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From General Discussion / Ivanka Trump FBI Director
Posted 14 May 17 03:20
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If J. Edgar and Clyde Tolson were spies
They would have been undone by their lies.
The lip locks they shared
Were more than they could bear
Until they finally died.

 
From General Discussion / Ivanka Trump FBI Director
Posted 13 May 17 22:55
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Quote: victor nicholas

I think they both painted their toenails.


There were rumors that Hoover's wardrobe included feather boas and high heeled loafers. That's why I suggested Caitlyn for the retro-look.

 
From General Discussion / Ivanka Trump FBI Director
Posted 13 May 17 21:56
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I suggest Caitlyn Jenner. She would add mystique to an office that has turned political; especially if she donned a J. Edgar Hoover fedora.

 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 12 May 17 01:01
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Upon reflection, if any of us joined Spoof to have an intelligent conversation, we are looking up a dead dog's ass.

 
From General Discussion / World's last living Nazi war crimes prosecutor passes on chilling message about conflict
Posted 10 May 17 15:20
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During the Vietnam War, I was an officer on a ship that deployed with nuclear warheads in its arsenal. Although I wasn't directly involved in any potential use of these weapons, I believe that we would have used them only if China or Russia had initiated a nuclear attack against USA interests.

Obviously, there were certain fail-safe measures to prevent our Captain from independently arming our missiles and firing them. However, I am sure that if ordered by the President, he would have carried out the order. In no way would I consider any of my shipmates "savages."

As is in the case of the bombing of Hiroshima, anytime you are attacked by another nation, and it is considered an act of war, any action to win the war can be more easily justified. However, in the case of the Germans involved in the killings of civilians, it is easier to make the case of them being savages.

 
From General Discussion / How to deal with Kim Jong Un
Posted 2 May 17 00:59
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During the Watts riots in LA, a wise guy friend suggested that the powers to be drop basketballs from airplanes to stop the looting.

 
From General Discussion / Whatever Happened To B.O. Plenty?
Posted 1 May 17 03:22
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Does anyone remember this gentleman?

 
From General Discussion / Elon Musk
Posted 29 Apr 17 21:06
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Quote: victor nicholas

If Elon Musk had a cologne what would he call it?


Nole Ksum?

 
From News Discussion / Lap Dancing Replaces Line Dancing In West Midlands Town
Posted 23 Apr 17 21:52
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I believe one and the same Ms. Schnitzel unsuccessfully sued a client, Ian Gatlingun of Herefordshire, for failing to declare that he had three peckers before a joust with her at the local lapdance pavilion.

 
From News Discussion / Lorry full of Farage's cheap grey suits refused entry to UK due to EU rules
Posted 17 Apr 17 14:12
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Ditto

 
From News Discussion / Lorry full of Farage's cheap grey suits refused entry to UK due to EU rules
Posted 17 Apr 17 14:05
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Interesting story that shows how small our world is. The punk reggae band, Slightly Stoopid, uses the same tailor. They also dispose of their suits after each concert, mainly because they virtually disintegrate after each performance. This group is currently performing in Australia with the understanding that they will donate their used suits to impoverished reggae fans indigenous to this country.

 
From News Discussion / Masochistic satire writer looking forward to another year of indifference to his work
Posted 16 Apr 17 20:40
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I reread this story and found it even less moving the second time around. I suggest you read Moliere's, The Doctor In Spite of Himself, which I believe Moliere wrote in anticipation of my coming. Probably the funniest spoof of all time.



 
From General Discussion / Lost In Space
Posted 15 Apr 17 01:49
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Where are you Mark? There have been reported sightings of you in Pyongyang being strapped to a missile. Also reports of you buried in a cave that was whacked by the MOAB in Afghanistan. In either case, you are running with a tough crowd.

Hope all is well with you.

Dr. B

 
From News Discussion / Man converts mailbox into recycle bin
Posted 4 Apr 17 15:33
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I'm thoroughly confused. What does this have to do with the reportedly ambivalent relationship between Werner von Braun and Hollywood social columnist, Hedda Hopper?

 
From News Discussion / Man converts mailbox into recycle bin
Posted 3 Apr 17 01:55
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There is just one requirement; you have to be able to sleep while standing. They have no chairs in post offices. Still interested?

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 2 Apr 17 19:27
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I am pleased to inform you that both the regular and sanitized versions are available.

Little known fact: Kardashian started her career as a rickshaw driver but gave this job up after EPA determined that she was threat to environment for emitting gases while driving.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 2 Apr 17 01:33
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We seem to have gotten off topic. Would anyone wish to purchase an autographed Kim Kardashian bicycle seat from my collection? I had to tear out a wall to get it into my den because it was so wide.

 
From General Discussion / Would Saran Wrap Burqas Satisfy Security Concerns
Posted 1 Apr 17 02:36
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Quote: victor nicholas

Perhaps Jean Machine might carry them.


Doc... Please respect the fact that I'm seriously attempting to solve a security issue that seems to evade all attempts by Prince Charles to fathom. He is indeed an oxymoron and a blight to Great Britain.

 
From General Discussion / Would Saran Wrap Burqas Satisfy Security Concerns
Posted 1 Apr 17 02:21
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Quote: Monkey Woods

Dear Doctor,

if you really ARE a doctor, that is, about which I have serious reservations.

I suspect the clothing you describe would indeed satisfy the security services. Despite this, I do not think they would be popular with the buying public, and do not expect to see them on the rails at Top Shop or Marks & Spencer anytime soon.

Madeleine Crotch
Crinkly Bottom


Who really cares what the public cares? At the very least, wearing Saran Wrap burqas might provide a reason for ladies to burnish their pubic areas; and put some light on territories left uncharted for centuries.

 
From General Discussion / Would Saran Wrap Burqas Satisfy Security Concerns
Posted 1 Apr 17 02:12
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Quote: Erskin Quint

Dear Sir,

I would reply to your letter if I could understand it.

Yours
Tom "Tommy" Tomms
Managing Director
ABC Shoes Ltd
Cobblers to the Queen


Dear EQ: My letter was as transparent as Saran Wrap. What don't you understand?

Dr. B

 
From General Discussion / Would Saran Wrap Burqas Satisfy Security Concerns
Posted 31 Mar 17 20:09
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Has Great Britain or France considered this practical option?

 
From News Discussion / Man converts mailbox into recycle bin
Posted 30 Mar 17 14:41
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To thwart my mailman I placed a spring loaded rat trap in my mail box. Worked for awhile until he countered by putting a package of rats in the box. I countered by putting my cat in mailbox. Waiting to see his next move.


 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 30 Mar 17 01:50
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Regardless of what part of the horse serves best to accommodate a rider, I'm sorry to say that I have been lonesome in the saddle since my horse died.

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 28 Mar 17 14:15
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Quote: Monkey Woods

What are the chances?! I DO have a horse! Please be good enough to contact me through the Spoofoffice, so that we can arrange a convenient time for your flogging.


I took a calculated risk that your moniker, "Monkey Woods," indicated your preference in animals. I would gladly submit to a flogging if you would change your name to something more anthropomorphically appropriate, such as, "Horse Woods" or perhaps "Subliminal Stallion."

 
From News Discussion / Kim Kardashian Is Getting Old
Posted 27 Mar 17 22:46
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I'm sorry I confused you. No one should be subjected to what I put you through without prior consent. If you had a horse, I would let you horse whip me.

 
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