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From News Discussion / "Jesus And His Disciples Were Scottish", Claims Historian
Posted 22 Apr 17 02:04
Message
Oh, very well, I'll go first.

I thought it was realistic, credible, and just as believable as the tale that is in the Holey Bible.

The accents and colloquialisms were spot on, the 'adapted spellings' were appropriate, and the reasoning behind the Scottishman's arguments was clear and clarityful.

Need I say more?

"More?" as Mr Bumble would have asked.

Yours literallyally,

Anonymous

 
From News Discussion / Big Brother Tracey Thinks Big Brother Is Great (In So Many Words)
Posted 22 Apr 17 01:55
Message
Proppa changin'!

 
From News Discussion / "Jesus And His Disciples Were Scottish", Claims Historian
Posted 22 Apr 17 01:53
Message
You first.

 
From News Discussion / Big Brother Tracey Thinks Big Brother Is Great (In So Many Words)
Posted 21 Apr 17 00:28
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Amazing the way the English language is changing so quickly!

 
From News Discussion / "If You Can't Speak English, F*ck Off!", Theresa May Tells Wogs
Posted 19 Apr 17 01:19
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I thought it was in that thread that I told him

"I hate all people equally"

but I couldn't see it in there.

It must have been another thread. I'll keep looking.

 
From General Discussion / 25 Years Since Frankie Howerd Died
Posted 18 Apr 17 08:07
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No, I don't remember that.

And, I have to say, that Russell Howard is my favourite.


He's my favourite Totally Talentless and Unfunny Comedian of this Century.

The caaaarrrnt.

M. Illwall
Landon

 
From General Discussion / 25 Years Since Frankie Howerd Died
Posted 18 Apr 17 07:25
Message

Quote: Jaggedone

I suppose in the category of great Brit comedians he would be up there no doubt along with Kenneth Williams, Benny Hill, Norman Wisdom, Hancock, Cooper,etc.

Talking of greats / clock Robin Williams with Parkinson! Genius!


Sir,

Far be it from the likes of a raggy-arsed Hull lad to take issue with your list of Britmix, but I should like to take issue, or "teckishoo" as is spock inull.

I don't think Tommy Cooper, if, indeed, this is the 'Cooper' to whom you refer, can be spoken of as a great comik. Certainly, he was a bit 'quirky' with that fez, but I found him to be rather visual, and shit when listened to on the radio.

Just my opinion, and that, Sir, is what a forum is for, by God!

And you, Jaggedjohnson, should clock David Bowie on Parkinson, for some instruction on how t'speek riyt.


Cart get link f'sum reesun, burrits David Bowie talking about Yorkshiremen.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 18 Apr 17 07:07
Message
Squint quotes usually imply nuanced taciturnity.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 18 Apr 17 07:03
Message
Snakes never admit knowing Erkin Squint.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 18 Apr 17 06:59
Message
Smells, madam? Elephants loathe little snakes.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 18 Apr 17 06:55
Message
Gases and shite exude smells.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 18 Apr 17 06:54
Message
Deteriorating: essentially 'turning eeky', rancidifying, inedible; of rubbish: actively transmuting into noxious gases.



Not bad.

 
From General Discussion / Wrongly-heard Lyrics
Posted 18 Apr 17 05:19
Message
Self-explanatory, I think. Here's a couple from me:

1. The Gang Of Four

"I love a man and a unicorn"

2. Sham 69

"If the gimps are united, they will never be divided"


It's not rocket science!

 
From General Discussion / 25 Years Since Frankie Howerd Died
Posted 18 Apr 17 03:40
Message

Quote: Erskin Quint

Frankie Howerd

More


Thank you for posting these, EQ. I would have watched them, but didn't have time. For the first one, I had only 56 minutes, and for the second, I had only 48 minutes.
Just my luck!

I WILL watch them when I have more time, I promise!

Look!

Don Keywooms
Whipsnade

 
From News Discussion / Colleges Could Replace Football Teams With Race Horses
Posted 18 Apr 17 03:33
Message

Quote: Erskin Quint


I did find another error (SEE BELOW), but these imperfections only bring out the high quality of the piece!


A task so difficult for many football players would not have to be imposed on the hoses.





I, too, concur. With myself, that is.

However, in my defence (defense - North America/Canadia), I actually thought the writer had intentionally written "hoses", and wanted us to consider 'sprinkling'.

Was I wrong? Nay, I say! Neigh! Neeeiiiggghh!

Betty Saddle
Oliver's Mount

 
From General Discussion / 7 Years On
Posted 18 Apr 17 03:25
Message
I know that nobody is reading these pieces of shit that I keep posting in here, but this one was interesting, if only for the discussion it subsequently prompted in the forum.

You have to go down to the foot of the story, and click on where it says:

DISCUSS THIS STORY IN THE FORUM

Some old faces make cameo appearances.

Racist debate story

 
From News Discussion / "If You Can't Speak English, F*ck Off!", Theresa May Tells Wogs
Posted 18 Apr 17 01:05
Message
I don't like Theresa May. I was on Facebook, and my brother-in-law came into the discussion, and took a different stance. He said:

"I think she is doing a good job. Stern but fair. Focused but unswayed."

I reminded him that we could have said the same thing about Tony Blair, when he was persuading the nation that Saddam had some big guns, and that we needed to go and get him.

He didn't respond. Or hasn't, yet.

 
From General Discussion / Lost In Space
Posted 17 Apr 17 00:45
Message
I remember watching that film with my dad.

No funny comments, just that.

 
From News Discussion / Colleges Could Replace Football Teams With Race Horses
Posted 17 Apr 17 00:43
Message
Sir,

Whilst I loved this story to bits, and laughed throughout, I must point out a glaring error contained within its text. It is this:

In the ninth paragraph, or fourth-to-last paragraph, if you should prefer it, the writer writes:

"...wildly cheer the way they do now and drunk afterwards at horse race parties."

With all due respect, I think there should be a comma after the word 'now', and the word 'get' should be inserted after that comma.

That aside, it was the best story I had read this morning. Well done, Keith!

Gladys Whippet
Harrogate

 
From News Discussion / Masochistic satire writer looking forward to another year of indifference to his work
Posted 17 Apr 17 00:25
Message

Quote: victor nicholas

Monkey

Please tell us more about your ranium.

Is a consonant or vowel missing?

Are you learning a new language?

Are you crucifying English to celebrate Easter or simply scourging it?

Who killed Colonel Mustard?


Vicky,

The answer to all of your questions above is "Yes". Including the Colonel Mustard enquiry. That's 'enquiry', not 'inquiry'.

Bloody colonials!

However, your keen eye for detail hath outwitted me this time, and I am forced to own that an error, was, indeed, committed. Proof, if anyone should need it, that there is not one amongst us, that can claim to be perfect!

Though I come pretty damned close.

As you will see, I have now corrected my error, and I thank you for having made me aware of it before all the others 'working' here saw it.

Mum's the word!

 
From News Discussion / Masochistic satire writer looking forward to another year of indifference to his work
Posted 17 Apr 17 00:16
Message
That story had me weeping. There was nothing satirical in it whatsoever.

That's how good it was.

I felt the anguish Mr Collins feels as if it were my own, and his drive and determination rang bells all over my Uranium.

I have decided to award the piece 10,000 thumbs, and $10,000 of my own money, should Mr Collins end up on the Unemployed Scrapheap, like me.

Ken Doddd
Knotty Ash

 
From News Discussion / Cubans Riot As James DeGale Wins Boxing Gold
Posted 16 Apr 17 23:59
Message
This was in my 'Top 10' today, so I thought I'd share it with you blokes.

No women, though!

 
From News Discussion / Lorry full of Farage's cheap grey suits refused entry to UK due to EU rules
Posted 16 Apr 17 15:30
Message
Yoo faaaaaaaackin caaaaaaaaant!

Sir Geoffroy, that is lame. Mr Farage always looks smart to me, even if he is a complete and utter plank in his capacity as a politician.

Since early on this morning,

Monkey Swood
Miwaw

 
From News Discussion / Lorry full of Farage's cheap grey suits refused entry to UK due to EU rules
Posted 16 Apr 17 03:14
Message
This story claims that Nigel Farage wears a suit once, then throws it away. Later in the piece, it states that the consignment of 300 suits contained a year's supply of clothing for Mr Farage.

Is it due to EU legislation that there are now only 300 days in a year? If so, then I fully support Brexit.

0 stars/thumbs. Totally shit and shite.

Ron Jizzum
Essex

 
From General Discussion / Eggcorns
Posted 16 Apr 17 02:47
Message
Four candles.



Google it, Vicky. Two Ronnies.

 
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