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From News Discussion / "Prince Harry Not Remotely Interested In Cheryl Cole Or Katy Perry" Says Verity Warbling-Trollblog
Posted 9 Jun 12 18:27
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She's a bit of a slag alright...but has become something of an icon since she dumped dirty love rat Ashley.

Katy Perry meanwhile deserves every rotten fetid lasagna moniker thrown at her.

Bet you'd go for Cheryl if you weren't married, like.

 
From News Discussion / "Prince Harry Not Remotely Interested In Cheryl Cole Or Katy Perry" Says Verity Warbling-Trollblog
Posted 9 Jun 12 18:07
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Good story but a bit sexist in parts:

There's no way he's ever going to dip his bread in what can best be described as a 'dirty dish.'

Poor cow doesn't deserve that!

 
From General Discussion / Gardening Tips
Posted 9 Jun 12 16:21
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It all depends on the state of any over-wintering bladderwort - as Prince Philip found out to his cost this week.

Personally I'd make sure of planting some mood-altering perennials like hemlock F-1 hybrids next to datura cultivars such as Brugmansia Superba Aleister Crowleiana.

Both secrete hallucinogenic substances toxic to humans BUT when dried can be sprinkled on cappuccinos, ice cream, milk shakes etc.

Then there's mugwort - an absolute Royal Ascot must that makes picking a winner easy peasy after just one mouthful.

Grows particularly well next to pennyroyal and the curry plant with the added bonus of repelling foxes, marauding cats and TV Licence detector van sleuths.

All from a 50p packet of seeds.





 
From General Discussion / Just 'thinking about wine can help you relax, scientists claim'
Posted 8 Jun 12 20:17
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Gardener's World.

Muck spreading around the brassicas.

 
From General Discussion / Just 'thinking about wine can help you relax, scientists claim'
Posted 8 Jun 12 19:33
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Quote: Ellis Ian Fields
and enjoys Russia's second goal.**



Er, global domination by fair means or foul being their FIRST goal, what zactly is the er second?

 
From General Discussion / Just 'thinking about wine can help you relax, scientists claim'
Posted 8 Jun 12 18:28
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Just the thought of a glass of wine could be enough to help you relax because of the power of positive thinking, scientists have claimed.

People are so suggestive that simply believing an alcoholic drink will make us feel better or socialise more easily at a party will greatly raise the chance of making it so, researchers said.

Story

Hmmm, power of suggestion, innit?




 
From News Discussion / Thatcher admitted to nursing home
Posted 8 Jun 12 16:20
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Great debut Spoof, Lord Jimmy.

Plenty of insider knowledge about the old ho - like the Jonathan Aitken angle.

5 from me.

 
From General Discussion / Spoof FM. WARNING! May Contain Appalling Bad Taste And/Or Lulu.
Posted 8 Jun 12 13:16
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From News Discussion / Local Dictator Terrorises ITV 'Lewis' Production Team After Solving 'The Indelible Stain' Crime In Five Minutes Flat
Posted 8 Jun 12 11:30
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Quote: Colonel Juan
Morse is just a hen-pecked moron and a deeply uninteresting cunt I'd rather not know. Far too boring a character for a mere pisshead like me.



Ah well, those deeply interesting cunts win the day.

 
From News Discussion / Local Dictator Terrorises ITV 'Lewis' Production Team After Solving 'The Indelible Stain' Crime In Five Minutes Flat
Posted 8 Jun 12 10:44
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CJ as Morse?

Interesting concept.

 
From News Discussion / Ford Transit Of Venus The Ultimate New Shagging Wagon?
Posted 7 Jun 12 13:49
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Sometimes, Ellie.
Sometimes.
Other times it's easy to grab someone else's story idea and run with it.

 
From News Discussion / Ford Transit Found On The Sun!
Posted 7 Jun 12 11:37
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Quote: Mark

Check out picture 13



Yes, that and the Venus de Milo yellow van pic all posted AFTER my spoof which was written on Tuesday.

Not accusing the Beeb of plagiarism, but a little attribution for my original Spoof story idea seems apt from the writer of yesterday's Spoof item.

 
From News Discussion / Ford Transit Of Venus The Ultimate New Shagging Wagon?
Posted 6 Jun 12 19:30
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Quote: Clive Danton
Only trouble is some slippery arseole's filed off the VIN number and stamped a different one in, so it's clearly a ringer I'm afraid. Tsk


Thanks, Clive; nothing like the original registration stamped on the chassis.

Beware cheap imitations I say.

 
From News Discussion / Ford Transit Found On The Sun!
Posted 6 Jun 12 19:14
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Great story idea, now where have I seen that original joke before

Oh yes, here Ford Transit Of Venus The Ultimate New Shagging Wagon?.

Wrote that story yesterday after checking the web to see if anyone else had made the same connection.

Nobody had.

Later today when my spoof was published someone tweeted a photochopped pic of a yellow van with the Venus de Milo on it.

That's as far as it went.

And then at lunchtime I saw this story in Appro.

GREAT concept, I thought to myself, but hasn't it already been done somewhere else? A whole day earlier?

A little attribution would not come amiss.

 
From News Discussion / Ford Transit Of Venus The Ultimate New Shagging Wagon?
Posted 6 Jun 12 13:16
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Check out Appro, see for yourself.

 
From News Discussion / Ford Transit Of Venus The Ultimate New Shagging Wagon?
Posted 6 Jun 12 12:24
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I see someone else has now written a Ford Transit story on similar lines....

 
From News Discussion / Emotionally Indifferent Barn Dweller's Sickness, AKA Mad Cow Disease, Claims Another Victim
Posted 5 Jun 12 18:36
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Just giving our newby a bit of a leg-up Skoob; goodness knows how hard it is making a Spoof debut.

Back in the bad old daze we had that daft tosser Helium - who banned the points system because it was like too much hard work for his teensy weensy brain-dead brain.

Besides, I like the idea that Mad Cow Disease has travelled all the way to California.

Personally I blame turd droppings left behind by the last Governor - and/or his stupid wife Maria Shriver.

Otherwise it has to be Mrs Thatcher's fault, she's the original Mad Cow of Planet Earth.

Just sayin.

 
From News Discussion / Emotionally Indifferent Barn Dweller's Sickness, AKA Mad Cow Disease, Claims Another Victim
Posted 5 Jun 12 17:46
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Yep, that daft cow who pens the San Francisco Chronicle blog definitely a bovine spongiform contender.

Daft as a sackful of acid tripping ferrets.

Take no notice of detractors, Lou, it's a fine opening gambit and I look forward to reading lots more of your spoofs.

 
From News Discussion / Emotionally Indifferent Barn Dweller's Sickness, AKA Mad Cow Disease, Claims Another Victim
Posted 3 Jun 12 23:18
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Welcome to The Spoof, Lou.

Like your opening salvo.

 
From News Discussion / The Queen of Britain in Leaked Sex Tapestry -Jubilee Plans Unravel as Bestiality Allegations Lead to Worldwide Revulsion
Posted 3 Jun 12 18:47
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Quote: Skoob1999
how does the Queen being licked out by a corgi equate with humour, or satire?
Skoob.


Would make a great TV sketch, maybe a la Spitting Image.

Besides, she's not the Queen, she's Barbara Freeman, daughter of Edgar Wallace and Rudolf Hess's sister Ann.

She took over from her triplet sister Helen Freeman in October 1987 when the Elizabeth Windsor lookalike dropped dead after the Great Storm.

The first of the Three Ugly Sisters Susan Freeman was the first 'Queen Elizabeth' - the one who had Charles and Anne before Phil the Greek topped them.

And the rest is hystery.

 
From News Discussion / The Queen of Britain in Leaked Sex Tapestry -Jubilee Plans Unravel as Bestiality Allegations Lead to Worldwide Revulsion
Posted 3 Jun 12 17:38
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Well as it's a jubilee year I reckon some royal peculiars like this are fine to slip in, so to speak.

Just to take the edge off a lot of Tory twaddle written in the mainstream press.

 
From News Discussion / The Queen of Britain in Leaked Sex Tapestry -Jubilee Plans Unravel as Bestiality Allegations Lead to Worldwide Revulsion
Posted 3 Jun 12 17:29
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Oh I dunno, thought it was a nice Spoof and gave it 5.

Nothing that anyone could ever make up about this wretched cold war hoaxer monarch could ever be as shocking as the horrible, unvarnished truth.



 
From General Discussion / Employer's generosity of spirit...
Posted 3 Jun 12 16:45
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Being self-employed I cannot imagine wanting to add to the nation's downward-spiralling trainwreck of an economy by taking two whole days off.

Just because of some spurious public cringefest.

I'm siding firmly with the Bank of England governor who warned that last year's government-enforced extra bank holiday for the royal wedding had already cost the country billions in lost output and revenues.

And that the two day Diamond Jubilee holiday would inflict similar wreckage that the taxpayer just cannot afford.

Still, as a good employer I've awarded myself a few extra noggins of vital fluids this afternoon.

Cheers and bottoms up everybody.



 
From General Discussion / A toast... Her Majesty..The Queen gawd bless her
Posted 3 Jun 12 11:08
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Yeah, she's toast alright.

 
From News Discussion / "Stuff The Ruddy Buggering Diamond Jubilee!" Rages The Duke Of Edinburgh
Posted 2 Jun 12 19:50
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Gravit-arse.

 
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