Discussion Forum

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Quote: Clive Danton

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Quote: Tommy Twinkle

This attempt at a link will probably fail - again.
Well worth listening to this though.
Rolling in the deep (Chinese Guzheng)

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"An Error Occurred During Validation"

Blimey sounds like my Visa card Tom

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Bloody links - I give up. Where's that bottle of brandy!

This attempt at a link will probably fail - again.
Well worth listening to this though.
Rolling in the deep (Chinese Guzheng)

American Idol - worst singer ever at number 1

My first effort at a link - fingers crossed!

Edit: (Nope! Oh b******s!)

I should have ducked!

A girl with a quadrupal fanny
Went out with a bilingual tranny
But tranny Phil told me
All four of 'em's mouldy
On Britain's long reigning old queen

She's been to the doctor's appointments
And she's tried all the expensive ointments
But they're now all inflamed
He says the old cah's in pain
And now they're all oozin' stuff green

The Duke says the bloody green mess is
Gettin' on to 'is wife's royal dresses
And he likes wearin' her clothes
But 'e aint wearin' those
The duke says they need t' be cleaned

The tranny duke says he's now very worried
Well he's wonderin' now what he has married
Her fannies aren't smellin' pissy
He says they smell more like fishy
And out from one last night popped out a bream!
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There was an old harlot from Bedord
Who went to the local Esteddfod
But chaps who use pens
Tend to prefer men
So the old bag told them her name's Edward

There once was a girl from Shanghai
With a fanny the width of her thigh
She was a very shy girl
Quite hairy as well
And I'll always remember her eye

Her eye was a deep azure blue
She'd stick it on with strong super glue
And her wide fanny would smile
Or grin for a while
Then start suddenly spitting at you

Her fanny it had a long tongue
It would stretch all the way to her bum
Most Shanghai girls use a cat
Not hearsay, it's fact,
To lick their bums clean or else a nun

Those nuns from 'St.Lil's-on-the-hill'
Would enjoy it, they'd say it's God's will
Mind you that old Father Dobbs
He'd charge a few bob
Though he'd lick until he felt quite ill

A git on the Whitechapel Road
Was noisily chewing a toad
They're nice wiv french fries
Or baked in toad pies
Or in sandwiches just eaten cold

Yurrs ago outside old 'ackney dogs
There'd be Sid wiv 'is eels, toads 'n' frogs
Just sold from a stall
Long queues there annal
Yeah, old Sid fand 'em easy t' flog

All caught by 'imself from the Lea
And some winklin' at Leigh-on-sea
Yeah, that crafty old Sid
Made a fortune 'e did
Well he got the bleedin' fings fer free

Yeah, old Sid made a mint at that game
Sold in jelly or cooked over a flame
Mind you times move orn
Old Sid's well dead 'n' gorn
Now it's toad shish kebabs on Brick Lane!

Me? I've been ducking and diving (or dodging), all my life so I suppose it would have to be one of those dodgem cars at a fairground.

My great grandfather (dad's side) was known as a 'rag 'n' bone' man. Not sure, but he probably worked with his horse and cart around the same area where my dad lived as a boy - Hoxton (City of London). True that!

Mine (so far) is; 'A Dog's Dinner 'Fit For A Queen'.
Both were well known expressions, and both fitted the content of the story. Praad of that I was/am!!!

Generally I try not to reveal too much to the reader with my story headlines (obviously means some visit points are lost). Hopefully those who do visit my stories then go away feeling glad that they did!

I remember the film Frenzy - Barry Foster took the part of the serial killer. It's been on TV a few times over the years. Haven't seen the thriller you mention though.

Seeing Frenzy being mentioned here got me to look around You Tube for videos about Hitchcock. Found an interesting black and white interview with him called 'Huw Wheldon meets Alfred Hitchcock' - it's in two parts. (I don't know the way to put a direct link to it here). It's an interesting interview with the great man himself from years ago. Well worth a visit.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

I don't think they're reading us, TT!

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I just nabbed one of 'em - mustn't be greedy.

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Quote: Erskin Quint

Going ballistic. Site freezing. What's going on?

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Went 'site not available' for 5 minutes now back with 5,044!!! readers.

In the betting shop or at the races
"I feel lucky" and/or
"I'm on a winning streak"
(Okay, so they don't really apply as 'don't make sense' but they're true nonetheless).

(continued...) It's just that we've still got a few chapters to read but we're only booked up till today. Would it be possible for us to extend our stay here for another couple of nights?

"When I made a booking in October to stay a few days with my wife here at your hotel over Christmas I was promised a room with a view, but so far all we've been given since our arrival here on Christmas Eve has been this E.M.Forster book to read!"

Found a use for it. Battery went dead on my oven so I switched on my electric fire, folded up the leaflet then used the electric fire to set the leaflet alight. With the flaming leaflet I then used it to light my oven. Can also confirm that running a finger burn under a tap of cold water does ease the pain a little.

Singed eyebrows look a bit strange though!

Heard what I thought was the postman walking up to front door. Heard something come through the letter-box. Went to see what it was. Found it was just a leaflet from a local Pizza take-away restaurant. I don't like pizzas.

Don't forget to feed Skoobs cat.

Arm. The name of this site is 'The Spoof'. Calm down sir.

Laurel & Hardy dancing in 'Way Out West'. Marvelous!

For quite a lot of us perhaps 'Legless' would be appropriate!

Savaloys scream after being in a micro wave oven for about 30 seconds. They taste nice though!

Yep, that's the place Lynton. Wind? I was with me bruvver there one Saturday. Along some of the rows the market had permanent stalls concreted into the ground. Market had to be abandoned about 11am when the wind had buckled up most of the stalls! A stall behind us (not one of those permanently fixed to the ground) flew up in the air, bounced on top of our van, then flew on over our stall to come crashing down just in front of it. Luckily it didn't come down on anyone.
Wise to wear a crash helmet when visiting that market!

Hemel Hempstead? Brother had a stall at Bovingdon for a few years. Gave it up after pissed down one Saturday, and returned home with about a thousand penlight batteries in a plastic carrier bag. The cards they'd been stuck onto had all fallen to bits after he'd left them out at the front of the stall trying to take in the pitch rent! Walked in and looking like a drowned rat just said "Don't ask" then went upstairs to his bed!

Hard life market trading - donations will not be refused.

(No Euros...No US dollars...sorry!)