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Colonel Juan
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Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 12:11


Esteemed and lovely Spoofers

Having decided to stay on the Forum, I've decided to apply for poet laureate. But am struggling to finish the compulsory limerick on their application form.

I'm well happy with the first two lines wot I came up with over the weekend:-

There was a young (old) lady (harlot) from Looe (Kew or Crewe would do equally well)
Who filled her vagina with glue..

But now I'm stuck.

Can anyone help?

Thanks in advance

CJ



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queen mudder
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queen mudder

Location: london and nyc
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Posted: 16 Apr 12 12:40
But penning those ditties
While stroking her titties
Resulted in nothing but poo.

Gravity is a myth, the earth sux?
Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
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Posted: 16 Apr 12 12:46

Oh yes Queenie..

Oh yes..

That'll get me the job..

Yes..

Highbrow poetic literacy is exactly what they're after..

Mmmm..

I owe you..

Thanks

CJ





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Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 13:09
So what made you stick around? Thought some high-powered forum wit had chased you off here at last.

No-one speaks English and everything's broken.
Colonel Juan
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Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
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Posted: 16 Apr 12 13:31 - Edited By: Colonel Juan, 16 Apr 12 13:32


Fuck off Fields!!

This is a divine, sensitive thread for creative artistes..

and delicate poets..

Like me and the Queen Mummy..

Not a shithole for coarse hijackers and roughneck cyber bullies..

Such as YOU..

and MAGGOT


Oh yes

Yes..

well said gentle Juanita

xx


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Mathilde de la Mole
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Mathilde de la Mole

Registered: 10 Jan 11

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 13:46


A wonky-eyed nurse from Guangzhou
Once filled her vagina with glue
It's convenient,she said
For bonking in bed
There's no cleaning up when they're through.



Got a light?
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 14:19
I once bedded a girl from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue
In order to remove her
I needed a Hoover
And the help of a fireman or two

Iain

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Nick Hobbs
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Nick Hobbs

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 15:16
There was a young lady from Kew,
Who filled her vagina with glue,
She needed a wee
But it wouldn't break free,
So she peed through her bum hole. That's new!

Satisfying the bloodlust of the masses in peacetime!
Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
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Posted: 16 Apr 12 17:20 - Edited By: Colonel Juan, 16 Apr 12 17:23



How about...

There was an old lady from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue
when her bloke got unstuck
he exclaimed What a fuck!
You felt just like Winnie The Pooh


or is that too obtuse re bears..?



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Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 17:29
Wow... outbreak of limp-wristed, skipping through fields of flowers poetry alert!

No-one speaks English and everything's broken.
Nick Hobbs
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Nick Hobbs

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 17:57
There was an old lezzer from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue
She popped in some flowers
That were stuck there for hours
As she skipped though the early morns dew

(now that's limp-wristed, skipping through flowery fields poetry)

Satisfying the bloodlust of the masses in peacetime!
Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
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Posted: 16 Apr 12 18:04


Brilliant Nick..

Absolutely marvellous poetry of the highest order..

And Iain too

Glorious wordage the bard himself would be proud of..

Now then

Miss Mole!!

I didn't see that earlier.

I'd hide if I were you..

AND

Shame on you Fields!

Esteemed Forum colleague exercising their suppressed poetic bent...

and all you can do is mock!

Get to it squire..

Can't you at least squeeze yer buttocks together and toss out an award-winning ode?







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Ellis Ian Fields
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Ellis Ian Fields

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 18:16
Poetry is for wusses - and that has nothing to do with my complete failure at Eng Lit O-level! Nothing at all.

No-one speaks English and everything's broken.
Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 18:23


Damned Poet strangler!!!

A plague on your pussies..

And a pox on yer gladioli






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Jaggedone
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Jaggedone

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 18:26
After reading some of this poetical brilliance I've decided to give up posing as Dylan Thomas in my free-time, I'll stick to Bob instead (without the glue).

Monkey nutter...
IainB
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IainB

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 18:41
There once was a man from the Pru
Who covered his knob with glue
It is added insurance
So that his sticky lance
Doesn't come out when he's through.

(This was actually my wife's effort...)

Iain

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Colonel Juan
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Colonel Juan

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 19:18 - Edited By: Colonel Juan, 16 Apr 12 19:20

Oh how I envy you Iain..

Having a wife who speaks the language of fine poetry..

Mine has trouble with "Put the kettle on you lazy git"..

I mean to say.. do kettle and git rhyme?





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Jaggedone
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Jaggedone

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 19:30
An insurance company called the Pru
Covered the hole in my shoe
Then up popped a mole
It got stuck to my sole
So then I stuffed it with glue



Monkey nutter...
Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 19:48 - Edited By: Maria Rios, 18 Apr 12 16:40
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Colonel Juan
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Colonel Juan

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 19:53


hehehehehe..

Maria milady..

Wot can I say..

Not only a true poet,

but a woman of wisdom, language and vast experience..

Fancy a Merlot later?

Luv Juan





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Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 20:13 - Edited By: Maria Rios, 18 Apr 12 16:43
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queen mudder
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queen mudder

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 20:15
Madre de Dios, Maria Rios.

As in Mary Rivers?

Gravity is a myth, the earth sux?
Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 20:21 - Edited By: Maria Rios, 18 Apr 12 16:40
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Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
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Posted: 16 Apr 12 20:21 - Edited By: Colonel Juan, 16 Apr 12 20:22


hi Maria,

You can call me Miss Juan and we can be sisters together..

Woweeeee!!!

Anyway, I've been slaving over a hot oil lamp..

How's about this!!!!


There was an old biddy from Kew
Forced to fill her vagina with glue
After one off the wrist
Left her feeling well pissed
having broken her fanny in two



John Betjeman eat yer bloody heart out!



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Maria Rios
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Maria Rios

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Posted: 16 Apr 12 20:53 - Edited By: Maria Rios, 18 Apr 12 16:41
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