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From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 17 Apr 16 20:03
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I was thinking the same thing. What's next?

 
From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 17 Apr 16 19:00
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Quote: Erskin Quint

Ah yes, the ACME trivet. First manufactured in Pinkerton, Pennsylvania, I believe.

Why there? It's as good a place as any.


Since "ACME" is a backronym, how did you get your bogus information?

 
From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 14 Apr 16 15:52
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Interestingly, the first company to manufacture trivets in the New World was the ACME Corporation. There is documentary evidence that a ACME built trivet was the weapon of choice used by Wile E. Coyote to whack the Roadrunner, even before the mighty anvil was invented by ACME. In fact, the Roadrunner cartoon featured the trivet as the anti-hero during the silent years of the cartoon (1949-1952). In 1952, sound effects were added. No one will ever forget hearing for the first time the law of gravity being used to demonstrate Wile E. Coyote's mastery of physics.

Too bad for trivet lovers that an anvil was chosen for this historic event.

 
From News Discussion / Evidence Of First Transgender Toilet Found In Appalachia
Posted 11 Apr 16 23:01
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Is there anyone else from Southern California who would like to get together?

 
From News Discussion / Evidence Of First Transgender Toilet Found In Appalachia
Posted 11 Apr 16 22:07
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Thanks Harry. I see you are from LA. I live in San Diego. Maybe we could meet in San Clemente for pizza and beer at Sonny's, one of my favorite spots. On me. Will use proceeds from Spoof royalties.

Regards,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 11 Apr 16 00:51
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Didn't Winston Churchill in his memoir say that, "One privet in the hand is worth two in the bush?"

 
From General Discussion / Exclusive Preview of My Novel
Posted 7 Apr 16 16:21
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Is there any chance that you and I could ham and egg this story? I could represent you to the American Egg Council in exchange for a percentage of royalties. Also suggest one more "blah" after "etc" for resonance effect.

 
From General Discussion / Exclusive Preview of My Novel
Posted 7 Apr 16 15:30
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Is there any chance that you and I could ham and egg this story? I could represent you to the American Egg Council in exchange for a percentage of royalties. Also suggest one more "blah" after "etc" for resonance effect.

 
From General Discussion / Trivets
Posted 5 Apr 16 17:35
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I now use a mashie
Instead of a trivet.
It's much easier to swing
And it doesn't leave a divit.

 
From News Discussion / IMPEACH MEGYN KELLY! Trump Calls Her A Bimbo Alfred E. Neuman
Posted 6 Mar 16 22:16
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Thanks for your gracious review. I didn't think anyone read my stuff. As a follow-up, I was informed by Megyn Kelly's husband that he agreed with me completely. In fact, Megyn told him that skewing Trump was the best sex she had ever had, other than him, of course.

 
From News Discussion / IMPEACH MEGYN KELLY! Trump Calls Her A Bimbo Alfred E. Neuman
Posted 6 Mar 16 22:16
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Thanks for your gracious review. I didn't think anyone read my stuff. As a follow-up, I was informed by Megyn Kelly's husband that he agreed with me completely. In fact, Megyn told him that skewing Trump was the best sex she had ever had, other than him, of course.

 
From News Discussion / IMPEACH MEGYN KELLY! Trump Calls Her A Bimbo Alfred E. Neuman
Posted 6 Mar 16 22:13
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Thanks for your gracious review. I didn't think anyone read my stuff. As a follow-up, I was informed by Megyn Kelly's husband that he agreed with me completely. In fact, Megyn told him that skewing Trump was the best sex she had ever had, other than him, of course.

 
From General Discussion / Commercials
Posted 6 Feb 16 03:26
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Quasimodo couldn't have said it better. I had a hunch that this topic would resonate.

 
From News Discussion / Tim Tebow Saves Patriot Cheerleader From Damnation With Eye-Black Message: John 16:13
Posted 17 Jan 12 19:10
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I suspect that you were nearly a man of the cloth until your concupiscent nature ran ramshackle over your vocation.

I didn't quite make it to a seminary. However, I did graduate from a Jesuit college with a Major in Philosophy, which was almost entirely based on Saint Thomas Aquinas' Summa.

By the way, I don't include that degree among my 12 doctorates because I didn't want you guys to think I was bragging.

I do enjoy finding out bits and pieces about my fellow Spoofers, although I still can't figure out why we write this smack.

Best wishes,

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Tim Tebow Saves Patriot Cheerleader From Damnation With Eye-Black Message: John 16:13
Posted 17 Jan 12 16:52
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Quote: P.M. Wortham

"She asked him if she could be saved from eternal damnation, as her father suggested was her due, for running around in her skimpy suit, provoking thoughts of concupiscible pleasure in the dirty minds of drunken Patriot fans."


5 huge thumbs just for the headline. (But the story's pretty damn good too).

Frankly, you forced me to look up "concupiscible".

Bastard.

Dictionary whore.

But,

I'm still a fan.



Cheers!
PM


Thanks, but I am hardly a dictionary whore. Having submerged myself in Summa Theologica when I reached puberty at age 19, "concupiscible" was as much a part of my vocabulary as "vagina" and "mammary" were to most young men.

Best,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Money Problems
Posted 23 Nov 11 15:31
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Quote: Jaggedone

Skoob, a baseball bat would come in 'handy'


As John Wayne said, "I'm not gona hit you. The hell I'm not.....POW!"

 
From General Discussion / Money Problems
Posted 22 Nov 11 23:15
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Skoob,

Sorry to hear of your problem. Sounds like same type of chap who is occupying Wall Street and other places here in USA. They believe that someone else should take care of their problems while they sit around and smoke dope and rag on the inequities of life.

Hope all turns out well for you.

Kindest regards,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Smokin' Joe
Posted 8 Nov 11 20:19
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Skoob,

I was a big Smokin Joe fan and watched his fights with Ali on closed circuit. Believe me, it was a big deal back then and the fight atmosphere, even on closed circuit was electric for those fights.

Being a fight fan, I was at the Ali-Ken Norton fight in San Diego when Norton beat Ali. I also got to see Joe Louis fight an exhibition before a wrestling match, which was sort of sad to see him at that stage of his career. I believe it was sometime in the late 50's.

Best,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 7 Nov 11 16:54
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Quote: pinxit


Quote: Dr. Billingsgate
In a few minutes I will have Herbert Cain on the phone for an in depth psychoanalysis to see if he is fit to be president. The report should be available shortly.


I'm sure he has more skeletons in the cupboard than even you.

(For purposes of a purely taxidermic nature, of course.)


Now that Gloria Allred is in his cupboard I am sure the skeletons will gain flesh. That, my friend, is all I need to embark on my Cain stuffing episode.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 7 Nov 11 16:51
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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Doc, have you read the Catholic Apocrypha? I am sure they mention your name with regard to apendages.

Love as always

Arm xxxxxxxxxx


Surely you must remember that I have a PhD. in Apocrypy. It was part of 2 for 1 deal when I got my degree in Taxidermy.

Always nice to hear from someone nuttier than me.

Regards,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 3 Nov 11 17:58
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Quote: pinxit


Quote: Dr. Billingsgate
What really hurts is when they don't applaud me when they see me coming.


Don't worry. I saw you coming a long time ago...


Pinxit,

Since you're the only one who seems capable of appreciating the nuances of Moliere and The Physician In Spite Of Himself, I will let you in on a secret. In a few minutes I will have Herbert Cain on the phone for an in depth psychoanalysis to see if he is fit to be president. The report should be available shortly.

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Why French Officers Wear Brown Pants
Posted 2 Nov 11 17:40
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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Doc, your telling porkies.
I have never been asked why French soldiers wear brown trousers. Underpants, yes, trousers, no.


Very informative though. Can you tell why monkeys live in zoo's? I feel we must be told.


Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


 
From General Discussion / Why French Officers Wear Brown Pants
Posted 2 Nov 11 14:18
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During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British "red coat."

Many people have asked, "why did the British wear red coats in battle?

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French General began to question him.

Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his casual, matter-of-fact way, the officer informed the General that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that, if they are shot, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers wear brown trousers.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 1 Nov 11 23:11
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Shame about the craving for recognition though.

That must really hurt.


That craving has been satisfied many times over by the standing ovations I get when I leave a group. What really hurts is when they don't applaud me when they see me coming.

 
From General Discussion / Will Somebody Please Take Me Seriously For Once?
Posted 31 Oct 11 23:01
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If you find it, let me know. I would like to mount the lttle bastard and show him who's boss. Before you jump to conclusions, you might recall I have a PhD. in Taxidermy.

 
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