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Forum Home / General Discussion / Poet Laureate
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Colonel Juan El quien ose, sátirisa Location: C/O Juanita Juan Registered: 24 Aug 09 Forum Profile Website
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Esteemed and lovely Spoofers Having decided to stay on the Forum, I've decided to apply for poet laureate. But am struggling to finish the compulsory limerick on their application form. I'm well happy with the first two lines wot I came up with over the weekend:- There was a young (old) lady (harlot) from Looe (Kew or Crewe would do equally well) Who filled her vagina with glue.. But now I'm stuck. Can anyone help? Thanks in advance CJ |
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queen mudder Spoof Queen Location: london and nyc Registered: 26 May 04 Forum Profile Writer's Profile Website
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But penning those ditties
While stroking her titties Resulted in nothing but poo. |
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| Gravity is a myth, the earth sux? | |||
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Colonel Juan El quien ose, sátirisa Location: C/O Juanita Juan Registered: 24 Aug 09 Forum Profile Website
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Oh yes Queenie.. Oh yes.. That'll get me the job.. Yes.. Highbrow poetic literacy is exactly what they're after.. Mmmm.. I owe you.. Thanks CJ |
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Ellis Ian Fields Writer Location: Dunno - it's so very dark Registered: 9 Dec 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
So what made you stick around? Thought some high-powered forum wit had chased you off here at last.
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Colonel Juan El quien ose, sátirisa Location: C/O Juanita Juan Registered: 24 Aug 09 Forum Profile Website
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Fuck off Fields!! This is a divine, sensitive thread for creative artistes.. and delicate poets.. Like me and the Queen Mummy.. Not a shithole for coarse hijackers and roughneck cyber bullies.. Such as YOU.. and MAGGOT Oh yes Yes.. well said gentle Juanita xx |
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Mathilde de la Mole Banned Registered: 10 Jan 11 Forum Profile |
A wonky-eyed nurse from Guangzhou Once filled her vagina with glue It's convenient, she said For bonking in bed There's no cleaning up when they're through. |
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IainB Gentle with me Location: (noun) a particular place Registered: 7 Oct 08 Forum Profile Writer's Profile Website
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I once bedded a girl from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue In order to remove her I needed a Hoover And the help of a fireman or two Iain |
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| If 42 is the answer, the question must be how many hours before I lost my nerve and lost the profile pic? | |||
Nick Hobbs Writer Location: Braaaiiinnnsss. Registered: 14 Nov 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile Website
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There was a young lady from Kew,
Who filled her vagina with glue, She needed a wee But it wouldn't break free, So she peed through her bum hole. That's new! |
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| Satisfying the bloodlust of the masses in peacetime! | |||
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Colonel Juan El quien ose, sátirisa Location: C/O Juanita Juan Registered: 24 Aug 09 Forum Profile Website
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How about... There was an old lady from Crewe Who filled her vagina with glue when her bloke got unstuck he exclaimed What a fuck! You felt just like Winnie The Pooh or is that too obtuse re bears..?  |
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Ellis Ian Fields Writer Location: Dunno - it's so very dark Registered: 9 Dec 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Wow... outbreak of limp-wristed, skipping through fields of flowers poetry alert!
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Nick Hobbs Writer Location: Braaaiiinnnsss. Registered: 14 Nov 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile Website
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There was an old lezzer from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue She popped in some flowers That were stuck there for hours As she skipped though the early morns dew (now that's limp-wristed, skipping through flowery fields poetry) |
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| Satisfying the bloodlust of the masses in peacetime! | |||
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Colonel Juan El quien ose, sátirisa Location: C/O Juanita Juan Registered: 24 Aug 09 Forum Profile Website
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Brilliant Nick.. Absolutely marvellous poetry of the highest order.. And Iain too Glorious wordage the bard himself would be proud of.. Now then Miss Mole!! I didn't see that earlier. I'd hide if I were you.. AND Shame on you Fields! Esteemed Forum colleague exercising their suppressed poetic bent... and all you can do is mock! Get to it squire.. Can't you at least squeeze yer buttocks together and toss out an award-winning ode? |
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Ellis Ian Fields Writer Location: Dunno - it's so very dark Registered: 9 Dec 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile |
Poetry is for wusses - and that has nothing to do with my complete failure at Eng Lit O-level! Nothing at all.
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Colonel Juan El quien ose, sátirisa Location: C/O Juanita Juan Registered: 24 Aug 09 Forum Profile Website
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Damned Poet strangler!!! A plague on your pussies.. And a pox on yer gladioli |
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Jaggedone Warning: Sharp edges Location: Back under the bridge! Registered: 8 Apr 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile Website
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After reading some of this poetical brilliance I've decided to give up posing as Dylan Thomas in my free-time, I'll stick to Bob instead (without the glue).
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IainB Gentle with me Location: (noun) a particular place Registered: 7 Oct 08 Forum Profile Writer's Profile Website
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There once was a man from the Pru
Who covered his knob with glue It is added insurance So that his sticky lance Doesn't come out when he's through. (This was actually my wife's effort...) Iain |
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| If 42 is the answer, the question must be how many hours before I lost my nerve and lost the profile pic? | |||
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Colonel Juan El quien ose, sátirisa Location: C/O Juanita Juan Registered: 24 Aug 09 Forum Profile Website
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Oh how I envy you Iain.. Having a wife who speaks the language of fine poetry.. Mine has trouble with "Put the kettle on you lazy git".. I mean to say.. do kettle and git rhyme? |
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Jaggedone Warning: Sharp edges Location: Back under the bridge! Registered: 8 Apr 09 Forum Profile Writer's Profile Website
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An insurance company called the Pru
Covered the hole in my shoe Then up popped a mole It got stuck to my sole So then I stuffed it with glue |
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| Monkey nutter... | |||
Maria Rios Deleted Registered: 11 Apr 12 Forum Profile Email |
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Colonel Juan El quien ose, sátirisa Location: C/O Juanita Juan Registered: 24 Aug 09 Forum Profile Website
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hehehehehe.. Maria milady.. Wot can I say.. Not only a true poet, but a woman of wisdom, language and vast experience.. Fancy a Merlot later? Luv Juan |
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Maria Rios Deleted Registered: 11 Apr 12 Forum Profile Email |
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queen mudder Spoof Queen Location: london and nyc Registered: 26 May 04 Forum Profile Writer's Profile Website
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Madre de Dios, Maria Rios.
As in Mary Rivers? |
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Maria Rios Deleted Registered: 11 Apr 12 Forum Profile Email |
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Colonel Juan El quien ose, sátirisa Location: C/O Juanita Juan Registered: 24 Aug 09 Forum Profile Website
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hi Maria, You can call me Miss Juan and we can be sisters together.. Woweeeee!!! Anyway, I've been slaving over a hot oil lamp.. How's about this!!!! There was an old biddy from Kew Forced to fill her vagina with glue After one off the wrist Left her feeling well pissed having broken her fanny in two John Betjeman eat yer bloody heart out! |
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Maria Rios Deleted Registered: 11 Apr 12 Forum Profile Email |
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