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From General Discussion / Dark Web Satire
Posted 18 Oct 17 17:29
Cheers Les. 'Differences'? Keep my transvestism out of this!

As for my 'Shakespearean gift', I actually get paid to share it with the unworthy lumpen proletariat these days.

It's not a fortune but it keeps me in jellied eels and Mackeson.

I bid you, and the gallant, ever-dwindling band of remaining Spoofeteers a fond adieu.

From General Discussion / Dark Web Satire
Posted 18 Oct 17 11:46
It's certainly a shadow of its former self and no mistake, Les. 'Moribund' springs to mind.

Ah well, all things must pass, as dear old George Harrison once observed and it would appear that this place is no exception.

Still, onwards and upwards dear boy! If I don't see you through the week I shall see you through the window

From General Discussion / Dark Web Satire
Posted 18 Oct 17 05:40
OI! Get back to yer own country! Bloody Australians! Coming over 'ere, upsetting the delicate balance of our indigenous eco-system with yer wombats and yer funnel web sheilas!
*bites down hard, snapping off stem of Meerschaum*

From General Discussion / Dark Web Satire
Posted 17 Oct 17 02:41
Awwwww you guys! *lights pipe and throws playful punch*

From General Discussion / Dark Web Satire
Posted 15 Oct 17 06:36
Hello there!
Just thought I'd pop my head round the door to see how everything's coming al...ah.
*stumbles from site*

From General Discussion / The Spoof is Home to Unfunny Writers
Posted 22 Feb 15 10:23
Oi! Keep my carp outta this! He means the world to me!

Look, I'm not having a pop at anyone here. In my opinion, The Spoof is an excellent site and concept, let down somewhat by the quality of the copy that's allowed to slip through the rather, laissez-faire approvals system.

Bin the ridiculous league table, which rewards duplicity, fraud and sheer quantity instead of quality. Lose the cringe-worthy snippets feature, retain the Featured Writer section but make it a meritorious award, based on excellence and not a random selection, drawn willy-nilly out of a hat so to speak.

Lastly, introduce a small editorial team to root out the poorly-spelled, grammatically obscene, unfunny dross and to keep the standard of published work to an acceptably high level.

If those proposals were implemented I'd be more than happy to send in the odd sub to lower the bar. Until then - to quote dear old Sam Goldwyn - "Include me out"

In the words of one of The Spoof's stalwarts and staunchest defenders: "AND THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THIS ONE!"

From General Discussion / The Spoof is Home to Unfunny Writers
Posted 21 Feb 15 17:54
Now if you chaps are genuinely hell-bent on breathing some life into the moribund behemoth that once strode the satirical world like a colossus...ang on! Who am I trying to kid!

Mind you, you could try leaving a few overnight, unsprung mantraps for dear old Chris McAnus "The dozy fucker's role-model of choice"?

He may be a slathering (sic) gangster who will fold like a girl at the merest hint of ganging up, but for sheer, crowd-pulling, entertaining, mirth on a stick, the boy's 22 carat platinum-coated gold with loads of diamonds encrusted in it and that

Les mate. Next time you spot one of the literary diamonds of which you gush, slightly unconvincingly it must be said, give me a shout ok? I could do with a despairing shake of the head or two.

From General Discussion / The Spoof is Home to Unfunny Writers
Posted 20 Feb 15 12:32
In that case Les me old mate I would suggest you're quids in as you are there!

Having said that, your geographical location doesn't really disguise the piss-poor quality of the copy that pervades this 'ere site now does it?

Never mind though as it's none of my business at t'end of t'day lad.

*lights pipe and strides off into the sunset*

From General Discussion / The Spoof is Home to Unfunny Writers
Posted 20 Feb 15 03:37
The standard of writing and the humour therein may well be no laughing matter but you have to admit the discussion forums are an absolute riot. Forums invariably are in my view

From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 31 Jan 15 20:15

Stand easy men!

From General Discussion / Dear Spoof "Now with added idle drunken rhetoric"
Posted 29 Dec 13 16:36
Dear Spoof "Now etc"

Rumours of my insanity are wholly accurate, deeply hurtful and beyond any conjecture and you can tell Mark Twain I said that!

From General Discussion / Dear Spoof "Now with added idle drunken rhetoric"
Posted 29 Dec 13 05:40
Dear Spoof "Now with etc"

BREAKING NEWS: Large Crack Opens In Antarctica Bringing Relief To Encased Russian Ship. "It was the least I could do" says Katie Price. Source. Associated Press.

From General Discussion / Dear Spoof "Now with added idle drunken rhetoric"
Posted 29 Dec 13 05:35
Dear Spoof "Now with added idle, drunken rhetoric"

Convince impressionable young women in night clubs that you're a professional footballer by hurling yourself to the ground, writhing in agony when one of them gently brushes past you on the way to the ladies lavatory.

Will Carling
Lady Diana Trading Estate

From General Discussion / Dear Spoof "Now with added idle drunken rhetoric"
Posted 10 Dec 13 06:10
Dear Spoof "Now with added, idle drunken rhetoric"

Merry Christmas Francisco!

What can I say my friend? I guess I'm just a born, low-down, lousy agent provok...agent provoccy...agent provocer...shit stirrer

*lights pipe and grabs bottle of Crispin before drinking deeply*

Man that's some mighty fine shit right there my friends!

Who's fightin' on Boxing Day? Why my nan and grandad of course! Married 67 years and hatin' each other just a little more with every passing day

From General Discussion / Dear Spoof "Now with added idle drunken rhetoric"
Posted 9 Dec 13 16:14
Ellie, Les and Debs = ELD = Excellent Lampooning Delights!

A very merry Xmas guys

From General Discussion / What have you all been up to?
Posted 7 Dec 13 18:14
For myself I have been living a frugal, albeit spiritually uplifting existence as forehead massage wallah to Olly Murs.

The pay is risible and the work backbreaking, but the look of sheer joy and gratitude on his gigantic clock as I apply the final dab of Loosol "Easing Oil To The Stars", to the wrinkly bit that covers his temporal lobe, gives me such pleasure that I have on occasion climaxed both violently and copiously inside my clothing.

Fortunately it's what I would have wanted.


From General Discussion / Dear Spoof "Now with added idle drunken rhetoric"
Posted 7 Dec 13 18:00
Dear Spoof with added idle,drunken rhetoric.

Only kidding!

I wish you all well and a merry Christmas to one and all.

Gawd 'elp us everyone

From General Discussion / One-Thumb tosser
Posted 4 Feb 13 06:58

Awwwww come on QM, dont be like that. Twas just a little cockney mischief, born from the somewhat "Disgusted Of Mayfair" aspect of this rather fraught little thread, and in truth I genuinely didn't think that the stricken spoof concerned met with your usual excellent satirical standards. Just look upon my somewhat harsh critique as a spur, a benign and friendly nudge that will enthuse you and drive you to reach your former lofty comedic heights.

I'm a giver at the end of the day Queenie. A giver!

As a very wise man once remarked "Don't judge me lest ye be judged" and as another man, perhaps not quite so wise, also declared......THAT'S MY FINAL WORD ON THIS ONE!

Cliveypops Dee
Head Of Racial Intolerance
Satire Safe House

PS. I'm not the one-thumb tosser whom you seek with such ardent diligence, so I'm afraid your noble quest, rather sadly, must continue. Good luck

From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 24 Dec 12 20:52

Quote: Erskin Quint

Herring, erring, rearing, runs into Nazi Goring.

Gash noshing icon ruins ruby's eager hymen.

You see my extremely tedious friend. Some of us can do these backwards

Let the defiant retaliatory acronyms commence.

From General Discussion / Season's Greetings From The Isle Of SSHite!
Posted 24 Dec 12 18:38

Quote: Skoob1999

Churchy - you've got some slather on your shirt, mate. Be a good chap and wipe it off. By Lord Harry! You can't move in here tonight! Inchy! Mine's a pint chum! Now then - where were we...

Oh yes!

Seasons Greetings all!

Festive regards,


Oy! Stop copying and pasting our smoke signals you

^^^^^^^ cyber bully, naked altar boy to St Francis Of Duboissey and arch malingerer who always seems to have "a bit of a cold coming on" when it's time to empty the receptacle in the vomiting bay.

Oh yes!

From General Discussion / Season's Greetings From The Isle Of SSHite!
Posted 24 Dec 12 18:02

Good Eve.

I'd like if I may to recount a strange and rather wondrous tale of an adventure that befell myself and a small but perfectly deformed number of your fellow Sp**feteers a short while ago, which hopefully will explain our rather sudden, alarming disappearance from the scene.

It was on December 6 2012 in this year of Our Lord that a doughty band of folding, vomiting and bar raising pioneers set sail in the sturdy little slathering sloop, HMS Pinxit, in search of the fabled Coal Hole Grail, which is reputed to be the pint mug from which Ellis drank at The Last Slather just before he was arrested and crucified for bumming without due care and attention.

Unfortunately just as we rounded the treacherous Cape Of Dear Spoof we were blown onto a reef and wrecked by a gust of hot air from Hurricane Mabel just before she made landfall at Inchcock County on the eastern seaboard of Nottingham.

By sheer good fortune 13 souls managed to struggle onto the beach at The Isle Of SSHite, part of the idyllic Acronomy Islands archepelago, where we have been ever since really.

We spend our days arguing, plagiarising each others work and drinking from the various lager fountains that dot the island in between trying to ingratiate ourselves with the dusky, bare-breasted lovelies of the warlike SSHite Tribe who occasionally come down from the hills to give us succour, and any other services we can afford to pay for.

We have also spent some of our time constructing a tiny, rudimentary settlement which we have dubbed Port Lyntypops, consisting of a small nite club "Juanita's Joint" ably stewarded by an oriental member of the caring profession and her 90 year old, ex Bolivian military pantyhose wallah. Our small ad hoc hamlet also boasts a fully functional vomiting bay made entirely from our pubic hair, and a Roman Catholic cathedral, built from driftwood, which we have dubbed "The Church Of Our Lady Of Duboissey" where our lone American fellow castaway "Saint" Francis Of West Virginny spends his Saturday nights at his devotions, pausing momentarily to fire his Saturday Night Special into the ceiling and to urinate in the font. Sadly the place has recently become infested by a small Churchmouse which annoys worshippers by raiding the communion wine cellar and constantly boasting about it's personal wealth and exotic harem of Bavarian totty.

We have taken measures towards effecting our rescue by building a signal fire atop the highest point on the island, Mount Skoob, where we take it in turns to send smoke signals to any passing shipping. Unfortunately a renegade member of our band, the vile compo cheat, and notorious heterosexual, Toe, keeps copying and pasting our smoke before taking it to the other side of the island and making our signals much better and even funnier.

So you see my friends, it is for the reasons above that we are no longer amongst you and has absolutely nothing to do with your ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation or indeed your lack of acronymical dexterity on that true doyen of forum threads. Oh dear me no. That's right out that is!

So let me close by wishing all my dear friends on The Sp**f a very merry Xmas and a happy and above all, a healthy new year.

Love and (((((((HUGZZZ))))))))) from all on The Isle Of SSHite.

Having a wonderful time, wish you were here..................................I expect.

From General Discussion / The Gang Of Four
Posted 7 Dec 12 08:13

Quote: Monkey Woods

I opened on this thread because I thought you were referring to the band of the same name, which would have been such an incredible coincidence, as I have been playing their back catalogue for a fortnight now.

Let that be a salutory and hard learned lesson to you then Mr Woods. Surely you've born witness to my output long enough to know that it's a constant source of bitter disappointment

No twas merely a little affectionate dig at the four sparkling heroes who dubbed me a racist and rather bravely went behind my Caucasian back and told the editor in chief of my infamy.

The gentle xenophobic gag at the end was an afterthought and all my own work, in case anybody wishes to consider leagal redress.

*puffs contentedly on pipe and buries nose in The General Principles Of English Law by Reg Kray*

From General Discussion / The Gang Of Four
Posted 7 Dec 12 06:24
The Gang of Four (simplified Chinese: ???; traditional Chinese: ???; pinyin: Sìrén b?ng) was the name given to a political faction composed of four Chinese Communist Party officials. They came to prominence during the Cultural Revolution (1966-76) and were subsequently charged with a series of treasonous crimes. The members consisted of Mao Zedong's last wife Jiang Qing, the leading figure of the group, and her close associates Zhang Chunqiao, Yao Wenyuan, and Wang Hongwen.

Source Wiki.

The little rascals eh folks? No wonder old Chairman Mao slung em all in chokey. Tsk.

A mate of mine was a Chinese dissident you know? I went to visit him in the nick once. Trouble was, half an hour later I wanted to visit him again.

Absolutely true that is, a geezer down the takeaway told me.

That was my little swansong gag btw. See what I just did there?

From News Discussion / Pre Menstrual Woman Kills Husband For Whistling
Posted 6 Dec 12 06:56
The author of this hateful diatribe is clearly a rabid pre-menstrualist and deserves to have his trousers pulled down in public.

Debag him!........Debag him I say!!!.......DEBAG SOME SENSE INTO HIM!!!!!!!

1 !!!!!!!!

From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 5 Dec 12 18:30
^^^^^^ you little beauty! You've just won me 30 smackers from my fellow Coal Hole Firm members son.

Merry Christmas!

46 Pages - [1] 2 3 4 5 » »»
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