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From General Discussion / Is Jesus Budda really Mark Lowton?
Posted 2 Apr 09 19:30
Message

Quote: Jesus Budda

Monkey Woods, you are the featured writer todday.




I missed it. Not to worry. I would have been embarrassed anyway, stagefright and all that.

It's probably best that I wasn't around for that 15-minute stretch between 6.15 and 6.30. I would have only made a scene of myself. Myslef, even.

 
From News Discussion / Barack Obama To Attend Jade Goody Funeral
Posted 2 Apr 09 16:40
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He says "Thank you!"

He also claims it was an honest mistake. He's a bit of a twat, but I believe him.

 
From News Discussion / Barack Obama To Attend Jade Goody Funeral
Posted 2 Apr 09 16:00
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I've had a word with Mister Meaner, QM, and he conveys his sincerest apologies. He asks whether you would like him to delete his story, or is it OK to leave it up?

 
From News Discussion / Spoof Writer Roy Turse - Prophet Or Anarchist?
Posted 2 Apr 09 11:15
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No, it's just that his statement is exactly the same as the Home Page.

Doh!

I think he is an anarchist, but he probably didn't have anything to do with it.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 2 Apr 09 08:45
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Good or otherwise? Decide.

 
From News Discussion / "Grow A Cabbage For Jade"
Posted 1 Apr 09 21:49
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It's her funeral on Friday, I think. Plenty of bad gas there, I shouldn't wonder.


Gives new meaning to the term 'Cabbage Patch Kid'.

 
From News Discussion / "Grow A Cabbage For Jade"
Posted 1 Apr 09 21:02
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Ah, class.

Cabbages.

Wonderful!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Apr 09 20:59
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Nibbles, indeed bites, become larger every suppertime.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Apr 09 20:49
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Excited xenophobes can introduce the entertainment dungeon.

 
From News Discussion / G20 protestrrs fail to cause riot in London
Posted 1 Apr 09 20:28
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Aye, quite good.

I like contradiction.

 
From News Discussion / Obama in London Accomodation Drama
Posted 1 Apr 09 18:51
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Yes, very nice.

Just a little problem with the speech marks here:

"Now I can't even get in my own house he hissed spitting on the sidewalk."

Try: "Now I can't even get in my own house", he hissed, spitting on the sidewalk.

 
From General Discussion / Is Jesus Budda really Mark Lowton?
Posted 1 Apr 09 18:28
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Yes. Baskereds.

 
From General Discussion / Is Jesus Budda really Mark Lowton?
Posted 1 Apr 09 18:04
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No, just writing to you, and watching something closely on eBay.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Apr 09 18:03
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Equine - queer unicorn in nuclear espionage.

 
From News Discussion / GENTS at Picadilly Circus to Close
Posted 1 Apr 09 14:35
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I liked this story a lot.

5 *

 
From General Discussion / Oh Dear....
Posted 1 Apr 09 09:16
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I don't know which one it was, but one of the daughters confessed on the radio that she was 24 stones.

I thought it was the daughter, anyway.

That's a big girl.

Where I worked before (I won't mention the name!) there was a woman who was massive. I can't say that I saw her gorge herself or anything, but it was more a matter of what she ate, rather than how much.

Funny thing is, she kept making these cakes. Do you know what she called these cakes?

Mars Bar Cakes!

Honestly, this is fact. She came to work one day with a Mars Bar Cake, and casually informed us that she had put 27 Mars Bars in it, as well as 6 Cadbury's Dairy Milk bars and 'a quantity of sugar'.

Now, tell me again, ***, why are you fat?

 
From General Discussion / Oh Dear....
Posted 1 Apr 09 08:46
Message

Quote: Monkey Woods

You fat fuck!


Get ready for some derision!


I now wish to retract my earlier statement published above, on the grounds that it didn't go anywhere near far enough.

No, I don't mean that. I mean, well done to that fat lady for losing weight, and well done to you, Mark, for looking your demons in the eye, and facing the truth. Which was, you were eating too many chocolate biscuits whilst watching the telly, instead of keeping your mind and fingers busy by doing the editing on here.

That'll teach you to get your priorities right.

 
From General Discussion / Oh Dear....
Posted 1 Apr 09 08:40
Message
You fat fuck!


Get ready for some derision!

 
From News Discussion / Prince Charles To Rescue Burnley - Why?
Posted 1 Apr 09 08:38
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Hey, Skooby. I ask Jessburger what a mook is, and you answer!

You're not, are you?

Jessburger, I mean...

 
From News Discussion / IRA Terrorist Group Shaft Police
Posted 1 Apr 09 08:36
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Hm... ah, wait a minute. We're not going to go through all that again, are we?

 
From General Discussion / Oh Dear....
Posted 31 Mar 09 23:02
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I heard the two girls on the Radio 5 show this morning. They gave all the usual responses to Fat Criticism:

we can't get jobs, we're not spongers, we want to work, we don't eat much etc etc

One of them is a trained hairdresser, apparently. She was bemoaning the fact that no salon wants to employ a 24-stone hairstylist.

Well, would you want your hair cut by someone that resembled a circus tent?

 
From General Discussion / Is Jesus Budda really Mark Lowton?
Posted 31 Mar 09 19:29
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You fat c*nt!

How's it going, old friend?

Twat.

 
From News Discussion / Prince Charles To Rescue Burnley - Why?
Posted 31 Mar 09 19:26
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Hey, Jessburger! What's a 'mook', you baskered?

 
From News Discussion / IRA Terrorist Group Shaft Police
Posted 31 Mar 09 19:24
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Quote: Skoob1999

Hmmmm...

Do I detect a note of cynicism there Monkey Woods?




No.


Quote: Skoob1999

I swear on my Mother's grave that I have only ever posted under Skoob1999.




OK.


Quote: Skoob1999

I don't have an alias, I'm not the one star bandit, I don't try to manipulate the ratings, I just post what I feel like posting.


Right.


Quote: Skoob1999

I have a full time job, which quite frankly is slowly battering the stamina out of me, moreso as I'm getting older. If you'd care to check the postings I've made from day one, September last year, you'll find that from day one they tend to run in four day on, four day off cycles.


Four days on, four days off?


Quote: Skoob1999

I can understand your cynicism.


Eh?


Quote: Skoob1999

I'm like that myself.


What?


Quote: Skoob1999

I have other things to do.




Like what?


Ah, Skooby, you took my "Hmmmm..." all wrong, y'daft apath!

I wanted to convey that I thought the story written by Moustach Monster was an absolute heap of shite, but you thought I was hinting that you had multiple personalities on here? How did you make that leap?

Hang on though; isn't this a case of Methinks Thou Dost Protest Too Much?

You're not Jessburger as well, are you?

Well, who knows - or cares?

By the way, does "endearing charm" mean that I'm a twat?

All the best, Skooby.

Your friend,

Wonkey Moods

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 30 Mar 09 22:25
Message
Sprite, particularly, releases its tangy effluence.

 
216 Pages - «« « 139 140 [141] 142 143 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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