Discussion Forum

2 cows in a field; Buttercup and Daisy.

Daisy: "I've just been artificially inseminated!"

Buttercup: "Really?"

Daisy: "Yeah, straight up, NO BULL!"

~IS~

This thread is going off-topic now, I thought it was a bad joke antidote?

Monkey Woods is NOT BAD
Monkey Woods is NOT a JOKE
Monkey Woods is NOT an ANTEDOTE
Monkey Woods is NOT A MONKEY
Monkey Woods is NOT MADE OF WOOD

NO you stupid boy. Go to the bottom of the class!

MM, "Pull the udder one!"

WHY HAVE YOU NOT BEEN ON THE WRITERS DISCUSSION BOARD?

marvin, that joke was particularly bad - it left a bad taste in my mouth. You should be tied down by women spoofwriters and allow a live hamster to bite the haredened cheese from under your foreskin.

Don't tell me, you're Jewish !

Anyway it's on the wrong message board, it should be on the bad joke antidote by catering-eta

Suffer the same injuries as J'man did you?

Looks a bit suspicious to me - call the Potuguese police someone!

Word for today: Paranoid

Thank you marvin for your latest article. It was valuable to me and I hope to improve my writing somewhat from now on.

I know that lot of people hate you, but you and I have that in common. It's a good job that you're thick-skinned and I'm thick-headed (I hope I've got that the right way round?) otherwise alot of would-be witers would no be able to hone their skills.

In the weeks ahead you will (or should) be VERY PROUD to see that your teaching has not been in vain.

Once again, thank You

~IS~

What's the difference between a church bell and a politician?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

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Quote: Monkey Woods

We need stories about dissatisfied people, possibly writers, who are stressed, depressed, at the end of their tethers, and who set out, collectively, to exorcise their inner demons by bringing to an end the existence of an individual named something like Vinmar.

Describe how they might do this: use funny words, jokes, cheap innuendo and double entendre to do so. Be graphic if you wish, but a word of caution to the unwary: use descriptions of flowing or dripping blood sparingly; parents will not appreciate them. Likewise, recounting scenes of ritual abuse and bumming could be deemed gratuitous, and may incur the wrath of the administrators, or even the British Botting Corporation (BBC).

Here is a link:

www.bbc.co.uk

This link may be incorrect, but you get the picture.

Choose a nice headline. People like nice headlines. They are nice. And funny. They are nice and funny. This site is all about being funny, and funniness is the top priority. To be funny requires great skill, and a prominent funny bone.

Here is another link:

www.funnybone.co.uk

Try to use these words in your pathetic attempts at being funny:

funny
death
laugh
axe
giggle
comedy
mutilation
Jesus' Buddy
caterina-a
decapitate
Jalapenomarvin
genocide
Kinky Dave
entrails
Queen Munter
gunshots
Moshing Nink
INSANE
mercy killing

Here is another link:

www.phuckoff.com

Here endeth today's lesson. Amen.

Donkey Wooms.

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OK, some of the names have been chaged for legal reasons, but here's my effort:

A funny thing happened to vinmar, the local policeman, as he patrolled the vast labyrinthine corridors of TheSpoof.com's forums. The writers were getting restless because like Jesus did to his buddies all those years ago, they were indeed looking forward to the return of their Spoofmeister. The occasional laugh was heard and a giggle here and there, but they had one thing in common -to eradicate a piece of vermin called MARVIN. They had to hatch plans so they put it under Jaffa forbes.

The plan was to draw the self-proclaimed king of comedy into a trap and decapitate him with an axe. Catering-eta would volunteer to swing the axe (as she had already dispatched cowman earlier this week - allegedly). By now there was a strong smell of death in the air as the writers laid in wait. The hopeless, nay hapless Marvin did not stand a chance as Jalapenomarvin got impatient and let go six rounds from his sawn off shotgun. His entrails were scattered over a vast area (Marvin always bragged about his two achers).

Meanwhile, Queen Munter was taking her pet stoat for a walk on his bejewelled lead. The stoat could smell the still-warm blood and pulled his owner to the remains of Marvin and he ate up all the entrails from this scene of genocide. All evidence of this mercy killing was gone; it was eaten by a noshing mink.One could say that ye Royal Ferret was heard to say: "I ATE HIS GUTS!"

Finally, vinmar woke up and rubbed his eyes "Oh boy that was some insane dream." He cuddled up to his mate Kinky Dave and went back to sleep.

~IS~

Hope that's not aimed at queen mudder?

marvin

"No dark sarcasm in the classroom" marvin

You should know the rules you've been teaching them for over a week now.

I would have thought that was 'elementary'.

~IS~

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Quote: marvin

I did not know that was zippy. I thought he was a Muppet.

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BREAKING NEWS:

MARVIN HAS LEARNT SOMETHING HE DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW

MORE BREAKING NEWS:

Muppet spotted as Marvin looks in mirror.

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Quote: marvin

I did not know that was zippy. I thought he was a Muppet.

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BREAKING NEWS:

MARVIN HAS LEARNT SOMETHING HE DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW

He might change it - if he's wise!

He is not wise taking the advice of In Seine.

Confuciuos says: Man who smoke weed, is high on pot!

What's green and smells of Pork?

Kermit's finger

Thanks for the ideas marvin, I am taking them in for future reference, although I have not heard of most of those comedians you mention. I do appreciate your 'dawn patrol' efforts. There's just no escape is there?

Judging by your material you appear to be American.

Word for today: mirroring

Nice picture by the way! Watch where you point that cutlass - they're sharp you know to put it blunt.

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Dec 7th
Do you know the character your picture is showing today? Being American, you possibly may not (but you appear to know all things). It is SO funny because of irony (no doubt you will produce us great reams about the quealities of irony in your thesis)

The character is called 'zippy' from the children's TV series,called 'Rainbow', made in England. He has got a BIG, BIG mouth and the only way to shut him up is to zip his mouth.

Word for today: ironic

Be careful you don't get attacked by a giant zip file!

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom Salts one hour before breakfast.

At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if
he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse.

"Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?" the Doc asked.

"No," replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh.

"I could only do about 15 minutes!"

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

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Quote: marvin

Perhaps pedantic...

Gee you Americans are strange...you have a kitchen table in the dining room? Whatever next? A dining table in the kitchen perchance?

Sorry J'Man that was a very, very POOR attempt at writing something funny (but still better than marvin) and I deserve to be slapped across the face with a dead badger!

~IS~

Your not suppose to put yourself through self-insult in writing because this undermines your writing abilities and the reader loses interest in your writing. Self-insult is for stand up comedians who are up against an audience of goody too shoes. Writing is almost a personal affair between two people, the writer and the reader even though there could be as many as 2 million individual readers. In writing your suppose to put the self-insult on someone who is unpopular or overbearing. The only one laughing would be Jman who feels he is being richly rewarded.

Example: and President Bush deserves to be slapped across the face with a bald eagle.

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Your not suppose to put yourself through self-insult in writing because this undermines your writing abilities

Undermining is something called HUMILITY - Try it sometime..The fact that you're imprisoned by parentheses includes your kind self and shows that the pen is mightier than the sword.

According to whose rules? - I've never heard of these rules. Rules are for the obediance of fools and the guidance of wise men - Douglas Bader

with multiple personality disorder?

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Quote: marvin

You guys are funny. Jman and IN SEINE are at each other like cats and dogs.

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Thanks for the compliment.

Hey J'Man, marvin spends hours telling us how to be funny, then more hours critcising us where we're going wrong and now he admits we're funny.

Has your wife got a 10 foot teddy bear I can slap him across the face with? (if not kitchen table leg will do...

Marvin wanted a story about cats and dogs living together.

No it was none of them - perhaps there are more.

Horrible thought; there are more than one jarjar binx clones!

Yes I've seen that picture the other day on my trawl through writers, but I cant remember who he is!

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Marvin:
Here is the version he should have written to fight the establishment:

Throw another brick at the wall (part 2)

We need more education
We need more higher-level learning
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers help us kids to learn
Hey teacher us kids need to learn

Hundreds of angry children would have gone to the library to advance their education because of this different song. Unfortunately, Waters belongs to the upper class in Britain and needs a fresh supply of uneducated workers to keep his stock investments in British corporations healthy.

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Hey marvin I like the concept
But it's your idea and to copy it would be plagarism.