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Cary Grunt
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Cary Grunt

Location: The Human Jungle
Registered: 15 Aug 12

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Posted: 16 Aug 12 16:38
Oi Oi Pinxie you old bastard! What's occurring my son?

Now then sheriff I've got just the bastard job for you moosh. Next Thursday Lidl are going to be knocking out trouser presses for 14.99 and not only that squire but they're Lidl's own brand! I mean at the end of the day you dont mind paying a bit over the odds when the gear bears the hallmark of quality like that do yers? Not only that mate, it'll save you doing all that folding!

Word to the wise though guvnor, steer well clear of the Powerfix Safety Boots at 19.99 a pair. I bought some last week and the first time I wore em outside I got me 'ead kicked in by a bunch of Somalis in Bow Road who had it on their toes with me wallet and me fucking baccy tin!

I mean what's safe about that then eh?

Still you dont like to grumble do yers?

I'm Very Pleased To Meet You. Who's Your Monkey Friend?
Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 16 Aug 12 17:17
Dear Inchy,

Ever thought of applying for a job as a manager at Aldi's?
Thirty seven grand a year, and you don't even have to know all the prices off by heart, like the flunkeys on the tills.

It probably helps if you know how to source cheap Czechoslovakian computer chairs, pit boots, crap pasties and doner kebab flavoured pizzas, and if you can direct some numpty pulling a pallet truck loaded up with frozen Argentinian meat pies and/or Korean Cornish Pasties and tell him or her to 'fucking hurry up about it.'

I'm going for an application form tomorrow.

It's about thirty grand a year more than I earn now.

Regards

Skoob.

RIP
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 16 Aug 12 17:32
Oy Grunt!

Wen did you get art then? Blimey, they got yu skating trollies rarnda supermerkets? Yu wanna get a proper job darn the market mate. Them krauts is takin over mate.




Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You aint seen me.....right
Cary Grunt
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Cary Grunt

Location: The Human Jungle
Registered: 15 Aug 12

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Posted: 16 Aug 12 19:01
Skooby! Alright china? You the racist? Sort yer fucking self out son! We're all the same under the skin squire, even the sooties and four be twos. I should know moosh I've stabbed enough of em. Now behave yourself!

Here are 'ere's one for yers Silver Crest Mini Massager - 5.99 a pop. Get one tomorrer and give the old woman's jack and danny a treat fer gawd's sake son. Lovely job!

Armfee.....etc. A word to the wise bruv. Next Toosdee. Arm And Hammer Gently Corrective Gum Explosive 1.50 a fucking toob!

Get it done my son!

Sweet!

I'm Very Pleased To Meet You. Who's Your Monkey Friend?
Jaggedone
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Jaggedone

Location: Back under the bridge!
Registered: 8 Apr 09

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Posted: 16 Aug 12 19:10
He's off Andover the Hill but incognito; luvvely stuff!

Monkey nutter...
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 17 Aug 12 12:37

Quote: Cary Grunt

Skooby! Alright china? You the racist? Sort yer fucking self out son! We're all the same under the skin squire, even the sooties and four be twos. I should know moosh I've stabbed enough of em. Now behave yourself!

Here are 'ere's one for yers Silver Crest Mini Massager - 5.99 a pop. Get one tomorrer and give the old woman's jack and danny a treat fer gawd's sake son. Lovely job!

Armfee.....etc. A word to the wise bruv. Next Toosdee. Arm And Hammer Gently Corrective Gum Explosive 1.50 a fucking toob!

Get it done my son!

Sweet!


On the case right now me old china ,jus got ta giv the orse an cart the once over...............

Arm xxxxxxxxxx

You aint seen me.....right
Inchcock
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Inchcock

Location: Nottingham, England
Registered: 18 Jun 10

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Posted: 18 Aug 12 08:17 - Edited By: Inchcock, 18 Aug 12 08:18

Quote: Skoob1999

Dear Inchy,

Ever thought of applying for a job as a manager at Aldi's?
Thirty seven grand a year, and you don't even have to know all the prices off by heart, like the flunkeys on the tills.

It probably helps if you know how to source cheap Czechoslovakian computer chairs, pit boots, crap pasties and doner kebab flavoured pizzas, and if you can direct some numpty pulling a pallet truck loaded up with frozen Argentinian meat pies and/or Korean Cornish Pasties and tell him or her to 'fucking hurry up about it.'

I'm going for an application form tomorrow.

It's about thirty grand a year more than I earn now.

Regards

Skoob.


Skoob,

I would advise against any such application being made by your good self for work at Aldi stores.

You will be so lonely if you do go there - I don't think the staff are allowed to talk... grunt, nod, shake the head and sneer yes... but actually talk.. I'm not sure.

You'll probably get short changed in your wages too.

Mind you, it would probably have more prospects than working for G4S?

I'm off way to Skeggy on Monday for me first away-day for over thirty years... I wonder if I'm doing the right thing travelling on trains with my luck, we haven't had a disaster on the railways of late... Mmmm!

Hope your managing to rehabilitate yourself to home life and the return to your favourite ales Sir.

Take care

Inchy

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 5 Sep 12 15:32
Alright Inchy boy? .........sweet!

Now then I've just got back from Lidl with the old woman and I tell you 'kin what my son there are some absolutely peachy bargains to be had this week boy!

Numero uno. "Blitzkrieg" Air Compressor. An absolute steal at 70 sovs a pop or alternatively two for a cock and hen. Just imagine how handy it'll come in for yers when that big sort comes round for the good news and you're feeling a bit Tom and Dick or Notts Forest are on the telly. You can just connect it to one of them blow up geezers, sling it over to her and tell her you'll join em after full time. Lovely job!

Numero dos. "Admiral" Salmon fillets in Dill Sauce 89p. EIGHTY NINE FUCKING PEE!!!! Look son, you dont have to pay me now but I'll pick you up a case first thing on me way down the bookie shop alright sherrif?

Be round yours about 11.00 so make sure you get a nice bit of Dundee Cake in d'you 'ear me?

Be lucky cocker.

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 9 Sep 12 17:19 - Edited By: Clive Danton, 9 Sep 12 17:20
Alright Inchy Boy me old china plate?.........sweet as!

Now then geezer, I've just got back from a spot of shopping with the old dutch and I tell you what my son, there's some absolute fucking steals on the menu this week boy!

Feast your bloodshot old mincies on these little beauties sheriff:

1 - 26 McKennedy American Way Battered Onion Rings 59p....FIFTY NINE BASTARD PEE!!!!

Mind you I dont know who battered em but you dont ask no bleeding questions at them prices do yer guvnor? Sweet or what??

2 - Chaumet Demi Sec Sparkling Rose £1.99 a bloody pop!. Just the fucking ticket when that big old sort of yours comes round for tea and a bunk up. Give 'er a few glasses of that old gear and she'll go bandy before you can say "Yodel up the valley* trust me old son.

Alright then squire? Lovely job.!

If I dont see yer through the week I'll see yer through the window my son

Be lucky.

x

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 20 Nov 12 17:53 - Edited By: Clive Danton, 20 Nov 12 17:58
Sweet As!....

There yer go Inchy my son! Hours and hours of shopping pleasure for yers there geezer. Dont turn round to me and say I dont fucking look after me own alright squire?

I tell you what my son I've been having a good butchers meself and there's some absolute fucking bargains to be 'ad if you screw yer loaf.

Still got the compressors on special too mate! You can blow up your rubber girlfriend in 2 minutes flat with one of them little beauties sherrif. Well fucking handy if you cop a touch of the horn watching that little blond sort out of Girls Aloud showin' 'er drawers on that Strictly Dancing show on the box eh what? GRRRRRRRRRR know what I mean son?

Right I'll leave yer too it guvnor, me tea's on the table and the old woman's done me a nice bit of gruel with extra water......and no gruel.

Bints eh chief? Can't live wiv em, cant drown em in a bucket.

Be lucky my son. Gertcha!

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 23 Nov 12 17:41
Strike a fucking light Inchy boy!!! I've just been having a butchers at the old Lidl Online caper and they've only got a pair of workmans overalls on the menu for 20 bastard sovs my son!

On top of that they're knocking out rolls of insulation tape for only 2 notes!!

Listen my son here's the tickle. You get on the trumpet to that big old German sort you're giving a nudge and get her round this Sundee, follow me?

Then once she's cooked you a nice bit o' dinner and got herself comfy on the sofa you dive in the bedroom and come out with yer workman's togs on alright? I tell you what my son the fucking blart absolutely lap it up! She'll be foaming at the gash before you can say "Mons Veneris" know what I'm saying boy?

Then all you have to do is tape the fucker down to the sofa and bob's your fucking uncle squire. Stick a bit over her cakehole too while you're about it. I mean to say you dont want to have to listen to their dialogue while you sort the fuckers out do yers? I mean you cop for enough of that old game when they're cracking on with the ironing dont yers?

Alright then sherrif? Beautiful!

Let me know how you get on next week sometime chief but I'm fucking telling you mate, if you dont hit the jackpot with old Brunhilde or whatever her bastard name is, I'm a fucking Chinaman old son.

Sweet as!

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!

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