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From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 24 Mar 17 14:28
Message
Doc.....You have once more humbled me with your iconic approach to the art of Taxidermy. From now on, I suggest we collaborate on these projects. Allow me to do the actual mounting while you do the plaques. Perhaps someone with artistic lineage might volunteer to do the filigree.

I look forward to our next project.

Very respectfully,

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 20 Mar 17 01:56
Message
Ditto

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 20 Mar 17 00:42
Message
Are you suggesting mountophilia? Ethically, that could pose a problem. Taxidermists are held to a much higher standard than morticians.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 19 Mar 17 22:26
Message
Doc, Just between you and me, if I had the opportunity, I would mount her in my den; taxidermally speaking, of course.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 18 Mar 17 16:13
Message
If not for extra-large buttocks, ramshackle ovaries and clapboard breasts, the Kardashians would be just another story in the dustbin of celebrity history.

 
From General Discussion / Brain Surgery
Posted 18 Mar 17 03:24
Message
Dr. Ben Carson was the lead taxidermist when Donald Trump had an albino raccoon mounted on his head. If you look carefully, you can see the beady eyes of the raccoon peering out from under the comb-over. Carson still claims he took more satisfaction from this operation than separating the conjoined twins.

 
From General Discussion / Why Is Sanger Rainsford Being Vilified By Liberals Today?
Posted 16 Mar 17 21:33
Message

Quote: Erskin Quint

Well I for one don't understand a word.


Even so, why was it necessary for you to say so? Writers have feelings, too.

 
From General Discussion / Brain Surgery
Posted 16 Mar 17 16:55
Message

Quote: Monkey Woods

Seems like a logical step.
.

You don't have to be a brain surgeon to figure that out. Good work!

 
From General Discussion / Brain Surgery
Posted 16 Mar 17 02:35
Message
Brain surgery is not for hacks. However, most taxidermists can do it in their sleep if given the chance. Currently, the AMA controls most medical procedures in order to make it impossible for other professionals to make a decent living. I believe that President Trump will recognize the Taxidermy profession for what it is; potentially the way to provide easy access to brain surgery before the condition is diagnosed by your spouse.

 
From General Discussion / Eithiopian Rubbish Landslide Kills 48
Posted 14 Mar 17 03:06
Message
This story has been vetted by the Ethiopian Free Press and found completely lacking in credibility. They have no garbage in Ethiopia. It is a garbage free state and has been since they found the remains of Mulatu Tesho Wirtu in the stomach X-rays of his Prime Minister, Hailemarian Delalegn.

 
From General Discussion / Why Is Sanger Rainsford Being Vilified By Liberals Today?
Posted 14 Mar 17 02:45
Message
Next to the proliferation of hazelnut douche bags, this could be the next game- changer in the fight of good vs evil. What say you?

 
From General Discussion / Appeal
Posted 10 Mar 17 01:43
Message
No. But I can get you a copy of Barack Obama's Kenya birth certificate as provided by his half- brother, Malik. Much more important than you might think. Could render last 8 years meaningless.

 
From News Discussion / Headteacher defends school uniform stance
Posted 7 Mar 17 03:11
Message
That's exactly why young girls should wear underwear. If you send your little sweetheart to an underwear optional school, don't be surprised if a prevert slips through the cracks.

 
From General Discussion / Ways To Avoid Becoming a Corpse
Posted 7 Mar 17 01:14
Message

Quote: victor nicholas

Trump seems to have lost the eastern hemisphere of his brain but it has not changed him whatsoever.


Quote: Erskin Quint

There are people who have lost a hemisphere of their brain and yet they remain the same 'person'. Or do they?



Trump cherishes his eastern hemisphere, as well as he should.

 
From General Discussion / Ways To Avoid Becoming a Corpse
Posted 6 Mar 17 23:23
Message

Quote: Monkey Woods

Sir,

If true, this is one of the most amazing things I have ever had the pleasure to read, and all my initial thoughts about you being a talentless moron, I would have to re-evaluate.

Regards,

Gladys Penis
Epsom


I am sorry to say that the story is true. There are some variations to the details. However, the story is well documented if you wish to check it out. Many thanks for your unconditional love.

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Ways To Avoid Becoming a Corpse
Posted 6 Mar 17 15:38
Message
Baseball legend, Ted Williams, had his head cryogenically frozen after his death, just in case science would eventually be able to restore his facilities. The firm that provided this service kept his head in a deep freeze vault. His chilled out head was mounted on a discarded tuna can and was used as target practice by bored employees who tired of waiting for Ted's head to reveal the secret to his batting prowess.

 
From General Discussion / Ways To Avoid Becoming a Corpse
Posted 26 Feb 17 03:29
Message
Put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.

 
From News Discussion / Masochistic satire writer looking forward to another year of indifference to his work
Posted 24 Feb 17 03:04
Message
I have referred this story to the office of former Senator Estes Kefauver who was accused of being a "fellow traveler," and working for "the pinkos and communists with the stealth of a raccoon."

 
From General Discussion / Imagine My Chagrin
Posted 22 Feb 17 01:38
Message
Would a codpiece work better than the haddock?

 
From General Discussion / Owls of the World I: The Lesser Sooty Owl
Posted 21 Feb 17 19:10
Message

Quote: Jaggedone

Dr.B, I would radish a whip of equestrian sublimity as long as it's sitting on a mare!


How can anything be so profound, yet be so absolutely subliminal? You have a gift that defies reason. Keep up the good work!

 
From General Discussion / Owls of the World I: The Lesser Sooty Owl
Posted 21 Feb 17 16:31
Message

Quote: Jaggedone

I swiveled my head once and a screw let loose...


I highly resemble that statement. I have horse-whipped men for less.

 
From General Discussion / Owls of the World I: The Lesser Sooty Owl
Posted 21 Feb 17 03:55
Message
No dissertation on Nubian slaves would be complete without a reference to the Pulitzer Prize winning book by Dr. Billingsgate, "How Nubian Slaves Made Charlemagne Great." I will leave it up to others to rate the contributions of contemporary slave movements.

 
From General Discussion / Will Trade 1 Hillary Bicycle Seat For 2 Merkels
Posted 18 Feb 17 19:55
Message
Offer good for 24 hours only!

 
From General Discussion / National Security Advisor Wanted
Posted 18 Feb 17 03:03
Message
Sorry! I am waiting for the Animal Husbandry position to be opened up. Just between you and me, it's just another job, but someone has to step up and do it.

 
From General Discussion / National Security Advisor Wanted
Posted 17 Feb 17 16:11
Message
Dr. B once held a TOP SECRET clearance. My bonafides also include not 10, not 11, but 12 doctorates. If needed, I could easily exchange one of them for a doctorate in Russian languages, with a certificate proclaiming my completion of language studies of all Russian dialects with the exception of Ural Mountain Swahili. This particular dialect is still used by descendants of the Kenyan slaves who were brought to Russia to do jobs that Bolsheviks wouldn't.

Though eminently qualified, I will refuse the job.

 
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