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From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 28 Jan 13 13:13
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Knaresborough (near Alwoodley): Residents eat sticky buns - on royal occasions undercooked gigantic hamburgers.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 28 Jan 13 02:44
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Shiny heads impregnating New York.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 26 Jan 13 19:04
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Youngster observed undressed nun giving Sister Tanya erotic rubs!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 25 Jan 13 21:41
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Nettles emit treacle toffee. Leaves extremely sugary.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 25 Jan 13 18:54
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Soldiers only look daft in Erskine's regimental sporrans

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 25 Jan 13 14:29
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Ribena ingredients: Blackberry, escargot, noodles, ants.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 24 Jan 13 20:10
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Yowls often worry Lord Sugar.


 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 24 Jan 13 16:57
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Treatment retrogressed eighty Armenians. Thirty Moldavians expected next Tuesday.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 23 Jan 13 18:28
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Racehorse acceleration can easily hurt our roan stallion's ears.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 23 Jan 13 18:01
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Driver reversed into very expensive racehorse.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 23 Jan 13 14:52
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Einstein invented nylon stockings - Tesla experimented in nudity.

(True that!)

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 22 Jan 13 21:20
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Shit happens - It's Texas!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 22 Jan 13 20:20
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Y-Fronts fornicators reject Obama 'no-talc' suggestion!

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 21 Jan 13 19:46
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Samaritans, a moody american red indian tribe are nocturnal scavengers.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 31 Dec 12 19:34
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Game addiction - mental effects.

(Sorry about that Chris - I didn't see the 'saddlebags' one. Seems I didn't scroll down the page far enough!)

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 31 Dec 12 17:28
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Resolutions ended soon. Obviously little undertakings that involved one not smoking!

Happy New Year all!

 
From Magazine Discussion / Ron & Fred on The Bible
Posted 24 Dec 12 22:47
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Merry Christmas to you and your family too, Skoob - make sure it's not a sober one (I'm sure you will!)

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 12 Dec 12 16:41
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Dear Spoof,
Just thought you fine people might like to try a little method of saving money suggested to me by my good friend Mr George Osborne. All you need to do is to put aside in a jar or a tin any two pound coins that come your way. I myself began following this advice in August of this year and have already amassed three of the said coins in my jam jar (rinsed out before starting the savings scheme by my good wife of course).

When I've amassed five of them in my jar, George said five of them will make a total savings of thirteen pounds, I'm going to take Samantha and the children out somewhere nice for us to have a big spend up with them before beginning the whole process again. Do give it a try, it's amazing how quickly one comes to have a significant number of the two pound coins put by.

Toodle pip for now,

David Cameron.



 
From General Discussion / Prank Call Death
Posted 8 Dec 12 18:01
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Though being reported in the press as 'suspected suicide' it seems the death is still being described by police as 'unexplained'. Therefore methinks unwise to jump to any conclusions.

I've yet to read of any suicide note having been found (which doesn't mean there wasn't one). In the absence
of a suicide note (she was a mother with two teenage children)I find myself wondering if this could have been a heart attack.

She was 46 - not old but not young. The job of a nurse involves long hours/shift work. And her duties clearly went beyond the nursing of patients - she was answering calls at the hospital's switchboard. Should a nurse be doing that?Strikes me as being totally inappropriate. The hoax phone call would have added to any stress, and stress is not good for the heart.

But I might be wrong. Perhaps it wasn't a heart attack, perhaps it was suicide. We don't know. That's the point.

Personal opinion. A life of privilege is wrong, and royalty is 'a life of privilege'. The hoax call wouldn't have been made had the patient been a pregnant nurse feeling sick!

TT

 
From General Discussion / Life's Great Pleasures
Posted 28 Nov 12 00:23
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At night when warm in bed and listening to rain striking against my bedroom's window. Even more pleasurable, the sound of rain against the outside canvas of a tent, though only when the tent includes a stitched in waterproof ground sheet. When I'd go camping yurs and yurs ago my one didn't!

 
From News Discussion / English GCSE results: Does it effect peoples ability's in todays journalism?
Posted 8 Nov 12 11:46
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Brillant spoffing! 5*

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 3 Nov 12 20:30
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Dear Spoof,
I must start by thanking the kind readers who posted those three old magazine pictures of Mr Elvis Presley to me. Much appreciated. The one showing him as a baby in a pram is unlikely to be of much use to me in tracking his present whereabouts down, but many thanks to the person who sent it all the same.

The other two magazine pictures show Mr Presley as being rather slim. This could be important because he is described in the 1970's police department files as being rather large around the waist and with a much more rounded face. Was he wearing a false disguise intending to remove it after he'd arranged for his supposed demise to be announced to the public? At the very least it suggests to me he'd been deliberately wearing a tractor tyre under his shirt and was padding out the cheeks of his face with large handfuls of cotton wool during those final few years before he disappeared over the horizon. Or was the tractor tyre and cotton wool simply for him to present a more physically attractive appearance to his new generation of young female fans in those times. A good detective never jumps to conclusions of course.

The disguise he's using today? Hard to say - nowadays he could be bearded and bald. I'm wondering whether any of your readers might have a more recent picture of Elvis I could borrow from them? I need to find him quickly because there were six more murders in Cabot Cove last night and the police have already been round to my place three times this morning begging me to solve them. Anyway, thanks again for the Elvis pictures.

Sincerely,

Miss Jessica Fletcher.
Cabot Cove,
Maine,
USA.

 
From General Discussion / Dear Spoof
Posted 30 Oct 12 14:01
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Dear Spoof,
I mostly earn my living as a writer of detective fiction novels, but in my spare time I like to help police solve actual cases such as murders. Sometimes they just ask me to re-investigate old cases for them, just to make sure they'd made no mistakes. I'm re-investigating an old case for them now, of a gentleman police files show as having passed away in August of '77. However, many sightings of the gentleman have since been reported around the world.

If the gentleman is in fact still alive it would be helpful when tracking his whereabouts down for me to have a photograph of his face, but so far I've not been able to find any even though according to what the police here have told me he was a quite well known singer, with a following not only here in America but also over there in the UK. I'm therefore wondering whether any of your UK writers or readers might have a photograph or magazine picture showing the gentleman's face they wouldn't mind me borrowing. The name of the gentleman I am investigating and looking for is Elvis Aaron Presley.

Sincerely,

Miss Jessica Fletcher.
Cabot Cove,
Maine.
US.

 
From General Discussion / Which living or historic person would you like to bitch-slap?
Posted 22 Oct 12 15:19
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Arnold Schwartzaningy...Shcvortzernoggynoo...er..Arnold Schwartsienaggyga...,
er...him.

 
From News Discussion / BBC Launch Probe Into Bruce Forsyth "False Chin" Allegations
Posted 19 Oct 12 12:51
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Be honest, Simon, you were in tears of laughter when writing this one weren't you. You must have been. Come on, admit it.

5* (but deserves so much more).

 
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Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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