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Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 19:44

Evening Spoof lovers..

I'm thinking of starting a genuine Spoofers thread called Gardening With Mr & Mrs CJ.

The overall plan is to help answer tricky problems sent in by keen gardening enthusiasts, who also happen to write.

Since Mrs CJ is a bit of a brilliant horticulturist, I would naturally help her edit this site (obviously under the strict overall control of a Moderator).

And Mrs CJ would be only to glad to join the Spoof as a sort of 'country' member.

At this stage, we're just looking to gauge levels of interest. So if you're a bit of an addict on the good old trachelospermum jasminoides front, let us know and (if there's enough of us) we'll start something that's truly creative..

Regards

CJ



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Jaggedone
This user is offline Warning: Sharp edges
Jaggedone

Location: Back under the bridge!
Registered: 8 Apr 09

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 19:55
CJ, I'd love to have a dig, but my fingers are anything but green; good luck though!

Monkey nutter...
IainB
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IainB

Location: (noun) a particular place
Registered: 7 Oct 08

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 20:03
Dear Mrs CJ,

My tool of choice in the garden is a chainsaw. Is this too much for my garden.

Especially as I do not have trees.

Well, not any more any way. Nor do my neighbours.

Iain

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Fergus McCarthy
This user is offline Devil's Avocado
Fergus McCarthy

Location: Hibernia.
Registered: 17 Jan 07

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 20:20
I'm a bit wary of pruning.

Too much will kill the tree.

Such a shame to see something wither and die like that.




No such thing as a Lazarus tree as far as I know.

You want me as a moderator!
You need me as a moderator!!!
Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 21:36
To respond to Mr. Mc Carthy's comment, there is no Lazarus tree unfortunately but once I tried to raise one but I had no luck. Now, my neighbour has successfully raised9 Cain (Bamboo that is).

Gardeners' question time last Sunday said that Lazarus trees will never be raised if there are Cercis siliquastrum in the vicinity

Watching paint dry
Sidney Bollocks
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Sidney Bollocks

Location: Brisbane, Australia
Registered: 6 Sep 10

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 22:15



Gardens need fertilliser.

If anybody is interested, I can locate an ample supply of horse shit.




Simon Saunders
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Simon Saunders

Location: The Republic of Ninnies.
Registered: 22 Feb 12

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 22:15
My mother gave me a spider plant (chlorophytum comosum) cutting when I left home some 15 years ago.

Over the years I have tried everything to stop the bloody things from multiplying but with no luck.

I've taken a flame thrower to them but only succeeded in burning down my house.

I didn't get on much better with a rocket launcher although I did get a very polite letter from Edinburgh council asking me to refrain from using such weapons in a built up area. I like getting letters.

Anyway, the bloody plants have taken over my home and life like a bunch of misbehaving, unwanted children.

Please help me!

Currently discussing possible legal action with his lawyer after not winning the writing compo
Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 22:22
Mr Saunders - do you like vegetables? Yes? There's your answer- they are not poisonous like some and could make a decent salad

Watching paint dry
Aubergine Underwood
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Aubergine Underwood

Location: One Toke Over the Line
Registered: 24 Feb 10

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Posted: 10 Jul 12 23:23


I have just developed a blue rose.

It's blossoms are an exquisite shade of sapphire blue.

Does anyone think it has a marketing potential?

Wild Haggis Couldn't Drag Me Away!
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 11 Jul 12 10:06

Quote: Aubergine Underwood

I have just developed a blue rose.

It's blossoms are an exquisite shade of sapphire blue.

Does anyone think it has a marketing potential?


Depends how long the spray paint lasts



Arm

You aint seen me.....right

 
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