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From News Discussion / Mike Huckabee: 'You'll burn in hell if you vote Obama!'
Posted 4 Nov 12 07:48
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I forgot to add "when" to the six elements of a good lead. And the second and third examples were meant to be examples for paragraph leads farther down in the article, but I didn't edit my message very well, especially for a professionally trained journalist! Sorry for the choppy reply.

 
From News Discussion / Mike Huckabee: 'You'll burn in hell if you vote Obama!'
Posted 4 Nov 12 07:44
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Hey Frankie, Good story! Those damn conservatives are an endless supply of material, aren't they?
As for critical advice I can offer a few things I learned on my way to a useless journalism degree.
First, condense your lead; it's too wordy and packs too much info. Instead of wasting all those juicy potshots at the huckster in the first PP, spread them out.

Maybe a lead like ... Former Ark. Gov. and current fox news contributor Mike Huckabee told viewers yesterday that a vote for Obama might land them in hell.

The former minister who now does his preaching from the bully pulpit at Fox went on to say ...

or - The one-time pretender for the GOP nomination continued his absurd rant by saying ...

A lead paragraph to a story should be 35 words or less and tell readers who, what, where, why and how if at all possible without getting to wordy or clumsy in syntax. It should be presented in a way that grabs readers' attention immediately. The more you write, the more you practice, the better you'll get.
Go to school on the pros in the media who do it for a living.
Good luck, my friend!


 
From News Discussion / Arizona's Brewer shoots down Austrian ballonist. War declared by NM Governor.
Posted 16 Oct 12 19:23
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Quote: Francois Dubois, S.J.

OK, folks: have at it. Make it better! I'll make changes and resubmit it.

Frankie
How about playing up Johnson's quick mitt-like reversal of policy on his no-war stance? "To hell with the no-war policy! Living next door to Brewer is like living next door to Ahmadinejad. I can understand why the Israelis are so hostile all the time."
Or embellishing the obama quote about "I don't care if both of them get killed." by mentioning that rumors abound that both governors are on Obama's secret hit list. That's all I can come up with, it's a pretty solid and funny story.

 
 
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