Forum Home / Login / Register

All times are GMT

Forum Home / Forum posts by Mark

58 Pages - «« « 27 28 [29] 30 31 » »»
From News Discussion / Pamela Anderson PETA Spread Blows Bill O'Reilly's Gasket
Posted 14 Sep 09 08:53

Quote: The San Francisco Onion (a must watch)

A must watch? I just wasted 10 minutes of my life.

From General Discussion / Wot no wine?
Posted 13 Sep 09 12:01
Went to church this morning, and there was no wine during the communion.

I guess it's a health thing, what with swine flu and all, and what with most of the congregation belonging to the 'old people' fraternity - can't have them falling ill and the church losing 90% of its revenue stream. But then again, I think most pay upfront, or by direct debit, or something.

But come on. I need wine to wash down my cracker. And, of course, to celebrate Jesus.

Just use a super soaker and squirt it in my mouth, if you don't want to catch my germs.

I always thought that you didn't really catch germs from the chalice, that it didn't pose any more of a risk of germ transfer than, say, grabbing a door handle to open it. (As an aside, I have to note, that I always try to gauge where a handle is least touched if I absolutely have to touch it - especially in the gent's toilet!)

On another note, does anyone else worry about being stopped by the police after taking communion? I can usually still sense the fumes in my breath when I drive home.

From General Discussion / What Exactly Is A Poum?
Posted 12 Sep 09 09:11
Poetry, like any art, is up to an individual's interpretation.

I don't know about art, but I know what I like.

I agree that mostly, poetry is a lot of shash, just like throwing random splatterings of paint on a canvas is utter bollocks...I mean Pollock.

But some paintings can be beautiful and really thought provoking. Likewise, can some poetry. But one thing that separates art art from poetry is that any moron can write a poem. I certainly can't paint a still life. Random shit I could do though, same as any fool who wants to write a poem.

From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 11 Sep 09 07:38
Unicorn necrophilia is charming, observed Rodney, nervously.

From General Discussion / I think we all know this one
Posted 10 Sep 09 15:54

Go on, what's this in British Sign Language?

Maybe rotated 90 degrees...

From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 10 Sep 09 15:48
I love the idea of a suave towelling suit. I can see Jordan going nuts for one.


suits underwear i.e. thong shorts

From General Discussion / How it should have ended
Posted 8 Sep 09 14:41
Was just on YouTube watching the Shining spoof trailer, having watched the film last night, and came across some videos made by How It Should Have Ended.

It's very funny stuff

From News Discussion / Hubble telescope spots semi-nude human remains on our Moon's surface!
Posted 7 Sep 09 20:18
Didn't you write it?

From General Discussion / Radio 2 Live in Blackpool 2009
Posted 7 Sep 09 18:07
From General Discussion / Radio 2 Live in Blackpool 2009
Posted 7 Sep 09 18:06
I went to the BBC Radio 2 live in Blackpool wotsit this Saturday.

It was a live show with Pixie Lott, Newton Faulkner, Will Young, Daniel Merriweather, and Mika.

I have to admit that before going, with the exception of Will Young, I had no clue as to who any of these people are. I knew I'd know their music, but I generally have no clue as to who is behind the songs.

On the ticket (which was a freebie given away by the BBC) it said they oversubscribe these things, and that it was a good idea to arrive at least 30 minutes before they opened the doors. I'd joined the queue about two hours before they opened the doors and there were at least 100 people already in the queue - some who had been there all day (if the queue rumours were to be believed - and I do.)

So, two and a bit hours after joining the queue, we got in. Then - we stood around and waited some more. What with it being a ballroom, there were no seats or nothing. I was starting to wish I'd worn some comfortable shoes.

So, while we're waiting for people to come in, they're playing the slow, boring jazz. It's not really getting me in the mood to watch some pop-stars strut their stuff. I was expecting a warm-up before they started the show.. But it didn't come. So all we got was this jazz. Just some upbeat songs that people could start to move along with would've been a good idea I think. Just before it starts Aled Jones and some woman (I forget her name) come out and do the meekest of warm-ups to get the crowd going - and it didn't really work.

Right, first act was Pixie Lott. She's a very pretty girl and is a very good singer. She sang her songs and it was all pretty good. Felt a bit sorry for her that the crowd wasn't properly warmed up, because, compared to later acts, she didn't get the greatest feedback from the crowd.

Each of the acts (except Will Young it seemed) did a song from/for something called the Great British Songbook. I don't have a clue what this GBS is about, as far as I can tell someone/thing is compiling this book and it's going to contain some songs written by British people, as chosen by today's popular artists. Pixie did 'In My Life' by the Beatles, which is a nice song and she did a nice rendition of it. I think she forgot a word from the lyrics, possibly on purpose, but it didn't quite work. It was all okay though.

Will Young didn't explicitly pick a song for this GBS as far as I could tell. Other than his singles, I'm not really au fait with his work. He was concerned about taking too much time and didn't talk to the audience much...except to tell us that he didn't have much time and shouldn't be talking to us. Which led me to think "Why doesn't he shut up and get on with it then, or at least tell us something useful if he really must?"

Later I mused that perhaps, since he's an established artist, his own works may be deemed suitable for entry into this GBS.

Will was fine. He's a good singer and put lots of energy into his performance. He was wearing tight trousers, and the presenter woman made reference to him having to pack a lot into them, but, other than his legs, I couldn't really see anything had been packed in them. Although, apparently, he was keeping some vegetables down there. Maybe he's drying them out for winter storage.

When Daniel Merryweather came on stage I thought "Who is this gay cowboy?" He looked like he should have been either playing a role as a Jet in West Side Story, or maybe playing a part in Oklahomo. His look wasn't modern enough to draw comparisons to Brokeback Mountain. He had a teddy boy hairstyle and was wearing a black leather jacket, white shirt, tight jeans, and had a belt with a giant metal buckle, and a was wearing black neckerchief.

His band on the otherhand, were the hippest bunch of crazy cool cats. There was a guy on a trumpet, a guy on a saxophone, guys bass lead guitars and two drummers. The main drummer was a white guy, who was very good, but there was also this Rasta guy on a drum-kit doing backup rhythm. He looked like he was having the time of his life and looked incredibly cool.

Anyway, Daniel was good. He did Paul McCartney's Maybe I'm Amazed for the GBS, and did a good job of it too.

Now I come to the two other artists who were there that night, Newton Faulkner and Mika. What differentiated these guys from the others is that, as well as being great singers, they're also proper musicians and played during their sets.

Newton Faulkner looks like a homeless tramp. He really does. But then again, he also looks like any other cool non-trendy type you'd find hanging around any city. He's got a big ginger beard, dreadlocked hair, he's overweight and he's not "pretty". He absolutely blew me away. His songs I had already heard before on the radio and such. While I knew his songs, I wasn't aware he was the name behind them, so in that sense, I'm not a big fan of him, but I like the songs. Hearing him live and seeing him perform was pretty amazing.

For the GBS he did a song I've not heard for years. It's called Pure Imagination and it was written for the "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" film. It's sung, in the film, by Gene Wilder, when he lets everyone out into the Chocolate Room. It is a brilliant song, and Newton did a fantastic job with it. I really loved it, and haven't been able to get it out of my head since.

Finally, I come to Mika. As I've said before, I know nothing about the people behind modern music and I thought Mika, sounding like a girl's name, would be a female artist, but no, he's the guy who does the Grace Kelly song (The one that goes I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet sky) and We Are Golden, amongst others, but they might be two you're familiar with.

The bottom line is Mika is a fantastic showman and easily worked the crowd into a frenzy. He was full of energy and very flamboyant. A genuine entertainer. He wasn't up his own arse either - which was very refreshing.

His GBS song was George Michael's Faith. It was upbeat and fun.

His last song, "Lollipop", really got the crowd going. They threw out about 20 or so giant silver balloons into the crowd and fired a shedload of glittery confetti into the crowd out of these cannon things.

All in all, I had a very enjoyable time. Despite the slow start, it really ended with a bang.

The truly best thing though, was that it was free!

From News Discussion / Noted author Mark Lowton hospitalized after peanut butter enema goes wrong!
Posted 7 Sep 09 14:16
YouTube is full of it.

Don't click that if you're eating right now.

From News Discussion / Noted author Mark Lowton hospitalized after peanut butter enema goes wrong!
Posted 7 Sep 09 12:14

Quote: BuckwheatsButt

Sorry Mark, but he's be warned before by other writers on other stories he's submitted.

Oh, I missed it.

Personally, I wouldn't care if someone did a follow up to one of my stories, I'd take it as a compliment.

I don't think it's worth getting too het up about it.

From News Discussion / Noted author Mark Lowton hospitalized after peanut butter enema goes wrong!
Posted 7 Sep 09 07:50
I've tagged the story with a link back.

It's fair enough that SFO had no idea this was the etiquette.

From General Discussion / Most Mentioned Story Subject?
Posted 6 Sep 09 14:54
George W. Bush is the most written about topic with 2044 stories, but he's soon to be overtaken by Barack Obama (currently at 2021 stories). The next most popular topic is Soccer (1336), then The Spoof (928 ) and, at no. 5, Britney Spears (796 stories).

From General Discussion / What utter, utter, bollocks.
Posted 5 Sep 09 09:18
Okay, maybe they're not the best examples, hopefully you can come up with some better ones.

From General Discussion / What utter, utter, bollocks.
Posted 5 Sep 09 09:17

Contraception myths 'widespread'

A UK survey has revealed that myths about contraception may be widespread.

One in five women said they had heard of kitchen items, including bread, cling film and even chicken skin, being used as alternative barrier methods.

A variety of unsafe and unproven methods might still exist in modern Britain.

Dr Annie Evans, Women's Health Specialist at the Bristol Sexual Health Centre, said: "It is not surprising, given that Britain continues to have the highest unintended pregnancy rate in Europe."

I've heard that the moon is made of cheese and that the Earth is flat. It wouldn't put me off going on a round the world cruise, nor encourage me to take a trip to a lunar fromagerie.

From General Discussion / Favourite living people
Posted 5 Sep 09 09:06
Welcome to the asylum.

From General Discussion / Favourite living people
Posted 5 Sep 09 08:42
That makes no sense

From General Discussion / Favourite living people
Posted 5 Sep 09 07:38
Didn't Ford get to be president coz Nixon resigned?

From General Discussion / New series of Shooting Stars
Posted 5 Sep 09 07:36
Here's a you tube clip.

It's a long-standing joke that Vic always interferes with the woman to his right. The leg rubbing thing is usually as far as it goes, but I think the underpants thing is funny

From News Discussion / Obama Misunderstands Insult From Mexican Ambassador
Posted 5 Sep 09 07:13
Je, Je ^.^

From General Discussion / Funniest Comedian You've Seen In Person
Posted 5 Sep 09 07:07
How was Jack Dee?

I've never seen him do stand-up, only on TV, mostly quiz shows, except that god-awful show where he had a Polish cleaner (that's all I remember from it). I never find him all that funny, but to get where he is, he must be...either that, or he really does suck.

From General Discussion / Honolulu's bad BO bill turns into a real stinker
Posted 4 Sep 09 15:00
I guess I'll have to hire a car then when I visit.

From General Discussion / Funniest Comedian You've Seen In Person
Posted 4 Sep 09 11:11
Jeff Dunham is funny.

Check out, Achmed the Dead Terrorist.

From General Discussion / Funniest Comedian You've Seen In Person
Posted 4 Sep 09 11:08
Richard Pryor is a legend. I'm so jealous you saw him live.

Never heard of Jeff Dunham, I will look him up.

I've seen two live comedy shows recently. One was the Chuckle Brothers in their Chuckle Trek show at Blackpool Winter Gardens, and I saw Bill Bailey doing stand-up at The Lowry in Manchester.

The Chuckle Brothers were, as always, terrible - but still funny all the same. They're a duo, and their claim to fame is the Chucklevision slapstick comedy children's TV show.

In the shows Paul, the taller one, gets a hairbrained scheme, Barry, the shorter one, usually sees the flaws in the scheme, but goes along with it anyway, and chaos usually ensues. It's pretty much like Laurel and Hardy meets the 80s. It's a good programme.

They're getting a bit old now, and fat, and they had too much makeup on - Paul looked like he should've been doing Aladdin.

Bill Bailey is a stand-up comedian, musician, and actor.

His stand-up show was based on his Tinselworm tour, but had quite a lot of new stuff thrown in. It was, as always, very, very funny.

What was interesting though, was the cross-section of society which was in the audience. I had a couple of glue sniffers sat next to me (they may have been art students I suppose), sat two rows in front were a group of chavs, in front of me was an old-ish looking business man, behind were some normal looking thirtysomethings, and that pattern sort of resounded around the auditorium.

Pretty special how comedy brings people together.

I had a great moment too where I laughed when no-one else did. And it was the biggest guffaw you ever heard.

Bill's real name is Mark - like me

58 Pages - «« « 27 28 [29] 30 31 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Who is online?

There is 1 registered user currently online: 1 is active , none are currently inactive .

Users online:

Featured writer
Salsero Blanco
Joined: 27 May 2007
Stories Written: 16
Go to top
36 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more