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From News Discussion / David Beckham amputates finger in an attempt to be selected for Paralympics football team
Posted 5 Jul 12 19:51
Read this in approvals. Automatic 5*.

From Magazine Discussion / A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Seven
Posted 21 Jun 12 17:43

Welcome Home

From News Discussion / FIFA Boss Blatter Demands Goal Line Technology After England Win
Posted 20 Jun 12 20:59
5* Enjoyed reading that.

It's a funny old game!

The ball 'may' have been 'all' the way over the line but it should have been blown as off-side anyway.

We should have had a penalty awarded to us given the way Rooney's shirt was tugged in their area.

But both teams probably should have been awarded about half a dozen penalties anyway because of shirt pulling and shoving during corner kicks. Luckily for England that didn't happen because if it had then in all probability Ukraine would have scored more of them than England would have.

The nail biting comes next.

From General Discussion / The New Forum Moderators
Posted 16 Jun 12 10:39

From General Discussion / The New Forum Moderators
Posted 15 Jun 12 14:50
I fear there be dark forces at work. We're doomed, I say, Doomed!

From News Discussion / Euro 2012: Roy Hodgson predicts England success
Posted 4 Jun 12 14:56
We're top of our group - alphabetically. Enjoy it while it lasts folks. No bleedin' chance!

5* by the way.

From News Discussion / The Queen of Britain in Leaked Sex Tapestry -Jubilee Plans Unravel as Bestiality Allegations Lead to Worldwide Revulsion
Posted 3 Jun 12 18:41
Controversial. Nowt wrong with that. Good. 5*

From General Discussion / Questions Of The Day
Posted 24 May 12 20:53
I've often wondered when a car would be one car but the same car double parked at two different places at the same time. How many bits would need to be removed then placed on double yellow lines across the road before it would be the same car double parked in two different places at the same time?

I've been out in the sun today.

From General Discussion / David Icke Madman or Prophet?
Posted 14 May 12 23:55

Reptilians; Flying saucers(The State of UFO Disclosure - Press Conference. Mr Milton Torres sounds like no con artist to me); Ancient visitations (Pumapunku!); Ghosts ('The Enfield Poltergeist!')

I don't know what 'The Truth' is, but it is whatever it is. Bring it on! (Of course when Alice went down the rabbit hole she met The Mad Hatter, and they do say that fools rush in where angels fear to tread!)

Drink and be merry seems like a good idea as well!

From General Discussion / David Icke Madman or Prophet?
Posted 14 May 12 12:36

Quote: queen mudder

Total charlatan, con artist and fantasist.

Plenty more insults available on request.

One hopes so!

However, his 'Heads in the sand, knees on the ground' tells me he is not quite the 'fruit and nut case' some want him to be.

(What was that catchphrase of Billy Cotton......erm,)

From General Discussion / Spoof FM. WARNING! May Contain Appalling Bad Taste And/Or Lulu.
Posted 7 May 12 20:28

Quote: Clive Danton

Quote: Tommy Twinkle

This attempt at a link will probably fail - again.
Well worth listening to this though.
Rolling in the deep (Chinese Guzheng)

"An Error Occurred During Validation"

Blimey sounds like my Visa card Tom

Bloody links - I give up. Where's that bottle of brandy!

From General Discussion / Spoof FM. WARNING! May Contain Appalling Bad Taste And/Or Lulu.
Posted 7 May 12 19:59
This attempt at a link will probably fail - again.
Well worth listening to this though.
Rolling in the deep (Chinese Guzheng)

From General Discussion / The Add A Funny Clip Thread
Posted 7 May 12 19:36
American Idol - worst singer ever at number 1

My first effort at a link - fingers crossed!

Edit: (Nope! Oh b******s!)

From General Discussion / Epitaph
Posted 7 May 12 14:40
I should have ducked!

From General Discussion / Unfinished poetry
Posted 20 Apr 12 15:56
A girl with a quadrupal fanny
Went out with a bilingual tranny
But tranny Phil told me
All four of 'em's mouldy
On Britain's long reigning old queen

She's been to the doctor's appointments
And she's tried all the expensive ointments
But they're now all inflamed
He says the old cah's in pain
And now they're all oozin' stuff green

The Duke says the bloody green mess is
Gettin' on to 'is wife's royal dresses
And he likes wearin' her clothes
But 'e aint wearin' those
The duke says they need t' be cleaned

The tranny duke says he's now very worried
Well he's wonderin' now what he has married
Her fannies aren't smellin' pissy
He says they smell more like fishy
And out from one last night popped out a bream!

There was an old harlot from Bedord
Who went to the local Esteddfod
But chaps who use pens
Tend to prefer men
So the old bag told them her name's Edward

From General Discussion / Unfinished poetry
Posted 19 Apr 12 15:03
There once was a girl from Shanghai
With a fanny the width of her thigh
She was a very shy girl
Quite hairy as well
And I'll always remember her eye

Her eye was a deep azure blue
She'd stick it on with strong super glue
And her wide fanny would smile
Or grin for a while
Then start suddenly spitting at you

Her fanny it had a long tongue
It would stretch all the way to her bum
Most Shanghai girls use a cat
Not hearsay, it's fact,
To lick their bums clean or else a nun

Those nuns from 'St.Lil's-on-the-hill'
Would enjoy it, they'd say it's God's will
Mind you that old Father Dobbs
He'd charge a few bob
Though he'd lick until he felt quite ill

From General Discussion / Unfinished poetry
Posted 19 Apr 12 14:26
A git on the Whitechapel Road
Was noisily chewing a toad
They're nice wiv french fries
Or baked in toad pies
Or in sandwiches just eaten cold

Yurrs ago outside old 'ackney dogs
There'd be Sid wiv 'is eels, toads 'n' frogs
Just sold from a stall
Long queues there annal
Yeah, old Sid fand 'em easy t' flog

All caught by 'imself from the Lea
And some winklin' at Leigh-on-sea
Yeah, that crafty old Sid
Made a fortune 'e did
Well he got the bleedin' fings fer free

Yeah, old Sid made a mint at that game
Sold in jelly or cooked over a flame
Mind you times move orn
Old Sid's well dead 'n' gorn
Now it's toad shish kebabs on Brick Lane!

From Magazine Discussion / All Our Yesterdays - Blazing Row In Wheelhouse Of RMS Titanic As It Almost Hits Iceberg
Posted 9 Apr 12 12:37
Many years ago I remember a cartoon I saw in a newspaper (it wasn't a strip cartoon, each day the tabloids would have a few individual cartoons). Two elderly women were coming out from a cinema after having watched the film. Behind them are posters on the walls at the entrance to the cinema about the film - 'Fantastic', 'Best Film Ever', 'Not to be missed', 'A Masterpiece', 'Absolutely Brilliant' and so on. In the cartoon one of the women has her head turned to her friend. In her bubble she's saying to her friend the words, 'Not bad!'

Just sayin' !!!

From General Discussion / What Vintage Automobile Describes Fellow Spoofers?
Posted 3 Apr 12 13:52
Me? I've been ducking and diving (or dodging), all my life so I suppose it would have to be one of those dodgem cars at a fairground.

From News Discussion / Metropolitan Police Service Savaged by Animal Rights Watchdog Over Shooting of Crazed Dog
Posted 23 Mar 12 15:34
Just read it. Terrific. 5*.

From News Discussion / Hoard of Spoof Story Tags Found in Postman's Shed
Posted 12 Mar 12 19:31
Saw this in approvals then immediately went through top writers list to find out who had written this brilliant piece. Automatic 5. Terrific!

From News Discussion / Emergency Room Visits Hit Record High on Valentines Day
Posted 15 Feb 12 14:37
5*- Deserves more.

From General Discussion / My Great-Grandfather
Posted 11 Feb 12 23:55
My great grandfather (dad's side) was known as a 'rag 'n' bone' man. Not sure, but he probably worked with his horse and cart around the same area where my dad lived as a boy - Hoxton (City of London). True that!

From News Discussion / Contents Of The Queen's Handbag Revealed In New Book!
Posted 7 Feb 12 00:48
Thanks QM. (It's annoyed at least one reader - 1 Starred me. Hooray!!!)

From General Discussion / Favourite Headline - What's Yours
Posted 1 Feb 12 13:42
Mine (so far) is; 'A Dog's Dinner 'Fit For A Queen'.
Both were well known expressions, and both fitted the content of the story. Praad of that I was/am!!!

Generally I try not to reveal too much to the reader with my story headlines (obviously means some visit points are lost). Hopefully those who do visit my stories then go away feeling glad that they did!

8 Pages - «« « 2 3 [4] 5 6 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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