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Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 2 Sep 12 17:42
To my eternal shame I've not been following the Paralympics as perhaps I should have done but I spotted a small snippet on the 6.00pm news which brought a lump to my perfectly formed cockney throat.

A young guy with some kind of brace on his leg broke the paralympic discus record with a throw of Herculean proportions
The next shot was of the boy, who must have been 20 stone plus if he was an ounce, running over to his weeping mum to embrace her.

After she'd kissed him and dried her tears she moistened her hankie with her tongue and wiped the perspiration from his face in time honoured matriarchal fashion while this great hulk of a man stood obediently and waited for her to complete her task.

He then gave a wonderfully articulate interview in which he stated that it was the greatest moment of his life.

I've a feeling his sweet mother would echo his views.

Beautiful!

Sorry for lowering the bar folks. I'll start talking about tits in a minute

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 2 Sep 12 17:43 - Edited By: Maria Rios, 2 Sep 12 17:45
Beautiful.

radiogagger
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radiogagger

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Posted: 2 Sep 12 17:49
I think Clive has been hacked !!!

Watching one arm or one legged cyclists doing a circuit in the velodrome and no armed swimmers doing their stuff in the pool kinda puts us able bodied peeps to shame.

Certainly puts a lot of things in perspective.



'How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything'
T Harv Eker
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 2 Sep 12 17:53
Amen to that RG

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Ellie James
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Ellie James

Location: Texas
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Posted: 4 Sep 12 03:01
Yes. It really does put things into perspective. Thanks for sharing.

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 4 Sep 12 07:26
Aaah, you big soft get, Clivey!

(Runs from office and locks himself in the lav where he blubs uncontrollably for ten minutes, before pulling himself together, returns to his desk and determines to maintain a stiff upper lip).

No-one speaks English and everything's broken.
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 4 Sep 12 11:44
You shouldn't post such beautiful comments when oestrogen is wrecking my emotional compass. Argh I'm crying again. Blub Blub.

Debbie

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
radiogagger
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radiogagger

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Posted: 5 Sep 12 01:26
I reckon James Corden will play him in the film.
Clip of the throws, hanky clean-up and interview here


Quote: Clive Danton

A young guy with some kind of brace on his leg broke the paralympic discus record with a throw of Herculean proportions
The next shot was of the boy, who must have been 20 stone plus if he was an ounce, running over to his weeping mum to embrace her.

After she'd kissed him and dried her tears she moistened her hankie with her tongue and wiped the perspiration from his face in time honoured matriarchal fashion while this great hulk of a man stood obediently and waited for her to complete her task.

He then gave a wonderfully articulate interview in which he stated that it was the greatest moment of his life.

I've a feeling his sweet mother would echo his views.

Beautiful!

Sorry for lowering the bar folks. I'll start talking about tits in a minute


'How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything'
T Harv Eker
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 5 Sep 12 15:07
James Corden? Behave yerself son! I'll be played by that Matthew McConartist geezer that's in that film about male strippers......but only after he's sorted his body out the skinny, undernourished twat! *seethe*

Now then what I was doing back there people was allowing the East London hardman mask to slip just a touch to reveal a more caring, almost feminine side to yours truly.........and it wouldn't hurt for some of you hairy-arsed bastards to do the same neither. That means you Mr B.............and you Ellie!!!

Christ!

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 14 Sep 12 15:29
Now then, every so often you encounter somebody over the internet that you just know you will get along with famously. A kindred spirit if you will. I have just had a brief conversation with just such a person.

It all began when I spotted a news story on AOL detailing the ejection of a mother from a branch of Costa Cafe due to the fact that her baby, who due to a disability, had to be fed via a tube directly into it's stomach, a somewhat noisy process apparently. It then came to pass that 2 ladies at an adjoining table took umbrage at this and complained to the management who in turn asked the mother to leave.

Now although that's a terrible indictment on modern society and I felt deeply aggrieved for her, I couldnt help but notice that the mother in question bore a striking resemblance to Olive out of On The Buses and I ventured on the forum that this may have been the more likely reason for her ejection.

I checked back about an hour ago and a rather jolly sounding chappie calling himself Mickey O, had replied to me thus:

"Clivey boy, she makes Olive look like a total babe! She's so ugly that when she was a baby her mum used to feed her with a catapult"

I just knew instinctively that Mickey and I would undoubtedly spend more than a few happy hours together swilling fizzy lager and taking a wry look at the world.

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM

 
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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