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From News Discussion / Charlie Sheen: I Hate Girlfriends Who Won't Let You Pee In The Sink
Posted 28 Feb 11 23:40
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As an addendum to my comment, we later found out that this guy's roommate was gay, and the real reason he didn't pee in his own sink was that he didn't want to excite his roomy again after noticing him peeking between his legs one time. The rest of us were trying to figure out a way to take them both out with the same cherry bomb. We had them under surveillance, but we could never catch them sitting on the same toilet together.

 
From News Discussion / Charlie Sheen: I Hate Girlfriends Who Won't Let You Pee In The Sink
Posted 28 Feb 11 23:01
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I knew a fellow in college who would only pee in other people's sink, not his own. Claimed it was unsanitary to wash face in own pee, but ok otherwise. We finally got even with him by putting a cherry bomb in his toilet after supergluing him to seat. We were worried he might hit head on ceiling if not attached to seat. Worked like a charm. Never peed in sink again.

 
From General Discussion / Popcorn Box Sex At Movie
Posted 16 Jul 10 21:45
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Do you know anyone who has been victimized by this juvenile trick?

 
From General Discussion / Beastiality the pros and cons
Posted 16 Jul 10 21:24
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Depends on how big your time-piece is. As the ho's say; "Big watch...Little dick."

 
From General Discussion / Unconditional Love
Posted 16 Jul 10 03:51
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Little Willie loved his schnauzer
Of that there was no doubt
Then one day Willie took a bride
His dog, alas, was left to pine.

From that day on a plot was hatched
The ardor that burned turned cold.

One day Willie saw some dynamite
Could not understand it quite
Curiousity never pays
It rained Willie seven days.

The schnauzer, however did not miss a beat
Warming his buns at his new bride's feet.

 
From General Discussion / Unconditional Love
Posted 14 Jul 10 18:03
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Quote: Jesus Budda

I think Incredulous has just hit the nail on the head!
There is no such thing as unconditional love.
Hooray!


Evidently you have lost confidence in your right hand. I suggest you renew your vows to love and cherish each other.

 
From General Discussion / Unconditional Love
Posted 13 Jul 10 22:24
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Quote: Throckmorton Turdblossom


Quote: Dr. Billingsgate


Quote: Throckmorton Turdblossom

God


I'm sorry, but He doesn't count.


He does to count! How else do you think that he got to seven days of creation, twelve apostles, the ten virgins, the cubits of the ark, etc.?


I apologize for being so flippant. You nailed me with the numbers. Words do count!

 
From General Discussion / Unconditional Love
Posted 13 Jul 10 22:20
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Quote: Lynton

Not sure whether your dog actually loves you - would it stick around if you didn't feed it?

Your dog Dr. B exhibits conditioned love as might have been coined by Pavlov.


But I will admit to being a sucker for animals and it is as near as dammit unconditional.

However, at least the missus doesn't spend her time in front of the fire licking her backside. So although her love might not be unconditional I do prefer kissing her.


You might be right about it be conditioned love. When back on the farm as a young boy, my uncle let me slop the hogs. There was a huge brooder sow that eyed me the same way my snoodle does. Kind of gave me the creeps.

Concerning the edifying remarks about your wife, you must be a lucky man to have a woman like that to kiss. I would never kiss my dog's backside after he kissed my wife. I am a very jealous man.

 
From General Discussion / Unconditional Love
Posted 13 Jul 10 21:27
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Quote: armfeetandtoe

My snakes.
My Iguana
My African Grey


I should have required that it be a warm-blooded mammal. Next time I promise to be more specific.

 
From General Discussion / Unconditional Love
Posted 13 Jul 10 21:24
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Quote: birbee

Myself towards Jellybeans.

It doesn't matter what flavour they are, I have an unconditional love for them all.............


I feel the same way for my real fruit based gum drops, especially the lemon ones.

 
From General Discussion / Unconditional Love
Posted 13 Jul 10 21:22
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Quote: Throckmorton Turdblossom

God


I'm sorry, but He doesn't count.

 
From General Discussion / Unconditional Love
Posted 13 Jul 10 19:38
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Quote: Erskin Quint

Horseradish?


What possessed you to name your dog, Horseradish?

 
From General Discussion / Unconditional Love
Posted 13 Jul 10 19:09
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Besides your dog, can you name one other source for unconditional love?

 
From General Discussion / Is it possible to be paid for writing this crap?
Posted 5 Jul 10 00:15
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Quote: Charpa93


Quote: Erskin Quint

Hmmm.

Plagiarise sounds dramatic - but using your experience is a kind of plagiarisation. As is all writing - you're making use of other people in one way or another.

Of course, there's also the matter of writing in the right way for the right markets - which involves plagiarisation in the sense of making use of the right ideas in the right manner, of following the protocols.

In a way, the spoof is a microcosm of all this. You can get high in the chart by writing the right stuff about celebrities. You can remain in obscurity by being yourself and crafting brilliant magazine pieces. Can you write brilliantly AND get loads of hits? - that's a real challenge. If so, maybe you've got a chance to be a published/paid writer.

I reckon you've got to be yourself and put yourself into your writing first and foremost. Write in your own way. That might not make any money. To make money, you might have to write for a market first and foremost. That's a decent craft and a great achievement. It's also not real creative writing. Real creative writing is self-expression. If you can do both, you're a genius.

Van Gogh died penniless and by his own hand. Kafka hardly published anything before his death. Jordan makes loads of dosh from her books.


Brilliant Erskin. Sure you're not the one with 12 doctorates?


Erskin, you come across as an intelligent bloke who seems to have taken my question to heart. As you might suspect from someone with 12 doctorates, I have had little time to meek out a living. That though is not all bad. As Henry David Thoreau wrote, "It is not necessary that a man should earn his living by the sweat of his brow unless he sweats much easier than I do."

I am currently waiting for the unwashed masses to take over the world. Then, and then only, will a man of my acumen be allowed to rise to the top. For it has been foretold that in the end, one man with 12 degrees will rule the world.

 
From General Discussion / Is it possible to be paid for writing this crap?
Posted 2 Jul 10 23:35
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Quote: Lynton

Erskin don't encourage him!! He has 12 doctorates he could get a proper job


If any of you want to pick up a quick doctorate or two, I suggest Lafontaine College in the Cayman Islands. I highly recommend it. Even though it has no campus, it takes at least two weeks to obtain your PhD. Not your normal diploma mill, you actually have to pick up your diploma in person. I suggest that you take off your scuba gear during commencement because of the warm temperature. It is rumored that the college is subsidized by Fidel Castro so that he can have a sufficient number of physicians to care for his people.

 
From General Discussion / Is it possible to be paid for writing this crap?
Posted 2 Jul 10 22:02
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Quote: Charpa93

See? Now you're already giving away your secrets and your edge. Careful. Even writing for no compensation can be quite competitive.


I have been victimized once again. By the way, I have PhD's in 12 disciplines, including animal husbandry and taxidermy. Do you think I should continue to write about jack-ass politicians or what?

 
From General Discussion / Is it possible to be paid for writing this crap?
Posted 2 Jul 10 21:25
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Quote: Erskin Quint

There might be.

If you can find a market. Like anything else. You have to send your work to the right people, once you've worked out who they are.

You have to need to write, because the chances of getting any reward other than satisfying that personal need are very small. It can happen, though.

At least here it's a great writers' community/forum, you can get your work published, and it's great practice if you use it right. It keeps you writing and you get the oxygen of feedback.

It's better than writing on your own, which is hellish hard.

Good humorous writing is actually in demand, but producing good enough work and competing with others is damned difficult.


Thanks you for your words of wisdom. When in college I remember being encouraged by an English professor who wrote on the margin of my paper: "It is possible that you might be able to write for a living if you learn how to plagiarize better."

 
From General Discussion / Is it possible to be paid for writing this crap?
Posted 2 Jul 10 18:32
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Quote: Charpa93


Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

Does anyone know of a way to turn a buck by writing this kind of material? Not that anyone in their right mind would read this muck. But stupid people have money too. I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.

Regards,

Dr. Billingsgate


12 Doctorates and you can't figure this one out? Shame.
If there was a way to make money at writing this stuff, do you think we'd all be on here instead of out there spending our millions? No brainer, Dr.


My student loan payments are killing me. My mother told me that 11 Doctorates were quite enough. Why I needed a PhD in Taxidermy was questionable, since I didn't need it to stuff myself.

 
From General Discussion / Is it possible to be paid for writing this crap?
Posted 2 Jul 10 18:24
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I have never been to the Galapagos. I'm not sure if my shrink would allow me. I have tortoise-aphobia. Actually live in San Diego because they don't allow tortoises on the beaches.

 
From General Discussion / Is it possible to be paid for writing this crap?
Posted 2 Jul 10 18:15
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Quote: Lynton

Dr. B - people normally pay us for NOT writing this crap but we just keep on doing it!

PS. Dr. B are you really on the Galapagos islands? Cos I know them very well.




 
From General Discussion / Is it possible to be paid for writing this crap?
Posted 2 Jul 10 17:45
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I won't answer that question unless you send me some money. Wiring instructions to follow.

Just kidding! Just trying to figure out a way to make a buck and have some fun with my 12 Doctorate Degrees.

Regards,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Is it possible to be paid for writing this crap?
Posted 2 Jul 10 17:24
Message
Does anyone know of a way to turn a buck by writing this kind of material? Not that anyone in their right mind would read this muck. But stupid people have money too. I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.

Regards,

Dr. Billingsgate

 
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