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Colonel Juan
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Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 20:56
Evening Spoof lovers..

I'm thinking of starting a genuine Spoofers thread called Knitting With Mr & Mrs CJ.

The overall plan is to help answer tricky problems sent in by keen Knitting & Sewing enthusiasts, who also happen to write.

Since Mrs CJ is a bit of a brilliant knitswoman, I would naturally help her edit this site (obviously under the strict overall control of a Moderator).

And Mrs CJ would be only to glad to join the Spoof as a sort of 'country' member.

At this stage, we're just looking to gauge levels of interest. So if you're a bit of an addict on the good old knitting and sewing front, let us know and (if there's enough of us) we'll start something that's truly creative..

Regards

CJ


RIP
Sidney Bollocks
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Sidney Bollocks

Location: Brisbane, Australia
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Posted: 10 Jul 12 21:21



Would it be appropriate to discuss crocheting here?

Or would that require a separate thread?




Lynton
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Lynton

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 21:27
Since the season will be upon us in 1 month or so - can Mrs. CJ and your good self do a thread about Jam making? I feel that so many on here would be very happy and relieved to see such a topic aired here.

Watching paint dry
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
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Posted: 10 Jul 12 21:34
Dear Mr and Mrs C.J.

My number four has worn to a blunt end. Am I allowed to say "blunt"? However, Mrs Focker from number three, am I allowed to say "Mrs"? has advised using a number ten. Will this prick out, may I use the word "prick"? when pearling two, and under three?


Sincerely

Mr Noseminer
Essex

You aint seen me.....right
Simon Saunders
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Simon Saunders

Location: The Republic of Ninnies.
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Posted: 10 Jul 12 22:04
Dear Mr & Mrs CJ,

My missus enjoys a spot of darning. Am I allowed to use the word "darn?"

Sometimes I deliberately make holes in my socks just so she can have a bit of pleasure in her life.

I'm very considerate that way.

Simon

Currently discussing possible legal action with his lawyer after not winning the writing compo
Sidney Bollocks
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Sidney Bollocks

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 22:13



All this talk of knitting and darning is exhausting.

How about a thread for writers who like to watch dust settle?




Lynton
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Lynton

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 22:25
How jolly this is! Much much better than my Open University class 'Post-modern mental health issues among the monied middle classes'

Watching paint dry
pinxit
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Posted: 11 Jul 12 11:27
Dear Mrs CJ,

My girlfriend is teaching me to knit.

So far, she's only taught me how to 'pearl', but not knit, 'cast off' or 'drop one'.

I've been practising and come out with a lovely pearl necklace.

Should I give her it?

Yours sincerely(ish),

Pin (cushion)

Sidney Bollocks
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Sidney Bollocks

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Posted: 11 Jul 12 11:38



That's where I'm going wrong.

I'm only able to 'drop one'.




armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Posted: 11 Jul 12 17:17
Disgusting! All this talk of "Dropping one" I hope Mr and Mrs C.J. have you horse whipped and then banned from this thread for at least ten years.


Mrs M Whitehouses
The Cleavage
Devon

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Lynton
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Lynton

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Posted: 11 Jul 12 17:21 - Edited By: Lynton, 11 Jul 12 17:25
Dear Mrs CJ what can one knit using one's excess body hair? Mine is quite profuse; it would be a shame to let it go to waste.(although my under-arm and nose hair reach my waist)


B.D Hare
51 Barnet St.
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Watching paint dry
Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
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Posted: 11 Jul 12 18:23

Mrs CJ has asked me to tell all our new knitting fanatics that she's made a note of your marvellous questions and will deal with each of them in the autumn.

Meanwhile, she's decided to concentrate (under all the strictest rules & regulations) on outdoor summer activities, such as her new Gardening Club.

But whilst that new Spoof Society 'beds-in' she wonders how many of you would be interested in a third marvellous pursuit?

Morris Dancing With Mr & Mrs CJ

Please put you name down below if you are keen to have Mrs CJ teach you how to Morris Dance. There will be Morris Dance weekends in Oxfordshire to look forward to. And special Spoof awards for the best Morris dancing pairs ... Men's Doubles, Ladies Doubles and Mixed Doubles (points kindly donated by Inchcock).

Oh dear,

Just looked out the window.. the daft cow's set the fence ablaze...

Laters...


RIP
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Posted: 11 Jul 12 18:44 - Edited By: armfeetandtoe, 11 Jul 12 18:44
Dear Mr C.J.

May I say, what a wonderful thing to offer us ordinary people. I shall be writing a letter and posting it provided I can find the key to the locked village posting box.


Yours Sincerely

Mrs Hettie Soakitup
Sponge
Killkerry

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Inchcock
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Inchcock

Location: Nottingham, England
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Posted: 12 Jul 12 07:48
Morris Dancing With Mr & Mrs CJ.

I tried dancing with my neighbour Morris Pugglethorpe the other day, in celebration of me getting two numbers right on the lottery.

He was not impressed, and reported me to the benefits office.

The arthritis may limit my painful movements, but if we could try it in slow motion, and 30 second stints so I could keep taking me medication and have a cuppa, I'd love to give it a go.

Mind you, the missus said that in 1969 - now look at me!

Inchy

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Lynton
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Lynton

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Posted: 13 Jul 12 10:21
Ah Morris dancing 'Shepherd's Hey' Trunkles BeanSetting that's my kind of music. I wanted to be the fool once but I didn't have the bladder for it.

Watching paint dry
Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 13 Jul 12 10:35
I hate Morris Dancing. The missus always makes us stop and watch when we see them in Dales villages...

Linedancing is crap also - you're not planning to do any of that are you?

I once had to do a waltz in a play. Lock Up Your Daughters, I believe it was.

No-one speaks English and everything's broken.

 
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