Discussion Forum

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Quote: Jaggedone

Skoob, a baseball bat would come in 'handy'

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As John Wayne said, "I'm not gona hit you. The hell I'm not.....POW!"

Skoob,

Sorry to hear of your problem. Sounds like same type of chap who is occupying Wall Street and other places here in USA. They believe that someone else should take care of their problems while they sit around and smoke dope and rag on the inequities of life.

Hope all turns out well for you.

Kindest regards,

Dr. B

Skoob,

I was a big Smokin Joe fan and watched his fights with Ali on closed circuit. Believe me, it was a big deal back then and the fight atmosphere, even on closed circuit was electric for those fights.

Being a fight fan, I was at the Ali-Ken Norton fight in San Diego when Norton beat Ali. I also got to see Joe Louis fight an exhibition before a wrestling match, which was sort of sad to see him at that stage of his career. I believe it was sometime in the late 50's.

Best,

Dr. B

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Quote: pinxit

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Quote: Dr. Billingsgate
In a few minutes I will have Herbert Cain on the phone for an in depth psychoanalysis to see if he is fit to be president. The report should be available shortly.

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I'm sure he has more skeletons in the cupboard than even you.

(For purposes of a purely taxidermic nature, of course.)

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Now that Gloria Allred is in his cupboard I am sure the skeletons will gain flesh. That, my friend, is all I need to embark on my Cain stuffing episode.

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Doc, have you read the Catholic Apocrypha? I am sure they mention your name with regard to apendages.

Love as always

Arm xxxxxxxxxx

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Surely you must remember that I have a PhD. in Apocrypy. It was part of 2 for 1 deal when I got my degree in Taxidermy.

Always nice to hear from someone nuttier than me.

Regards,

Dr. B

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Quote: pinxit

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Quote: Dr. Billingsgate
What really hurts is when they don't applaud me when they see me coming.

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Don't worry. I saw you coming a long time ago...

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Pinxit,

Since you're the only one who seems capable of appreciating the nuances of Moliere and The Physician In Spite Of Himself, I will let you in on a secret. In a few minutes I will have Herbert Cain on the phone for an in depth psychoanalysis to see if he is fit to be president. The report should be available shortly.

Dr. B

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

Doc, your telling porkies.
I have never been asked why French soldiers wear brown trousers. Underpants, yes, trousers, no.


Very informative though. Can you tell why monkeys live in zoo's? I feel we must be told.


Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British "red coat."

Many people have asked, "why did the British wear red coats in battle?

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French General began to question him.

Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his casual, matter-of-fact way, the officer informed the General that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that, if they are shot, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers wear brown trousers.

Shame about the craving for recognition though.

That must really hurt.

That craving has been satisfied many times over by the standing ovations I get when I leave a group. What really hurts is when they don't applaud me when they see me coming.

If you find it, let me know. I would like to mount the lttle bastard and show him who's boss. Before you jump to conclusions, you might recall I have a PhD. in Taxidermy.

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

I can't remember if I have ever received a doctorate under that name. Why do you ask?

PS: Why did you use 23 x's when signing your name? The last time you only used 21. Are you losing your fxxking mind?

Doctor B

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I might need your services one day.

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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That's better. You can never have too many fxxking xxxx's. I do taxidermy. Just write me when you feel the need.

Inchcock:

Oh I'm sure I'm not surrounded by assholes at all, no one here but me nowadays, even the cat's hopped it.

Depressed? Me? Perhaps, just a bit!

Taketh care

I believe you should check your closets. Could be some assholes that you are not aware of.

Sorry about your cat.

Nice to hear from you, and taker care of yourself.

Dr. B

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Quote: armfeetandtoe

You sure your name is not Crippen?

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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I can't remember if I have ever received a doctorate under that name. Why do you ask?

PS: Why did you use 23 x's when signing your name? The last time you only used 21. Are you losing your fxxking mind?

Doctor B

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Quote: pinxit

My, but you sound in a bad way.

I suppose the adage 'Physician, heal thyself' hasn't helped then?

Well, as an intelligent person, I guess you know what to do then.

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Interestingly, the only reason I have never admitted to being a physician is that I read Moliere's play, The Physician In Spite of Himself, when I was in pre-med years ago. I believe this quote from his play will tell you all you need to know about physicians and why I have never admitted to being one:


"It is the best trade out," he tells us; "payment comes whether we kill or cure. No responsibility rests upon us; we may hack about as we please the stuff given us to work upon. If a patient dies, it is his own fault, never ours. Lastly, dead men, of all people the most discreet, tell no tales of the doctor who has sent them to their long account."

I hope this offers some insight so that I might be better understood by those of you who fail to appreciate my academic virtuosity.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression and low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, infact, surrounded by assholes.

Dr. Billingsgate, PhD. Clinical Psychology 101

When you receive a notice from your high-school class of an up-coming reunion posthumously.

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Quote: IainB

Everything's fine.

Most people in the country now have two artificial hips, and don't need any more.

Walk me through this, please.

There are very few tonsils left any more.

Talk me through this, please.

Thanks to the increase in laser eye surgery, nobody has cateracts either.

I see, thank you.

The numbers are declining not because of a problem, but because the NHS is so efficient.

Either that, or because it's killing all the ill off.

Not a problem until you run out of victims.

Iain

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According to an article in The Independent, certain procedures such as hip replacements, tonsillectomies, and cataract surguries are being severely curtailed. We discussed this a couple of months ago. Most of you from UK described yourself as very satisfied with your NHS. Has anything changed over there?

I thought that wombats was a state of mind, not a marsupial. If I understand you, having a pouch to carry your young is the defining ingredient. This is complete bullshit. I have a pouch, but I have never carried nothing in it. Please redefine marsupial.

Dr. B

In the late 60's I shared an apartment with an avowed wombat. All she did at night was have sex with her accordian while singing the latest Janis Joplin hits. Drove me crazy because I was into the Kingston Trio at the time.

I consider Florida the lap-dancing capital of the world. When visiting a friend for a three day golf outing, he noticed I had near terminal chingas (shakes) on the putting green the first day. Afterwards, over a couple of gin and tonics, he suggested a cure that he f..king guaranteed would work to calm my nerves.

Just a couple of miles from the course we stopped at a nondescript, roadside pavillion with a parking lot full of big-wheeled pickups and a few luxury sedans. With little ceremony we stepped into the joint through a heavy curtain, and to my surprise, we were immediately surrounded by a bevy of totally nude nymphet sparrows of different colors and creeds; all claiming to have the cure for my nervous disorder. One, who was pigmented considerably darker than myself and who also out-weighed me by a stone or so, was so insistent that I take her up on her cure that I finally slipped her a twenty, just to get rid of her.

For some reason she got pissed, possibly because she thought me a racist for not choosing her over a blond that was more my type. Anyway, she threw the twenty back at me and told me to stuff it where the sun don't shine. That was easy, her not having any clothes on. The next thing you know, the bouncer was in my face and all hell broke loose. My old Navy buddy, Nick the Greek, a man of some connections in the underworld, didn't take shit from nobody. Bedlam! All I could see was assholes and elbows flying through the air with a few boobs also in the mix.

Somehow, we got the hell out of there somewhat intact. Next day, I made everything inside 8 feet. My buddy was right. He fixed my chingas....True story!

Head for the round house, Nelly. He can't corn-hole you there.

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Quote: Lynton

Lap dancers are only useful for people in wheelchairs

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Is that why most guys ask for a wheelchair after their lap dance?

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Quote: Skoob1999

Sorry

Thought it said 'Laplander'

Carry on.

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Skoob, I am beginning to think that you are a troublemaker. Stop dodging the question.

Dr. B

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Quote: Lady Godiva

Careful what you say guys! It's known by many that I used to be a lap-dancer but was fired after two nights because - the men said the taps on the bottom of my shoes played havoc with their knees

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Lady Godiva:

Evidently the guys aren't biting today. It appears that we have a bunch of pinch mouth prudes who won't touch this topic with a 10 foot pole for fear of offending dancers like you.

Regards, Dr. B