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From General Discussion / Favourite Places
Posted 29 Jan 09 23:14
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I've never been to France!

I know you can't believe it, but you'll have to. I 've never been, honest!

Belgium, yes, Germany, yes, twice, Holland, Spain, yes, but never la belle France.

Germany was good. Stayed in Koln, visited Rudesheim, Bonn, Deutsches Ecke - lovely, and no arguments whatsoever over deckchairs. Perfectly hospitable and everyone spoke English. I tried to practise my German, but whoever I happened to be speaking to, sussed me for a Tommy before I'd finished the first sentence.

Oh, what fun!

 
From General Discussion / Barbaro
Posted 29 Jan 09 22:41
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I don't like horse racing either. I wrote a few stories about it on here. I found this one kicking about, but there are others as well:

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s6i31906

I didn't think the story in question deserved the rebuke it got above though...

 
From General Discussion / Favourite Places
Posted 29 Jan 09 22:36
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In England - Scarborough. I spoke about this already somewhere

Rest of the World - Bangkok

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 29 Jan 09 22:34
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Grasp rail and stand poised!

 
From General Discussion / Game Consoles
Posted 29 Jan 09 22:33
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Quote: Skoob1999

I'm making a conscious effort to mellow.

It's time to let the new breed do the sharp end stuff.




Ah, you've got me. I'm hooked. Come on then, Skooby, what is it you have to tell us?

I'm intrigued.

 
From News Discussion / Robbie Fowler Arrested After Cocaine Found In Footballs
Posted 29 Jan 09 22:29
Message

Quote: Duncan Whitehead


No, my old friend, the gist of it is that believed me, then printed the story! Lock Sock and Two Smoking Barrels - craziness - so just to confirm - so there is no more confusion - I did this spoof story in March 2008 - the French newspaper then read it as real and believed it was true! Once again, I did this fake story and the French thought it was real.

I think that clears up any confusion.

Duncan


Yeah, that's what I meant. I just didn't explain it very well. I'm a silly twat.

 
From General Discussion / Gitmo
Posted 29 Jan 09 13:47
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I don't.

 
From General Discussion / Gitmo
Posted 29 Jan 09 13:10
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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

No point getting all mucky for nothing is there?


Why? That was what we used to do.

The whole point of the game was to get as mucky as you could, and to perform stunning, flying dives through the air to save a goal-bound volley.

We didn't have goalie gloves though. Goalies used to be hard.

 
From General Discussion / Gitmo
Posted 29 Jan 09 09:58
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Quote: Skoob1999

Monkey,

Correct me by all means if I'm wrong here.

I bet you had a footy strip the same as your favourite team, I bet it was in pristine condition, and I bet you never ever got mud on it.

Come on Monkey, tell me I'm wrong!


You're wrong.

Well, you're wrong about the mud. I had a Hull City kit, and then I had a new Hull City kit when they changed it, and also the 'away' kit.

I also had an Everton kit, with a huge 'sew-on' badge, two England kits, an various other shirts that I used to pretend were the shirts of teams that I heard the names of, and quite liked the sound of.

We used to go out on 'front', a term we used to describe the grassy area down our street. Four or five of us would play until it got dark (and afterwards in the street lights) and would re-enact scenes we had seen on TV. I particularly liked diving around in the 'goalmouth', an area we had worn down to a mudpatch, but I remember my mum was less than enthusiastic about washing my clothes afterwards.

Ah, the memories.

 
From General Discussion / Gitmo
Posted 28 Jan 09 23:51
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Well, if that's the way you're going to treat a kind offer like the one I made, I'll keep my offers to myself in future, thank you very much.

I'd already instructed me wife to go out to the garage to peel 1991's mud off me studs, and she's given 'em a right good polish. She'll be crestfallen when she hears me big chance has gone begging once more!

Just you wait, Iain. The day will come when you'll rue the decision to tell me you didn't want me in the heart of your defence.

 
From News Discussion / Robbie Fowler Arrested After Cocaine Found In Footballs
Posted 28 Jan 09 22:04
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I think we can get the gist of it: they believed you, lock, stock and two smoking barrels!



 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 28 Jan 09 20:28
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"Goal!"
"Offside?"
"Allowed!" - linesman.

 
From News Discussion / Robbie Fowler Arrested After Cocaine Found In Footballs
Posted 28 Jan 09 18:50
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Bit weird this, Dunc. You've heard the saying 'one hundred times better'? Well, at this very moment, my story has 70 views, which is 1/100th of the views you've had in the last couple of days!

Ah, maths...you've gotta love it.

Don't you?

 
From News Discussion / Robbie Fowler Arrested After Cocaine Found In Footballs
Posted 28 Jan 09 18:43
Message
Dunc, your story was so average, that I thought I'd copy it. Hope you don't mind.

Plagiarised Duncan Whitehead story

Of course, it's not as good as yours, but after you said about all the hits you'd got, I thought I'd try it out.

All the breast.

Yours plagiarisngly,

Tatty Mullet

 
From General Discussion / Gitmo
Posted 28 Jan 09 18:41
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What colour do you play in?

I'll bring me boots and shin pads. Can't really promise much; I haven't played professionally (Sunday League) for about 15 years, but you can't dampen a good bloke's spirits.

What time's kick-off?

Might have a cuppa at the tea rooms whilst I'm there.

 
From General Discussion / Gitmo
Posted 28 Jan 09 13:11
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Damon Grant's mate in Brookside was also called Gizmo.

I think.

 
From General Discussion / Gitmo
Posted 28 Jan 09 11:54
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I can play centre-half.

Where are you on Saturday? I'll check if I'm available, but I might have to go into town in the morning to get the veg.

I'll let you know on Friday, OK?

 
From General Discussion / Gitmo
Posted 27 Jan 09 22:46
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Disappointing result last Saturday, Iain.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 27 Jan 09 21:59
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True? Really unlikely ending!

 
From News Discussion / Monkey Woods, Super Writer, To Hollywood?
Posted 27 Jan 09 19:33
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Quote: Jesus Budda

It means that your story's have equal views, I think.

I could be wrong.




No, you're right, Jesus.

Apart from the fact that it's his stories as opposed to his story's

 
From General Discussion / So. Learning to Spoof while in the slammer is out out out...
Posted 26 Jan 09 23:46
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Quote: IN SEINE

I've been on a PD course run by Paul Lowton!




That's me, right?

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 26 Jan 09 23:44
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Spoofology predates organised origami festivals, often laughable, often generating yawns.

 
From News Discussion / Monkey Woods, Super Writer, To Hollywood?
Posted 26 Jan 09 23:39
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I'm going to the travel agent on Saturday.

 
From News Discussion / Monkey Woods, Super Writer, To Hollywood?
Posted 26 Jan 09 10:49
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Quote: Jalapenoman

Monkey can't go to Hollywood.


If I promise not to spoof, can I go?

What can I do there?

What's it like?

Will there be any work for me to do, or shall I become a bum?

That should be 'should I continue being a bum?'.

Help!

 
From News Discussion / Monkey Woods, Super Writer, To Hollywood?
Posted 26 Jan 09 10:43
Message
That's only one choice, three times, Shel. But you forgot another common delicacy served better alone:

Chips

 
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