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Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 26 Nov 12 06:34
Apart from extreme bondage and asphyxiation when I routinely take myself up to, and on occasion beyond, the point of death, one of the greatest pleasures I have in life is to shave my head in the shower (which I have just done incidentally) and then to spray my recently cropped swede with a really cheap cologne from the 99p shop which contains more alcohol than a "Let's Get Really Pissed" night at The Seaman's Mission before watering the pot plants in the bedroom with my tears.

What's your greatest pleasure in life my friends? You can tell me. I mean it's not as if I'm a mechanic or anything.



THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Simon Saunders
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Simon Saunders

Location: The Republic of Ninnies.
Registered: 22 Feb 12

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Posted: 26 Nov 12 23:57
My greatest pleasure in life is cutting and pasting, then improving other peoples work and passing it off as my own.

No-one seems to have noticed yet although it's only a matter of time before a certain James Watts will reappear to accuse me of it before then spending a month cutting and pasting other peoples work, passing it off as his own, to prove that it's wrong.

I also enjoy drowning once a week. It helps keep me on my toes.

Simon

Currently discussing possible legal action with his lawyer after not winning the writing compo
Ellie James
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Ellie James

Location: Texas
Registered: 8 Apr 11

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Posted: 27 Nov 12 00:01
I like raindrops and roses and warm woolen mittens.

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 27 Nov 12 01:48
My greatest pleasure is slathering, ganging up in a ratio of 12:1, losing two consecutive night's sleep, before folding like a girl and projectile vomiting into a brightly coloured plastic bucket.

Oh, and being the real secret owner/operator/admin of the Spoof, and Mark Lowton's sinister alter ego.

Oh, and beer, ciggies, black pudding, real gravy on chips, and Hollands pies with mushy peas, lashings of malt vinegar, and salt and pepper.

Oh, and watching United tank Bayern Munich and Chelsea in the last minute of the Champions League Final.

And the wife's all right. Although she does go on a bit sometimes.

And having a nice lie in.

And of course, The Spoof!

Regards

Skoob.

RIP
Francois Dubois, S.J.
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Francois Dubois, S.J.

Location: Convent of the Queer, WV
Registered: 17 Feb 12

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Posted: 27 Nov 12 02:21
Burning ants with a magnifying glass on a bright summer's day.

What, you don't do that too?

"And the lowly dogs licked Gaztopimus clean as he slept."
From the Lost Gospels of the SSHites: Chapter 6, verse 48
Simon Saunders
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Simon Saunders

Location: The Republic of Ninnies.
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Posted: 27 Nov 12 04:46
I almost forgot.

I enjoy pulling the legs off of spiders then using them to tickle the missus under the chin.

She can't get enough of it. That and gin. But I never mention the gin. Not after the last time. The swelling still hasn't gone down.

Simon

Currently discussing possible legal action with his lawyer after not winning the writing compo
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 27 Nov 12 08:27
I've given up trying to post what I like. However, there appears to be a secret taste and decency filter on these forums (when did that come in?).

So, you'll just have to guess.

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Francois Dubois, S.J.
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Francois Dubois, S.J.

Location: Convent of the Queer, WV
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Posted: 27 Nov 12 22:35
Debbie,

You got any nekkid pictures of yerself?

"And the lowly dogs licked Gaztopimus clean as he slept."
From the Lost Gospels of the SSHites: Chapter 6, verse 48
CaptainSausage
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Location: UK
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Posted: 27 Nov 12 22:55
My greatest pleasure is attempting to write a filthy but hilarious spoof that is rammed with double-ended meanings, showing plenty of cheek splattered with innuendo, all the while trying frantically to throttle a persistent pianist who lives downstairs.

Sometimes I even manage to pull it off, and the titters are there to be milked.


Tommy Twinkle
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Location: Essex UK
Registered: 1 Jan 11

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Posted: 28 Nov 12 00:23
At night when warm in bed and listening to rain striking against my bedroom's window. Even more pleasurable, the sound of rain against the outside canvas of a tent, though only when the tent includes a stitched in waterproof ground sheet. When I'd go camping yurs and yurs ago my one didn't!

Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
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Posted: 30 Nov 12 08:28
Tommy Twinkle there folks ^^^^^^^^



THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Monkey Woods
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Monkey Woods

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Posted: 30 Nov 12 10:42

Quote: Francois Dubois, S.J.

Burning ants with a magnifying glass on a bright summer's day.






I hear ye, Frank.

To have ambitions, was my ambition
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 30 Nov 12 12:02

Quote: Francois Dubois, S.J.

Debbie,

You got any nekkid pictures of yerself?


Yes....but at the point of becoming nekked, I cease to be a cross dresser.

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 30 Nov 12 13:32
I'm a cross dresser too.

This morning I put my pants on the wrong way round in the dark so that when I went for a whizz a little later I had to pull the waistband down to get me cory out.

Cross? I was absolutely livid!!



THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 30 Nov 12 13:44
You want to try tights, Clive!

Never complain about the length of time a girl spends in the loo. I have to get half-undressed just to have a wee. I need to set off to the bathroom at least half an hour before I'm desperate because there aren't enough ladies loos, and removing sufficient clothing takes time.

Waistband?...pah! You don't know you're born.

I tried to invent tights that don't need removing to go to the toilet, only to be told that Anne Summers has been selling them for years.



Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Francois Dubois, S.J.
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Francois Dubois, S.J.

Location: Convent of the Queer, WV
Registered: 17 Feb 12

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Posted: 30 Nov 12 14:04
Debbie,

So you won't want to be buying any of the new nekkid pix of yerself that my spy satellite got Monday morning, huh?

Anybody else want a few choice ones of Debbie trying to get to the privy?

Right then, Debbie, we here in the states wear what's called a "Union suit." Mine are bright red and International Orange, so's when I got to take a dump in the woods, the hunters won't shoot me in my ass.

Union suits have either button flaps on the back, or a slit in the back large enough for the most ample arse. You can find them in most any outdoor catalogue.

"And the lowly dogs licked Gaztopimus clean as he slept."
From the Lost Gospels of the SSHites: Chapter 6, verse 48
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 30 Nov 12 17:04
Thanks Frankie ... they sound ever so sexy. Bright orange, you say? How do they look with five inch heels?

You can put the satellite photos with the ones you took while sat in the tree in my garden. If you get enough for a book, let me know, and I'll write you a forward.

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 30 Nov 12 17:30
Don't go talkin' to me about no tights, or pantyhose as Frankie calls em when he orders his lingerie from Maceys Debs.

I wore a pair of those babies when I went fishing in January once and they made my thighs cold and flattened all the hairs down the wrong way.

The bra kept me pecs warm though

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Jean Le Fete
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Jean Le Fete

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Posted: 5 Dec 12 05:39

Quote: Ellie James

I like raindrops and roses and warm woolen mittens.

Ellie



I like yodeling with female goat herders

It's not that I can't help these people it's just, I don't want to. - Tom Hanks - Volunteers
Hydrogen Balloon
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Hydrogen Balloon

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Posted: 5 Dec 12 12:06

Quote: Jean Le Fete


Quote: Ellie James

I like raindrops and roses and warm woolen mittens.

Ellie



I like yodeling with female goat herders


i enjoy climbing every mountain, smoking every weed, following every bong hit, until i find my dream.

Life is beautiful. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that is troublesome...

Isaac Asimov

 
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