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From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 23 Feb 14 05:23
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Drones Residing Over Nation Entirely Surveillance


 
From News Discussion / Man Sues Porn Industry for making Sex Boring
Posted 23 Feb 14 05:02
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Title caught my attention. But after reading through all of this, where's the moneyshot?


 
From News Discussion / Everyone In Whole Wide World Hates Local Man
Posted 8 Jan 12 05:15
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I just hate this guy!

 
From News Discussion / Sarah Palin Is Actually Spoof Writer Gnarly Erik
Posted 18 Sep 08 16:18
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Thing is, my mind will still be working, typing out the stories on 'imaginary screens', I'll be looking into the grille in the corner of my cell, which would become the Live Updates box, "Someone is reading your spoof news story: Monkey Woods Continues Writing Bullshit From Jail", never-ending lists of viewers all clamouring for my latest works, my brain, teeming with ideas, pressure building, Hadron Migraines chewing me up, can't stand it!


What do you mean "imaginary screens"? They're right over there....can't you see them? The blinking cursor hanging silently in space demanding another parody to mock reality. No, not that one...the other one. Yeah, that's it.

Take David Duchcovny checking himself in for sex addiction; like him you have to take these withdrawals one day at a time. Soon, the cursor will stop demanding satirical tribute and you'll be free to surf porn.

 
From News Discussion / Sarah Palin Is Actually Spoof Writer Gnarly Erik
Posted 18 Sep 08 16:08
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Re strait jacket/committed: I though they use the liquid cosh these days...


Liquid cosh? You guys have a fancy psychiatric system over there in the U.K. In Alaska, they just put you on an ice floe, and after 30 days "observation", if you're still alive, you're sane.



 
From News Discussion / Sarah Palin Is Actually Spoof Writer Gnarly Erik
Posted 17 Sep 08 21:24
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Quote: queen mudder

Quarter of an ounce of Nepalese temple balls should do it.

Ask Ferg.


Can't get that anymore. Not since the royal famiy got whacked by the crown prince. Try what I do: get committed for 30 days at a time. Unless you can type in a strait-jacket and smuggle a laptop in rectally, that'll cure ya.

 
From News Discussion / Sarah Palin Is Actually Spoof Writer Gnarly Erik
Posted 17 Sep 08 18:56
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Ah, Jesus-Budda, my old exorcist. How's Hell in the offseason?

 
From News Discussion / Sarah Palin Is Actually Spoof Writer Gnarly Erik
Posted 17 Sep 08 17:49
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Actually I am Spartacus...er...Sarah Palin. And just as I suspected, Gnarly Eric IS a woman.

 
From News Discussion / Hancock is Large at the Box Office, WALL-E Sees Shrinkage
Posted 8 Jul 08 15:58
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"So, yeah, I was worried what my public would think. But god love 'em, no one seemed to care in the end that the movie sucked and Charlize Theron didn't."

Buh-Dump-Bump. Lots of good double entendres. You forgot to mention Hancock proved movie goers would fit their OWN heads up their asses while he walked off with a butt-load of bucks.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 23 May 08 19:29
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"I really wish you were real. And a woman. Not the horribly deformed s**t gobbling freak you are."

THAT was funny!

<stepping out of character, stomping out the fire and putting character costume back on>

Filthy feet? Are you mocking me? It is the mud season up here in Alaska, but how dare you presume just because I have no teeth, my feet are filthy?

I have never been so insulted. Good day, sir. I SAID GOOD DAY!






 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 23 May 08 19:07
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A 'Sophist'? Good for you. You are Sophist in the head.
Go shine your ear lobes, brainiac.

Peter the Great



Hey, where's my profanity? Only a half-hearted attempt at an insult? I can't work like this!

I dunno, let's try one at this level...uh...you're so fat, you reached Nirvana but couldn't squeeze through the door.

You're so ugly, even your Inner Eye can't stand to look at you.

You're so dumb, you reached Enlightenment, then went back home to turn off the stove.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 22 May 08 19:29
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You're not fit to exist in life or death.

Not fit to exist in life OR death? So, what am I suppsoed to do...LIMBO? I have heard of this Gnarly Eric. Tales regarding the magnitude of his gnarliness even reached to the far shores of Alaska.

You, however, were merely thought to be a myth. A fairy tale. A drunken, incoherent shaggy dog story, slurred across the bar. An unfortunate denizen of the tar pits dying with the last unicorn held firmly by the throat so that you shall not die alone. An unviable human-alien hybrid. A lost toy in the back of a drawer of religious artifcats.

I should welcome Limbo to life or death if your presence is required. That is, if I were not a Sophist, knowing fully that you, sir, do not exist for anyone.

But, Gnarly Eric, there was a funny girl. Oh yes, "Gnarly Erika" was one of a kind. You are two ummatching kind.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 22 May 08 18:57
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You know, Budda, you're supposed to exorcise those demons. I suggest a good exorcise bike. Might need to do some weight training too to get rid of Tourette, the God-of-unexplained-outbursts.

If you were just in Alaska I could lay hands on you. Or maybe a hammer. That usually knocks the devil out of people. Let me know if I can help.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 21 May 08 19:55
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Laugh it up, Budda. But we shall meet again at the cross-roads of testicular nihilism amid the sounds of 9-Inch Nails filling your head like a hole....

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 21 May 08 19:18
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"I do want you to die horribly. In real pain. Not 'fake' pain. Not 'pretend' pain. Like in the movies. f**king movie bastards."

Jesus, Budda, that was harsh. To die in horrific pain would put me into an altered state that would allow for Enlightenment, such that I would rival even you for dominance of the Afterlife. And you don't want that.

I'm not sure how the sexuality would emerge on the otherside, unless it was something like the Hindu Deity Shiva, the Bitch/Dick Goddess/God of Destruction. Afterall, that's what I do on this side.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 21 May 08 18:54
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Quote: Jesus Budda

Jill,

You are a man. Accept it. Live with it.
You are ok. Not quite 'alright'. It takes time before you get an 'alright' pass from me.

You are a stupid f**king bitch.

I don't know why I said that. I really don't.
But you are. A male bitch. I don't know what the amle version of bitch is. A prick? Ok, then you are a prick.
Again, I don't know whay - but it just seems the right thing to say.

Alaska?
Yeah, whatever.

f**k off and die.


Helena Christianson


Reality dictates otherwise. Or maybe not. Could be. Don't know why I said that. Make the voices stop!

I think a male bitch is a "dick".

Look at the picture carefully. Can't you see: I'm Mommar Khadalfy complete with my contingent of female bodyguards who write my stuff.

I'll get that alright pass, my pretty. And your little dog, too.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 20 May 08 21:34
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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

I got the web cam live feed.

Thanks again Duncan.


Perfectly normal.
All where it should be.


Fergus


Isn't there a special chair the Pope-to-be sits on where they say that? I think they made us learn that in Nun Academy.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 20 May 08 21:32
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Quote: Duncan Whitehead

Yes. Please get dressed.

The webcam feed was very unexpected but not unwelcome.

Do you have a ready supply of ping pong balls or did you get them in especially for me?


I'm working on a circus act in my spare time. I keep a good supply of them, though. Sometimes they get stuck
in the ceiling.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 20 May 08 20:57
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Quote: Duncan Whitehead

Well, despite Jill's post she did eventually send me a photo.

She is indeed a lady. I have deleted the image as promised.

For those of you who may be interested everything I saw was in proportion and quite, quite normal.

Nothing to big or too small.

Just as I expected.


So that means I can put my knickers back on? I'm still not sure why you insisted on the webcam feed.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 20 May 08 20:41
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Quote: Duncan Whitehead

I think I have a solution to the gender issues on this site.

Please e-mail me pictures of your 'private parts' to my e-mail address provided in my profile.

Not just Jill but all the ladies on the site.

Then I will report back and settle this once and for all.

I will NOT post the images you send anywhere - just for my research then I will delete them.

Carina sent me hers already and she is ALL woman - thanks Carina - I have deleted the images.


I certainly appreciate your great sacrifice. You give the term "taking one for the team" an entirely new meaning.
Still, I wouldn't feel right putting you through all that. But, I'll provide two gender-centric responses to your request and let you decide which door you want to choose.

Door 1:

1) Oh my, I couldn't possibly do that without at least a bikini wax.

or Door 2....

2) On my, I couldn't possibly fit that on just one picture.

There is a Door 3, but that involves gender-bending responses like, "is that a really large <fill in the blank> or a really, really small <fill in the blank>". Take it from me...you don't want to go into Door 3.


 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 20 May 08 18:57
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Quote: Jesus Budda


Quote: Jill The Shill


Quote: Fergus McCarthy

She probably smells lovely too.

Your probably gorgeous Jill.

I am.


I'm a little disfigured. I only hasve two tits.
At least I think they're tits. Either that or a localized swelling from when I knocked down that hornet's nest.

I do smell lovely, though. Like crisp bacon.


I like the avatar, Jill. But you are not a woman. I'm sorry, but you're not. Go check again. You obviously made amistake. It can happen to the best of us.

Winnie Mandela's machete



I always thought you were the smartest person in the room but you're confounding my identity crisis. Still, I'll do a quick equipment inventory and get back with you.

P.S. I DO smell like bacon, though. And donuts. Mmmmmmmm.....donuts.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 20 May 08 14:03
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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

She probably smells lovely too.

Your probably gorgeous Jill.

I am.


I'm a little disfigured. I only hasve two tits.
At least I think they're tits. Either that or a localized swelling from when I knocked down that hornet's nest.

I do smell lovely, though. Like crisp bacon.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 20 May 08 13:56
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Quote: Duncan Whitehead

I bet she is. I bet she is.

I am pretty. Don't let the picture fool you Jill. It is a ruse. I have lost a lot of weight recently. A LOT.


What did you do, lose the lunchbox?
I used to weigh more, but as you can see, I've gotten my eating disorder under control. Pardon me while I get rid of breakfast.

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 19 May 08 23:16
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Oops...

 
From News Discussion / Obama Arrested for Stealing Democratic Nomination
Posted 19 May 08 23:09
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Ok, here's an "oxymoron icon" for you. Here I am waving down trains of thought.

 
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