Discussion Forum

There's a chippy in Edinburgh called "The Codfather."

Bleeding Arse - Jimi Hendrix.

Just seen it on the telly box.

Unfavourable Hippy Song

This is amusing.

I would also like to point out that I do not support this songs message.

Love and peace,
Psychedelic Simon The Love Trumpet.

HIGNFY,

I think you and Francois were both composing your responses at the same time.

Elected - Alice Cooper.

The link is very tenuous.

Cher was married to Sonny Bono. He was elected to the US House of Representatives in the 90's.

Told you it was tenuous!

Dear Spoof,

I've just been watching the Ryder Cup and was delighted to see Europe's golfers rise like a Phoenix from the flames and defeat the USA, USA, USA.

However, if I ever hear anyone say "get in the hole" again (no laughing at the back) I will be forced to take drastic and violent action against the individual who utters those words.

Having said that I was thinking of shouting "get in the goal" next time I'm watching England play footy and "get in the court" next time Andy Murray does tennis just so I can sound as moronic as these golf fans.

I realise that your publication has nothing to do with golf but if you or your readers can do something about it I would be very grateful as it gets right on my tits.

Mr Gain
The 19th Hole,
Trollope Country Golf Course & Hotel,
Divvyshire.

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Quote: Patti Cake

Glad you like the idea Simon. I was a bit worried about the inflating bit but my other half reassures me that I have enough hot air and wind to cope with that side of it.....bless!

PS. Do you think Deborah and Hilary have ever had to wait for a 69?

Patti x

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Patti,

I reckon Deborah and Hilary are probably chauffeur driven everywhere so they probably never have to get the bus.

*Wink*

Ellie,

I can see why you thought this was some sort of pervy bondage thread given the tone.

Unfortunately I'm not keen on bicycles ever since I fell off one as a 14 year old and broke my arm. I rely on tricycles these days. Much safer.

Also, are you telling me you don't have dragons in the US? I find that hard to believe. There's loads of the fire breathing swines over here.

*Insert mother-in-law/dragon joke here*

Simon

Debbie,

Not sure the Dragons would invest in a device that would eliminate them!

On the other hand, get yerself in the Den, flash a bit of thigh to distract them, then obliterate the grumpy dragons before making off with all the piles of dosh they have on those little tables next to them. Excellent!

Patti,

Oooo eeer missus! Very naughty!

Like the inflatable bus stop idea. Many a time I've been stuck between two bus stops miles apart without the necessary motivation to keep walking. Inflate the portable bus stop and hey presto you can park your arse and comfortably wait for the bus wherever you are without getting wet (guffaw!).

Simon

Sunday mornings are crap.

I never get up before midday.

You see, I can't risk catching a glimpse of Andrew Marr's face on the telly when I'm feeling a bit ropey after a Saturday night drinkathon.

It'd be messy.

Simon

PS. I like HB's Sunday morning routine, Except for the mass thing.

Only The Lonely - Roy Orbison.

'The Big O' was a massive country fan and also recorded an album of Don Gibson songs 'cos he loved him so much.

Living In The City - Ray Charles.

Originally done by Stevie Wonder. The were also both blind and pretty handy tinkling the old ivories.

Simon

Aaaah, some actual real life toilet humour!

I like the good old fashioned British bog. I know where I am with that.

I can't imagine using a hat. Well, unless it was an emergency

I've seen those crazy Japanese human waste receptacles. I couldn't work one of them. I struggle enough when I'm using me bloody phone.

Simon

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me - George Michael & Sir Elton John.

The reason. I'm sure you can work that one out for yourselves.

Simon

PS. I'm not being homophobic. A very close relative of mine is gay and he refers to himself as being "a bit queer."

It Takes Two - Marvin Gaye & Kim Weston (Not the Rod Stewart/Tina Turner version!)

Marvin Gaye co-wrote Dancing In The Street with a guy called Mikey Stevenson who also produced both songs.

Simon

Queen - We Are The Champions.

The Sex Pistols song, God Save The Queen, was released in the same year, 1977.

Both songs reached number two in the UK charts although most people think they were number ones.

They're also linked by the word Queen. Obviously!

Simon

Hello you lucky, sexy individuals.

I am an avid watcher of the BBC 2 show 'Dragons Den'. This has encouraged me to attempt to come up with an idea that would make the "Dragons" part with their hard earned wads of moola. Sadly I have failed completely to come up with a sensible, get-rich-quick scheme and I continue to live the life of a pauper in my squalid Edinburgh flat (I haven't vacuumed for 2 months.)

Anyway.

If you were to go on the show what would your idea be?

To get the ball rolling, here's my idea.

An automated tagging device for stories on spoof/satire/parody websites. I would call it the 'Tag-O-Matic 3000'. Not a funny idea but there you go.

I can imagine the response from the "Dragons."

*Imitates Duncan Bannatyne's dulcett tones*

"Aal tell ye where I aam. Aaam oot."

I'm sure you guys and gals can come up with some ingenius ideas that will be infinitely more amusing than my idea.

Simon

*Please note that all ideas expressed on this thread instantly become the intellectual property of Mr. S.Saunders Esq.

Here's something a bit different. Ennio Morricones classic......

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Or alternatively I like to call it....The Gary Lineker, The John Terry and the Carlos Tevez. Mind you, the song has nothing to do with football.

Simon

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Quote: IainB

Nice* to see you, Ellis.

I've got to say, it wasn't me. It was all that Clive fellow. I'm easily led.

Debbie

*Do you see what I did there? I used a French town to start my post. Witty literary genius; that's me.

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I was going to ask if Ellis had been to Nancy just to ingratiate myself with that Clive fella. He's very influential y'know. I think he secretly fancies Ellis as well.

Simon

PS. As you can see, there is no witty literary genius in my post. As per usual.

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Quote: Clive Danton

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Quote: Simon Saunders

I'd like to be Super Gran. Remember her? She had a flying bike and a magic ray machine y'know.

I know she's not a Marvel/DC creation but I loved her.

Simon

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I worry about you sometimes Si, I really do old son. Tsk.

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Funny you say that Clive, but my doctor often makes the same comment.

To be honest I was going to say Bananaman but I went off him because me old man used to deliver his mail and every morning me dad would slip on a recklessly discarded banana skin outside his house while going about his business. Did his back right in. Poor sod.

Simon

I'd like to be Super Gran. Remember her? She had a flying bike and a magic ray machine y'know.

I know she's not a Marvel/DC creation but I loved her.

Simon

Dear Spoof,

In response to Mr Danton's letter.

I just watched the same report and find it impossible to understand how human life has such little value to the barbaric rulers of Syria. Will they stop at nothing to ensure they continue to retain power? It looks that way. It's disgusting beyond belief.

Well said Clive.

Simon,
Edinburgh.

Dear Spoof,

Now then, listen here you bunch of rascals.

Far be it from me to complain about the so-called "articles" here, but I feel I must complain in the strongest possible terms about the plethora, yes that's right, plethora, of Kate Middleton stories currently on this site. It's an absolute outrage. Perhaps you should have a seperate section for stories about the Duchess' chesticles to satisfy the sweaty palmed, juvenile fudknuckles who wish to rummage in their pants while reading. Personally I employ a man to do that for me. He's called Carstairs and he has a very light touch don'tcha know.

I am not a prude in any way, I even took a bath in the nude once, and I do like to keep abreast of the royal shenanighans but all this talk of boobs, tits, jugs, jubblies, funbags, chest bollocks, knockers, bosoms and mammories is way below the standard I have become accustomed to since I started viewing this site nine minutes ago.

If I wanted to read about tits I'd buy the latest installment of Wayne Rooneys autobiography. Apparently it covers every minute of his life so far. It should be riveting.

I'm off to play with me corgi's, and no, that isn't a euphamism. You filthy, rotten, royal titties obsessed collection of ne'er do wells.

This would never have happened to the Princess of Arses. Diana most certainly never got her norks out in public. She saved that sort of thing for the Hewitt fella. Posh tosser.

Yours irrately,
Charles Saxe-Coburg,
Kaiser Willems Wine Cellar,
Bolton,
Germany.

PS. I have forwarded a copy of this letter to the magazine that published the tits out photos. If it wasn't bad enough that the French murdered Princess Diana with a faulty tunnel they now print these pics in a grubby little magazine. Bastards.

Dear Spoof,

Mr Becket's trouble with cheeky little bastards is an issue I am familiar with.

Only yesterday a couple of young scamps down my street took it upon themselves to destroy a computer chair that had been left out for the cuntcil to collect.

Retaliation was required for this wanton act of destruction.

Conveniently, I had an armchair that I was planning on getting rid of. Prior to sticking it outside I fitted a couple of super strength springs inside the chair in anticipation that the little pricks would attempt to use it as a trampoline.

I was right, they did use it as a trampoline. As they were bouncing up and down on it having a merry old time the super strength springs I fitted ripped through the lining and sliced off their arms just as I planned.

As the two scrotes were being loaded onto an ambulance me and the cops had a right good laugh about it.

Aaaah, happy days.

Neil Nutter,
Catapult Avenue,
Edinburgh,
Glasgow.

Here's a little gem I saw one night on Channel 4. He's the son of Richard Digance but don't hold that against him! His name is Nick Helm. A rising star.

Overly aggressive club singer

Sounds like the title of Borats next film.

RG,

It would be fair to say that Pleat is not fondly remembered in Leicester. Mainly because he failed to live up to his managerial reputation but also because he hogged all the prozzies in the City during his ill-fated reign.

Greedy bugger.