All times are GMT

Forum Home / Forum posts by Dr. Billingsgate


4 Pages - « 1 2 [3] 4 »
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 8 Jun 11 17:23
Message

Quote: Colonel Juan

I do Doc..

relax..

follow through..

Keep your head down..

enjoy..


Sounds like you know something about the game. Or were you talking about something my wife might say to me in bed?

Thanks,

Dr.B

 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 8 Jun 11 17:18
Message

Quote: Skoob1999

I don't believe you.

You tell fibs.

Regards

Skoob.


Skoob,

Your conviviality is welcome. I gather that you have finally seen through my facade. Even my wife took less time than most of you to do so.

Best,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 8 Jun 11 17:12
Message

Quote: Colonel Juan

That's not even semi-hardcore wanking Doc..

Just tick the fucking boxes like Skoob says..

Then we'll play..


Thanks for the advice. I am about to leave for the day to play golf. Do you have any golf tips, too?

Dr. B


 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 8 Jun 11 16:44
Message

Quote: Skoob1999

And here's me believing that Dr B holds 12 Doctorates.

Could you maybe use one of them to add tags to your Spoof submissions?

It ain't rocket science.

Just sayin'

Skoob.


Everyone is getting so testy. If someone had told me that getting a Doctorate in rocket science was a prerequisite for this forum, believe me, I would have turned to and gotten one.

Regards from Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 8 Jun 11 15:37
Message

Quote: Ellie James

I keep getting sucked into this conversation because of racist comments like "beaner."

I am a bilingual reading specialist. 50% of my school day is spent teaching native Spanish speaking children to be better readers. The other 50% of my day is spent teaching native English speakers who are also dyslexic. I love all of them.

I am also happy to say not ONE of my former students has fallen into gangs. Most likely because they had teachers who have cared and believed in them. I also have a former student who considers himself to be a writer now and is actually writing a book, and he's only 16.

We live in a global society. Is it the child's fault that their parents come here to escape the horrid situation in their home country? No. We have a responsibility to teach them; to help them become viable citizens. Not just of the US, but the world.

If I were in Mexico and got sick....I would want a doctor to help me. Not because I also happen to speak Spanish, but because I'm a HUMAN!


Ellie,

I take issue with you regarding your characterization of the word, "beaner" having derogatory racial overtones. Also, it is not my fault that I picked up this word from my children. After all, the child is the father of the man.

Conversely, I don't call my children "gringos" just because that is what the "beaners" call them. My kids don't want to be insulted either.

Finally, if this message is confusing, it was meant to be because it is very difficult for me to remain on point. You see, I suffer from terminal dyslexia brought about by a comment by Sister Mary Eileen, one of my favorite teachers, who wrote on my report card that, "Dr. Billingsgate will never amount to a hill of beans unless he learns to cheat better." You better believe that my parents didn't take this lightly.

Being a teacher, I hope you understand how devastating the word "beans" can be to a young man going through puberty. Hopefully, as it becomes part of everyday school patois, it will lose its sharp edge.

Keep up the good work.

Dr. B



 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 8 Jun 11 14:54
Message

Quote: Erskin Quint

He's winding you up, IH.

I recall him saying in a post once that he lived off his mother.

Still, at least you got some excellent debating practice and your posts are a delight to read.


Erskin,

I agree with everything you said with the exceptions of those you list above.

Being a highly respected professional; after all, I do possess 12 Doctorates from a highly credited learning center in the Caymans, I hardly wish to be characterized as a provocateur.

Regarding my mother, she is long deceased. This being said, I hope that I have never given anyone reason to believe that anything I have written, either as Spoof articles or in any discussion forum, such as this, was to be taken literally.

Lastly, your encouragement to Inhopeless to do combat with me in the form of debate might prove counterintuititive, as most young men of his age find praise untrustworthy coming from ersatz father figures.

Best regards,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 8 Jun 11 04:46
Message
I was just kidding you guys to see your reaction. I actually am for UHC as long as I don't have to pay for abortions, free natal care for the 10,000,000 beaners who come across our border to have their babies in our hospitals at no cost, and then have their little baby beaners automatically become US citizens, thereby qualifying their extended family to receive free medical care, food stamps, subsidized housing and social security benefits.

They can go to any hospital in the land for emergency care because it is against the law here to refuse treatment to anyone in need. This cost is subsequently passed on to those who do have insurance, like myself, because hospitals have to pass on these costs to someone. Then they fill our elementary schools with non-English speaking students who make it impossible for American students to learn anything because the teachers have to spend all their time with the slow learners. For our kids to get a decent education, we have to send them to a private school where we have to pay tuition in addition to the amount levied on us to keep the public schools open.

When the beaners drop out of school and start gang-banging, they eventually are arrested and sent to prison at an annual cost higher than what it takes to go to Harvard. In prison they receive the UHC that I pay for out of my taxes.

It is because we provide defacto UHC, jobs and other benefits to these people that they cross our borders. Now do you understand why it doesn't work here?





 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 7 Jun 11 21:12
Message

Quote: Inhopeless


Quote: Dr. Billingsgate

How is this for being specific? National Healthcare is B.A.D.

Not because Margaret Thatcher said so, but because it has produced blood sucking vermin like yourself who couldn't compete in the United States if you were spotted a free education and a house in the suburbs.

Stick that up your non-sequitur.

Best regards,

Dr. B


No need for personal attacks man. Blood-sucking vermin?! Let me tell you this. I am many things, Dr. B. But not that. I am hard-working. I am an upstanding citizen, okay? I have been working hard throughout my past exams in order to achieve a good mark, so that I can go to a good university.

When I do go, it will set me back £21,000. That is a lot of money.

I am willing to sacrifice time, money, sleep, so that I can improve my lot.

You still have not given a coherent reason. I have used statistical evidence, ancedotes, witness evidence, experience and the backing of my peers. What have you used? Non-sequiturs, personal attacks, deviation into other topics, and close-mindedness.

I have many right-wing friends, and all have said that I am wrong in my left-wing views, but they respect that, and they leave it there.

So, for the umpteenth bloody fucking time: Explain, and describe, with coherent, backed-up reasons, why the American system is better than UHC? (for 12mks).

P.S. Some of our peers on this site are admirable at my responses. Why? Because you're arguing with a 16 year old. I don't need a free education in America. I'm receiving the best in the country for FREE.


Dear Inhopeless;

I am sorry that I unloaded on you. Because of your malaprops I thought that you were younger than 16.

The reason that your peers admire your responses is that they agree with you, which makes me believe that you and your ilk all practice Manichaean solipsism.

One of the reasons why I believe that our system is better than UHC is that we want less government in our lives; not more, so that we can decide what's best for ourselves and our family, without some fag in Washington telling us that we are expendable because of our age or condition. Evidently, you Brits have been sucking the tit for so long that you can't fend for yourselves.

I sincerely hope that when you start earning your own money and paying taxes you realize the inequity of having to support those who are gaming the system.

 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 7 Jun 11 20:10
Message
How is this for being specific? National Healthcare is B.A.D.

Not because Margaret Thatcher said so, but because it has produced blood sucking vermin like yourself who couldn't compete in the United States if you were spotted a free education and a house in the suburbs.

Stick that up your non-sequiter.

Best regards,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 7 Jun 11 14:51
Message
To Dr. Billingsgate's allies across the Atlantic who have been waiting for a counterattack from their American friend:

"I was never able to accomplish in England, what Reagan accomplished in America, and it was one thing that stood in my way, the British national healthcare system."

"Socialism is a great idea till you run out of other people's money."

Margaret Thatcher

 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 6 Jun 11 23:18
Message
The PIGS countries had economies based around the public, tourism, and construction sectors, all fluctuational sectors, and worst affected in a crisis.

Britain is based around manufacturing, financial, service and technological sectors. Less susceptible to damage.

Response: They were all spending more money than they were taking in because of too many promises by government to take care of people who won't take care of themselves. We have the same problem in America. I guess Britain is immune...duhh!

And here is where my top marks in History come in.

In WWI America came late into the war, around 1916-ish. By this time the Allies were on the path to winning-ish. Even with American help, the war would've ended in a draw nonetheless (remember, we didn't actually win really, Germany just got fed up).

In WWII the Canadian and British forces were most instrumental in the D-Day Landings. Hitler himself said that his forces were to retreat when they see the red leaf.

Also, most of the work (and killed servicemen) was in fact done by the British/Commonwealth and French forces - America was just an arms dealer with a few soldiers on the ground. The loss of American troops was much, much less than that of the Europeans/Commonwealth. Hell, you actually made some profit out of it.

The Cold War was much unnoticed by the European countries - it was effectively America and the USSR, with America just installing bases in Europe.

The so-called 'War on Terror', of which Terror is in the lead, was purely an American thing, with Britain just desperately trying to remain a world force by hanging on the coattails.

Response: Are you talking about REAL history or RELATIVE history? Your top marks in History are an illusion. I shall not waste my time rebutting each point I disagree with. You conveniently forgot to mention the Soviet Union's role in defeating Germany on the Eastern front. And why would you include France? Other than the Resistance Forces, they kissed Hitler's ass.

Let me remind you, that most immigrants to the US are of South American decent. It is much cheaper to go to the US than to fly to any European nation. Most other immigrants, e.g. Indians, would rather fly to Europe. especially Britain, because a) is cheaper, and b) Britain has a lot more racial tolerance - all the mostly right-wing bullshit that is oft played is ignored.

RESPONSE: America would love for you take all of our illegal aliens and would be happy to pay their airfare to UK. Thank you! The pleasure is ours.

Also, there are no such thing as 'immigrants' to the US. In effect, most Americans are truly Europeans.

RESPONSE: WTF are you talking about?

Are you trying to insinuate that socialism is bad? Or are you just using it as a synonym for Communist? Because the longest-serving (democratic) Commie party ever - in India, has drastically improved the lot of the people living in the state (West Bengal) they were leading.

RESPONSE: Yes. Yes. And how would you like to be a female fetus in West Bengal?

I don't have a clue how Canada runs its healthcare, but I can tell you, the NHS is without a doubt way, way, better than your way.

RESPONSE: Anything is way, way better if someone else is paying for it.

We spend 8% of GDP on Healthcare.
America spends over 15%!

RESPONSE: You get what you pay for.

We have a longer life expectancy, less smokers, lower infant mortality, and best of all, its pretty much cheap (in terms of taxes paid).

RESPONSE: If I didn't know better, I would move from San Diego to one of your beautiful industrial cities. Do you recommend one?

There is one war the Americans won't lead because they won't accept its existence. The War on Climate Change. And who's leading that? Europe. At least we're reducing our carbon footprint and CO2 output, yet America produces more CO2 than Africa, Europe and Asia (minus China, Japan) combined!

RESPONSE: WTF is wrong with C02? I thought that trees and other green plants needed it for photosynthesis. If we didn't have carbon, how could we build our Stealth Bombers and golf club shafts?


 
From General Discussion / Universal Healthcare? Good or Bad?
Posted 6 Jun 11 19:45
Message
Just because Portugal, Greece, Ireland and Spain are crying for help because their social policies are bankrupting them, it is understandable (because you're socialists) that you don't consider this a trend.

If you smug bastards would pay for your own national defense instead of waiting for Uncle Sam to bail your asses out; as in WWI, WWII, the Cold War, and now the war against Muslim extremism, you wouldn't have the cash to pay for your present national health insurance either.

So don't lecture America about its responsibilities to its citizens. If things are so bad here, why are we so overwhelmed by immigrants wanting to have their babies here in our hospitals, then filling up our schools with non-English speaking students? This, I remind you, is all paid for by tax-payers like myself. Most of us don't like our living standards lowered because of this inflow, but we are forced to pay for it anyway through taxation; money that could be used for our our own medical plan.

And if Canada's plan is so good, why do Canadians come to America when they can't get treated expeditiously in their own country?

 
From News Discussion / Spoof Site struggling from diminished number of readers - more REAL female writers needed
Posted 13 May 11 19:13
Message

Quote: Ellie James

I can say with all honesty that I'm a woman.


I don't trust anyone regarding gender identity. I have been burned too many times to count. I am so gun shy now that even my wife suspects that I might be a woman. Do you have any suggestions that we might use to make sure we are what we claim to be?

Dr. B

ps: I was Dr. A before my latest breast augmentation.

 
From General Discussion / Seal Team Six
Posted 5 May 11 15:21
Message

Quote: Morse


Quote: P.M. Wortham

Apparently this group of half-wit, incompetent mission specialists, and assasins can't seem to do anything right.

Small wonder. Perhaps you are not aware that when SEAL Team Six was being formed in 1980, Great Britain's Special Boat Squadron (SBS) took part in the joint training of this specialized group because of their experience.

Another tidbit: Commander Dick Marcinko, the units first Commanding Officer who was chosen to form this team, was court martialed for taking money under the table and did two years in Leavenworth Federal Prison.

He was a complete loon.






 
From General Discussion / United States: "Osama Bin-Laden Dead"
Posted 2 May 11 22:32
Message
Last thing I remember, I was runnin for the door. I had to find the passage back to the place I was before.

Goodnight, said the nightman. We are programmed to receive. You can check out anytime you like, but you never can leave... Hotel bin Laden

 
From General Discussion / Will Trade Galapagos Island Time Share For London Penthouse
Posted 1 May 11 03:55
Message
I live in San Diego. Got lost coming back from Rosarito Beach one night. Couldn't find my way across border because signs are all fucked up in Tijuana. Drove around for over an hour. Scared I'd never see my beloved Schnoodle again. Finally made my way back. Never again. I could have been a twelve doctorate Cartel stew.

 
From General Discussion / Will Trade Galapagos Island Time Share For London Penthouse
Posted 1 May 11 03:45
Message

Quote: Jalapenoman


Quote: Dr. Billingsgate


Jalopenoman, you are a paradorx. If you are crazy enough to go into Mexico to pick up a copy of Chi Chis Grandes De Las Putas, you probably wouldn't live long enough to get it back across the border.


Sorry, but I've been to Ciudad Juarez possibly hundreds of times without incident. I've also been a little over 200 miles into the interior of Mexico and enjoyed my visits. I've even safely been to Nuevo Laredo and Agua Prieta and Matamoras.


 
From General Discussion / Will Trade Galapagos Island Time Share For London Penthouse
Posted 1 May 11 02:33
Message

Quote: Reddon

What's a "paradorx"?

Just askin'


Two dorxs

 
From General Discussion / Will Trade Galapagos Island Time Share For London Penthouse
Posted 30 Apr 11 22:28
Message

Quote: Jalapenoman

I don't have a London Penthouse, but I can get an American edition of Penthouse (or a copy of Playboy or Hustler if you prefer). Since I'm also 45 minutes from Mexico, I'm sure that I can get their edition of Penthouse also (generally known as "Chi Chis Grandes De Las Putas").


Jalopenoman, you are a paradorx. If you are crazy enough to go into Mexico to pick up a copy of Chi Chis Grandes De Las Putas, you probably wouldn't live long enough to get it back across the border.

 
From General Discussion / Will Trade Galapagos Island Time Share For London Penthouse
Posted 30 Apr 11 22:21
Message

Quote: Morse

...can you supply a bat guana export license....they are big on that shit in California for "Medicinal Marijuana" fertilizer...stuff takes off and grows like a wild weed.......we could make a fooking fortune and retire to Scotland...
at least until they run our arse out for not being like them.....

Willie Nelson


The local politicians are shutting down the Medicinal Marijuana shops here in San Diego if they are within 1000 yards of a school or 500 yards of a Meth lab. This takes away the problem of knowing why the children can't read.

Regarding the bat guana export license; please review the laws pertaining to this with the link provided:

www.galapagosbatshit.com



 
From General Discussion / Will Trade Galapagos Island Time Share For London Penthouse
Posted 30 Apr 11 22:07
Message

Quote: Inhopeless

Wrong Birmingham. Birmingham, ENGLAND. I would think that there are no British townhouses in Alabama, but my view of American architecture is 'everthing is glass and tall' or 'everything is made of wood and houses a gun-toting angry Tea Party guy'.

(You also have to take care of the 900-kilogram ego of my arch-enemy, but that's a different matter)[/blockquote

So close, but yet so far. If they had any British townhouses in Alabama, they would be flats now. Also, we wouldn't have gun-toting, angry Tea-Party guys over here if your Redcoats had prevailed in the Revolutionary War and disarmed us.

And just who is your arch-enemy with a 900-kilo ego? Sounds like an assignment that Dr. B could handle with half his doctorates tied behind his back.


 
From General Discussion / Will Trade Galapagos Island Time Share For London Penthouse
Posted 30 Apr 11 17:39
Message

Quote: Inhopeless

I'll trade you a British townhouse in central Birmingham for a studio apartment in downtown New York City, plus a tour of London on my flying pig.


Birmingham.....Isn't that where they are having all of the tornadoes? No thanks!

 
From General Discussion / Will Trade Galapagos Island Time Share For London Penthouse
Posted 29 Apr 11 21:54
Message
I will trade two weeks of my time share cave on Santa Cruz island for like time in London penthouse as near to Buckingham Palace as possible. Responsibilities include feeding my 600 pound giant tortoise (Yogi) and collecting bat guana as needed. July or August would fit. Please include butler and driver for best consideration.

 
From General Discussion / Why Gaddafi's Camel Still Loves Him
Posted 1 Mar 11 22:57
Message
Among the tribes that populate Libya, nothing is held more sacred than the bond between a man and his beast of burden. Dromedaries have long been prized by these earthy nomads, not only for their ability to carry their masters across barren miles of sand dunes without water, but for the love and affection they bestow on the lonely men who ride between their humps from oasis to oasis.

More loyal than the average canine, but revered because they don't bark and bite, these beasts of burden have but one fear; that they will be forsaken when their man smells the scent of burning poontang once again. Despite this always imminent threat, they plod on, belching, farting and spitting their way into the hearts and minds of men like Gaddafi.

 
From News Discussion / Priceless Artwork In Unusual Place Proves that Banksy Was at The Oscars
Posted 1 Mar 11 00:21
Message
The relevant equipollence of your vignette made me want to hang myself in effigy posthumously. Good writing seems to have that effect on me. Lucky for all that Dr. Billingsgate's writing transcends matter and somehow retains it spirituality, even while going around in sub-atomic circles.

 
4 Pages - « 1 2 [3] 4 »
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Who is online?

There are no registered users currently online.


Profile Featured Writer

Vondrook
Vondrook
Joined: 17 March 2009
Stories Written: 51

Go to top