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Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 9 May 12 17:38
It's great to see our lads dishing it out a bit after all those years of Windies and Digger persecution. Hope the Windies enjoy the weather we're having!!! (there should be a laughing - nay, guffawing - emoticon here, but I still can't make it work).

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Ellis Ian Fields
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Posted: 9 May 12 17:54
Anyway - Charpa remarking that women don't aim for the privates reminded me of something that disproves her point...

My nephew's sister - that's my neice - and her mum - that would be my sister, you know - were having a tennis knock-up once. Sis put up a high lob and I managed to scamper back towards the baseline in plenty of time to effect a smash return. Remembering my parents talking about mixed doubles years ago, I heard my old man and his mate saying always smash it at the woman... well, clearly the weaker of the two the other side of the net was my nine-year-old neice. What was I supposed to do? Right out of the middle of the racket, a beautifully executed overhead caught the girl right in the left eye. Game, set and match, I think!

When my sister came round to my side of the net, I thought it was to congratulate me on my achievement of beating two people. But she whacked me in the 'gentlemen's area' with her racket. It hurt rather a lot - and, as I say, disproves Charpa's assertion!

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Fergus McCarthy
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Posted: 9 May 12 18:04
No Kin need for that Ellis.

Take her on at a bit of boxing, see how she goes toe to toe...... That's the mother of course, not the young un.

Give her another 8 or 9 years or so.

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Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 9 May 12 18:45
I think what Charpa was getting at is that women don't set out to hurt children when we play with them. Nor do we try to maim them or destroy all their self confidence.

So if men are made from cricket? What does rugby make?

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Clive Danton
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Posted: 9 May 12 19:01
Men with odd shaped balls Ellie.

Ask an Australian if you don't believe me

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Charpa93
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Posted: 9 May 12 19:04
No, what I meant was, [normally] women don't aim for women's private parts when playing opposite each other. With men, no matter what the sport, it seems that every guy on the field has a bulls eye on his privates and the harder the ball, racquet, bat, etc. is aimed at it, the louder they (not the one getting hit mind you) laughs.

It's is all a bit mean-spirited. But if that is what makes you men, men, then so be it. It explains a hell of a lot. (semi-colon, hyphen, close parenthesis)

I actually like the fact that you all are beating the hell out of each other. Saves us women a lot of time. (Laughing my ass off emoticon needed here).

Charpa



Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 9 May 12 19:19
Boxing's for softies, Ferg. The sis and me always went in for a bit of cage fighting when we had a difference of opinion over what to watch on the telly.

Charpa... Charpa... My missus knows how to sort me out without leaving any marks! Most of the guys on here are victims... ask Dants, Skoob, the Colonel. Broken men, we are, broken!

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Charpa93
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Posted: 9 May 12 19:30 - Edited By: Charpa93, 9 May 12 19:31

Quote: Ellis Ian Fields

Boxing's for softies, Ferg. The sis and me always went in for a bit of cage fighting when we had a difference of opinion over what to watch on the telly.

Charpa... Charpa... My missus knows how to sort me out without leaving any marks! Most of the guys on here are victims... ask Dants, Skoob, the Colonel. Broken men, we are, broken!


Good, see that it stays that way.

BTW, Ellis, you made my point exactly. We don't leave marks.

Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 9 May 12 20:19
Laughing winking emoticon with shades on and thumbs up...

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Skoob1999
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Posted: 9 May 12 20:52
Laughing? Ellis - you surely jest!

Can't you see what's happening here?

Our slathering gang of foul mouthed malcontents are being marlinagised! Open yer eyes man!

Firstly it's that bunch of letter obsessed bleeding mob of Acronymist extremist fanatics!

And now it's the women!

I shall never submit to the jackboot!

Pull yourself together man. Stiff upper lip, steely glint and all that.

Get with the programme.

Skoob.



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Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 9 May 12 21:11
Skoob - I'm just being honest among friends. I saw the terror on your face whenever anyone went to talk to your missus the other week: "What did she say... is she OK? Don't go just yet, Ellis, please..."

These people are our friends...

Upside-down smile emoticon with thumbs down sign - or maybe even skull-and-crossbones one!

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Charpa93
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Posted: 10 May 12 01:10
I realized we can't go away that easily. Not our style. Skoob you're just gonna have to take it like a man...in the bollocks. ha ha. (Emoticon with tongue stuck out and hands waving from ears.)

Jean Le Fete
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Posted: 10 May 12 02:15
Which program Skoob?! That's the problem, there's too damned many. We finally cancelled our tv subscription 120 channels at $60 per month, with some of the most GOD awful crap and not one Acronym channel, what a rip-off!!! Say by the way I've walked all the way from Indy now to Columbus Ohio, should be making London any day now, where is it anyway Jersey?

It's not that I can't help these people it's just, I don't want to. - Tom Hanks - Volunteers
Charpa93
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Posted: 10 May 12 03:22

Quote: Jean Le Fete

Which program Skoob?! That's the problem, there's too damned many. We finally cancelled our tv subscription 120 channels at $60 per month, with some of the most GOD awful crap and not one Acronym channel, what a rip-off!!! Say by the way I've walked all the way from Indy now to Columbus Ohio, should be making London any day now, where is it anyway Jersey?


My family lives in Columbus, Ohio. Stop in and say hi.

Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 10 May 12 04:15
So, this is not something a kid said to me. This is about something I said to a kid. 5 kids to be exact. It's college week at my school and that means kids learn about colleges, etc. The 5th grade was supposed to walk around an find out where all the teachers went to college and then make a graph recording their findings.

By 3pm, I will tired of being interrupted by kids asking me what college I went to because there is actually a sign on the classroom door that states which university I attended. None of them bothered to read it. So, they would come inside and ask me. Eventually, I made a sign on a dry erase board and hold it up when they would come inside that read, "I went to TCU." Yet, they'd still ask me where I went leaving me with the impression that we are failing as a society.

Anyway, there were not that many minutes left of the school day and so by 3pm I started responding with, "I went to Harvard." And this was still holding up a dry erase board that read, "No really, I went to TCU!"

After school. I got stopped by the 5th grade teacher and she said, "Did you tell my students you went to Harvard?"

"Yes, I did."

"YOU???? I felt certain that they were filling me up with stories."

"Nope. I told them that. I also asked them how I became a surgeon if I didn't attend Harvard? So, some of them now also think I am a doctor."

She laughed and then said, "You're bad!"

"At heart, I really am a smart ass!"




Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 10 May 12 06:38 - Edited By: Ellis Ian Fields, 10 May 12 10:00
No wonder we're going to hell in a handcart with irresponsible teachers like you about, Ellie. (red emoticon with smoke coming out of ears... but then winking emoticon to suggest the first one is just kidding...)

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Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 10 May 12 12:18
And I was also wearing doctor scrubs when this happened since it was Nurse Appreciation day at my school. In honor of our nurse, we all wore scrubs to school.

So, with the sign, the fact EVERYONE wore scrubs to school, you'd think those 5th graders would know I was joking around! hee hee hee

And, JLF - where's Ohio? I've forgotten!

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 10 May 12 15:33
Apart from my own contributions to this thread which were quite clearly a lot better and far funnier than anybody elses by an absolute street, my favourite has to be one I spotted on that site Ellie posted up, wherein some little cutesy pie had scrawled in big wobbly letters.....

"I have a dog Baxter. He is cunt"

A budding future president of The Humane Society perhaps?

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Clive Danton
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Posted: 14 May 12 15:23
Strictly speaking these aren't amusing outpourings from little kids so apologies to Ellie for any breach of topic protocol (if you feel the need to take this further see my damn lawyer), but are the somewhat passive aggressive notes left by aggrieved students and roomies to one another.

I always feel that our American cousins do this kind of stuff so much better than we Brits. Their inherent politeness combined with homicidal baddass intent absolutely cracks me up.

I particularly enjoyed the empty toilet roll exchange.

Please Dont Mess With My Shit. You Have Your Own Shit. XOXOX



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Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 15 May 12 04:21 - Edited By: Ellie James, 15 May 12 04:26
College Students - Young children

Can often be synonymous.

Ellie

p.s. My favorite one was the one where, instead of cleaning out the fridge, the person dyed eggs and wrote "Please Clean Out Fridge" on them. By the time the eggs were boiled, cooled, colored and dried, it could have been cleaned out!

Thanks for sharing.

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 15 May 12 05:39
Synonymous indeed Ellie! Mind you I do despair sometimes when I see all that drunken hedonism and drug fuelled fornication going on in our places of learning these days.

I'm just glad they eventually grow out of it and become students



THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 15 May 12 17:04
That made me laugh out loud!!

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Clive Danton
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Posted: 15 May 12 18:48

Quote: Ellie James

That made me laugh out loud!!

Ellie



Don't give me that love! You're just being inherently polite like all American people. Even the muggers tell you to have a nice day after they've snatched your purse in the subway fer chrissakes!

What you really wanted to say was "If you touch my stash of Hershey Bars again you limey sack of shit, I'll blow your damn head clean off!

Have a nice day sucker!"

Now isn't it?

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 15 May 12 22:44
I've never been mugged but the other day someone told me to fuck off because I didn't drive fast enough for their liking.

I don't have a stash of Hershey bars either. I do still have some Cadbury eggs and I will admit there are very few people I would share them with.
Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Charpa93
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Posted: 16 May 12 13:40
See how Ellie does it? She panders to you Brits by making you think she actually likes English candies. Cadbury eggs indeed! Why next, she'll be taunting you with the fact that she occasionally sips tea...at 4 p.m....your time...with biscuits...no less.


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