Discussion Forum

Evening Spoof lovers..

I'm thinking of starting a genuine Spoofers thread called Gardening With Mr & Mrs CJ.

The overall plan is to help answer tricky problems sent in by keen gardening enthusiasts, who also happen to write.

Since Mrs CJ is a bit of a brilliant horticulturist, I would naturally help her edit this site (obviously under the strict overall control of a Moderator).

And Mrs CJ would be only to glad to join the Spoof as a sort of 'country' member.

At this stage, we're just looking to gauge levels of interest. So if you're a bit of an addict on the good old trachelospermum jasminoides front, let us know and (if there's enough of us) we'll start something that's truly creative..

Regards

CJ

CJ, I'd love to have a dig, but my fingers are anything but green; good luck though!

Dear Mrs CJ,

My tool of choice in the garden is a chainsaw. Is this too much for my garden.

Especially as I do not have trees.

Well, not any more any way. Nor do my neighbours.

Iain

I'm a bit wary of pruning.

Too much will kill the tree.

Such a shame to see something wither and die like that.




No such thing as a Lazarus tree as far as I know.

To respond to Mr. Mc Carthy's comment, there is no Lazarus tree unfortunately but once I tried to raise one but I had no luck. Now, my neighbour has successfully raised9 Cain (Bamboo that is).

Gardeners' question time last Sunday said that Lazarus trees will never be raised if there are Cercis siliquastrum in the vicinity

Gardens need fertilliser.

If anybody is interested, I can locate an ample supply of horse shit.

My mother gave me a spider plant (chlorophytum comosum) cutting when I left home some 15 years ago.

Over the years I have tried everything to stop the bloody things from multiplying but with no luck.

I've taken a flame thrower to them but only succeeded in burning down my house.

I didn't get on much better with a rocket launcher although I did get a very polite letter from Edinburgh council asking me to refrain from using such weapons in a built up area. I like getting letters.

Anyway, the bloody plants have taken over my home and life like a bunch of misbehaving, unwanted children.

Please help me!

Mr Saunders - do you like vegetables? Yes? There's your answer- they are not poisonous like some and could make a decent salad

I have just developed a blue rose.

It's blossoms are an exquisite shade of sapphire blue.

Does anyone think it has a marketing potential?

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Quote: Aubergine Underwood

I have just developed a blue rose.

It's blossoms are an exquisite shade of sapphire blue.

Does anyone think it has a marketing potential?

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Depends how long the spray paint lasts



Arm