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From News Discussion / Cole Hole Gang Uproar!
Posted 20 Nov 12 19:30
Message

Quote: armfeetandtoe

Thank you lads, did not even notice the review.
By the way, do you want readies or a kite?


Love as always

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


The missus doesn't allow me to have any dosh since I bought some magic beans with the rent money and I don't like kites cuz one of the feathered bastards swooped down and nicked me rabbit flavoured ice-cream on a recent hiking trek in Devon.

I'll take an eagle if you've got one.

Simon

 
From General Discussion / BBC Children In Need
Posted 20 Nov 12 18:24
Message

Quote: IainB

I found it deeply ironic that the BBC hosted a charity event for a charity that protects children.

Maybe that's just me.

Debbie


Along with Arm I felt the same thing.

I found myself shouting, "yeah children are in need, some of them because of your ex-employees who you never did anything about," at the screen.

If it's any consolation it was terrible anyway. It didn't seem like they had their hearts in it. Probably thinking the same thing we are.

Anyway, if the shit hits the fan it could be the last one the BBC does.

Simon



 
From News Discussion / Cole Hole Gang Uproar!
Posted 20 Nov 12 17:00
Message
I gave this one a 5 based solely on the fact that I'm in it.

Arm, how did you know I disguise myself as a lamp post?

You've blown my cover now. The guys back at the Kremlin will be furious.

Back into hiding again I s'pose.

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 19 Nov 12 23:56
Message
Dear Spoof,

I would like to thank Sophie @ National Express for her advice but I can't be bothered.

My missus is very environmentally friendly as well. She recycles each and every one of the 32 bottles of gin she consumes on a weekly basis. She likes to smash them up before she takes them to the bottle bank. On the back of my head.

Cow.

Yours sore-headedly,
Frank Gonad,
Dafty Avenue,
Kippersford,
Malaysia

 
From General Discussion / Bovril
Posted 19 Nov 12 23:46
Message

Quote: Clive Danton

^^^^^^^ beef drink guzzling, Aylesbury Under 90s Male Prostitute Of The Year with bad back there.


Clive, Clive, O Clive.

It was Ayisham not Aylesbury.

I bet you feel silly now, don't ya?

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 19 Nov 12 01:48
Message
Dear Spoof,

May I be the first person to congratulate Lorraine Kelly on making the 1300th post on this marvellous thread.

As she would say, "That's luvleee."

Cow.

Sincerely,
Frank Bough,
Dodgy Franks Dodgy Sweater Company,
Syringe,
Oman

 
From News Discussion / American Koreans are an endangered species
Posted 18 Nov 12 16:24
Message
This is one way to get noticed.

Unfortunately the wrong way.

I normally give the benefit of the doubt regarding a writers intentions but I can't here.

How did this piece avoid capture before publication?

Simon

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 18 Nov 12 02:06
Message
Dear Spoof,

Is fuckwittery the same as knobchoppery?

And what the hell is shitflickery?

I hope this can be cleared up quicker than that nasty rash I caught off my gardener Carlos.

Yours muckily,
Lady Camilla Tittington-Suckwell,
Middlewank Estate,
Itchy-Upon-Crotch

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 17 Nov 12 11:37
Message
Dear Spoof,

Mr Danton raises (no laughing at the back) an interesting point regarding Tulisa off of the X Tractor.

It's good to hear she doesn't want to get into a war of words over some moronic footballer she's straddling or whatever. There's enough of that sort of thing.

Having said that, judging by her tweets I'm not sure that she knows many words.

Mr Dick Tionary
Oxford
Consise.

 
From General Discussion / BBC Children In Need
Posted 17 Nov 12 11:22
Message
Stabbed on the District Line? Sounds nasty.

What is the District Line? Is it an artery around the heart or that one in the groin?

Simon

 
From News Discussion / BBC Launch Probe Into Bruce Forsyth "False Chin" Allegations
Posted 17 Nov 12 02:21
Message
If there is genuine reason for it then I don't have a problem.

There may be a good reason for it and it would be helpful to have an explanation. Without a worded critique it does feel like getting a swift kick in the balls from a balaclava wearing person before they run off behind a tree to hide.

In summary. Genuine criticism is helpful and I certainly don't think I am exempt from it. Hit and run one thumbers are not helpful.

Simon

 
From General Discussion / Bovril
Posted 16 Nov 12 23:57
Message
Not sure about that Arm.

Thanks for the compliment though (Unless you're taking the piss!) I choked on me bovril while reading it.

Simon

 
From General Discussion / BBC Children In Need
Posted 16 Nov 12 23:45
Message
So far they've raised 20 million sheets.

That should just about cover all the lawsuits.

Simon

 
From General Discussion / Bovril
Posted 16 Nov 12 22:09
Message
I'd of preferred it if they'd watered down the gob. Used to take ages to scrape it out of me hair.

Simon

 
From News Discussion / BBC Launch Probe Into Bruce Forsyth "False Chin" Allegations
Posted 16 Nov 12 21:59
Message
Got a one thumb rating for this story yesterday.

Ho hum.

Simon

 
From General Discussion / Bovril
Posted 16 Nov 12 21:33
Message
I was gonna make a cheap joke about beef curtains but I can't think of one.

I like bovril though. Reminds me of going to the footy when I was a kid. That and being gobbed on by Forest fans.

Oh deary me.

Simon.

 
From News Discussion / Palin and Trump visit Harlem School get history lesson
Posted 10 Nov 12 19:55
Message
I enjoyed it Frankie.

The problem with Palin is that she seems to have her own way of constructing sentences often making little or no sense to most English speaking people. I would say that it makes it difficult to write as if you were her. I suppose you have to get inside her head, a scary thought! God knows what you'd find in there. Possibly some tumbleweed and an abandoned labrador pissing on said tumbleweed.

Anyway, I see no problems here. I certainly couldn't do any better.

Children cussing is a tricky one. I'm not quite sure how to approach that one.

5*

Simon

 
From General Discussion / Gissa Job.....
Posted 10 Nov 12 16:25
Message
Another good one Clive. Had a right laugh.

Particularly liked his response to the simple request "sign here."

Cheers Clive.

 
From News Discussion / Aides say Romney camp prepping 2016 run as "severely liberal" Democrat
Posted 10 Nov 12 00:35
Message
Liked this one. "Plan D." Haha!

I believe it's the writers first sub as well.

5 Thumbs from moi.

Simon

 
From General Discussion / Remembrance Slurps
Posted 9 Nov 12 21:33
Message
PoM

My birthday is of no consequence really, it was just a cheap way to get birthday wishes.

I hope it didn't seem like I was being flippant regarding Remembrance/Veterans Day. That wasn't my intention.

Simon

 
From General Discussion / Remembrance Slurps
Posted 9 Nov 12 21:05
Message
Remembrance Day is always a solemn day for me cuz it's my birthday as well.

Me grandad was a desert rat during the second world war. He wasn't in the army, he just used to wander through the desert dressed as a rat.

Seriously though. Truly a day to remember those who have given their lives to protect our freedom.

Simon

 
From General Discussion / That's It I Quit!......
Posted 9 Nov 12 17:07
Message
I bet they had a collection once he'd left. Not for him though for themselves so they could hire someone to find the fella and give him a good beating.

Funny though. Good for him.

Simon

 
From General Discussion / Which living or historic person would you like to bitch-slap?
Posted 8 Nov 12 18:48
Message
I'd like to second Frankie's suggestion of giving Donald Trump a good hard slap.

The sort of knob-choppery that he spouts is highly amusing.

I subbed a piss take of his twitter rant. If anyone deserves to be mocked, it's Trump.

I'd also like to add Sean Hannity to the list.

 
From General Discussion / A poll that really matters in today's world!
Posted 6 Nov 12 19:34
Message
I voted "no we know they're bald."

I used to work with an American fella who wore the worst bonce carpet I've ever seen. It looked like it was made of nylon. It didn't fit his head and was a different colour from the real hair he had left. Surely if you wear a wig it shouldn't be obvious. Mind you, I can spot one from a hundred paces.

If you're bald, or heading (pun intended) that way, do it gracefully.

Comb-overs and syrups are unacceptable. Shave the sides and polish the top with some Mr.Sheen.

Simon

 
From News Discussion / The Incredible Hulk Opens Expanding Trousers Shop In Dorking
Posted 5 Nov 12 19:20
Message
Can I just say that when I had finished reading this entralling piece I took out my hammer, smashed up my computer and threw it on a nearby bonfire before announcing my immediate retirement from spoofing.

I will now be living off my spoof pension of one groat a week and it's all your bloody fault Clive.

A deserved -12 thumbs from me Danton, you cad.

Simon

 
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