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From General Discussion / Oyster Soup Horror Blights Oxford
Posted 27 Jun 17 21:23
Message
Hello. I'm Ervin Nostrille. On tonight's Dry Cleaning My Curtains With..., I shall be Dry Cleaning My Curtains With... Charles "Turnip" Townshend, luminary of the Agricultural Revolution, ferocious champion of the root vegetable cause, and foremost exponent of four field crop rotation.

But first, a word from our sponsor:

"I was a martyr to Duck's Disease for years until I discovered Grampound's Pyretic Linctus. Now I'm the Bishop of Bath & Wells and I get invited to all the best parties! Don't let Duck's Disease ruin your social life. Take Grampound's Pyretic Linctus thrice daily and banish Duck's Disease for ever!"




 
From General Discussion / Moles
Posted 26 Jun 17 21:27
Message
Hello and welcome to Word of The Day.

And Word of the Day today is

Contumely


 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 20 Jun 17 19:09
Message
Knaresborough, now a relic, eh? Scarborough bores often, rainy, ordinaire. Unfeted, 'gritty' Hull.

 
From General Discussion / Statues Made of Soil
Posted 14 May 17 14:24
Message
Indeed. Who is?


Quote: Jisanxw1

I am not quite sure about it.


 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 13 May 17 19:37
Message
Also there is this:

Surealism Server

Would you leave your immortal soul to science?

 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 12 May 17 20:11
Message
To get back on topic, it's time for this again:

Surrealist Compliment Generator

 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 12 May 17 14:25
Message
You have painted a wonderful picture there though, worthy of many a Dutch master.




Quote: victor nicholas

Erskin

Mountaineering in the lowlands is not without it's dangers as I recall losing an alarm clock shortly thereafter.

The good natured insanity of the populace would no doubt make JO hard to pick out in a crowd.


Quote: Erskin Quint

Were you on a mountaineering expedition?

I must say that the 'youth football teams in uniform marching past' is quite the sinister image.

I think the sight of youth football teams marching through lace-chimneyed historic villages, with sailboards with leeboats and herrings drying in tulip-festooned cottage-gardens, would be quite enough to trigger my fight or flight mechanisms.


Quote: victor nicholas

No but your suggestion of Uden, Uddel, Urmond even Uithuizemeeden has the makings of a good Octoberfest drinking song Oi Oi Oi!

I did pass through the lowlands as a young man and recall lace curtains in the windows of homes in historic villages, sailboats with leeboards and youth football teams in uniform marching past me while I was enjoying a herring burger, or is this simply an idyllic dream longing for fruition.


Quote: Jaggedone

VC, your geographical knowledge of the lowlands is quite outstanding, I sense you mean Uden? Uddel? Urmond? even Uithuizermeeden?

Never mind, they're all as flat as a pancake and were even flatter after Adolf marched over them...





 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 12 May 17 11:04
Message
Were you on a mountaineering expedition?

I must say that the 'youth football teams in uniform marching past' is quite the sinister image.

I think the sight of youth football teams marching through lace-chimneyed historic villages, with sailboards with leeboats and herrings drying in tulip-festooned cottage-gardens, would be quite enough to trigger my fight or flight mechanisms.


Quote: victor nicholas

No but your suggestion of Uden, Uddel, Urmond even Uithuizemeeden has the makings of a good Octoberfest drinking song Oi Oi Oi!

I did pass through the lowlands as a young man and recall lace curtains in the windows of homes in historic villages, sailboats with leeboards and youth football teams in uniform marching past me while I was enjoying a herring burger, or is this simply an idyllic dream longing for fruition.


Quote: Jaggedone

VC, your geographical knowledge of the lowlands is quite outstanding, I sense you mean Uden? Uddel? Urmond? even Uithuizermeeden?

Never mind, they're all as flat as a pancake and were even flatter after Adolf marched over them...



 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 12 May 17 10:56
Message
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read......


Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

Upon reflection, if any of us joined Spoof to have an intelligent conversation, we are looking up a dead dog's ass.


 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 11 May 17 22:30
Message
Good to see that we can have an intelligent conversation about these things.

 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 11 May 17 09:16
Message
For Mr G Cockface, -

if you are having, er, issues with udders and their ramifications, then this might be the thing for you:


Living in Udder Fantasy: Tired of living his life in filth with his nagging mother, a naïve young adventurer decides to embark on an epic quest that is given to him by his dead milkman father. The boy is accompanied on his journey by a swashbuckling car salesman and a singing eunuch. High fantasy, adventure, and stupidity ensue as they seek out the legendary golden calf who gives chocolate milk.
This episode is a bit more vulgar than our usual fare. Because of this, we are giving it an explicit rating


Udder Fantasy

Failing that, we would recommend seeing a suitably experienced and qualified professional person (NOT a farmer; most definitely NOT a farmer).

 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 11 May 17 08:59
Message
Ah, I see: you're being satirical.


We don't have conversations here: there aren't enough of us.

However, to continue in your serious vein, I always liked Korky The Cat in The Dandy.

Oh to be there again with The Dandy Summer Special.

Where did it all go?

It went where absolutely everything goes: into nothing.


Quote: Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Ah, I didn't realise it was a serious conversation.

It reminds me of when Corky was trapped in a secret Nazi lair, until he rubbed his magic udders and drowned the beastly fascists in milk.


 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 10 May 17 19:40
Message
Well, surely that's up to you. Seems to me the 2 extracts just point out the complexity and the facts, and encourage us to try to be enlightened.

I think war is probably inevitable when you have 'nations'.


Quote: Sir Geoffroy Cockface

I don't get it. So is war good or bad?

I'm going to go back to reading the 1982 annual of my favourite comic strip, Corky's Magic Udders.


 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 10 May 17 13:02
Message
From Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five:


'I myself have seen the bodies of schoolgirls who were boiled alive in a water tower by my own countrymen, who were proud of fighting pure evil at the time.' This was true. Billy saw the boiled bodies in Dresden. 'And I have lit my way in a prison at night with candles from the fat of human beings who were butchered by the brothers and fathers of those school girls who were boiled.'


 
From General Discussion / General Discussion Forum
Posted 9 May 17 13:00
Message
It says that this forum is "for general discussion about life and so on."

So I have two questions:

  1. What do you think about life and so on?
  2. What does "so on" refer to?


 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 9 May 17 12:41
Message
Article Here

Worth a read. Contains this quote:


Reflecting on his experiences, Mr Ferencz issued an important message about war. He said the Nazi soldiers who committed atrocities were not "savages" but "intelligent, patriotic human being[s]", and that war can make any normal person do horrifying things.
"Do you think the man who dropped the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima was a savage?", he asked.
"Now I will tell you something very profound, which I have learned after many years. War makes murderers out of otherwise decent people. All wars, and all decent people."


 
From General Discussion / The Hanging on by a Thread Thread
Posted 9 May 17 12:36
Message



We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

......

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

T S Eliot, The Hollow Men




 
From General Discussion / The Hanging on by a Thread Thread
Posted 9 May 17 11:20
Message
We are hanging on, just a-hanging on.

 
From General Discussion / Prince Phillip to Retire
Posted 8 May 17 14:01
Message
What is the sound of one hand clapping?

What is the sound of one Duke of Edinburgh retiring?

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 4 May 17 10:00
Message
Everything very excellent, really, yes! The happiness increasing nicely! Genuinely!

 
From News Discussion / Pay and display on M60
Posted 3 May 17 19:19
Message
Yes it was a bit short but the guy can write. His profile shows that he has a number of books out there too, so he does more than write spoofs on The Spoof.

 
From General Discussion / Beachcomber
Posted 2 May 17 20:21
Message
A hero of mine for his absurd humour which used to appear, amazingly, in the Daily Express, years ago. An example:

The Case of the Twelve Red-Bearded Dwarfs
 

Mr Justice Cocklecarrot began the hearing of a very curious case yesterday. A Mrs Tasker is accused of continually ringing the doorbell of a Mrs Renton, and then, when the door is opened, pushing a dozen red-bearded dwarfs into the hall and leaving them there.

An expert witness is called...

Mr Bastin Hermitage (for the defence):  Now, Dr Spunton, is there, to your knowledge, any disease which would account for Mrs Tasker's strange habits?
Dr Spunton:  There is. It is called rufo-nanitis. The spymptoms-
Mr Hermitage:  Symptoms.
Dr Spunton:  Yes, spymptoms, but I always put a 'p' before a 'y'.
Cocklecarrot:  With what object, might we ask?
Dr Spunton:  I can't help it, m'lud.
Cocklecarrot:  Do you say pyesterday?
Dr Spunton:  Pyes, unfortunatelpy. It's hereditarpy. Mpy familpy all do it.
Cocklecarrot:  But why 'p'?
Dr Spunton:  No, py, m'lud.

Later

The court had to be cleared owing to the roars of ribald laughter which greeted the appearance in the witness-box of the twelve red-bearded dwarfs all in a heap. Their names were read out amid growing uproar. The names appeared to be: Sophus Barkayo-Tong, Amaninter Axling, Farjole Merrybody, Guttergorm Guttergormpton, Badly Oronparser, Churm Rincewind, Cleveland Zackhouse, Molonay Tubilderborst, Edeledel Edel, Scorpion de Rooftrouser, Listenis Youghaupt, Frums Gillygottle.

Cocklecarrot:  Are these genuine names?
A Dwarf:  No, m'worship.
Cocklecarrot:  Then what's your name?
Dwarf:  Bogus, m'ludship.
Cocklecarrot:  No, your real name.
Dwarf:  My real name is Bogus, your excellency.
(At this point the court had to be cleared)

 
From General Discussion / Ethnic Humour
Posted 1 May 17 20:07
Message
Hmm. Came across this on my travels:

Ethnic Humour

 
From General Discussion / Brother Bones
Posted 1 May 17 20:06
Message
Now this one really is something special.

It's high time this came back in.

Far better than the shite we get nowadays.

Brother Bones



 
From General Discussion / Black & White Minstrel Show
Posted 1 May 17 19:53
Message
Now this is Al Jolson:

Now this is Al Jolson

I want to know where he got that groovy jacket. He cuts quite the figure. I can see those coming back in. My tip would be to get yourself one of those right now. You'll be ahead of the game.



 
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