All times are GMT

Forum Home / Forum posts by Erskin Quint

173 Pages - [1] 2 3 4 5 » »»
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 22 Apr 16 20:47
Socks! Oh, Corsican knee socks!

From General Discussion / Selling Zeppelins Door to Door
Posted 21 Apr 16 21:16
New Reality Show: Pimp My Blimp

From General Discussion / Selling Zeppelins Door to Door
Posted 20 Apr 16 12:36
Actually just checked the stocks & shares -

Zeppelins are falling....

From General Discussion / Possets
Posted 18 Apr 16 20:12
Just the thing of a cold Spring evening. A varnished tallboy, an aspidistra, and a lemon posset. What better way to undertake the entertainer. Sorry, entertake the undertainer. I mean, entertain the undertaker.

Anyway, possets are in.

From General Discussion / Books That We've Recently Read
Posted 18 Apr 16 20:04
Just started in on a great one. "Shooting for the Stars". It's a fictionalised account of the Eskimo mission to get a man on the moon. Their biggest issue was food. Whale blubber was off, due to the air pressures. The struggle of the hero, Atkanartok, to convince the Eskimo Prime Minister Ilialuiktok to let him take an aquarium up so they could have fresh fish, fills 2500 riveting pages. Can Atkanartok make it to the moon and back before the dastardly Deniogii steals his girl Yakone? Who will feed his seal while he is away? Will it ever stop snowing? These and a host of other dilemmas make "Shooting for the Stars" the best Eskimo moon landing novel I have ever read.

From General Discussion / Selling Zeppelins Door to Door
Posted 18 Apr 16 19:44
Count me in, I'll take a dozen to go and see how that sits.

Throw in a striped bib and tucker and I'm yours to the rattle.

Have you looked at territories yet? If not, I'll take the Highlands and Islands of Scotland and the Oklahoma panhandle. I'm currently living on a Chinese junk in the Azores, so I'm handy for those.

While we're on that theme, have you researched the Albanian markets? I hear tell they're ripe for the plucking when it comes to inflatables.

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 17 Apr 16 19:31
Anyway, trivets are so last season. You heard it here first.

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 17 Apr 16 19:20
Who said anything about information?

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 15 Apr 16 21:31
Ah yes, the ACME trivet. First manufactured in Pinkerton, Pennsylvania, I believe.

Why there? It's as good a place as any.

From General Discussion / Books That We've Recently Read
Posted 14 Apr 16 19:59
No, MW, I have not read Hard Times. There's a lot of Dickens about and as you say there are lots of things that are a bit wearing, but he had great characters, so true to life, and he had enormous indignation about the tyrannies of society. Dunno where he got his energy from. I bet he was a bugger to live with.

From General Discussion / Coracles
Posted 14 Apr 16 19:56
Hannibal is famous for traversing the alps with elephants. Few are aware that in his younger days, before he joined the army, he was apprenticed to a Sardinian coracle-builder, where he was schooled in the arcane arts of graverring, true-skimming and back-caulking.

These skills were to pay dividends when - as a young corporal in the Bari Light Infantry - he was sent on a spying mission in the Persian swamplands, and survived for a week by building a coracle from woven reeds, caulked with red mud.

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 13 Apr 16 20:08
That wouldn't be a surprise if he did.

Let us not forget the silver screen:

Trivets of Navarone
Two Trivets for Sister Sara
American Trivet
Die Hard: With A Trivet
Bring Me the Trivet of Alfredo Garcia
Rosemary's Trivet
All The President's Trivets
Cat on a Hot Tin Trivet
Trivets of New York
Gentlemen Prefer Trivets
Trivets of Desire

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 12 Apr 16 13:54
Talking of the East, I believe it was Sir Arthur Mullet-Hinshelwood who was the first man to cross Borneo with a trivet.

I could be wrong. It may have been Sir Jocelyn Whackstraw-Vane, though I am sure he was the one who navigated the Yangste in a coracle with only a mute Lascar as companion.

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 12 Apr 16 13:52
How true.

And of course there is the other direction.

Was it not Marco Polo who opened up the trade routes which, in the fullness of time, introduced the trivet to China?

Many is the caravan to have set off, heavy-laden with trivet-ware, only to return, many moons having waxed and waned in the weary interim, with pannier and casket and satchel brim-full of lapis lazuli, ivory, black wood, carnelian and sweetmeats from the bazaars of the East.

None of this would have happened without the essential currency of the ever-reliable trivet.

From General Discussion / Coracles
Posted 12 Apr 16 13:50
This is the time of year when the wistful fancy turns to the subject of coracles, and the nautical sense yearns to launch a coracle upon the lusty waters of the Severn or the Great Lough at Ballywobegone.

Coracles, of course - like everything else on the mysterious plane of awareness - are nothing new.

In old Mesopotamia, they used to say "each man to his own coracle". The Laws of Hammurabi established the rate a worker could charge for caulking a coracle. And it was no novelty to descry, of a sultry eventide, a groaning vessel come ashore, loaded to the hilt with eels and cinnamon.

From General Discussion / Rockhopper Penguins
Posted 10 Apr 16 20:00

Quote: I personally would like to place one on the top of an incline and watch it totttter down.

Or perhaps put one in a formula 1 car. Or behind the Sky News desk. Or in the White House.

Hang on, that last one's already been done.

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 10 Apr 16 19:56
And Shakespeare of course:

"A trivet! A trivet! My kingdom for a trivet!"

"Thou foul thief, where hast thou stowed my trivet?"

"How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable
Seem to me all the trivets of this world"

The Bible of course is a rich vein for the miner of trivet-related material. But that is for another day.

From News Discussion / Doc Corbyn "has built a time machine back to the 1970s"
Posted 9 Apr 16 15:14
If I may be so bold, Tabu is an Indian Film Actress.

Maybe she is a big cheese in the publishing world or something.

I don't know; I can't tell me yokes from me yolks fokes, sorry, folks.

From General Discussion / Exclusive Preview of My Novel
Posted 9 Apr 16 10:09

Quote: Skoob1999

I think Erskine's "book" preview is some sort of online scam, but I'm not falling for it. Oh no - I wasn't born yesterday. Or if I was I don't recall the detail but I digress.

Everyone knows that a "yoke" is a lump of wood slung around the neck of an ox to tie ropes to so it can pull stuff, or a lump of carved wood that humans slung across their shoulders to enable them to carry buckets of stuff.

Whereas a "yolk" is the yellow bit of an egg. The semi-globular bit that tastes nicer than the runny bit unless you're making meringues or something. But not omelettes because that just involves beating the contents of an egg to smithereens. So that doesn't count.

An erudite gentleman such as Erskin would surely be capable of differentiating between the two - seeing as he knows about obscure stuff like narwals and trivets and whatnot.

Erskin didn't write that - he knows better and has high standards.

Trust me - it's a scam. Next thing there'll be requests for bank details and pin numbers and stuff.

This Quint imposter doesn't fool me.

Think on.

Hi Skoob

great to hear from you.

Well spotted, as the tiger said to the leopard. I will have words with my proffreeder. It might of course be a play on woads, seeing as how we are all yolked to the sun in a very real and binding sense (being egg-bound of course is no joke). If James Joyce could get away with it, why not I?

From General Discussion / Rockhopper Penguins
Posted 7 Apr 16 19:38

Quote: Simon Saunders

I'm an expert on chocolate penguins.

Is this any help?

Yes, everything's a help, one way or another, on the long road to oblivion.

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 7 Apr 16 19:35

Quote: victor nicholas

I was in a store in Llubjlana when a woman picked up some trivets and started singing loudly.

She seemed quite mad but then I don't speak Slovenian.

You weren't in a rag and bottle shop were you? You get a lot of mad folk in those. I was once in one queuing up at the counter. The man to my right (it was a sideways queue) had an imaginary coelacanth in a bucket with him. He asked me if it bothered me. "Oh no", I replied. "You wouldn't know he was there at all."

"She", he corrected.

O let us praise the mighty trivet!
O sing of its strength and its sturdy support!
It far outperforms any tribute we give it:
Its grandeur reduces our folly to nought

(from The Song of the Slovenian Trivetwright)

From General Discussion / Exclusive Preview of My Novel
Posted 7 Apr 16 19:24

Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

Is there any chance that you and I could ham and egg this story? I could represent you to the American Egg Council in exchange for a percentage of royalties. Also suggest one more "blah" after "etc" for resonance effect.

You're on, it's a deal.

I'll give you 20% of all royalties.

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 6 Apr 16 19:19
You can keep your feline friends
- your tabbies, pumas, lynx or civet;
I'm happy spending my weekends
in search of yet another trivet.

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 6 Apr 16 19:16

Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

I now use a mashie
Instead of a trivet.
It's much easier to swing
And it doesn't leave a divit.

Very nice. Very Ogden Nash.

If I think a gadget's nice
the foremost tribute I can give it
is to sing up in a trice
"yon gadget's as right as a trivet".

From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 3 Apr 16 19:42
Drink makes your spirit sink
Eating's pleasure is fleeting
Whoring is ultimately boring
But triveting is truly riveting.

173 Pages - [1] 2 3 4 5 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Who is online?

There is 1 registered user currently online: none are active , 1 is currently inactive .

Users online:

Profile Featured Writer

Brett Taylor
Brett Taylor
Joined: 29 October 2010
Stories Written: 44
57 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more