Discussion Forum

And so you never, ever, have to worry about the Grammar Nazis again...

Basic Grammar

Right. That's the forum sorted.

Unless there's anything else...?

=]

Flamin' Trolls?

I think this says it all brilliantly...

Oh.

* snork *

Lordy! Don't go there Simon!!

That way lies madness, not to mention mega points.

Apparently there is a large back catalogue of "World's Largest..." stories spewed, er, penned by the veterans of this site; Vaginas, Penis, Anus(es), Mammary Glands, Scrotums, Gall Bladders(??!!), etc, etc... You name it, they've slathered over it.

So, like this poor chap - is it the Devil... or the Deep Blue Sea for ya?

Hmmmm...?

Taking a leaf out of CJ's book and staying well away...

It's the thought of Mark 'venting' anywhere near me... our dog's bad enough after a bag of choc drops.

That's a ***** from me too Fergus.

Dear Mrs CJ,

My girlfriend is teaching me to knit.

So far, she's only taught me how to 'pearl', but not knit, 'cast off' or 'drop one'.

I've been practising and come out with a lovely pearl necklace.

Should I give her it?

Yours sincerely(ish),

Pin (cushion)

Dear Spoof,

Perhaps this is an opportune time to remind esteemed contributors to this thread that all correspondence should be addressed to 'Dear Spoof'...?

Failure to comply and wandering off-topic with inane chit-chat (see Forum Rules, see red) could result in instant deletion of messages and banishment to the stinking internet Hades of a sad, tired world in another place...

And you really don't want to go there now, do you?

Hmmmm?

You haff been warned!

pp CliveyDee (prop)
Limboland.

Dear Spoof,

I would like to endorse the sentiments of the nicotine-addicted nipper above.

Yours, in contumely snuggliness,

Pix Nit
Potters Bar-Lowering,
UK

---

Quote: Simon Saunders
...I have no idea what a manager really does. If memory serves I think it involves wearing a sheepskin coat while furiously chewing gum and making wild gesticulations with your arms that nobody understands.

---

Ah, Big Ron Atkinson... whatever happened to her...?

* muse *

I see you as more of a Svengali-like manager, Simon.

A 60/40% split with your star man and a K2 tax-dodge savvy second to none.

Would love to go to the Festival, but it does get a mite frosty ooop North y'know.

So I'd settle for August in the Cayman Islands, along with the top impresarios (and moi), if I were you.

PS KF... have you no sensitivity? Note the title of the thread. Hmmm? Please?

What tribute do you have to pay to Ernie Borgnine? Have you seen any of his films, perhaps?

If you're really curious and desperate to know the secret behind Inchy's 'big one' and how point-scoring can bring you happiness, why not PM him?

Jus' sayin'.

Dear Spoof,

Never mind,

You've still got "Acronyms"...

SRN Ratched,
Funnyfarm Villas,
Lunnun.

RIP Dutch.

Pike, Deke, Freddie, Angel the Gorches awaits in you for a few fingers of red eye and some wonderful reminiscences of those days.

Some ****'s deleted it without a word of explanation, Skoob.

That's what.

(Redacted for public consumption)

Dear Spoof Thread,

Over 6 months old I believe you were. And, imvho, the most creative thread in my 2 years in this place.

There was a lot of dross and tomfoolery (mostly mine) on it - but there was also more creative and talented concepts, and bits of comedic 'riting', than anywhere else on this site (cf. long-running threads).

The inquest and culpability for its untimely and totally unwarranted demise has yet to happen.

But it will.

Sad days, moribund boards.

RIP

Dear Spoof,

Blimey! It's getting like the Bermuda Triangle round here!

Messages retract undercarriages and wing their merry way up, up and away into the bright blue skies of t'internet, tracked by the radar of the trusty forum boards...

... only to mysteriously disappear!

Gad! What diabolic, infernal, flaming black magic is this?

I propose giving this phenomenon - akin in potency to the Bermuda Triangle - an apposite name.

How's about, "The Brazilian Strip"?

Yours, in high dudgeon and low on fuel,

* splutter * * splutter *

* phut *

Bi
g

g


l





e









s





* S P L O O S H *

Lieber Der Spoof,

Re: Ms Flamin's correspondence:

No it's not. You madam, are talking utter bolleaux.

Trust me, I'm a historian.

Nazi Germany began because of a state that was impoverished after a long wearying war. Lacking ideas and with a vacuum at its heart.

Along came a power-crazed maniac and exploited that vacuum bit by bit, crushing freedoms and opposition in their path with the tacit approval of over half the population and er...

Oh.

Yours, respectfully

Prof. David Starkey-Raving-Bonkers,
Oxford.

Dear Spoon,

This is exactly how Nazi Germany started!!

* seethe *

Flamin' Nora!

Yours,

Nora Flamin,
Sausagedog Cottage,
Distopia, Lancaster.

Oy!!! I'll have you for flaming, mister!

Yup. Dat's moi.

Though it was taken a while ago.

I look considerably older now, as you can testify, oh woman of mystery from Kazakhstan.

(But not as old as CJ and Clivey...)

Dear Spoof,

I fear sir/modom, that your title is a misnomer.

Your 'spoof satire' site is nothing of the sort!!!

Your articles (tho' one shudders to dignify the scurrilous, regurgitative, puerile drivel with such an honorary appellation) are nothing but inflammatory 'Flaming' (as the current lingua franca has it, I believe).

Therefore, before I drag you through the courts of London and Washington DC Comics under the Trades Description Acts, I suggest you amend your name to 'TheFlamer (& Trolls Incorporated)'!!

See you in court!!!

(And then the ducking-stool...)

Yours sincerely etc, etc,

Matthew Hopkins (Witchfinder General)
Cromwell Rd, Naseby.

Dear Spoof,

Alright, who's the thievin bastid?

I wuz jus bristlin up for a shave this mornin, all lathered an slathered up... an some twat's only gorn an arf-inched me fackin water-bowl!!

I wuttnt mind, only I jus found the fuckin thing the other day after looking forrit for 50 years!!!

* seethe *

* fume *

Bollox.

So... I'll turn out the lights an when I switch em on agin I expect to see me basin on the table.

Failin that... put it back in me collider.

Yours, ya thievin fuckers,

Professor Peter Higgs,
Cern,
Switzerland.

And a neat twisted topical one from another site you may have heard of...

Religion? Smidgen.

Another little gem of verrrry topical UK News, deftly executed.

If only 'one of us' had thought of this...

Wimmuldoned