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Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

Registered: 11 Apr 12

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 08:49
*Wiggles eyebrows*

Keep it up, so to speak!!

<-------- I have this on order. What do you think Clivey?



x


Quote: Clive Danton

^^^^^^^ See that folks? That scheming little minx is stoopid enough to think that if she subjects me to a torrent of harsh and unnecessary abuse it will goad me into contributing to this thread and by so doing hasten my tutu wearing demise.

Well let me tell you my friends, I'm far too fly and streetwise to fall for that one.

Oh yes!!!


IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 09:04
I've got another for my bucket list...

It's go to the pub to see Clive in a tutu.

Sadly, it'll have to be the last thing on my bucket list, as going in a pub full of West Ham fans dressed as I am would see the end of me.

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 12:10

Quote: Maria Rios

*Wiggles eyebrows*

Keep it up, so to speak!!

<-------- I have this on order. What do you think Clivey?



x


Quote: Clive Danton

^^^^^^^ See that folks? That scheming little minx is stoopid enough to think that if she subjects me to a torrent of harsh and unnecessary abuse it will goad me into contributing to this thread and by so doing hasten my tutu wearing demise.

Well let me tell you my friends, I'm far too fly and streetwise to fall for that one.

Oh yes!!!




What do I think sweet Dona Maria? Now let me think....Hmmm

I think I just spat tea all over my monitor, I think somebody has WAAAAAAY too much time on their hands, I think I haven't laughed so much since my nan got her tits caught in the mangle and I think that you are so gonna get it when I see you and not in a nice way either!........well not at first anyways

See that folks? The crafty little cow thought that by subjecting me to pictorial humiliation in front of billions across the internet she'd somehow coerce me into adding yet another post to her ill gotten, duplicitous tally. Well think again love! You gotta get up pretty damn early in the morning to mug off old Cliveypops.

Christ yes!!!

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 12:11
Bollocks!

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IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 12:27
I'll just go to the pub, then.

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 15:05
Mind if I join yer Debs? I could use a livener or two after what I've been forced to endure today

Still at least the heartless little mare hasn't duped me into adding to her thread tally and by so doing condemning myself to the mother of all clumpings in The Lord Rodney's Head Whitechapel on Saturday night. Oh dear me NO! Hehehehe



THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 15:06
Christ!!

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 16:28
Of course you can Clive.

Not sure you'd like the pub though. Google "Canal Street Manchester".

It's one of them .

[Adds to bucket list]
Introduce Clive to the girls...

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 16:42
You know what they say about assumptions Clive?

We might share the same last name....but I am not EL James. Just ask R'Dog. I would have written a much better book.


Bucket list then...

buy new socks
train my dog not to jump
water my yard

keep working on my smut book

be best friends with Maria and Debbie




Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 17:45
Awww...

BFFs

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 18:03
Well done ladies for keeping this going.

We have to knock the smug smile of that Danton geezer's 'boat race' Sorry Clive, that's my best attempt at Cockney!

Ok Bucket List:

1. Write my first Spoof and not be Booed out of existence!
2. Read Ellie's erotic story *bites bottom lip*
3. Stand shoulder to shoulder with my new best mates, Ellie and Debbie..and start our own little girlie group.
4. Get QM back to help us out.


xxxxx

Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 18:08
Come on down.........Pleeeese!!!! Help me.

Alaskamojo
Churchmouse
Dulcie Gabbani
IainB
Quentin Muffin
Rvler9201
Skoob
Tawdry Soup
Tommy Twinkle
Lurkers


How cute will it be to see Clive in a Tutu?

Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 18:42

Quote: IainB

Of course you can Clive.

Not sure you'd like the pub though. Google "Canal Street Manchester".

It's one of them .

[Adds to bucket list]
Introduce Clive to the girls...

Debbie


*gnaws on pipe stem in agitated manner and backs slowly away*

Errrrr no you're alright Debs. I just googled it and I've decided to stay in with a steaming mug of cocoa and a copy of Big 'N' Bouncy.

Ellis might be up for it though!

*puts milk on to boil and wears pants out from the inside*

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
churchmouse
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churchmouse

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 19:16

Quote: Maria Rios

Come on down.........Pleeeese!!!! Help me.

Alaskamojo
Churchmouse
Dulcie Gabbani
IainB
Quentin Muffin
Rvler9201
Skoob
Tawdry Soup
Tommy Twinkle
Lurkers


Oh all right. Though quite frankly I would crawl naked for three miles over broken glass in order not to see Clive in a tutu. I wouldn't be able to sleep after.

Right, what was we supposed to be doing? Oh yeah, bucket list.

*chews knuckles and furrows brow*

ok, Bucket list:

Pail
Bucket
Top handled bowl
Bucket (did I say that one already?)
Small drum
Large beaker
small open topped tank
erm...

Sorry, can't think of any others so I'm off to post sordid pictures of Debbie and Ellis on the internet.






And as the baby rabbit of hope emerges into the soft sunlight of happiness to be confronted with the double barrels of reality
Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 19:24
I've just been busy getting beasted by a bunch of slathering maniacs on an alternative 'comedy' website which in reality is about as funny as third degree burns.

Bucket list?

Wallpaper paste.

Chicken.

Beer.

Salud!

Skoob.

RIP
Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 21:07
Steaming ahead here Cliveypops!

Final count tomorrow lunch time.

If Clive loses, he gets to wear a tutu and an 'I love Millwall' t-shirt to the next coal hole meet up or whatever they're called now.

Photographic evidence will be needed to verify his humiliation and my victory. Though I suspect, by the volume of Clive's posts on my thread, he secretly desires to don this attire for his fellow 'members.'

All you wonderful lurker's please help kick his sorry butt!

Bucket List....

1. Get the lurker's posting on my thread.

Suck it up Clive.

Love and Kisses
Maria



x

Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 11 Sep 12 22:38
Alright, so this is my new and updated bucket list:

The immediate "to do" list would include fixing dinner, walking the dog, monitoring homework, and such...

However, this is a bucket list, so here it is:

Go to Vegas and see some shows. I've never been and almost everyone I know has.

Go to NYC as an adult and also see some shows and museums.

learn how to kayak

take voice lessons

Get back into my artwork and rediscover the joys of painting

Have I mentioned the smutty book I'm writing? Finish that!

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 12 Sep 12 03:46 - Edited By: Clive Danton, 12 Sep 12 07:07

Quote: Ellie James

You know what they say about assumptions Clive?

We might share the same last name....but I am not EL James. Just ask R'Dog. I would have written a much better book.


Listen Ellie, I've not had the extremely tedious and no doubt deeply irritating experience of reading this mighty tome but from what I can gather from reviews and listening to the opinions of people who have, my next door neighbour's Staffordshire Bull Terrier would have made a better job.

In short I should imagine it's an erotic experience that ranks right up there with ironing your pants or wallpapering the kitchen ceiling.

In my far from humble opinion Ms James, a fellow Brit God help me, needs to throw her softly yielding word processor in the Thames and get on with the softly yielding ironing!

No really!

PS Dont get me started on the subject of "erotic" literature per se either. If people want to have a bunk up they should just take their bastard togs off and fucking knuckle down to it never mind bloody reading and writing about it!

Bastards!

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 12 Sep 12 07:15
Good morning grumpy knickers! I see you got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning! I bet it's because I'm kicking your pretty behind on my thread, isn't it?



x

Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 12 Sep 12 11:14

Quote: Maria Rios

Good morning grumpy knickers! I see you got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning! I bet it's because I'm kicking your pretty behind on my thread, isn't it?



x


Ok now listen up Peaches! The demeanour of my softly yielding albeit outrageously manly underwear or which side of my softly yielding bed I clambered out of this morning don't enter into it love!

All that matters now in this grim life or tutu struggle is the inexorable ticking of the clock as we approach the cutoff time of 12.30pm in this shambolic excuse for a contest.

Yes I realise you're a couple of posts ahead as we speak but it means nothing.......nothing do you hear me Dollface? For any moment now I expect a massive influx of posts on my thread resulting in an 11th hour rescue from a fate worse than being locked in a lift with L. E. James while she reads her big pile of turgid literary toot to me through a 1000 watts per channel PA system.

Just minutes to go now before my triumph is complete and the guzzling of huge quantities of humble pie begins for you my little Portuguese princessa.

MINUTES!!!

*rips open shirt, emits maniacal bellow of triumph and beats softly yielding chest*

PS. Oh yeah and dont think that by slandering my pants you can trick me into adding yet another turgid post to your ill appointed and quite clearly doomed thread neither.

Oh dear me NO!!!!!



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Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 12 Sep 12 12:02
Christ!

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armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Posted: 12 Sep 12 13:02
You called?

What may I do for you oh son of Bethany out of Zirgamon son of Belspeth daughter of Igamon from Plumstead? If it is about urinating on the vicars cat, you are forgiven.


C x

You aint seen me.....right
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 12 Sep 12 14:28

Quote: armfeetandtoe

You called?

What may I do for you oh son of Bethany out of Zirgamon son of Belspeth daughter of Igamon from Plumstead? If it is about urinating on the vicars cat, you are forgiven.


C x


Well for a start you can stop looking up my tutu you filthy brute!

Honestly! You horny-handed sons of the bank robbery trade are all the same! Tsk.

*hides behind fluttering fan blushing furiously*

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 12 Sep 12 14:39
Apologies for being late. Car trouble again. What I'd do for a decent mechanic. Silly words around Clive...I do have some limits boy. x

Well 12:30 came and went, Mr Dee. Looks like you're wearing a tutu to the next knees-up with the 'coal hole gang.'

We will be expecting photos as proof, obviously.

Thank you to those that helped me out and partook in this little bit of harmless fun.

Clive, speech?

*Sits down with flask of strong coffee, packed lunch, change of clothes and copy of War and Peace.*


Warmest Regards
Maria
x


Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 12 Sep 12 16:05
*puffs furiously on pipe and does that thing where they spin round like the clappers on their toes*

Hruuumph! Now then unaccustomed as I am to public ballet dancing I should still like to take this opportunity to thank the lovely and psychologically twisted Ms Rios for being such a valiant and duplicitous little opponent who quite clearly coerced hapless forum members to join her thread by being nice to them.

I shall of course stick to my side of the bargain and appear in full ballet regalia at the next summit of The Coal Hole Firm which is being held next month at The Sadlers Wells Theatre and where I fully expect to win the *best turned out ballerina with biceps" by a country mile and get given a lovely bunch of blooms and get me arse pinched by the male lead in Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker.

*stumbles from thread valiantly trying to maintain semblance of dignity*

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM

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