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To a rather splendid afternoon of folding, bar raising, ganging up (using a ratio of 12 to 1 naturally), sleep deprivation (2 consecutive nights), spoiling it for others, slathering, cyber bullying, the using of inappropriate language in front of "sweet people" and of course vomiting.

The venue of course will be our beloved watering hole and the self styled "licenced arseole of the West End" The Coal Hole *pauses whilst raucous and uncalled for cheering dies away* where men are men and doesn't Bummer Ellis fucking know it!!

So my good friends and fellow struggling scribes if you have an entire lost weekend at your disposal, have plenty of cash to stand the boys drinks, a strong skeletal structure to withstand the constant folding and are willing to run the gauntlet of Bummer Ellis and his gang of mincing marauders every time you nip off for a gypsy's kiss in the bogs then kiss the missus and your liver goodbye and come and bathe in the reflected glory of a bunch of the worst comedy writers and biggest grog guzzling reprobates the civilised world has ever seen.

2.00pm sharp or The Colonel will have you running up and down Primrose Hill in full belt kit and Bergen!

I look forward to your attendence. No blacks, jews, Irish or Acronomists.

Stand at EASE!!!!

X

2.00pm on the 12th of February, 2015? I think I'm washing my hair that day.

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Quote: CaptainSausage

2.00pm on the 12th of February, 2015? I think I'm washing my hair that day.

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I deliberately withheld the date to prevent any cunts showing up.

You cant be too careful son can you?

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Quote: Clive Danton

I deliberately withheld the date to prevent any cunts showing up.

You cant be too careful son can you?

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I don't understand. I can't imagine anyone turning up who isn't a cunt.

What he said.

That there Clivey.

Oh dear...simultaneous post with the sausage boy. Sorry about that Cap.

I can't make it, so I can assure you it'll be a c**t free zone.

Regards

Skoob.

^^^^^^ A case in point if ever there was one! Tsk

Will you all be 'tooled up'?

Just wondering.

Skoob.

Only Bummer Ellis mate.

Least said soonest mended *taps side of nose in highly conspiratorial manner*

I need longer than 24 hours notice!

Do you know how long it takes to put false eyelashes on?

And then there's deciding what to wear. I'd probably want something new, as I don't think I have a 'meeting men in a pub' outfit. And that means shopping!

Tut. Men.

I need at least a month's notice.

Debbie

They'll probably all end up in hospital anyway.

I usually do.

Regards

Skoob.

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Quote: IainB

I need longer than 24 hours notice!

Debbie

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Same here. I'm meeting Donald Trump and Tony Robbins tomorrow, they'll be gutted if I let 'em down (they come all the way from that there Americeee place)

Fuck's sake Debs you're such a bloody diva sometimes love! Tell you what girl, I'm going to organise a Xmas slurps for the chaps and I'm thinking in terms of Strawberry Moons in Regents St as the venue "Every Sat Nite Fancy Dress Nite" and we'll all come mincing in dressed as ladies of the night.

This will give you shedloads of time to sort out yer wardrobe and get the warpaint on ok?

I warn you though that I'm gonna be taking hair and makeup tips from the delicious Dona Maria so prepare to be outglammed girl!

PS Dont leave the seat up in the ladies mate. It makes em suspicious trust me.

*lights pipe and fingers livid fingernail scars on cheek ruefully*

Right, I'll wiggle my bottom all the way down Regents Street, dressed as a hooker to a pub of dubious renown, walk in and ask for Clive, at which point the barman WILL ask the question "Blimey, didn't Clive win enough on the horses for a proper prozzie this week?"

Hmm?

That's if I make it that far....

I'll think about it. No promises mind!

Debbie

Hahaha made me chuckle that did Debs

Most of the donkeys I back are either still running or went lame in the paddock and were pole axed by the vet. No really!

See you in the festive season you glamour puss you!

Right I'd better get a wiggle on meself of The Colonel will have me shot at dawn.

Bolivian dictators eh? tsk

Sun's shining for you boys! Can't be bad. Every time I turn up to these things it pisses down. Probably says more about me than I care to contemplate.

SALUD!

PROST!

CHEERS!

HUZZAH!!!

Long live the Coal Hole Firm and all who sail in her!