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From General Discussion / Camelopard missing
Posted 22 Sep 18 01:39
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I recently had a private tour through the San Diego Zoo arranged by the Australian Consulate General. Mostly saw animals indigenous to Aus. Got to go through feeding areas not part of regular tours. Got to pet Tasmanian Devil and feed Koalas. Didn’t see your pet. Maybe next time.

 
From General Discussion / Camelopard missing
Posted 21 Sep 18 22:33
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Yes. I painted his gums with Gentian violet because I observed signs of fungal growth. Hopefully, he will recover. In any event, he will be easily recognized.

 
From News Discussion / Julius Caesar gets attacked for eating sheep
Posted 12 Mar 18 14:16
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Something may have been lost in the translation from Latin to English. As long as both were left smiling, who can complain?

 
From News Discussion / Julius Caesar gets attacked for eating sheep
Posted 11 Mar 18 23:31
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It should be noted that the “Montana Pole” had yet to be invented when Julius “My Boy” Caesar was having carnal knowledge with sheep. Infact, Montana hadn’t been invented.

For those who have not read previously, the Montana Pole was first invented by a very lonely shepherd from that eponymous state who attached a mirror to the handle of a pitchfork. After mounting the sheep from behind (is there any other way), he would dangle the mirror in front of the sheep’s head to see if the sheep were smiling.

 
From General Discussion / Wombats
Posted 8 Mar 18 22:53
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Interesting to note that Wombat spelled backwards = Tabmow.

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 23 Feb 18 17:38
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If you love chicken, try ChickFila. Best chicken sandwich in USA

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 21 Feb 18 03:11
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Quote: victor nicholas

So where did the chicken in Britain go to?

Can we equate this to bravery?


Don’t egg them on. They took one in the gizzard for Team Leghorn

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 20 Feb 18 22:26
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Cock-a-doodle-do, that’s my old hen.
She lays eggs the best she kin.
Sometimes nine, sometimes ten.
But that won’t help the KFC spin,
As their franchises take it on the chin.

Cock-a-doodle-do, that’s my old hen.

 
From General Discussion / Britain Runs Out of Chicken
Posted 20 Feb 18 03:30
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I can speak with some authority on this issue. I raised chickens when I was a teenager and worked in a poultry processing plant during the summers of my college years. The only reason that you should ever run out of chickens is that the chickens sensed that they were being set up for slaughter.

Believe me, no chicken, whether a Rhode Island Red or just a common place spring chicken wants to have his neck rung just so an ersatz Kentucky Colonel can make a fast buck. There lies the problem. Solve that and you will have an endless line of chickens volunteering to jump into the broaster to serve you, the common man.

 
From General Discussion / New Olympic Sports
Posted 19 Feb 18 03:03
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Any dog that evades the stew pot in PyeongChang is my choice.

 
From News Discussion / Chuckle Brothers "breaking" out to pursue serious drama role
Posted 18 Feb 18 21:24
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As banal as this is, it makes me proud to be an American, because no one on this side of the Atlantic would stoop so low as to write such drivel.

 
From General Discussion / It's Great To Be Back
Posted 28 Oct 17 22:27
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It was very tedious until I taught myself to ignore consonants and every other vowel. Not nearly as difficult as doing sex backwards.

 
From General Discussion / It's Great To Be Back
Posted 28 Oct 17 19:59
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As part of my doctoral program at La Fontaine College, I was required to read War and Peace backwards. As a result, I was the first to predict President Kennedy's assassination by a Russian agent, Lee Harvey Oswald. One of hundreds of characters in the novel, Dlawso Yevrah Eel was married to a Bolshevik princess who was Leon Trotsky's chambermaid.

 
From General Discussion / It's Great To Be Back
Posted 27 Oct 17 17:08
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I have found another outlet for my writing that has served to piss off Washington liberals who lack any sense of humor: The Hill.

In some cases I have been deleted by The Hill administrators. But I believe they are becoming more tolerant as time passes. They didn't like me referring to Hillary as an "Old Vinegar Pussy."

But it is more satisfying being read by thousands vs hundreds. When anyone questions if I'm a real doctor, I tell then to google "Dr. Billingsgate" where they can verify my academic credentials by reading my profile.



 
From General Discussion / Transgender Question
Posted 29 Jul 17 21:56
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Dear Purple Girl,

I found your dissertation very informative. I recall having ambiguous feelings that could have been a form of dissonance reduction as my mind rebelled against the thought that I was trapped inside a body that displayed counter-inclinations to both the Natural Law and messages from aliens urging me to live within the content of intergalactic laws that supersede both that law and the Law of Gravity.

To Sir Geoffrey: I had lunch at a Japanese restaurant yesterday. I believe that my Ramen may have had one of those eyes in it.

 
From General Discussion / Quasimodo
Posted 29 Jul 17 21:26
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As most Notre Dame fans are aware, Quasimodo played for Knute Rockne and was immortalized for his role as a bell ringing linebacker and a triple threat locker room voyeur on a National Championship team. He was a Walter Camp All-American that year. It was later in his career that he developed the hump that made him a matinee idol.

 
From General Discussion / Transgender Question
Posted 29 Jul 17 02:55
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Which eye does a transgender use to aim with when he takes a pee?

 
From General Discussion / Quasimodo
Posted 27 Jul 17 02:01
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Little known fact: Quasimodo was the first transgender hunchback to play both ways for Notre Dame.

 
From General Discussion / Newsfeed Slow
Posted 3 Jun 17 03:08
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I thought that the fact that James Comey was the son of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg would raise some eyebrows. Evidently it didn't impress Mark.

 
From General Discussion / Newsfeed Slow
Posted 2 Jun 17 21:07
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My latest post, "Trump: Evidence That James Comey Was Double Agent For KGB" has already been denounced by Vladimir Putin, and it still hasn't been approved by Mark. That was two days ago. Now old news.

 
From General Discussion / Ellard Presley
Posted 29 May 17 22:53
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Lard Headed Woman
Can't Help Falling In Lard
All Larded Up
Burning Lard
A Big Hunk O Lard
Love Me Slender

 
From General Discussion / Wrongly-heard Lyrics
Posted 29 May 17 12:08
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8. Gene Autry

"I was lonesome in the saddle when my horse died."

 
From General Discussion / Ivanka Trump FBI Director
Posted 14 May 17 03:20
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If J. Edgar and Clyde Tolson were spies
They would have been undone by their lies.
The lip locks they shared
Were more than they could bear
Until they finally died.

 
From General Discussion / Ivanka Trump FBI Director
Posted 13 May 17 22:55
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Quote: victor nicholas

I think they both painted their toenails.


There were rumors that Hoover's wardrobe included feather boas and high heeled loafers. That's why I suggested Caitlyn for the retro-look.

 
From General Discussion / Ivanka Trump FBI Director
Posted 13 May 17 21:56
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I suggest Caitlyn Jenner. She would add mystique to an office that has turned political; especially if she donned a J. Edgar Hoover fedora.

 
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