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From News Discussion / Lap Dancing Replaces Line Dancing In West Midlands Town
Posted 23 Apr 17 21:52
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I believe one and the same Ms. Schnitzel unsuccessfully sued a client, Ian Gatlingun of Herefordshire, for failing to declare that he had three peckers before a joust with her at the local lapdance pavilion.

 
From News Discussion / Lorry full of Farage's cheap grey suits refused entry to UK due to EU rules
Posted 17 Apr 17 14:12
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Ditto

 
From News Discussion / Lorry full of Farage's cheap grey suits refused entry to UK due to EU rules
Posted 17 Apr 17 14:05
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Interesting story that shows how small our world is. The punk reggae band, Slightly Stoopid, uses the same tailor. They also dispose of their suits after each concert, mainly because they virtually disintegrate after each performance. This group is currently performing in Australia with the understanding that they will donate their used suits to impoverished reggae fans indigenous to this country.

 
From News Discussion / Masochistic satire writer looking forward to another year of indifference to his work
Posted 16 Apr 17 20:40
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I reread this story and found it even less moving the second time around. I suggest you read Moliere's, The Doctor In Spite of Himself, which I believe Moliere wrote in anticipation of my coming. Probably the funniest spoof of all time.



 
From General Discussion / Lost In Space
Posted 15 Apr 17 01:49
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Where are you Mark? There have been reported sightings of you in Pyongyang being strapped to a missile. Also reports of you buried in a cave that was whacked by the MOAB in Afghanistan. In either case, you are running with a tough crowd.

Hope all is well with you.

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Man converts mailbox into recycle bin
Posted 4 Apr 17 15:33
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I'm thoroughly confused. What does this have to do with the reportedly ambivalent relationship between Werner von Braun and Hollywood social columnist, Hedda Hopper?

 
From News Discussion / Man converts mailbox into recycle bin
Posted 3 Apr 17 01:55
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There is just one requirement; you have to be able to sleep while standing. They have no chairs in post offices. Still interested?

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 2 Apr 17 19:27
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I am pleased to inform you that both the regular and sanitized versions are available.

Little known fact: Kardashian started her career as a rickshaw driver but gave this job up after EPA determined that she was threat to environment for emitting gases while driving.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 2 Apr 17 01:33
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We seem to have gotten off topic. Would anyone wish to purchase an autographed Kim Kardashian bicycle seat from my collection? I had to tear out a wall to get it into my den because it was so wide.

 
From General Discussion / Would Saran Wrap Burqas Satisfy Security Concerns
Posted 1 Apr 17 02:36
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Quote: victor nicholas

Perhaps Jean Machine might carry them.


Doc... Please respect the fact that I'm seriously attempting to solve a security issue that seems to evade all attempts by Prince Charles to fathom. He is indeed an oxymoron and a blight to Great Britain.

 
From General Discussion / Would Saran Wrap Burqas Satisfy Security Concerns
Posted 1 Apr 17 02:21
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Quote: Monkey Woods

Dear Doctor,

if you really ARE a doctor, that is, about which I have serious reservations.

I suspect the clothing you describe would indeed satisfy the security services. Despite this, I do not think they would be popular with the buying public, and do not expect to see them on the rails at Top Shop or Marks & Spencer anytime soon.

Madeleine Crotch
Crinkly Bottom


Who really cares what the public cares? At the very least, wearing Saran Wrap burqas might provide a reason for ladies to burnish their pubic areas; and put some light on territories left uncharted for centuries.

 
From General Discussion / Would Saran Wrap Burqas Satisfy Security Concerns
Posted 1 Apr 17 02:12
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Quote: Erskin Quint

Dear Sir,

I would reply to your letter if I could understand it.

Yours
Tom "Tommy" Tomms
Managing Director
ABC Shoes Ltd
Cobblers to the Queen


Dear EQ: My letter was as transparent as Saran Wrap. What don't you understand?

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Would Saran Wrap Burqas Satisfy Security Concerns
Posted 31 Mar 17 20:09
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Has Great Britain or France considered this practical option?

 
From News Discussion / Man converts mailbox into recycle bin
Posted 30 Mar 17 14:41
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To thwart my mailman I placed a spring loaded rat trap in my mail box. Worked for awhile until he countered by putting a package of rats in the box. I countered by putting my cat in mailbox. Waiting to see his next move.


 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 30 Mar 17 01:50
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Regardless of what part of the horse serves best to accommodate a rider, I'm sorry to say that I have been lonesome in the saddle since my horse died.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 28 Mar 17 14:15
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Quote: Monkey Woods

What are the chances?! I DO have a horse! Please be good enough to contact me through the Spoofoffice, so that we can arrange a convenient time for your flogging.


I took a calculated risk that your moniker, "Monkey Woods," indicated your preference in animals. I would gladly submit to a flogging if you would change your name to something more anthropomorphically appropriate, such as, "Horse Woods" or perhaps "Subliminal Stallion."

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 27 Mar 17 22:46
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I'm sorry I confused you. No one should be subjected to what I put you through without prior consent. If you had a horse, I would let you horse whip me.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 27 Mar 17 00:30
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You can never be too careful. For all I know, Monkey Woods could be a lurking anti-vivisectionist. However, I will take your word for his character. Would still like to see his CV.

Respectfully,

DR. B

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 26 Mar 17 17:31
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Monkey: Before we get too far into this, would like to check out your curriculum vitae to see if you got the right stuff for this procedure. Considering curing her buttocks with oil of persimmon to take out cottage cheese stretch marks. What say you?

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 26 Mar 17 13:25
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Quote: Monkey Woods


Quote: victor nicholas

I understand your concern. We may have a chance to finish stuffing the specimen if Monkey volunteers to shred a hard copy of his oevre and donate it to the cause.



If you mean me, I'll do whatever I can to help in this project.


I suggest we meet at an "all you can eat" buffet to stuff ourselves before we undertake this mission. In the spirit of our new found camaraderie, I will pick up the tab.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 25 Mar 17 22:53
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Quote: victor nicholas

I understand your concern. We may have a chance to finish stuffing the specimen if Monkey volunteers to shred a hard copy of his oevre and donate it to the cause.


Scintillating stuff for a scintillating stuff. I haven't measured her yet. But I expect the crest of her ample loins to be at least two axe handles wide. Hopefully no blemishes or carbuncles to deal with.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 25 Mar 17 21:42
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Quote: victor nicholas

Dear Doctor,

A very clever twinned response, bravo!


Doc....I look forward to working with you when we stuff Ms. Kardashian. As a practicing taxidermist, I must admit that I have some trepidation in taking on this assignment. My greatest fear is that of running out of sawdust when stuffing her buns.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 25 Mar 17 20:22
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Doc...Just what do you have in mind regarding her backside? Looks like two large dogs going after each other in a gunnysack when she rumbles by.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 25 Mar 17 19:43
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Doc...Just what do you have in mind regarding her backside? Looks like two large dogs going after each other in a gunnysack when she rumbles by.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 25 Mar 17 12:19
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Why do I have to do the flocking? Apparently you like to delegate the dirty work out. I do like your idea of hanging a chain from her belly button though. Most importantly, do you want her mounted standing or in a prone position?

 
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