation on the Andre Previn joke on Morecambe & Wise)


Quote: Monkey Woods

Sir,

I would appreciate your getting back to me on this important issue.

Vicky,

Yes, the 's' has no sound in the name 'Camus', but I think that your French friends are leading you astray with its pronunciation, which should be 'Ca-moo'.

Hope this helped!

Monké


 
From General Discussion / Readers' Rostrum
Posted 26 Apr 17 08:59
Message
Can I get back to you on this? I used to possess the book before I lost my entire book collection in a flood.

blockquote]Quote: Monkey Woods

Does nobody have an opinion on M. Camus' book?


 
From General Discussion / Readers' Rostrum
Posted 25 Apr 17 07:23
Message
Very little Somalian in Treasure Island......

Not sure if Israel Hands spoke Yiddish though...


Quote: Jaggedone

VC, I believe they prefer Somalian, but saying that, a Blue Beard Somalian would be quite authentic...

One of my fav books was the Instruction Manual in how to replace the engine of my ageing VW Beetle in German, a superb read indeed...


 
From News Discussion / CNN, Pat Robertson: God Stole Malaysia Flight
Posted 24 Apr 17 18:16
Message

CNN anchor Don Lemon and Decoded host Brad Meltzer discussed the possibility that God about the idea yesterday afternoon that God stole a Boeing 777.


"We particularly enjoyed idea about the this opening of an sentence underneath it." - Non-Sequiturs Quarterly

 
From General Discussion / Readers' Rostrum
Posted 24 Apr 17 18:09
Message
This is a splendid idea.

Tell me, was your volume translated from the Welsh, or did you tackle it in the original tongue?

I think the thing with Existentialism is that they are dealing with the following dilemma:

Existence is meaningless. How can man face his own futility, and yet continue to live?

I get the impression that Albert has been successful in making you feel the truth of the first assertion, but that he has yet to convince you with his answer(s) to the question that follows.


These are some of my less recent encounters with the new books:



Stalled Passions

by Grant Bale

The gritty tale of a greyhound trainer who puts greyhound training before love, this evocative novella - the second part of Bale's "Dogtrack Trilogy" - was shortlisted for the Prix de Todmorden by mistake.

"I never realised there was so much about greyhounds that I could happily live without." - Ferrets & Ferreting


Borscht Belt Blues

by Fyvush Lipschitz

Morey Klutzbaum is a downbeat divorcee comic playing the summer resorts of the Catskills in the 1950s. Totie Hymen is the cloakroom attendant who makes him feel young again and cooks him a borscht his grandmother would have been proud of. This is the saddest book I have read for a long time. Why? Old jokes like these are why:
"My wife and I were happy for 25 years. Then we met."
"The wife and I were having breakfast when the doorbell rang. I opened the door. 'Who is it?' I asked. 'The Boston Strangler' the guy replied. 'Honey, it's for you!' I said."
I didn't think there was any connection between beetroot soup and romantic passion before I read this book. Now I know there isn't.

"Explains why the Borscht Belt is a dead duck." - Golders Green Gazette


Sole Mates

by Arthur Shandy

Mr Shandy has woven a gossamer-fine plot around the story of two lonely shoeshop workers who find each other on a reflexology course in North Jutland. Oppressed by the strict regimen of the group, they make a break for freedom. Sheltered by an elderly female artist, they learn about freedom as she teaches them a Jutish dialect. Unable to speak their love in English, they find release in the local vestjysk tongue, and plight their troth on the beach in a storm.

"The best thing about this book? It's short. Oh, and it's good to know the Jutes have 23 different words for seaweed." - Hats And Hatting


My Kingdom For A Horse

by Toby R Pylgryme

Will dandy and rake Prince Ferdinand Guillem Trattenbilder XXI, the Luppsberg Scharzenfettle Meiningenberger of Drandelheim, find true love and give up everything for Gelda Spittlewife, Ostler's daughter, Gooseherd and the only person who can control his fiery steed, Schopenhauer? Or will cold-hearted Princess Hildebrand Blitzenkrieg of Grappleschmerz have her way, get her claws into him and marry into the Grand Duchy of Piffler-Hashburg? At least, I think that is what these 750 pages were getting at, but really, your guess is as good as mine.

"Perhaps if the names had not taken up so many pages, there would have been more room for a story" - Hoof & Horn


A Steppe Too Far

by Dick Fidler

13th century Mongolia: the Great Khan is poised on the brink of conquering the Khazimandian Empire. His warlords counsel total war. But a chance encounter on the eve of battle changes his life forever. The story of the young shepherdess who teaches him to write poetry, play the Bishguur and leave politics to his generals occupies 1256 truly astonishing pages.

"Makes Barbara Cartland seem like Tolstoy." - The Savoury Blancmange

 
From News Discussion / Lap Dancing Replaces Line Dancing In West Midlands Town
Posted 23 Apr 17 19:06
Message
Dear Sir

I gave it 5 even though I was disappointeded to discoverer thatat thisis wasas notot aboutout Finnish County Dancing.

Colonel Trouserblast
Baskerville Hall
Sheffield

 
From News Discussion / "Jesus And His Disciples Were Scottish", Claims Historian
Posted 22 Apr 17 14:14
Message
Dear Victor,

as ever, your advice is the very quintessence of rational probity.

I will take it under advisement when contemplating any future perambulations.

As for gallantry, yes, that is a requirement. Are we not the very Knights of the Spoof Round Table? Is not gallantry our very watchword?

But of course, knights must also joust, must they not, to hone their skills?

Provided that the jousting stay within the parameters of the said gallantry, of course.

regards

Erskin Quint


Quote: victor nicholas

Dear EQ

Yes, I thought that was a typo but understand that may have been done phonetically.

As to perambulations regarding future work I suggest that gallantry be considered foremost as a virtue.

Your brain seems to be a rich garden. Have you considered donating it to science, not immediately, but sometime in the future when it may be of less use to you than at present.



Quote: Erskin Quint

Dear Vicar,

I believe the seminal phrase was "done my kilt thrice", as coined by the luminous Jaggedone.


Thus was my inspiration for this piece garnered in these very forums, sorry, fora.

I think you are very privileged to be able to witness the inspiration and consummation of a great artist at work.

"What next for you?" I hear you ask. I am thinking of composing a picaresque novelette, with a protagonist named Juggedone, and an antagonist called Percy Smith-Bignose. After all the appropriate legal channels have been probed of course. I don't expect anything will come of it. It is just one of a myriad of ideas coursing through the throbbing convolvulus that is my brain.


Quote: victor nicholas

Thy shalt don thy kilt thrice seems to have been said here first or was it Terry Pratchett




 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 22 Apr 17 12:28
Message
Yodelling or declaiming, Erica loves loudly in nocturnal gambollings.

 
From News Discussion / "Jesus And His Disciples Were Scottish", Claims Historian
Posted 22 Apr 17 12:24
Message
Dear Vicar,

I believe the seminal phrase was "done my kilt thrice", as coined by the luminous Jaggedone.


Thus was my inspiration for this piece garnered in these very forums, sorry, fora.

I think you are very privileged to be able to witness the inspiration and consummation of a great artist at work.

"What next for you?" I hear you ask. I am thinking of composing a picaresque novelette, with a protagonist named Juggedone, and an antagonist called Percy Smith-Bignose. After all the appropriate legal channels have been probed of course. I don't expect anything will come of it. It is just one of a myriad of ideas coursing through the throbbing convolvulus that is my brain.


Quote: victor nicholas

Thy shalt don thy kilt thrice seems to have been said here first or was it Terry Pratchett


 
From General Discussion / 25 Years Since Frankie Howerd Died
Posted 20 Apr 17 22:07
Message
KW was also brilliant in Round The Horne.


Quote: Jaggedone

MW, seen that actually, x-cellent too, but nothing compares to Williams's superb performance...

Tommy Cooper divided opinions, true, but he was one, I say, one of the best, relating back to the time of course.

I could have listed many more, but I was constipating in a time bubble! No Russell Howard, Jack Dee or others..

Sadly, we're going to lose Billy very soon and he was, or still is, quite genial..

And to be honest, my absolute fav alongside Robin, was Kenneth Williams, a total nutter but what a mind!! Do you remember the radio show, Just a minute, with Williams bouncing off Freud?

A great inspiration for my 'off the wall' feeble attempts...


 
From News Discussion / "If You Can't Speak English, F*ck Off!", Theresa May Tells Wogs
Posted 19 Apr 17 17:23
Message
This is like something from Samuel Beckett. I wonder if he wants it back?


Quote: Monkey Woods

I thought it was in that thread that I told him

"I hate all people equally"

but I couldn't see it in there.

It must have been another thread. I'll keep looking.


 
From News Discussion / "If You Can't Speak English, F*ck Off!", Theresa May Tells Wogs
Posted 18 Apr 17 14:30
Message
I liike the nayme Rastus Umbongo.

'Cos all them wog's has name's like that.

And they should not of been aloud in this countrie, they should of bene maide to stay in there oune countrie's.

Why coume over here to taik oure benfit's.

Terers May shoule of buldded a wale like what of Trumpe's has of bene buolded.

Wayne Twatte
Bristol

 
From News Discussion / Colleges Could Replace Football Teams With Race Horses
Posted 18 Apr 17 14:20
Message
Look. No, listen. No. Nay, nay and thrice nay. Yea, and again nay. He missed an 'r' out. He left his rs out. Yes, Missus. He left his rs out. Have you ever left yours out? In this weather? Poor soul. She doesn't know her rs from her elbows. No. Don't. Don't mock the afflicted. Titter ye not. Shut yer faces.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 18 Apr 17 14:14
Message
Taciturnity? Ah, calmness is the universal recipe. Never idealise the yodelling.

 
185 Pages - [1] 2 3 4 5 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Who is online?

There are no registered users currently online.

Profile Featured Writer

GProwler
GProwler
Joined: 16 July 2014
Stories Written: 18
36 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more