Forum Home / Login / Register

All times are GMT

Forum Home / Forum posts by Mark

57 Pages - «« « 52 53 [54] 55 56 » »»
From General Discussion / Cultural differences
Posted 16 Apr 07 14:38
I had a message from an Australian writer who told me some of his acquaintances are put off The Spoof because of the 'Spoof In Your Email' menu item.

Apparently, down under, Spoof is a slang term meaning semen/ejaculate Aussie Slang Dictionary

What I find amusing is that in Aus, the slang term Spunk refers to a sexy guy/girl. Over here in the UK, it means the same as their Spoof Urban Dictionary - Spunk


From General Discussion / wiiiiiiiiiiii!
Posted 3 Apr 07 22:44
whoo yeah

i am coming to you all tonight live from my wii!

i gots myself a fancy pants wireless router today, so now i can piss my fiance off by going on the spoof during ad breaks, and generally when there's nothing else good on tv

i just wish it came with a keyboard cozy my arm is getting tired

From General Discussion / A beer question for the British members.
Posted 3 Apr 07 15:58
Did anyone else take up Sainsbury's 25% off Wine offer last week?

I went on Sunday. I stocked up good and proper. I bought 12 bottles of Rose, 6 Bottles of white, 3 Bottles of red and 3 bottles of champagne.

It was a fantastic deal. Not only did you get the usual 5% off for buying 6 bottles, you got an extra 25% once that was knocked off.

I won't need to buy wine again for...well a few weeks. Marvellous!

From General Discussion / Anyone see Coronation Street last night?
Posted 3 Apr 07 15:54
Oh it was brilliant! Finally seeing Tracy Barlow getting her comeuppance!

Diedre pisses me off though. If I was Ken...sheesh. Seriously, that woman is a numpty! I wish she had died last night, that would have been marvellous.

Does anyone know if David did have it off with Tracy at any point?

(For anyone who doesn't know, Coronation Street is a soap opera on ITV1 in the UK. I believe it's the longest running British soap. I'm sure you can google it and find lots of information about it)

Anyone see Eastenders? It's gone seriously boring. Although it is fun seeing that kid...the dweeby one with the hearing's fun seeing him tormented by Stella. If any kid deserved it, he does.

I don't get much chance to watch Emmerdale. I'm usually cooking my tea when it's on.

Does anyone else watch Harry Hill's TV burp, it's on early Saturday evening ITV1. I think it's hilarious.

From General Discussion / The Most Hated Family in America
Posted 2 Apr 07 11:11
I watched a Louis Theroux (Louis interview with the BBC Louis on BBC Louis on Wikipedia) documentary last night entitled "The Most Hated Family in America".

The documentary was about the Westboro Baptist Church. If I had only been exposed to their website I would have assumed this was a bad taste joke. But it's not a joke!

The church's beliefs centres around the idea that homosexuality is a sin. The head guy in the church Pastor Fred Phelps is a very odd man. From what I saw of him in the documentary he appears to be very confused and very stupid. Louis thinks the man is very wrapped up in his own anger and has taken this anger in building a warped and one-sided interpretation of the bible that fits his own ends.

Another problem I have with their beliefs is they not only condemn 'fags' but they also condemn 'fag enablers'. Yet, they drive cars built by fags, fill their cars with fag fuel, use computers built by fags, wear t-shirts making false idols of fag enablers. How can they be against these people, yet actively take part in supporting them?

From the programme, I got the impression that not everybody really believed in the ideas. Louis managed to instil some confusion and doubt into the things the people he interviewed said - But they still refused to admit what they are doing is not right.

I was quite shocked by the programme and couldn't quite believe it. The church makes very provocative protests, and they like to protest at the funerals of dead soldiers. They believe God has killed the soldiers because they are supporting America and they think America has pissed God off by allowing homosexuals to live.

The church includes children in the protests. Louis interviewed one of the protesters, a 7 year old child, and asked him to explain what he believed his placard meant. He didn't succeed at all. He didn't have the first idea what he was protesting about. I bet if you asked a 7 year old Christian about Jesus, and what he was about, the child would probably have a pretty good understanding.

I found it quite upsetting that Phelps' evil doctrine of hatred is being brainwashed into these children who are unable to form their own choices and beliefs. I found some comfort that while the older children (16+ yrs old) were spouting the same misguided message, their responses to Louis questioning was evasive and from their body language appeared to be ashamed by what they were saying and that they didn't really believe in it wholly.

I think they are living in fear that if they go against what the church says, they will be ostracised by their family. I can appreciate this feeling and it is a shame that just a few (4 I believe) have had the guts to walk away.

From General Discussion / A beer question for the British members.
Posted 2 Apr 07 10:05
I like to drink lager myself. I do like bitters but I'm not a big fan of stouts.

I don't pretend to be a beer connoisseur, although many people do try to be over here. I just go for the cheapest brand and I tend to stick with Carling, Carlsberg or Fosters. Sometimes the supermarkets have good offers on Stella too, but pubs and bars charge a premium for this. I also know a few local pubs with some foreign beers and I do quite like the German beer Warsteiner.

They do another beer called Fruli which I believe is Belgian. Fruli is a white beer mixed with fruit flavours. The only one I've had is a strawberry one. It tastes like jam. My fiance loves it but I find it too sickly. I've also tried an apricot beer and a honey beer. These tasted okay, but smelled like sweet sick!

I find Guinness too stodgy on its own. It's really heavy and your bowels don't thank you for it! It is very refreshing as a shandy though - that is, mixed with lemonade (that's the sprite/7up kind of lemonade, not the still stuff).

From General Discussion / A beer question for the British members.
Posted 2 Apr 07 08:34
That sounds incredibly cheap to me.

A 4 pack of 550ml bottles (18.5 fl oz) costs £5.34 at ASDA. That's $10!

No one gets more stiffed on alcohol than the UK. It's even cheaper to drive down to Calais (northern France) and pick up a bottle of whisky even though it's distilled in Scotland, distributed from Scotland, probably goes past my house on its way to France.

I have a friend who takes his mum every year just before Christmas. They drive over to France with a trailer, go shopping in a big wine warehouse, fill up with booze, then drive home.

From General Discussion / My weekend at Alton Towers
Posted 1 Apr 07 20:32
Well, we got engaged on Feb 14th and we get married in November - so not all that far away - eek!

Scarier than any roller coaster ride, but also much more enjoyable I expect!

From General Discussion / My weekend at Alton Towers
Posted 1 Apr 07 19:10
I went to Alton Towers this weekend, (a theme park in England Official Site Wikipedia Entry Unofficial Guide).

I've been to Alton Towers a few times now. Each time there's always a new ride or two, this time the new rides were Rita (stupid bloody name if you ask me) and the Spinball Wizzer - You can read more on these from the previous links.

Anyway, Alton is a village in Shropshire, pretty much in the middle of nowhere. To get to the theme park, you have to drive through very windy, very old, country lanes. Passing through some very picturesque countryside and pretty hamlets. If I lived anywhere in the vicinity of this place, I for one wouldn't be happy with the 2.5 million annual visitors to the park!

While I'm sure it would be possible to get to the park by train, I wouldn't fancy doing it, so car is pretty much the only option. This is my first gripe with AT. Since I am restricted to going to the park by car you might assume car parking would be included in the ticket price. Think again! Just for the privilege of arriving, they slap a £4 (about $ charge for parking.

Being the tight-fisted person I am, I definitely wasn't going to buy my lunch at the park. They do have McDonalds and KFC outlets, which I presume don't charge any more than the usual prices, but I'd still rather bring my own than fork out £10 on a mediocre meal. This left me with the issue of taking a rucksack to carry my lunch. I decided to leave my bag in an all-day locker which cost me £3. I was happy to pay this though since the bag was quite heavy, considering I'd taken a big drinks bottle with me.

So, before ticket costs I was already down £7. Factoring in petrol for the return journey I'd say I'd spent roughly £37.

Now, let's talk about admission tickets. I got the tickets online since that comes with an £8 reduction on the price you pay at the gates. So it was £24 each. I spent roughly 7 hours in the park, so my time there was costing me about £3.50 an hour. Considering the rides I went on, this was quite good value for money. But - and this is a big but - booking online comes with an ordering fee. A fee for a computer to process my booking. Fair enough there will be a team of people behind the bookings system who all need to be paid, but still, surely this would be factored in to the ticket price. Incidentally the booking fee was £1.50 and the girl at the gate certainly didn't earn her £1.50, she was rubbish, but since this is quite early in the season, she was probably new and I can't blame her for that.

Alton Towers is a smashing place. The setting is lovely. It's in the heart of the English countryside and is built around a castle/stately home from the 15th century (I believe). Extensive and beautiful gardens were constructed around the towers, which are still a part of the theme park and when the cable car isn't running (I think it's been running two out of the five times I've visited), you have to walk through the gardens to get from one part to another.

The rides are quite modern and it holds the record for the world's first vertical drop roller coaster (Oblivion), the world's first inverted roller coaster (Nemesis) and the world's first 'flying' roller coaster (Air).

The only other big theme/amusement park I've visited in this country is Blackpool Pleasure Beach, and is a little closer to home. For me, Blackpool is a lot scarier than Alton Towers. While the rides at AT are made to appear a little rusty and run-down to give you an added feeling they may be a little unsafe, Blackpool has a similar effect on most of its rides, but I don't think it's intentional Blackpool plays host to the Pepsi Max Big One which, in its day was the fastest, tallest and steepest roller coaster in the world.

Perhaps the scariest ride I've been on is on the Central Pier at Blackpool (not a part of the Pleasure Beach). Most of the piers at Blackpool have amusement rides built on them. Central Pier has a fun-fair which includes a moderately large ferris wheel. This is the scariest ride I've been on. I do suffer from acrophobia/vertigo (fear of heights) which culminates itself in some funny ways other than being in high places i.e. I have trouble looking up at very tall things, I can't fly a kite and I don't like being in deep waters (but I do it anyway ). Anyway, the big wheel at Blackpool...well, it's seen better days. The capsule/pod thingies rock from side to side (as you would imagine) and also, they can spin on the axle which supports them. The ride was quite hellish and I was pretty shaken afterwards

My acrophobia is strange as it didn't affect me too when earlier that day I had been up Blackpool Tower and danced around on the glass floor viewing section up there, something my fiance had refused to do The ride up in the lift did turn my stomach a little though.

Anyway, I digress, back to AT.

Being relatively early in the season, the park wasn't too busy. But, since it was a Saturday and the school kids have broken up for easter, I expect it wasn't their slowest day either. I have been in the past closer to summer and it was a little busier back then. I cannot imagine being in the park in the middle of summer. The queue lines are stupidly long and I could well imagine for some rides you may get stuck in them for a few hours waiting for a ride. The longest I waited was about half an hour, that was for one of the newer rides the 'Spinball Wizzer'. I couldn't quite believe the waiting time. The ride runs very quickly and it had about 8 cars running. Each car seats 4 people back-to-back and spins around as it goes around the track.

I very nearly didn't get to ride as my particularly ample girth meant two of the girl ride operators had to push down on the restraint bar to click it into place and secure me in

The ride was quite exhilarating. My faves are still Nemesis and Oblivion though. I also enjoyed the enterprise ride. Air is great, but I do feel a little too safe on it. It's ace to just let yourself go limp. You don't quite feel like you're flying, but it's a fun experience all the same. The Ripsaw is quite scary too; particularly when you're hanging upside down at the top and then, to top it all off, you get sprayed with freezing cold water!

We were going to ride the log flume but sadly ran out of time, so we had a Girls vs. Boys on the Teacups. The guys won of course...but then again...there were no rules to base this on

The drive home took a long time. AT have obviously had to introduce some traffic calming measures for everyone leaving the park and the route I was taken on definitely wasn't the quickest. The other people I'd visited the park with had sat nav which took them on a much better route and meant they were on the motorway a full 30mins before we reached it

Aside from the cost, all in all I had a brilliant day. And as a bonus, the weather was good for the whole time. We even got a free Cadbury Creme Egg on the way out.

From General Discussion / Did Doug McClure fake his own death?
Posted 30 Mar 07 15:24
That guy certainly gets around.

Isn't he due on Steve Wright's show on Radio2 round about now?

(For clarity: BBC - Radio 2 - Steve Wright - Ask Elvis)

From General Discussion / Funny real news
Posted 29 Mar 07 23:15
That's some good work right there qm Condom testers required by Lurex

From General Discussion / Funny real news
Posted 29 Mar 07 17:23

Condom testers required by Durex

"It isn't some crazy kind of '60s love-in" - A Durex Spokeswoman

It must be a pain in the arse to roll them back up and reseal the packaging.

From General Discussion / Cops
Posted 28 Mar 07 08:46
There's a new British programme of a similar ilk - "Cops With Cameras".

But it's dull compared to the US style. Our police are too light footed and namby-pamby. Once the US guys catch up with the crim they whip out their gun, scream at the crook to get down on the floor, and if they don't comply, they beat them up a bit and slam them to the ground.

I can't really see a 4ft slight woman (a popular recruitment category in this country) doing that to a burly 20stone bloke. Well, maybe if she had a gun, but for our guy's it's a stick and a pocket sized air freshener. (Man that stuff stings...smells nice though ).

From General Discussion / Cops
Posted 27 Mar 07 21:44
I've got hooked on episodes of the fly-on-the-wall American TV show Cops. (It's showing in the UK on some obscure channel on Sky's freeview package - I forget the name.)

I don't know what it is about the programme, but it's very addictive. The theme tune is catchy too.

I saw The Minority Report for the first time a couple of days ago - I noticed they had it running on a TV in the background. Made me chuckle.

The criminals are always really dumb too - as are many of the police - it's a very funny programme.

There's another programme which I also love, World's Wildest Police Videos. (Showing on Men & Motors.) I love the presenter on that programme. He always the most sensationalist commentary on the situations: "He's got his kids in the back of the car. They're screaming to him, daddy please stop, please let us out. Don't kill us daddy!"

He's ace.

I'm sure you can tell just how bad British TV is by this testimony!

From General Discussion / check out my stupid video for the red hot chilli peppers
Posted 23 Mar 07 17:14

Quote: Gnarly Erik

What' a Bono?

Aren't they those little dog biscuits?

From General Discussion / If I Faked It
Posted 22 Mar 07 08:28
Who's Andy Kaufman? :S

From General Discussion / This one made me smile...
Posted 17 Mar 07 10:01
SONY PS3 British Release Postponed

"...reinstall the giblets using Tripemaster..."

From General Discussion / what is an RSS feed and what does it do?
Posted 17 Mar 07 09:55
RSS feeds are basically a way for websites to share some of their content.

The Spoof has an RSS feed which is a group of a few stories, chosen by an automated process. The feed contains the story headline and a summary of the first paragraph. (Which is why it's important to get a big punch in the first few sentences.)

You can get software which can read these feeds, but also other websites use these feeds to display additional content on their websites.

Here is an example of a website which uses RSS feeds

Hope this has cleared up some of your questions. If you do a search for RSS feed or web feed, you'll find more indepth info.

From General Discussion / This one made me smile...
Posted 17 Mar 07 09:35
First off, I didn't really take to this story. I figured: "Caves, bears, sure, I can dig that."

It was funny, but nothing brilliant.

Then there's the twist at the end. I should've seen it coming, but it just hit me. Very funny!

Here it is:
Discovery of Caves on Mars Leads Scientists to Obvious Conclusion... Martian Bears.

From General Discussion / Misheard lyrics
Posted 8 Mar 07 14:50
Erm...well...erm, it was on somebody else's stereo - honest!

From General Discussion / Misheard lyrics
Posted 8 Mar 07 14:32
Just listening to Elton John's 'Your Song' - with Ronan Keating.

There's one lyric, "I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss..." - the only problem is it's sung by Keating and due to his unfortunate speech impediment, where he seems to slur everything (so 's' sounds like 'sh' ), this comes out as "I shat on the roof".

So not so much a misheard lyric, because that's what he actually says - but it made me laugh anyway

From General Discussion / ANS details
Posted 28 Feb 07 08:32
I was just reading about ANS's death on Wikipedia and was amazed by this revelation:

According to Seminole Police Chief Charlie Tiger, at 1:38 p.m. (18:38 UTC) Smith's bodyguard Big Moe, who is a trained paramedic,[2] called the hotel front desk from her sixth floor room. The front desk in turn called security, who then called 911.

Why didn't the bodyguard dial 911 himself direct?

It later goes on to say that the bodyguard started to administer CPR at 1:45 - 7 minutes after calling front desk. And he's a trained paramedic?!

From General Discussion / Anyone here drink Coca Cola C2?
Posted 21 Feb 07 22:42
How many crabs per can? You're telling me that tastes good?!

We don't have Coke C2 over here, but we do have Carling C2...a rip off methinks?

From General Discussion / I love these warnings
Posted 21 Feb 07 22:38
I just remembered I wrote a story about a similar deal Woman hospitalised after pubic lice removal attempt

I was working part time in a supermarket back then and it always used to make me chuckle every time I saw the can.

Wow that was over three years ago

From General Discussion / I love these warnings
Posted 21 Feb 07 17:32
Just saw this article come in: Water Presents Danger to Small Children.

Made me think of the following warning they have on matches (in the UK at least):

Fire Kills Children

57 Pages - «« « 52 53 [54] 55 56 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Who is online?

There are no registered users currently online.

Featured writer
Mister Meaner
Mister Meaner
Joined: 30 August 2007
Stories Written: 184
Go to top
154 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more