Discussion Forum

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Quote: Jalapenoman

Actually, my wife calls it Pembrooke.

She has four of the huge five foot teddy bears sitting at our kitchen table in the dining room chairs. When we want to eat, we have to move one of them (there are three of us left at home). If we have company, we have to move more.

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Perhaps pedantic...

Gee you Americans are strange...you have a kitchen table in the dining room? Whatever next? A dining table in the kitchen perchance?

Sorry J'Man that was a very, very POOR attempt at writing something funny (but still better than marvin) and I deserve to be slapped across the face with a dead badger!

~IS~

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Quote: Jalapenoman

Well, anyone who thinks JarJar Binks is funny is starting out a little bit behind.

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That's the nicest compliment anyone could give me JMan. For years, I've been asking people "does my bum look BIG in this?"

They ALWAYS say "Yes"

Now You tell me "I've got a little behind" (bit missing)

"Gee thanks I love you JMan!"

BTW The bear you're with isn't called Mohummed is it?

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Quote: Jalapenoman


3. Write something funny.

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That's the hard bit

I knew there was a catch in it somewhere!

~IS~

So sorry JB it was 7 July 2006

Where has this year gone?

try www.sydbarrett.org/sydslife.htm if you're intereted.

~IS~

By the time you read this, marvin will have changed his teaching.

But Mister Meaner may I suggest that you change your career from a would-be, wannabe spoof writer to a gynaeocologist.

"Become a gynaeocolgist; look up a friend today"

You will ONLY understand this if you read todays lesson.

Tonight's Manchester Evening News headlines:

COWMAN KILLED BY 2 JOKES

Police are looking for two assasins who killed a local farmboy in a Trafford Centre Car Park.

Witnesses saw a woman wearing a veil and brandishing an axe, swung it menacingly at the agricultural worker, whilst her boyfriend calmly held her cigarette for her.

They then sped off on a tandem which was later found abondoned with a blood covered saddle.

marvin,

Thanks for your research on Pink Floyd, However, being a fan of Roger Waters (who incidently is no longer a member of PF), I regard him as a genius in songwriting and would not like to write any dirt on him: we all make mistakes in life and the fact that he's been married three times shows that he has a problem in relationships possibly caused by his father being killed in the war. This pain has caused him to write some of the songs in which he rebels against the system. thanks , but no thanks!

There are other members like David Gilmore who is, in my mind one of the great guitarists, and Syd Barrett who died earlier this year and became a recluse in their early psychededelic years. Drugs messed up his life.

So does that mean you're going marvin?

I for one am going to miss the teaching and the wisdom that can be found in it. Hopefuly I shall improve my writing skills (If I have any).

Perhaps the one good thing that Mark has been away is that the writers leaderboard view numbers are dropping rapidly.

You missed that one marvin 'Don't fear the Reaper ' is a song by Blue Oyster Cult.

'Don't Fear the Reaper!' marvin

been smoking weed again?

Britney Spears Vagina does a J.K. Rowling

Britney Spears, home wrecking Princess of Pop, has revealed her plans to enter into the world of literary excellence by contributing to her all ready rich career. Unfortunately, her bouts of insanity, drug abuse, child abuse and gold digging ex husband have kept her busy. Her Vagina has angrily taken up the job and decided to write an all tell book about its sexual exploits.

Indeed, the Spears' vagina is thought to be interested in developing a solo career in literature but mostly in attention grabbing books to promote itself after being kept in the darkness by its owner. If J.K. Rowling can do it, then my "Hairy Potter" can too." It said angrily.

No details of the book are known yet, but it's bound to be a hit.

Tales of clitoral stimulation, affairs with new kids on the block, Dr. Phil gynecology examinations and lesbian ideology are what the public is interested in finding out. Considering every other actress has made a large profit writing all tell books, the future seems bright for Britney Spears' vagina, although its not orange!

~IS~

Hi JLF,

Is that a period piece?



IS

The University of 'Hard Knocks' perchance?


or would the School of 'Hard Knockers' be more titilating?

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Quote: carina-eta

well, you appear to be descended from Jar-Jar Binks, the rest of us are probably descended from monkeys excluding Monkey Woods who still is one.

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now look what you've done carina-eta!

marvin, the shape-shifting sod is making a monkey of us, himself and monkey Woods - we're all implicated. He's far too clever for me.

Bananas anyone?

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Quote: carina-eta

and why would ANYONE, EVER want to overcome sinning?

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Unlike any other living creatures, we (except Monkey Woods) have consciences.

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Quote: carina-eta

It is not a human trait to laugh at the misfortune of others, laughter derives from the ape's chattering reaction to danger and induces similar hormones, that's why we laugh at slapstick and other peoples misfortunes, we have evolved to laugh at danger.


Sha*n, I chattered like an ape at your knock knock joke, point proved.

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I beg to differ Carina-eta,


Trait = characteristic = distinguishing feature

It is a human trait to sin, whereas a Christian might try overcome that trait and NOT sin.

If Shaun made you chatter like an ape, the only point it proves is that you are as member of the simian species who senses danger.

Don't give me that evolution rubbish!

HUMANS DO NOT COME FROM MONKEYS

IS

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Quote: marvin
(Of course, the sense of humor of Americans differs from that of all other peoples. For example, they think their TV sitcoms are actually funny.)


3. What Happens To Our Body When We Laugh?
When you give way to laughter, electrical impulses are triggered by nerves in the brain. These set off chemical reactions in the brain and elsewhere in the body. For example, your endocrine system orders your brain to secrete natural tranquilizers and painkillers. Other released chemicals aid digestion. Still others make arteries contract and relax and improve blood flow. Laughing may not be the best medicine, but it's certainly a good one.

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At last! Someone agrees with me - I said in another thread that humour is different in other countries, but got shot down in flames! Folks fail to grasp this.

Doesn't makes us right though, but then again, neither does it make them right.

With regard to your point on what laughter does, it is as though the woman in the photo has NEVER had a laugh - the poor girl has been laughed AT - she is laughing stock!

I feel very sorry for her and it is a human trait to laugh at the misfortune of others - much to our shame.

If you look on your keyboard, just above the "caps lock' you'll find a tab key. Writers who use it too much or excesssively are known as tabhangers.

It's a bit like goal-hanging only done in an office environment!

An office is similar to a schoolroom which is why you have not learnt.

People who work for customs and excise are notorius practitioners of this 'dark-art'

Don't have nightmares thinking about it

marvin was heard to tell Shaun to "stop 'tabhanging' and get on with his homework and added an incentive that he would earn millions of dollars (and twice as many pounds)or even trillions of Lires in contracts."

Although to have homework you need to go to school in the first place.

Listen to marvin he is so wise and I love his teaching (although not his passport photo - that's a photo of Brittany Spears after a hard nights' tabhanging and you wouldn't want to look like that would you?)
IS

Where are you Shaun?

If you're in UK, why aren't you in school now?

PLAYING TRUANT AGAIN EH?

marvin,
why are you editing your assignment at 4:27am - can't you sleep or something?

jumpers for goalpoasts!

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Quote: marvin

ASSIGNMENT BOARD
Step Eight
Manipulate your audience. Take them down a particular road and then surprise them with something else.

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Nice to see YOU practice what YOU preach!

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Quote: marvin

Step Two
compose jokes in your head while you're in the shower or shaving, also review the funniest comedy lines in the world to get a feel of what makes people laugh.

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FAR TOO EXCLUSIVE MARVIN!

I've got a beard and a bath and so has my wife

It also implies that the qm and carina-eta shave.

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Quote: queen mudder

MARVIN IS GHOSTWRITTEN BY THE NEW MRS LOWTON SHOCH-HORROR!

qm

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She could be a schoolteacher (his drama teacher perhaps), dominatrix type woman.

You know how sometimes married couples name their houses as a combination of their names?

i.e. 'Stanmar' lived in by Stan & Mary

well 'marvin' could be that idea.

just like Moose & Squirrel 'stole' theirs from Marks & Spencer!