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From General Discussion / It's Great To Be Back
Posted 28 Oct 17 22:27
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It was very tedious until I taught myself to ignore consonants and every other vowel. Not nearly as difficult as doing sex backwards.

 
From General Discussion / It's Great To Be Back
Posted 28 Oct 17 19:59
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As part of my doctoral program at La Fontaine College, I was required to read War and Peace backwards. As a result, I was the first to predict President Kennedy's assassination by a Russian agent, Lee Harvey Oswald. One of hundreds of characters in the novel, Dlawso Yevrah Eel was married to a Bolshevik princess who was Leon Trotsky's chambermaid.

 
From General Discussion / It's Great To Be Back
Posted 27 Oct 17 17:08
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I have found another outlet for my writing that has served to piss off Washington liberals who lack any sense of humor: The Hill.

In some cases I have been deleted by The Hill administrators. But I believe they are becoming more tolerant as time passes. They didn't like me referring to Hillary as an "Old Vinegar Pussy."

But it is more satisfying being read by thousands vs hundreds. When anyone questions if I'm a real doctor, I tell then to google "Dr. Billingsgate" where they can verify my academic credentials by reading my profile.



 
From General Discussion / Transgender Question
Posted 29 Jul 17 21:56
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Dear Purple Girl,

I found your dissertation very informative. I recall having ambiguous feelings that could have been a form of dissonance reduction as my mind rebelled against the thought that I was trapped inside a body that displayed counter-inclinations to both the Natural Law and messages from aliens urging me to live within the content of intergalactic laws that supersede both that law and the Law of Gravity.

To Sir Geoffrey: I had lunch at a Japanese restaurant yesterday. I believe that my Ramen may have had one of those eyes in it.

 
From General Discussion / Quasimodo
Posted 29 Jul 17 21:26
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As most Notre Dame fans are aware, Quasimodo played for Knute Rockne and was immortalized for his role as a bell ringing linebacker and a triple threat locker room voyeur on a National Championship team. He was a Walter Camp All-American that year. It was later in his career that he developed the hump that made him a matinee idol.

 
From General Discussion / Transgender Question
Posted 29 Jul 17 02:55
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Which eye does a transgender use to aim with when he takes a pee?

 
From General Discussion / Quasimodo
Posted 27 Jul 17 02:01
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Little known fact: Quasimodo was the first transgender hunchback to play both ways for Notre Dame.

 
From General Discussion / Newsfeed Slow
Posted 3 Jun 17 03:08
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I thought that the fact that James Comey was the son of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg would raise some eyebrows. Evidently it didn't impress Mark.

 
From General Discussion / Newsfeed Slow
Posted 2 Jun 17 21:07
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My latest post, "Trump: Evidence That James Comey Was Double Agent For KGB" has already been denounced by Vladimir Putin, and it still hasn't been approved by Mark. That was two days ago. Now old news.

 
From General Discussion / Ellard Presley
Posted 29 May 17 22:53
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Lard Headed Woman
Can't Help Falling In Lard
All Larded Up
Burning Lard
A Big Hunk O Lard
Love Me Slender

 
From General Discussion / Wrongly-heard Lyrics
Posted 29 May 17 12:08
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8. Gene Autry

"I was lonesome in the saddle when my horse died."

 
From General Discussion / Ivanka Trump FBI Director
Posted 14 May 17 03:20
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If J. Edgar and Clyde Tolson were spies
They would have been undone by their lies.
The lip locks they shared
Were more than they could bear
Until they finally died.

 
From General Discussion / Ivanka Trump FBI Director
Posted 13 May 17 22:55
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Quote: victor nicholas

I think they both painted their toenails.


There were rumors that Hoover's wardrobe included feather boas and high heeled loafers. That's why I suggested Caitlyn for the retro-look.

 
From General Discussion / Ivanka Trump FBI Director
Posted 13 May 17 21:56
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I suggest Caitlyn Jenner. She would add mystique to an office that has turned political; especially if she donned a J. Edgar Hoover fedora.

 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 12 May 17 01:01
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Upon reflection, if any of us joined Spoof to have an intelligent conversation, we are looking up a dead dog's ass.

 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 10 May 17 15:20
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During the Vietnam War, I was an officer on a ship that deployed with nuclear warheads in its arsenal. Although I wasn't directly involved in any potential use of these weapons, I believe that we would have used them only if China or Russia had initiated a nuclear attack against USA interests.

Obviously, there were certain fail-safe measures to prevent our Captain from independently arming our missiles and firing them. However, I am sure that if ordered by the President, he would have carried out the order. In no way would I consider any of my shipmates "savages."

As is in the case of the bombing of Hiroshima, anytime you are attacked by another nation, and it is considered an act of war, any action to win the war can be more easily justified. However, in the case of the Germans involved in the killings of civilians, it is easier to make the case of them being savages.

 
From General Discussion / How to deal with Kim Jong Un
Posted 2 May 17 00:59
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During the Watts riots in LA, a wise guy friend suggested that the powers to be drop basketballs from airplanes to stop the looting.

 
From General Discussion / Whatever Happened To B.O. Plenty?
Posted 1 May 17 03:22
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Does anyone remember this gentleman?

 
From General Discussion / Elon Musk
Posted 29 Apr 17 21:06
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Quote: victor nicholas

If Elon Musk had a cologne what would he call it?


Nole Ksum?

 
From News Discussion / Lap Dancing Replaces Line Dancing In West Midlands Town
Posted 23 Apr 17 21:52
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I believe one and the same Ms. Schnitzel unsuccessfully sued a client, Ian Gatlingun of Herefordshire, for failing to declare that he had three peckers before a joust with her at the local lapdance pavilion.

 
From News Discussion / Lorry full of Farage's cheap grey suits refused entry to UK due to EU rules
Posted 17 Apr 17 14:12
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Ditto

 
From News Discussion / Lorry full of Farage's cheap grey suits refused entry to UK due to EU rules
Posted 17 Apr 17 14:05
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Interesting story that shows how small our world is. The punk reggae band, Slightly Stoopid, uses the same tailor. They also dispose of their suits after each concert, mainly because they virtually disintegrate after each performance. This group is currently performing in Australia with the understanding that they will donate their used suits to impoverished reggae fans indigenous to this country.

 
From News Discussion / Masochistic satire writer looking forward to another year of indifference to his work
Posted 16 Apr 17 20:40
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I reread this story and found it even less moving the second time around. I suggest you read Moliere's, The Doctor In Spite of Himself, which I believe Moliere wrote in anticipation of my coming. Probably the funniest spoof of all time.



 
From General Discussion / Lost In Space
Posted 15 Apr 17 01:49
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Where are you Mark? There have been reported sightings of you in Pyongyang being strapped to a missile. Also reports of you buried in a cave that was whacked by the MOAB in Afghanistan. In either case, you are running with a tough crowd.

Hope all is well with you.

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Man converts mailbox into recycle bin
Posted 4 Apr 17 15:33
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I'm thoroughly confused. What does this have to do with the reportedly ambivalent relationship between Werner von Braun and Hollywood social columnist, Hedda Hopper?

 
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