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From News Discussion / Tim Tebow Saves Patriot Cheerleader From Damnation With Eye-Black Message: John 16:13
Posted 17 Jan 12 19:10
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I suspect that you were nearly a man of the cloth until your concupiscent nature ran ramshackle over your vocation.

I didn't quite make it to a seminary. However, I did graduate from a Jesuit college with a Major in Philosophy, which was almost entirely based on Saint Thomas Aquinas' Summa.

By the way, I don't include that degree among my 12 doctorates because I didn't want you guys to think I was bragging.

I do enjoy finding out bits and pieces about my fellow Spoofers, although I still can't figure out why we write this smack.

Best wishes,

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Tim Tebow Saves Patriot Cheerleader From Damnation With Eye-Black Message: John 16:13
Posted 17 Jan 12 16:52
Message

Quote: P.M. Wortham

"She asked him if she could be saved from eternal damnation, as her father suggested was her due, for running around in her skimpy suit, provoking thoughts of concupiscible pleasure in the dirty minds of drunken Patriot fans."


5 huge thumbs just for the headline. (But the story's pretty damn good too).

Frankly, you forced me to look up "concupiscible".

Bastard.

Dictionary whore.

But,

I'm still a fan.



Cheers!
PM


Thanks, but I am hardly a dictionary whore. Having submerged myself in Summa Theologica when I reached puberty at age 19, "concupiscible" was as much a part of my vocabulary as "vagina" and "mammary" were to most young men.

Best,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Money Problems
Posted 23 Nov 11 15:31
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Quote: Jaggedone

Skoob, a baseball bat would come in 'handy'


As John Wayne said, "I'm not gona hit you. The hell I'm not.....POW!"

 
From General Discussion / Money Problems
Posted 22 Nov 11 23:15
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Skoob,

Sorry to hear of your problem. Sounds like same type of chap who is occupying Wall Street and other places here in USA. They believe that someone else should take care of their problems while they sit around and smoke dope and rag on the inequities of life.

Hope all turns out well for you.

Kindest regards,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Smokin' Joe
Posted 8 Nov 11 20:19
Message
Skoob,

I was a big Smokin Joe fan and watched his fights with Ali on closed circuit. Believe me, it was a big deal back then and the fight atmosphere, even on closed circuit was electric for those fights.

Being a fight fan, I was at the Ali-Ken Norton fight in San Diego when Norton beat Ali. I also got to see Joe Louis fight an exhibition before a wrestling match, which was sort of sad to see him at that stage of his career. I believe it was sometime in the late 50's.

Best,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 7 Nov 11 16:54
Message

Quote: pinxit


Quote: Dr. Billingsgate
In a few minutes I will have Herbert Cain on the phone for an in depth psychoanalysis to see if he is fit to be president. The report should be available shortly.


I'm sure he has more skeletons in the cupboard than even you.

(For purposes of a purely taxidermic nature, of course.)


Now that Gloria Allred is in his cupboard I am sure the skeletons will gain flesh. That, my friend, is all I need to embark on my Cain stuffing episode.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 7 Nov 11 16:51
Message

Quote: armfeetandtoe

Doc, have you read the Catholic Apocrypha? I am sure they mention your name with regard to apendages.

Love as always

Arm xxxxxxxxxx


Surely you must remember that I have a PhD. in Apocrypy. It was part of 2 for 1 deal when I got my degree in Taxidermy.

Always nice to hear from someone nuttier than me.

Regards,

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 3 Nov 11 17:58
Message

Quote: pinxit


Quote: Dr. Billingsgate
What really hurts is when they don't applaud me when they see me coming.


Don't worry. I saw you coming a long time ago...


Pinxit,

Since you're the only one who seems capable of appreciating the nuances of Moliere and The Physician In Spite Of Himself, I will let you in on a secret. In a few minutes I will have Herbert Cain on the phone for an in depth psychoanalysis to see if he is fit to be president. The report should be available shortly.

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Why French Officers Wear Brown Pants
Posted 2 Nov 11 17:40
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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Doc, your telling porkies.
I have never been asked why French soldiers wear brown trousers. Underpants, yes, trousers, no.


Very informative though. Can you tell why monkeys live in zoo's? I feel we must be told.


Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


 
From General Discussion / Why French Officers Wear Brown Pants
Posted 2 Nov 11 14:18
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During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British "red coat."

Many people have asked, "why did the British wear red coats in battle?

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French General began to question him.

Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his casual, matter-of-fact way, the officer informed the General that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that, if they are shot, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers wear brown trousers.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 1 Nov 11 23:11
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Shame about the craving for recognition though.

That must really hurt.


That craving has been satisfied many times over by the standing ovations I get when I leave a group. What really hurts is when they don't applaud me when they see me coming.

 
From General Discussion / Will Somebody Please Take Me Seriously For Once?
Posted 31 Oct 11 23:01
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If you find it, let me know. I would like to mount the lttle bastard and show him who's boss. Before you jump to conclusions, you might recall I have a PhD. in Taxidermy.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 31 Oct 11 20:57
Message

Quote: armfeetandtoe

I can't remember if I have ever received a doctorate under that name. Why do you ask?

PS: Why did you use 23 x's when signing your name? The last time you only used 21. Are you losing your fxxking mind?

Doctor B


I might need your services one day.

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


That's better. You can never have too many fxxking xxxx's. I do taxidermy. Just write me when you feel the need.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 31 Oct 11 18:59
Message
Inchcock:

Oh I'm sure I'm not surrounded by assholes at all, no one here but me nowadays, even the cat's hopped it.

Depressed? Me? Perhaps, just a bit!

Taketh care


I believe you should check your closets. Could be some assholes that you are not aware of.

Sorry about your cat.

Nice to hear from you, and taker care of yourself.

Dr. B


 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 31 Oct 11 18:54
Message

Quote: armfeetandtoe

You sure your name is not Crippen?

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


I can't remember if I have ever received a doctorate under that name. Why do you ask?

PS: Why did you use 23 x's when signing your name? The last time you only used 21. Are you losing your fxxking mind?

Doctor B

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 31 Oct 11 18:38
Message

Quote: pinxit

My, but you sound in a bad way.

I suppose the adage 'Physician, heal thyself' hasn't helped then?

Well, as an intelligent person, I guess you know what to do then.


Interestingly, the only reason I have never admitted to being a physician is that I read Moliere's play, The Physician In Spite of Himself, when I was in pre-med years ago. I believe this quote from his play will tell you all you need to know about physicians and why I have never admitted to being one:


"It is the best trade out," he tells us; "payment comes whether we kill or cure. No responsibility rests upon us; we may hack about as we please the stuff given us to work upon. If a patient dies, it is his own fault, never ours. Lastly, dead men, of all people the most discreet, tell no tales of the doctor who has sent them to their long account."

I hope this offers some insight so that I might be better understood by those of you who fail to appreciate my academic virtuosity.

 
From General Discussion / Depresssed? Suffer From Low Self-Esteem? Read This
Posted 26 Oct 11 15:21
Message
Before you diagnose yourself with depression and low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, infact, surrounded by assholes.

Dr. Billingsgate, PhD. Clinical Psychology 101

 
From News Discussion / Gaddafi 'dead' - propofol poisoning suspected
Posted 21 Oct 11 23:42
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Why would anyone want to kill Gaddafi? I honestly believe that he meant well by siphoning off billions of dollars for his favorite charity; his beloved Gaddafi Foundation based in Zurich.

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Local Man Enjoying Gay Honeymoon With Thespian - Long Suffering Wife Not Amused
Posted 13 Oct 11 22:53
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Just the usual supercilious banter among the privileged clique who find humor in such scatology. It is not your fault that I find this less than humorous, but I blame you, nontheless.

Cordially,

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Occupy Wall Street, still not happening...honest, no it really isnt, trust me, I'm a journalist.
Posted 11 Oct 11 03:20
Message
Since you brought up the topic of logic, I might add that the cities you mentioned also have laws agains murder and rape, what's the point?

Certainly greed can bring down any relationship. However, if no laws are broken while gaining wealth, how are you going to stop someone from being more ambitious than another.

It is easy to preach about the evils of capitalism or any other ism. But when politicians appoint Goldman Sachs executives to be Treasury Secretary and head of SEC, what do you expect? As Herman Cain suggested, march on Washington, not Wall Street.

 
From News Discussion / Occupy Wall Street, still not happening...honest, no it really isnt, trust me, I'm a journalist.
Posted 11 Oct 11 00:14
Message
I cannot believe that most of you are identifying with the scumbags who have taken the time off from their unemployment to defecate and fornicate in the park where they are gathering near Wall Street.

I can see that the European road to socialism has led many of you to your distaste for American capitalism. An oilman friend of mine, after listening to my complaints of the price of gas, said, "If you think that the oil companies are making too much money, buy their stock and use your dividends to buy gas."

Really, most of these people have nothing better to do than prey on the system for their own benefit; underground capitalism, if you will.

NOTE: If I agreed with you, all of us would be wrong.

 
From News Discussion / Gay Dog Runs Amok On Worthing Seafront
Posted 8 Sep 11 20:33
Message
Skoob,

This could be your day of redemption. Is it possible to ship the gay dog to San Diego? I would like to see if that mutt would dare try to get into the skivvies of some of the Bull-Dykes who hiss at my little Schnoodle when he pees on their motorcycle wheels at Dog Beach. Perhaps we could have him(her) deputized so that the full force of the law might be utilized.

Regards,

Dr.B

 
From News Discussion / US Deny Obama, Bin Laden, Predator Link
Posted 8 Sep 11 20:16
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Masheded,

I am convinced you know what you are talking about. Your sources are impeccable. Would you be able to walk my people through the Predator details? Sounds like you have it nailed. Of course, if you would rather be water-boarded, I can arrange.

Best,

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / US Deny Obama, Bin Laden, Predator Link
Posted 8 Sep 11 17:22
Message

Quote: Masheded

Hope you like it. My twist on a very dodgy set of coincidences.

Seems more plausible than the shit "they" have managed to come up with anyhow....


Masheded,

I am in constant direct contact with both the SEAL Command and President Obama. Let me assure you that they are both aware of your scepticism regarding bin Laden's current disposition. If you have specific information to prop up your assertions, I can set up a conference call with all parties.

Please advise.

Dr. Billingsgate

 
From News Discussion / I didn't have sexual relations with that cucumber
Posted 8 Sep 11 14:48
Message
This story hits close to home. I had to rip out my cucumber plants last week because I noticed my wife's indifference to my sexual performance. On the other hand, I see an opportunity. Next spring when I put my cucumber sprigs out, I am going to embed a small battery with each plant to see if I can produce a hybrid that's marketable at the Adult Superstore. Build a better dildo and the world will beat a path to your door.

 
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