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From News Discussion / Missing County Durham man Robert Shafto found in San Fransiscan gay den
Posted 18 Apr 18 14:31
Message
Fun fact, I once played a duet of Bobby Shafto on the recorder - aged 25.

Toot, toot.

I took the upper part, while she played underneath.

Ooh-er missus.

 
From General Discussion / Bathos
Posted 17 Apr 18 13:48
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Arsole?

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 29 Mar 18 07:52
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That was beautiful *applause*

Now organising wank

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 27 Mar 18 14:16
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Mystery you say? That's easily researched, yobbo!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 26 Mar 18 15:35
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Arse, Romulus. Stupra eam!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 22 Mar 18 11:44
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I really need to not rush so much. Now I've split an infinitive. Balls.

Amorous Martians ogle Russian oligarchs underpinning Salisbury

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 21 Mar 18 12:35
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Spectacularly politely, Edgar called to a considerably unlucky lady: "Avoid randy Yakuza!"

 
From General Discussion / Clay Activated Manufacturers
Posted 21 Mar 18 12:26
Message
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Pricked in my arse, dangled 'twixt the knees.

 
From General Discussion / Clay Activated Manufacturers
Posted 21 Mar 18 12:24
Message
"Shut that door, I've got my cock out."

- Larry Grayson

 
From General Discussion / Clay Activated Manufacturers
Posted 21 Mar 18 12:22
Message
Dear Spaff

So glad to read you have turned a corner and are now on the up, and up

Yours, now and always

Howard Aryew

 
From News Discussion / Mel Gibson Arrested After Slinging Waffles in All-Night Pancake House
Posted 21 Mar 18 11:37
Message

"My God," said Mildred Frumple, "I love Mel Givson. Didn't he direct that movie "Blazing Saddles?"


 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 15 Mar 18 13:47
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Bah, too late anyway!

Averse, Victor exited; rancorously seceding enrollment.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 15 Mar 18 13:42
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America: maverick, ebullient, rebellious. It's carefree, America.

(What's the rule on starting and ending with the same word? Apologies if that's not allowed.)

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 13 Mar 18 13:43
Message
(Quick rules recap: the words of the next sentence has to be made up of the last word from the one preceding and the first word must be the same as the last word.)

Greenhouse recreationists examine elongated nipples, however, offish upstarts scornfully excoriate.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 7 Mar 18 09:17
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News explains wizened satirists

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 28 Feb 18 09:27
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Throckmorton hearalded regicide over catholic kerygma, making officious rectors tense over naughtiness

 
From General Discussion / Erskin Nick Name
Posted 28 Feb 18 09:08
Message
Sure thing.

I hear Angela Rippon's a bit of an opium fiend too, so you're in good company.

I mean, just look at her.

Angela Rippon shape up and eat opium


 
From General Discussion / Erskin Nick Name
Posted 27 Feb 18 09:29
Message
Thanks for the suggestions chaps, duly noted and actioned

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 22 Feb 18 14:54
Message


 
From General Discussion / J-Law vs Jo-Lum
Posted 21 Feb 18 15:20
Message

Jennifer Lawrence explains Bafta mishap with Joanna Lumley

The actress responds to accusations that she was rude to Bafta host Joanna Lumley when she came on to present an award.


I feel like I'm missing something here.

Mostly, why I should care. But, mostly, why anyone should care. But I am. And I'm burdening you with it too.

I'm with Joanna on this. "I have no idea what you're talking about".

 
From News Discussion / Chuckle Brothers "breaking" out to pursue serious drama role
Posted 21 Feb 18 15:13
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Thanks, and, congrats!

 
From General Discussion / New Olympic Sports
Posted 19 Feb 18 13:56
Message

Quote: Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Here’s a fun trivia question. What is the only breed of dog that is eligible to compete in the Winter Olympics?


A Great Dane? Not a medals winner.

A German Shepherd? One man and his dog on ice, now that, I'd watch.

British Bulldog? Downhill mixed martial arts?

Japanese Tosa? No, let's not go there.

 
From News Discussion / Trump’s face on a hot cross bun cured my dandruff: Woman’s shock claim
Posted 19 Feb 18 13:49
Message
Love the irreverence. The headline alone gets 5 from me

 
From News Discussion / Lempit Opik to give Donald Trump careers advice
Posted 16 Feb 18 09:07
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Did you see that video of him teabagging David Cameron in those crotchless gold hotpants?

Very cheeky.

 
From News Discussion / Lempit Opik to give Donald Trump careers advice
Posted 14 Feb 18 11:33
Message
I found this on Wikipedia.

Lempit Opik (1879-1930) was a manufacturer of biscuits from the German city of Ausberg in south-west Bavaria. Son of Lemartz Opik, the inventor of the cheese grater, and his African-born mother Pitah, Lempit takes his name as a compound of the first syllables of his parents, as is the tradition in Germany.

His father, a Frenchman by birth, was determined his son should have access to the high-quality education he was denied in his youth in France. Accordingly, when Lempit was eight, he was apprenticed to McVitie's in Edinburgh, Scotland, where he learned the classics. Namely, flour, butter and sugar. Lempit excelled in all aspects of biscuit manufacture and, at the age of 13, he invented the digestive biscuit, but his recipe was stolen by a man who would go on to become his arch-enemy, Alexander Grant.

On his father's death in 1895, the young Opik left McVitie's and returned to his native home. With the inheritance from his father's cheese grater legacy, Lempit set up his own biscuit manufacturing plant in Bavaria. Enjoying only moderate success in his lifetime, Lempit was beset with industrial saboteurs and many of his original inventions, including the Fig Roll and Jaffa Cake, were stolen before he could profit by them.

This all culminated, when, at the age of 51, Lempit was found murdered in his office. He had been working on a secret recipe for a new product made of two chocolate biscuits, sandwiched with chocolate cream, and then covered in milk chocolate. Opik had named the new biscuit a Reticulated Giraffe (in his native German, Netzgiraffe), after his mother's favourite animal. Product development was well underway with packaging designs featuring beautiful pictures of proud reticulated giraffes in the wild, and even a marketing slogan, "Nimm einen Netzgiraffe" (Pick up a reticulated giraffe).

Investigations into Opik's death centred around a young apprentice at Lempit's biscuit factory, a Scotsman from Glasgow named William McDonald. McDonald had worked closely with Opik during his apprenticeship and was the last man to see Lempit alive, but no conclusive evidence could be found to link McDonald with Opik's death.

Soon after the killing, McDonald went back to Glasgow and set up his own biscuit firm with funding from Sir Alexander Grant. From 1932, McDonald began production of the famous Penguin biscuit.

 
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