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From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 3 Nov 11 17:58
Message

Quote: pinxit


Quote: Dr. Billingsgate
What really hurts is when they don't applaud me when they see me coming.


Don't worry. I saw you coming a long time ago...


Pinxit,

Since you're the only one who seems capable of appreciating the nuances of Moliere and The Physician In Spite Of Himself, I will let you in on a secret. In a few minutes I will have Herbert Cain on the phone for an in depth psychoanalysis to see if he is fit to be president. The report should be available shortly.

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Why French Officers Wear Brown Pants
Posted 2 Nov 11 17:40
Message

Quote: armfeetandtoe

Doc, your telling porkies.
I have never been asked why French soldiers wear brown trousers. Underpants, yes, trousers, no.


Very informative though. Can you tell why monkeys live in zoo's? I feel we must be told.


Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


 
From General Discussion / Why French Officers Wear Brown Pants
Posted 2 Nov 11 14:18
Message

During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British "red coat."

Many people have asked, "why did the British wear red coats in battle?

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French General began to question him.

Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his casual, matter-of-fact way, the officer informed the General that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that, if they are shot, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers wear brown trousers.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 1 Nov 11 23:11
Message
Shame about the craving for recognition though.

That must really hurt.


That craving has been satisfied many times over by the standing ovations I get when I leave a group. What really hurts is when they don't applaud me when they see me coming.

 
From General Discussion / Will Somebody Please Take Me Seriously For Once?
Posted 31 Oct 11 23:01
Message
If you find it, let me know. I would like to mount the lttle bastard and show him who's boss. Before you jump to conclusions, you might recall I have a PhD. in Taxidermy.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 31 Oct 11 20:57
Message

Quote: armfeetandtoe

I can't remember if I have ever received a doctorate under that name. Why do you ask?

PS: Why did you use 23 x's when signing your name? The last time you only used 21. Are you losing your fxxking mind?

Doctor B


I might need your services one day.

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


That's better. You can never have too many fxxking xxxx's. I do taxidermy. Just write me when you feel the need.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 31 Oct 11 18:59
Message
Inchcock:

Oh I'm sure I'm not surrounded by assholes at all, no one here but me nowadays, even the cat's hopped it.

Depressed? Me? Perhaps, just a bit!

Taketh care


I believe you should check your closets. Could be some assholes that you are not aware of.

Sorry about your cat.

Nice to hear from you, and taker care of yourself.

Dr. B


 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 31 Oct 11 18:54
Message

Quote: armfeetandtoe

You sure your name is not Crippen?

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


I can't remember if I have ever received a doctorate under that name. Why do you ask?

PS: Why did you use 23 x's when signing your name? The last time you only used 21. Are you losing your fxxking mind?

Doctor B

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 31 Oct 11 18:38
Message

Quote: pinxit

My, but you sound in a bad way.

I suppose the adage 'Physician, heal thyself' hasn't helped then?

Well, as an intelligent person, I guess you know what to do then.


Interestingly, the only reason I have never admitted to being a physician is that I read Moliere's play, The Physician In Spite of Himself, when I was in pre-med years ago. I believe this quote from his play will tell you all you need to know about physicians and why I have never admitted to being one:


"It is the best trade out," he tells us; "payment comes whether we kill or cure. No responsibility rests upon us; we may hack about as we please the stuff given us to work upon. If a patient dies, it is his own fault, never ours. Lastly, dead men, of all people the most discreet, tell no tales of the doctor who has sent them to their long account."

I hope this offers some insight so that I might be better understood by those of you who fail to appreciate my academic virtuosity.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 26 Oct 11 15:21
Message
Before you diagnose yourself with depression and low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, infact, surrounded by assholes.

Dr. Billingsgate, PhD. Clinical Psychology 101

 
From News Discussion / Gaddafi 'dead' - propofol poisoning suspected
Posted 21 Oct 11 23:42
Message
Why would anyone want to kill Gaddafi? I honestly believe that he meant well by siphoning off billions of dollars for his favorite charity; his beloved Gaddafi Foundation based in Zurich.

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Local Man Enjoying Gay Honeymoon With Thespian - Long Suffering Wife Not Amused
Posted 13 Oct 11 22:53
Message
Just the usual supercilious banter among the privileged clique who find humor in such scatology. It is not your fault that I find this less than humorous, but I blame you, nontheless.

Cordially,

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Occupy Wall Street, still not happening...honest, no it really isnt, trust me, I'm a journalist.
Posted 11 Oct 11 03:20
Message
Since you brought up the topic of logic, I might add that the cities you mentioned also have laws agains murder and rape, what's the point?

Certainly greed can bring down any relationship. However, if no laws are broken while gaining wealth, how are you going to stop someone from being more ambitious than another.

It is easy to preach about the evils of capitalism or any other ism. But when politicians appoint Goldman Sachs executives to be Treasury Secretary and head of SEC, what do you expect? As Herman Cain suggested, march on Washington, not Wall Street.

 
From News Discussion / Occupy Wall Street, still not happening...honest, no it really isnt, trust me, I'm a journalist.
Posted 11 Oct 11 00:14
Message
I cannot believe that most of you are identifying with the scumbags who have taken the time off from their unemployment to defecate and fornicate in the park where they are gathering near Wall Street.

I can see that the European road to socialism has led many of you to your distaste for American capitalism. An oilman friend of mine, after listening to my complaints of the price of gas, said, "If you think that the oil companies are making too much money, buy their stock and use your dividends to buy gas."

Really, most of these people have nothing better to do than prey on the system for their own benefit; underground capitalism, if you will.

NOTE: If I agreed with you, all of us would be wrong.

 
From News Discussion / Gay Dog Runs Amok On Worthing Seafront
Posted 8 Sep 11 20:33
Message
Skoob,

This could be your day of redemption. Is it possible to ship the gay dog to San Diego? I would like to see if that mutt would dare try to get into the skivvies of some of the Bull-Dykes who hiss at my little Schnoodle when he pees on their motorcycle wheels at Dog Beach. Perhaps we could have him(her) deputized so that the full force of the law might be utilized.

Regards,

Dr.B

 
From News Discussion / US Deny Obama, Bin Laden, Predator Link
Posted 8 Sep 11 20:16
Message
Masheded,

I am convinced you know what you are talking about. Your sources are impeccable. Would you be able to walk my people through the Predator details? Sounds like you have it nailed. Of course, if you would rather be water-boarded, I can arrange.

Best,

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / US Deny Obama, Bin Laden, Predator Link
Posted 8 Sep 11 17:22
Message

Quote: Masheded

Hope you like it. My twist on a very dodgy set of coincidences.

Seems more plausible than the shit "they" have managed to come up with anyhow....


Masheded,

I am in constant direct contact with both the SEAL Command and President Obama. Let me assure you that they are both aware of your scepticism regarding bin Laden's current disposition. If you have specific information to prop up your assertions, I can set up a conference call with all parties.

Please advise.

Dr. Billingsgate

 
From News Discussion / I didn't have sexual relations with that cucumber
Posted 8 Sep 11 14:48
Message
This story hits close to home. I had to rip out my cucumber plants last week because I noticed my wife's indifference to my sexual performance. On the other hand, I see an opportunity. Next spring when I put my cucumber sprigs out, I am going to embed a small battery with each plant to see if I can produce a hybrid that's marketable at the Adult Superstore. Build a better dildo and the world will beat a path to your door.

 
From General Discussion / You Know You're Getting Old When...
Posted 2 Sep 11 18:18
Message
When you receive a notice from your high-school class of an up-coming reunion posthumously.

 
From News Discussion / Amy Winehouse Death Connected to American Debt Ceiling and Monkee's Reunion!
Posted 29 Jul 11 17:36
Message

Quote: Skoob1999

Race?

I didn't know she was a runner.

Maybe she trained with Usain Bolt during her Caribbeam sojourns...

You learn something new every day...

Just sayin'

Regards

Skoob.


Skoob,

You're parsing me again. I believe she was leading the self-demolition derby when she punched out.

Best,

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Amy Winehouse Death Connected to American Debt Ceiling and Monkee's Reunion!
Posted 29 Jul 11 17:32
Message

Quote: Skoob1999

Race?

I didn't know she was a runner.

Maybe she trained with Usain Bolt during her Caribbeam sojourns...

You learn something new every day...

Just sayin'

Regards

Skoob.


 
From News Discussion / Amy Winehouse Death Connected to American Debt Ceiling and Monkee's Reunion!
Posted 28 Jul 11 23:05
Message
I will miss Amy Winehouse. She was a great example for young girls everywhere. A credit to her race.

 
From General Discussion / NHS Revisited
Posted 28 Jul 11 16:21
Message

Quote: IainB

Everything's fine.

Most people in the country now have two artificial hips, and don't need any more.

Walk me through this, please.

There are very few tonsils left any more.

Talk me through this, please.

Thanks to the increase in laser eye surgery, nobody has cateracts either.

I see, thank you.

The numbers are declining not because of a problem, but because the NHS is so efficient.

Either that, or because it's killing all the ill off.

Not a problem until you run out of victims.

Iain



 
From General Discussion / NHS Revisited
Posted 28 Jul 11 14:26
Message
According to an article in The Independent, certain procedures such as hip replacements, tonsillectomies, and cataract surguries are being severely curtailed. We discussed this a couple of months ago. Most of you from UK described yourself as very satisfied with your NHS. Has anything changed over there?

 
From General Discussion / Wombats
Posted 27 Jul 11 01:54
Message
I thought that wombats was a state of mind, not a marsupial. If I understand you, having a pouch to carry your young is the defining ingredient. This is complete bullshit. I have a pouch, but I have never carried nothing in it. Please redefine marsupial.

Dr. B

 
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