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Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 10 Sep 12 19:32
Are you infantile and completely devoid of class enough to sometimes amuse yourself by substituting the word "arse" in place of "heart" in song titles?......I KNOW I AM!!!

Here's just a small taste of my banal, schoolboy idea of fun.

1 - Everybody's Got A Hungry Arse

2 - This Old Arse Of Mine

3 - I Left My Arse In San Francisco

4 - Anyone Who Had An Arse

5 - I Dont Have A Wooden Arse

Great isn't it people?

Right carry on and put your whole arse into it!

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 10 Sep 12 19:41
I kept having to change them because they sound so rude!



You took my Arse - Chris Isaak

^^^^^^^^^^^^

SEE!!!

*Blushes*

Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 10 Sep 12 19:49
Call yourself a girl Rios???

You're a disgusting, potty-mouthed shambles and a disgrace to your species love!

Fancy coming back to my place later? *toys with belt buckle and smiles winningly*

Now then.

You're In My Arse You're In My Soul

A Good Arse These Days Is Hard To Find (absolutely true that is. I blame junk food and the sedentary lifestyle)

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
CaptainSausage
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Posted: 10 Sep 12 19:59
Great topic!

Let's start with the Bee Gees' How Can You Mend A Broken Arse?

Or how about that annoying song from the film about the big ship that hits an iceberg, My Arse Must Go On

Then there's Bonnie Tyler's classic Total Eclipse of the Arse.

Not to mention the Beatle's Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Arse Club Band.

The Backstreet Boys also sang a song called I'll Never Break Your Arse. Now there's a thought.

IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 10 Sep 12 20:02
Like my Achey Breaky Arse?

Young at Arse?

Arse Attack?

Cold Hard Arse - Bon Jovi?

That sort of thing?

I cannot do these clever plays on words, Clive.

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Posted: 10 Sep 12 20:10
Disgusting! And I am unanimous! This kind of potty mouthed
dialogue should not be allowed on the forums. I shall be writing to Mr Mark Lowton regarding the smut I have read.
You all need a damn good thrashing, trousers down six of the best.......And a good kick up the fukin arse!


Mrs Enid Blighton
Oxford

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Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 10 Sep 12 20:15
Chissakes it's Sausage and B!

I knew this thread would attract the more unsavoury element.

I just felt it deep in my arse



THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 10 Sep 12 20:17
And TOE!

Jesus Christ it doesn't get any worse than this.

Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeee omg! Sharp stabbing pains! I.....I.....I think it's my arse!

thud.

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 10 Sep 12 20:18
Sorry!!!! I wasn't watching where I was going. I had this tray of arse lyrics to deliver to some thread on the Spoof. Are you going to sign for them?

No? Right I'll leave them here then:

Stop Draggin' My Arse Around - Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty
Listen to Her Arse - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
How Can You Mend A Broken Arse ? - Bee Gees
Two Arses - Phil Collins
You Have Placed A Chill In My Arse - Eurthymics

I've got another load out the back, so you better decide where you want them.

Delivery Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
CaptainSausage
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Posted: 10 Sep 12 20:25

Quote: Clive Danton

Chissakes it's Sausage and B!

I knew this thread would attract the more unsavoury element.



What do you mean? There's nothing more savoury than a sausage.

Unless it's been up your arse. By which I mean heart.


armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Posted: 10 Sep 12 20:31
Old woman complaims about her "Meals on wheels" food.
The forman comes round to the old girls house. On a plate are three sausages. The forman eats one. Bites into a second and spits it out. "Your right" he says, "these sausages are rancind they taste awful".

"I know" answers the old girl. "They been through me twice"


AAAARRRRRRSSSSEEEEEE!!!!!!!!



Arm xxxxxxxxxxx

You aint seen me.....right
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 10 Sep 12 20:38
Right this is your lot, I'm not fagging the rest in here. I'm not going into your back alley one more time, it's dark, and there's a strange smell.

Here In My Arse - Al Martino
Half A Arse - Barenaked Ladies
Hungry Arse - Bruce Springsteen
Two Arses - Bruce Springsteen
Straight from the Arse - Bryan Adams
Arses of Fire - Bryan Adams
Young Arses Run Free - Candi Staton
A Good Arse - Feargal Sharkey
Piece of My Arse - Janis Joplin
You Stole The Sun From My Arse - Manic Street Preachers
Stop Cryin' Your Arse Out - Oasis
Your Cheatin' Arse - Patsy Cline

The second one is not very grammatically correct, I'm afraid.

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
CaptainSausage
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Posted: 10 Sep 12 20:41
Am surprised nobody's thought of Elton John's classic love song, Don't Go Breaking My Arse.

Simon Saunders
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Simon Saunders

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 01:23
Right up my street this one!

Can You Find It In Your Arse? - Tony Bennett
Change Of Arse - Cyndi Lauper
Don't Break The Arse That Loves You - Connie Francis
The Door Is Still Open To My Arse - Dean Martin
Fortress Around Your Arse - Sting
Give Me Your Arse Tonight - Shakin Stevens
Hand On Your Arse - Kylie Minogue
Arse Like A Wheel - Steve Miller Band
Arse Of A Teenage Girl - Craig Douglas
Bless Your Arse - Isley Brothers
Arse Of Glass - Blondie
Arse On My Sleeve - Olly Murs
Arseache - Roy Orbison
Arsebeat - Nick Berry
Arses In Trouble - Chicago
I Lost My Arse To A Starship Trooper - Sarah Brightman
Let The Arseaches Begin - Long John Baldry
My Arse Belongs To Me - Barbra Streisand
One Broken Arse For Sale - Elvis Presley
Only Love Can Break Your Arse - Neil Young
Open Your Arse - Madonna
Room In My Arse - Living In A Box
Try Sleeping With A Broken Arse - Alicia Keys
Burning Arse - Survivor
Give Your Arse A Break - Demi Lovato

I am laughing just typing these. Some other crackers on here.
Was there a Queen album called 'Sheer Arse Attack'?

Simon

Currently discussing possible legal action with his lawyer after not winning the writing compo
Philbert of Macadamia
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Philbert of Macadamia

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 01:37
Seems apropos to this thread!

PoM


Colorectal Song

There is intelligent life in outer space!
Then why do the UFO's not land on the Earth?
As I said, there is intelligent life in outer space!
Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 02:48
Call me Arse - Carly Rae Jepson

Die in your Arse - Justin Beiber

Turn to Arse - Justin Bieber

Arse Bound - Eminem

and now some Christmas cheer -
What Arse is This?

Arse Christmas

And now from the 70s:
Raindrops keep falling on my Arse - BJ Thomas

Love on a Two-Way Arse - The MOments

The Long and Winding Arse - The Beatles

Hey there Lonely Arse - Eddie Holmon

Didn't I (Blow your Arse This time) - The Delphonics



**my apologies if I've repeated one from someone.

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Monkey Woods
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Posted: 11 Sep 12 03:45
Expand to literature?



Who could forget the brilliant Joseph Conrad novella Arse of Darkness?

To have ambitions, was my ambition
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 05:32
Will Ms James please go to the principal's office after school to receive demerits for completely and utterly failing to adhere to the thread guidelines and substitute "Heart" for "Arse"

Mind you I guess we should be thankful she didn't resort to the American vernacular and use words like "can", "butt", "booty" or even God forbid "fanny" which has a WHOLE new meaning this side of the puddle

Mr Woods, I think an expansion to literature is an excellent idea as I have a rather terrifying bet with the lovely Dona Maria that if she gets more replies to her rather tawdry little "bucket" thread than I do to this one I have to walk into a pub in West Ham wearing a ballerina's tutu sporting a t shirt with the legend "I Heart Millwall" emblazoned on the front.

So basically I'm most definitely all for it!

Here we go then.....

Any Human Arse - William Boyd.

Carry on.......For gawd's sake CARRY ON!!!!!

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 06:55
Surely the tee-shirt will say "I ARSE Millwall" in honour of this thread.

And thus, you will be bought a pint.

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 06:57 - Edited By: Clive Danton, 11 Sep 12 06:58
^^^^^ Smartheart!

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Monkey Woods
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Monkey Woods

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 08:38 - Edited By: Monkey Woods, 11 Sep 12 08:39
Yes, those I 'Heart' ... ideas are great, aren't they?

The fans of Scottish football giants Heart of Midlothian FC would be forced to wear those badges announcing:

I ARSE Arses



That would be a bit saucy.

To have ambitions, was my ambition
Tommy Twinkle
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Posted: 11 Sep 12 09:16
Candle in the Arse - Elton John.

CaptainSausage
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Posted: 11 Sep 12 09:51

Quote: Tommy Twinkle

Candle in the Arse - Elton John.


Don't people read the rules? The word arse must replace the word heart, as in Arse-shaped Box by Nirvana.

I also like the idea of expanding this to literature, or films too. You've got BraveArse, DragonArse, Where the Arse is.

My favourite medical book is of course William Harvey's famous 'On the motion of the arse and blood'.

IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 10:30
Arse to Arse....I used to watch that.

It was rubbish.

Home is where the Arse is. Not much better.

And who was Richard the Lionarse?

I'm now feeling halfarsed about continuing this.

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Tommy Twinkle
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Posted: 11 Sep 12 11:27
Don't Go Breakin' My Arse - Elton John


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