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Ellie James
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Ellie James

Location: Texas
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Posted: 4 May 12 18:13
The other morning I woke up to my 6 year old daughter asking me what the front part of a girls bottom is.
"It's a vagina. Remember? We have talked about this before."
"Okay. What is a boys front part called"
"A penis."
She laughs for a bit and I ask her what's so funny.
"Mom.....penis starts with the same letter as poop!"
And she kept laughing at her phonetic discovery.

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 4 May 12 18:39
Quality!

My missus is a teacher like yourself and has a whole shedload of hilarious anecdotes featuring children's unintentional faux pas.

She was reading a little six year old girl's story the other day after having taught the little ones how to use speech marks and she came up with this little gem.......I asked mummy if I could have a puppy and she said "No you cunt!"

Mind you knowing some of the parents around here she may have been using the correct vowel after all hahaha.



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Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 7 May 12 16:09
A student told me while we were studying earthquakes that if there was an earthquake he'd run to the kitchen and save the marshmallows.

Another student asked him, "But what about your little brother or your Grandma?"

"I just really like marshmallows!"

"This is why I worry about things when I an invalid in a rest home," I say shaking my head.

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 7 May 12 18:29
One of the teachers that works with my missus tells of an occasion when she was teaching a bible class to 6 year olds and said "Then Lot was told to take his wife and flee from the city but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt!

At this point a little voice piped up at the back. "What happened to his flea?"



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Fergus McCarthy
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Fergus McCarthy

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Posted: 7 May 12 19:02
That one really did make me laugh out loud Clive.

5 star funny.



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You need me as a moderator!!!
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 7 May 12 20:15
And you a man of God too Ferg.

Where will it all end mate?



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Charpa93
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Charpa93

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Posted: 7 May 12 20:17

Quote: Clive Danton

One of the teachers that works with my missus tells of an occasion when she was teaching a bible class to 6 year olds and said "Then Lot was told to take his wife and flee from the city but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt!

At this point a little voice piped up at the back. "What happened to his flea?"




Best one yet.


Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 7 May 12 20:25
Are you sayin' my other one was rubbish love?

Christ you can be so hurtful sometimes, you really can!

Still I'm determined not to let this get to me! I'm going to pick myself up and........BLAM!..........thud.

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Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 7 May 12 20:48
My favorite is the "no you cunt".

That's classic!

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Jean Le Fete
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Jean Le Fete

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Posted: 8 May 12 01:45
My 9 year old daughter's class went to stay the night at the Indianapolis zoo along with a lot of parents and teachers as chaperones. They were spending the night in a large zoo so you'd think you would hear stories about sounds of animals, etc. My daughter said, "No all we heard were the parents snoring and breaking wind."

It's not that I can't help these people it's just, I don't want to. - Tom Hanks - Volunteers
Charpa93
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Charpa93

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Posted: 8 May 12 03:13

Quote: Clive Danton

Are you sayin' my other one was rubbish love?

Christ you can be so hurtful sometimes, you really can!

Still I'm determined not to let this get to me! I'm going to pick myself up and........BLAM!..........thud.


That's what I'm saying. This one was funniest. Jeez, Danton, you're the only person I know who is in competition with himslef. Get a grip man.



Charpa93
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Charpa93

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Posted: 8 May 12 03:14

Quote: Jean Le Fete

My 9 year old daughter's class went to stay the night at the Indianapolis zoo along with a lot of parents and teachers as chaperones. They were spending the night in a large zoo so you'd think you would hear stories about sounds of animals, etc. My daughter said, "No all we heard were the parents snoring and breaking wind."


hah!

Simon Saunders
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Simon Saunders

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Posted: 8 May 12 05:12 - Edited By: Simon Saunders, 8 May 12 05:13
I was sitting at our breakfast table one morning when my daughter said to me, "Mummy said that you're not my real daddy."

Laugh? I nearly passed my fags around.

Kids eh! Who'd 'ave 'em? Well, apparently not me.

PS. This is a complete fabrication except that I do have a daughter.

The other posts are funny though.

Currently discussing possible legal action with his lawyer after not winning the writing compo
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 8 May 12 07:41
Ellie - Yeah it's a real peach aint it? My wife actually brought it home to show me and after I'd finished laughing she went on to explain that she'd asked the little one to read it back to her in private just to be on the safe side. Thankfully she put the correct vowel in place on that occasion

JLF - It could have been so much worse my friend. So much worse!!

Charpa - The last time I "got a grip" my wife called the cops

Simon - I think you should have explained for the sake of our cousins from across the puddle that "fag" is a Brit colloquialism for cigarette and that you're not in the habit of handing round homosexual gentlemen to all and sundry......well not on week nights anyway

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Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 8 May 12 12:27
Clive - Did you take a picture of it? If so, you could submit it to Happy Place.

I'll post a link later. Can't now because I'm about to leave the house.)

And, I knew that a fag is a cigarette. Not because I've ever smoked them, but because I read books.

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Posted: 8 May 12 14:47
My 18yr old says; "Can I borrow some money.

My 15yr old says; "Can I stay out late".

My 10yr old says; "Spoilt bastards arent they"



Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 8 May 12 21:53
Clive,

This is what I was talking about....

Unintentionally test reponses from children

Not all of them are test responses, but they are hilarious!!!

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 9 May 12 12:03
Ag ag ag ag ag ag ARF!

Beautiful! Kids eh? Natural comedians all!

I particular liked the one where the little one had informed us that he was going to be spending the weekend in "vagina". Obviously he meant Virginia which is fine as long as that's not the name of the little girl who sits next to him in class

I asked my wife if she still had a copy of that rather amusing spelling faux pas but she informed me that she'd "filed it". That's teacher speak for ripping it to bits in the shredder

She did however show me a little home made card that a 5 year old had made for her the other day which beneath a rather comical depiction of her drawn in red crayon had been scrawled the legend "Yur a very gud teacher and a gorjus woman". The second part of which seemed to please her greatly.

I found this little gem on a web site and post it here for your delectation and delight

This kid shows real promise

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Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 9 May 12 13:21
Don't talk to me about kids!

My seven-year-old nephew was fascinated by the idea that I played cricket and kept on at me to play it with him.

But the kid just folded when I started bowling some "chin music" at him and then sent one down that darted back off the seam and hit him in "the box."

Ran off to my brother-in-law like a girl!

Twat.

No-one speaks English and everything's broken.
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 9 May 12 15:21
The cricket yarn fair tickled me Ellis. Put me in mind of an occasion when my eldest boy was around 14 or so and we were having a nice friendly father and son game of cricket on a bit of wasteground (we couldn't afford a park).

I sent down a few gentle deliveries on a good length only to find that he was carting me all over the ********* shop, causing me to continuously have to shlep long distances to fetch the ball.

Now I'm not a harsh or competitive man but I decided to make the flash little monkey wear one or two and ran in from about 50 yards, breathing fire and sweating death like Fiery Freddie Truman and sent down a blistering snorter of a bouncer which caught him smack on the swede and felled the little bleeder.

I rushed over and knelt beside his stricken form and looked into his dazed eyes.

"That'll teach you to give me some ******** tap you little mug and if you tell your mother we'll be back tomorrow for a spot of rugby!"

It's what he would have wanted

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Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 9 May 12 16:03
I didn't know cricket was so brutal!!!

Remind me never to play games with you guys....I might die!

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 9 May 12 16:10 - Edited By: Ellis Ian Fields, 9 May 12 16:12
Good call Clivey, moosh!

Oh, it's a tough game all right, Ellie. The sooner the little'uns understand that the better.

The next time the kid wanted to play with me I promised not to bowl at him and let him bowl at me. He thought that was fun til I middled one, right in the meat of the bat, the sweet spot, beautiful forward drive - and caught him smack in the shin. It still went for four, despite the intervention of his leg.

Little git ran - well crawled - off wailing to his dad again.

No-one speaks English and everything's broken.
Charpa93
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Posted: 9 May 12 16:19
Women don't aim for the privates when playing sports. Seems a bit perverse to see your child writhing in pain and then bragging about you being the one that metes the punishment when it was supposed to be a friendly game. Wait'll the boys out-grow you!



Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 9 May 12 16:26
You don't actually aim for the genitals, Charpa. The ball moves off the seam or off the pitch and if the little oiks' footwork is no good, it's not my fault their bits get in the way, is it? (there should be a winking emoticon here, but I can't make it work!)

No-one speaks English and everything's broken.
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 9 May 12 17:23 - Edited By: Clive Danton, 9 May 12 17:24
^^^^^^^ What he said despite his chronic winking problem.

Cricket turns boyz to men ladies and as the famously murderous Australian pace bowler Jeff Thompson once lovingly remarked. "Mate there aint no sweeter sound in all the world than a cricket ball smashing into a Pom's (Englishman's) skull"

I believe he runs a garden centre these the days the big, mincing Aussie poofta

A Little "Chin Music"

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