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Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 2 Dec 12 06:34
James is in his late 30s I think, although it's hard to tell as he has a youthful, open face, smooth and unlined. He stands around 6' tall and is broad shouldered and powerful, although with a rapidly growing paunch, due mainly to the vast quantities of junk he eagerly shovels into his face.

James is a good mechanic I guess. Diligent and meticulous rather than brilliant. He works with a kind of resigned fervour, muttering a constant string of profanities as he plods along.

James doesn't like it one bit if you ask to borrow one of his tools. They're his beloved, cosseted children and if you ask to hold one for a while he says "For fuck's sake"

James likes girls and has an easy charm in their company which, coupled with his good looks, means they like him also.

James doesn't have a girlfriend because he thinks they are all after his money so about once a month he pays a pretty lady in her 30s to sleep with him.

James lives with his mother, a large and stupidly pretty lady in her early 60s and it's one of my greatest pleasures to be invited round for dinner when she cooks me roast lamb with herbs, kisses my cheek noisily and calls me "a lovely boy"

James has a serious liver disorder and sometimes he gets sick and has to go to hospital. I visit him there and eat his fruit while he points at the pretty girls seated at the nurses station and says to me gravely. "You see them Clivey? They all want me mate. They all of them want me"

James is a gentle soul, friendly but quiet. People know when not to push him too far though. They just do.

James neither drinks nor smokes but he never judges me and sometimes gives me a bottle of rum as a gift.

James doesn't like sport much and his eyes glaze over if I start expounding the delights of a West Ham victory.

James would stand alongside me if there were any trouble as I would stand alongside him.

James was brought to this country from St Vincent in The Carribbean when he was very young.

James has skin so black that when he sweats up I check my appearance in his face.

James calls me a "white nigger" and I call him "Sambo" and a "big belly black bitch"

James at work is my friend and I'm proud of that.

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
churchmouse
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churchmouse

Location: France
Registered: 23 Sep 10

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Posted: 2 Dec 12 09:27

I liked that Clive.





And as the baby rabbit of hope emerges into the soft sunlight of happiness to be confronted with the double barrels of reality
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 2 Dec 12 10:33

Quote: churchmouse

I liked that Clive.



Thanks Gazza. You're my friend too and I'll thank you to remember that when you open your mighty "Wallet Of Plenty" on the 15th so that you can keep me supplied with fizzy lager and powerful grog chasers until I tell you to stop.



THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 2 Dec 12 17:19 - Edited By: armfeetandtoe, 2 Dec 12 18:47
See, I knew that Danton fellow was one of me own. Who else, but an erudite cockney machanic geezer could write words like that? It makes me proud to be in his company and call him "Friend".


Sincerely.

Love as always

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S. Bastard

You aint seen me.....right
Francois Dubois, S.J.
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Francois Dubois, S.J.

Location: Convent of the Queer, WV
Registered: 17 Feb 12

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Posted: 2 Dec 12 18:22
Beutifeel writing Clive. Have you ever thought of doing any writing?

Snerck!

"And the lowly dogs licked Gaztopimus clean as he slept."
From the Lost Gospels of the SSHites: Chapter 6, verse 48
Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 2 Dec 12 18:51
That's bang out of order Clive.

You can't just go around imbuing mechanics with human characteristics. Do you hear me? You can't do that!

It's immoral. Everybody knows (Especially the ladies) that car mechanics are the biggest collective bunch of robbing swines on the face of the earth.

Good grief man! Next you'll be trying to get us - Joe Public - to empathise with bankers, lawyers, compo winners by a country mile, and loan sharks!

Away with you! You Cocker-nee charlatan! I for one won't be falling for your blithering blarney anytime soon!

Outraged!

From Penge East.

RIP
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 2 Dec 12 22:52
James sounds nice.

Does he like pre or post ops?

Yours hopefully.....

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Simon Saunders
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Simon Saunders

Location: The Republic of Ninnies.
Registered: 22 Feb 12

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Posted: 2 Dec 12 23:26 - Edited By: Simon Saunders, 2 Dec 12 23:37
James sounds like a smashing chap.

It does beg the question........what's he doing being your friend?



Only kidding Clive.

Simon

Currently discussing possible legal action with his lawyer after not winning the writing compo
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 3 Dec 12 06:37
There you are you see chaps and chaperinas. Proof positive that not every horny-handed, mechanically adept son of the East End is a dyed in the wool, swivel-eyed member of the British National Party.

My largesse towards the ethnic community knows no bounds to be fair and extends from the vile beery Australasian of convict stock, right down to the hyper inflation bedeviled Zimbabwean Zulu warrior.

I'm particularly fond of the boys down at the China Garden Cantonese Takeaway as it goes folks. Mind you they are all born and bred in Stepney Green

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM

 
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