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From General Discussion / I hate that.
Posted 3 Nov 11 00:28
Me too.

From General Discussion / Halloween Vid
Posted 1 Nov 11 17:14
Very funny video Skoob. Do you remember Ray Alan? Not related to Lord Charles are you? Similar voice mate!

From General Discussion / Ha-Ha-Halloween
Posted 31 Oct 11 20:13
My front doorbell has a tendency to get stuck - it then
goes ding dong ding dong ding dong continuously - and loudly.

Some kids just pushed the bell hoping to 'get a treat'.
Bell got stuck. They ran off scared thinking they'd busted me bell. Ha-Ha ... I'm starting to love Halloween!!!!!!

From General Discussion / Replacement Hearing aids batteries
Posted 30 Oct 11 21:19
Keep a look out for the brand name Varta or Ray-O-Vac. Especially Varta - very good quality. Bit dearer than the
cards of batteries from the pound shops but very good quality.

From General Discussion / Replacement Hearing aids batteries
Posted 30 Oct 11 15:32
If a person's getting the hearing aid batteries for free - that's fine.

I used to have a market stall selling small electrical bits and pieces - including cell batteries. The wholesale price, even for the better brand names, is very cheap (very good mark up on them actually!) Hearing aids don't always use the same battery number, but it's often AG3, AG10, or AG13, or equivalent- AG13 is also called LR1ll4 for instance. Lots of people pay through the nose for these cell batteries, by following the 'use only our batteries' warnings. All I'm saying is that at the end of the day the money's coming out of your pockets! Nudge nudge! wink wink! Know what I mean?

PS: Best wishes Inch. At least you now have another chapter to add to those 'Tales of Woe'.

From General Discussion / Sex Change
Posted 26 Oct 11 14:20
Sex change? How much change will I get from a fiver?

From General Discussion / Misprinted book titles
Posted 25 Oct 11 22:22
The Working Revenue

A selection of made up funny nude reports originally published on The Poofs web site.

From General Discussion / Misprinted book titles
Posted 25 Oct 11 11:51
The Oily Bible
The Holy Bubble
The Holy Bobble

Hard Dimes
Hard Mimes
Hand Mimes

Animal Frame
Animal Arm ( or 'Army')

and, 'Coming Soon To A Cinema Near You' based on the book by Peter Benchley...,
(!) I could do with a music sign on my keyboard!


From General Discussion / That Gaddafi Chap
Posted 21 Oct 11 12:49
The burial I understand is to be at 'a secret place'. 'Secrecy'; 'behind closed doors'; 'hidden'; 'away from sight'; It seems that some people are consistent only by their attraction to darkness. Could it be that sunshine hurts their eyes?

Love & Light. TT.

From General Discussion / That Gaddafi Chap
Posted 21 Oct 11 12:15
Many years ago a complete stranger came up to me in the street to say hello, asked how I was, etc. He should have asked me who I was, not how I was! - He had 'got the wrong man'. As soon as I began to speak he realised something wasn't quite right because of my cockney accent - the person he'd thought me to be obviously didn't have a cockney accent. He apologised, but then stood there shaking his head saying I looked exactly like that other person. So it wasn't just that there'd been a resemblance from across the street. Standing face to face with me he was still saying I could have been that person standing there. Luckily I wasn't a hated dictator of a country being confronted by a lynch mob!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the person discovered in that Libyan drainpipe was other than Gadaffi. But what if he had been 'the wrong man', and/or what if that was the intention? It isn't unheard of for politicians/military figures to use decoys. Find perhaps a look-a-like patient found from a mental institute, or drug the decoy up for the 'occasion'. What might such a person then be heard to say to the lynch mob dragging them out from a drainpipe? Perhaps something along the lines of "What have I ever done to you?"

So yes, I feel a trial would have been preferable, and somewhat more civilised. Possibly there would have been some 'behind closed doors' deals and things that had taken place between Gadaffi and the US/Uk during recent years he would have mentioned during his trial. A lot of promises, smiles, and shaking of hands in his tent. Or he might have explained the reasons for why he hadn't decided to remove himself from Libya several months ago. Perhaps he thought better of it after hearing about Mubarak's timely stroke!

Love & Light. TT.

From General Discussion / Occupy Wall Street
Posted 14 Oct 11 13:18
Nowadays the wealthiest don't get richer by 'earning' it. What they do is they buy politicians. Taxpayers money is then stolen when contracts are awarded in return for donations to the party with promises of directorships later.
Small businesses have to follow rules the larger firms don't have to follow, and so on.

Capitalism isn't the problem. These scumbags are NOT capitalists. They are globalists, monopolists, and 'let's be absolutely clear about this' - they are fascists. Socialism has it's own Achilles heel. People then become part of a hive - with those same scumbags in control at the top of the hierarchy. What was Hitler's political party called? National Socialists!

The globalists are in a very strong position. Their Achilles heel is that they are outnumbered, but they'll simply laugh at the Wall Street protesters who say 'Down With Capitalism' or 'We Want Socialism'. They agree - they are NOT CAPITALISTS!

People had better wake up, and wake up fast. The God of the globalist fascist is Control. They feed their God with money they've stolen from YOU, the taxpayer. They've not 'earned' it - they've nicked it!

Starve their God as much as you can, at every opportunity. Don't buy their newspapers, don't eat their beefburgers, don't drink their fizzy pop.

Stop voting for politicians just because they have a pretty face, or a sexy voice. The devil doesn't have horns - he is well groomed, and wears a smart suit and tie. He smiles sweetly at you and pats your baby's head.

Oh, and stop scrambling your brains with those drugs! Those drugs put your discernment into a coma. We need that discernment. And we need it NOW!

There - that's got that off of my chest.

Have a nice day!

From General Discussion / Curses!
Posted 9 Oct 11 13:06
Colonel Goddamnfi

Count Dratcula (could omit the 'o' I suppose!)

Bashar al-Asshat

From General Discussion / The anniversary
Posted 8 Oct 11 11:43
There is a short film on the internet, 'Psychologists on coping with 9-11 truth' (You Tube). Irrespective of what happened on 9-11 the message from these psychologists does I feel provide each of us an opportunity to understand a little more about ourselves.

Love & Light - TT

From General Discussion / The anniversary
Posted 7 Oct 11 15:07
And what are we to make of 'building 7' ?

From News Discussion / Protestors Camp Out in Newspaper Office and No One Notices
Posted 5 Oct 11 23:03
getintheregirl! 5 from me.

From News Discussion / Occupy Wall Street, still not happening...honest, no it really isnt, trust me, I'm a journalist.
Posted 5 Oct 11 13:27
Re: 'JP Morgan donates...'

I smell fear!

From General Discussion / My Forgetfulness, and lack of concentration....
Posted 5 Oct 11 11:07
Re: True Tales of Woe - I've been reading them a few at a time. I've just finished reading part 16. All brilliant Inchcock.

From General Discussion / My Forgetfulness, and lack of concentration....
Posted 4 Oct 11 21:36
During the l980's and 90's my brother and I would often spend nights out with our dad 'over the dogs' (Walthamstow Stadium). He'd take a flask of tea with him rather than pay for 'the cat's piss' there! (Handy because he'd drive us all there and back which meant me and my brother could sink a few pints of beer.) Dad would be wearing his slippers. Old comfy slippers. We'd sit around the same table by the window(cheap side). It gave us a good view of the racing and was convenient during the winter as there was a radiator by it. Yes, dad would make himself nice and comfortable there for the evening's racing drinking his tea and sitting there by the radiator in his old slippers.

The car would usually be parked about two hundred yards from the track's entrance. Some winter evenings we'd be making our way from the car to the greyhound stadium when there'd be snow and slush covering the pavements. He'd still be wearing his old slippers. Happy days!

From News Discussion / Occupy Wall Street, still not happening...honest, no it really isnt, trust me, I'm a journalist.
Posted 4 Oct 11 10:20
Ulterior motives? Manipulation? Who's pulling the strings, and why? 'They' aren't stupid. It's great to see the awakening spirit though.

From News Discussion / Occupy Wall Street, still not happening...honest, no it really isnt, trust me, I'm a journalist.
Posted 3 Oct 11 10:36
They may think 'they own you, me'. Effectively that becomes a reality when any of us start saying 'they own you, me' because then it isn't them who are enslaving us - it is the attitude we're applying which is enslaving ourselves - to 'them'!

Nobody owns YOU but YOU. Nobody owns ME, but ME! Some of 'them' do not like that idea - Let battle commence!!!

From General Discussion / David Croft RIP
Posted 28 Sep 11 13:24
I must also mention 'You Rang M'Lord'. It wasn't as popular with the public as the others, but for me it was brilliantly funny. My mum (sadly now gone) would be in tears of laughter especially at the character 'Mable' ('That'll be nice';'Oooh, I can't remember the last time I had...' bread and dripping or whatever). The final series isn't free on the internet yet, but the others are. Take a butchers when you have some time to spare. Thank you Mr Croft. RIP.

From General Discussion / Fishing - Is It Any Good Or What?
Posted 22 Sep 11 10:18
Using a hoover instead of a rod when fishing. It would also help towards keeping the rivers clean.

From News Discussion / Starting Traps For The 2012 Olympic Games!
Posted 18 Sep 11 15:54
Thanks Ellie. Hope you're feeling better.

From General Discussion / Fishing - Is It Any Good Or What?
Posted 18 Sep 11 15:23
True this. As a kid I was on holiday with my parents and brother (somewhere in Cornwall). Lots of rain. Dad drove us all to some seaside harbour wall and we dangled our lines over it (still sitting in the dry car). Suddenly I felt my line tighten. "I've caught one!" I cried out. I had a bit of a fight to reel it in, and when the line came over the top of the wall and into the car there was a piece of salmon stuck on the hook instead of the maggot dad had put on it. It was raining so heavily that none of us got out of the car to look over the wall. That's the only salmon I've ever caught - someone below the other side of the wall must have seen my line dangling down and replaced the maggot with a bit of salmon from his sandwiches. Dad just started up the car and drove off.

From General Discussion / ARSE!
Posted 12 Sep 11 17:04
Ellie. If you feel any problems from 'whiplash' following that car accident get it looked at. Same thing happened to me and has caused me recurrent pain for thirty years! Seriously.

9 Pages - «« « 5 6 [7] 8 9 »
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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