Discussion Forum

---

Quote: Jalapenoman

---

Quote: Dr. Billingsgate


Jalopenoman, you are a paradorx. If you are crazy enough to go into Mexico to pick up a copy of Chi Chis Grandes De Las Putas, you probably wouldn't live long enough to get it back across the border.

---

Sorry, but I've been to Ciudad Juarez possibly hundreds of times without incident. I've also been a little over 200 miles into the interior of Mexico and enjoyed my visits. I've even safely been to Nuevo Laredo and Agua Prieta and Matamoras.

---

---

Quote: Reddon

What's a "paradorx"?

Just askin'

---

Two dorxs

---

Quote: Jalapenoman

I don't have a London Penthouse, but I can get an American edition of Penthouse (or a copy of Playboy or Hustler if you prefer). Since I'm also 45 minutes from Mexico, I'm sure that I can get their edition of Penthouse also (generally known as "Chi Chis Grandes De Las Putas").

---

Jalopenoman, you are a paradorx. If you are crazy enough to go into Mexico to pick up a copy of Chi Chis Grandes De Las Putas, you probably wouldn't live long enough to get it back across the border.

---

Quote: Morse

...can you supply a bat guana export license....they are big on that shit in California for "Medicinal Marijuana" fertilizer...stuff takes off and grows like a wild weed.......we could make a fooking fortune and retire to Scotland...
at least until they run our arse out for not being like them.....

Willie Nelson

---

The local politicians are shutting down the Medicinal Marijuana shops here in San Diego if they are within 1000 yards of a school or 500 yards of a Meth lab. This takes away the problem of knowing why the children can't read.

Regarding the bat guana export license; please review the laws pertaining to this with the link provided:

www.galapagosbatshit.com

---

Quote: Inhopeless

Wrong Birmingham. Birmingham, ENGLAND. I would think that there are no British townhouses in Alabama, but my view of American architecture is 'everthing is glass and tall' or 'everything is made of wood and houses a gun-toting angry Tea Party guy'.

(You also have to take care of the 900-kilogram ego of my arch-enemy, but that's a different matter)[/blockquote

So close, but yet so far. If they had any British townhouses in Alabama, they would be flats now. Also, we wouldn't have gun-toting, angry Tea-Party guys over here if your Redcoats had prevailed in the Revolutionary War and disarmed us.

And just who is your arch-enemy with a 900-kilo ego? Sounds like an assignment that Dr. B could handle with half his doctorates tied behind his back.

---

Quote: Inhopeless

I'll trade you a British townhouse in central Birmingham for a studio apartment in downtown New York City, plus a tour of London on my flying pig.

---

Birmingham.....Isn't that where they are having all of the tornadoes? No thanks!

I will trade two weeks of my time share cave on Santa Cruz island for like time in London penthouse as near to Buckingham Palace as possible. Responsibilities include feeding my 600 pound giant tortoise (Yogi) and collecting bat guana as needed. July or August would fit. Please include butler and driver for best consideration.

Among the tribes that populate Libya, nothing is held more sacred than the bond between a man and his beast of burden. Dromedaries have long been prized by these earthy nomads, not only for their ability to carry their masters across barren miles of sand dunes without water, but for the love and affection they bestow on the lonely men who ride between their humps from oasis to oasis.

More loyal than the average canine, but revered because they don't bark and bite, these beasts of burden have but one fear; that they will be forsaken when their man smells the scent of burning poontang once again. Despite this always imminent threat, they plod on, belching, farting and spitting their way into the hearts and minds of men like Gaddafi.

Do you know anyone who has been victimized by this juvenile trick?

Depends on how big your time-piece is. As the ho's say; "Big watch...Little dick."

Little Willie loved his schnauzer
Of that there was no doubt
Then one day Willie took a bride
His dog, alas, was left to pine.

From that day on a plot was hatched
The ardor that burned turned cold.

One day Willie saw some dynamite
Could not understand it quite
Curiousity never pays
It rained Willie seven days.

The schnauzer, however did not miss a beat
Warming his buns at his new bride's feet.

---

Quote: Jesus Budda

I think Incredulous has just hit the nail on the head!
There is no such thing as unconditional love.
Hooray!

---

Evidently you have lost confidence in your right hand. I suggest you renew your vows to love and cherish each other.

---

Quote: Throckmorton Turdblossom

---

Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

---

Quote: Throckmorton Turdblossom

God

---

I'm sorry, but He doesn't count.

---

He does to count! How else do you think that he got to seven days of creation, twelve apostles, the ten virgins, the cubits of the ark, etc.?

---

I apologize for being so flippant. You nailed me with the numbers. Words do count!

---

Quote: Lynton

Not sure whether your dog actually loves you - would it stick around if you didn't feed it?

Your dog Dr. B exhibits conditioned love as might have been coined by Pavlov.


But I will admit to being a sucker for animals and it is as near as dammit unconditional.

However, at least the missus doesn't spend her time in front of the fire licking her backside. So although her love might not be unconditional I do prefer kissing her.

---

You might be right about it be conditioned love. When back on the farm as a young boy, my uncle let me slop the hogs. There was a huge brooder sow that eyed me the same way my snoodle does. Kind of gave me the creeps.

Concerning the edifying remarks about your wife, you must be a lucky man to have a woman like that to kiss. I would never kiss my dog's backside after he kissed my wife. I am a very jealous man.

---

Quote: armfeetandtoe

My snakes.
My Iguana
My African Grey

---

I should have required that it be a warm-blooded mammal. Next time I promise to be more specific.

---

Quote: birbee

Myself towards Jellybeans.

It doesn't matter what flavour they are, I have an unconditional love for them all.............

---

I feel the same way for my real fruit based gum drops, especially the lemon ones.

---

Quote: Throckmorton Turdblossom

God

---

I'm sorry, but He doesn't count.

---

Quote: Erskin Quint

Horseradish?

---

What possessed you to name your dog, Horseradish?

Besides your dog, can you name one other source for unconditional love?

---

Quote: Charpa93

---

Quote: Erskin Quint

Hmmm.

Plagiarise sounds dramatic - but using your experience is a kind of plagiarisation. As is all writing - you're making use of other people in one way or another.

Of course, there's also the matter of writing in the right way for the right markets - which involves plagiarisation in the sense of making use of the right ideas in the right manner, of following the protocols.

In a way, the spoof is a microcosm of all this. You can get high in the chart by writing the right stuff about celebrities. You can remain in obscurity by being yourself and crafting brilliant magazine pieces. Can you write brilliantly AND get loads of hits? - that's a real challenge. If so, maybe you've got a chance to be a published/paid writer.

I reckon you've got to be yourself and put yourself into your writing first and foremost. Write in your own way. That might not make any money. To make money, you might have to write for a market first and foremost. That's a decent craft and a great achievement. It's also not real creative writing. Real creative writing is self-expression. If you can do both, you're a genius.

Van Gogh died penniless and by his own hand. Kafka hardly published anything before his death. Jordan makes loads of dosh from her books.

---

Brilliant Erskin. Sure you're not the one with 12 doctorates?

---

Erskin, you come across as an intelligent bloke who seems to have taken my question to heart. As you might suspect from someone with 12 doctorates, I have had little time to meek out a living. That though is not all bad. As Henry David Thoreau wrote, "It is not necessary that a man should earn his living by the sweat of his brow unless he sweats much easier than I do."

I am currently waiting for the unwashed masses to take over the world. Then, and then only, will a man of my acumen be allowed to rise to the top. For it has been foretold that in the end, one man with 12 degrees will rule the world.

---

Quote: Lynton

Erskin don't encourage him!! He has 12 doctorates he could get a proper job

---

If any of you want to pick up a quick doctorate or two, I suggest Lafontaine College in the Cayman Islands. I highly recommend it. Even though it has no campus, it takes at least two weeks to obtain your PhD. Not your normal diploma mill, you actually have to pick up your diploma in person. I suggest that you take off your scuba gear during commencement because of the warm temperature. It is rumored that the college is subsidized by Fidel Castro so that he can have a sufficient number of physicians to care for his people.

---

Quote: Charpa93

See? Now you're already giving away your secrets and your edge. Careful. Even writing for no compensation can be quite competitive.

---

I have been victimized once again. By the way, I have PhD's in 12 disciplines, including animal husbandry and taxidermy. Do you think I should continue to write about jack-ass politicians or what?

---

Quote: Erskin Quint

There might be.

If you can find a market. Like anything else. You have to send your work to the right people, once you've worked out who they are.

You have to need to write, because the chances of getting any reward other than satisfying that personal need are very small. It can happen, though.

At least here it's a great writers' community/forum, you can get your work published, and it's great practice if you use it right. It keeps you writing and you get the oxygen of feedback.

It's better than writing on your own, which is hellish hard.

Good humorous writing is actually in demand, but producing good enough work and competing with others is damned difficult.

---

Thanks you for your words of wisdom. When in college I remember being encouraged by an English professor who wrote on the margin of my paper: "It is possible that you might be able to write for a living if you learn how to plagiarize better."

---

Quote: Charpa93

---

Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

Does anyone know of a way to turn a buck by writing this kind of material? Not that anyone in their right mind would read this muck. But stupid people have money too. I'm trying to think, but nothing happens.

Regards,

Dr. Billingsgate

---

12 Doctorates and you can't figure this one out? Shame.
If there was a way to make money at writing this stuff, do you think we'd all be on here instead of out there spending our millions? No brainer, Dr.

---

My student loan payments are killing me. My mother told me that 11 Doctorates were quite enough. Why I needed a PhD in Taxidermy was questionable, since I didn't need it to stuff myself.

I have never been to the Galapagos. I'm not sure if my shrink would allow me. I have tortoise-aphobia. Actually live in San Diego because they don't allow tortoises on the beaches.