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Danny Williams
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Registered: 1 Apr 12

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 03:23
Hello all,


My name is Dan Williams, I'm 41 years old, and I'm from Portland, OR. I've always enjoyed satire, and would be honored to join the ranks here as a satire enthusiast, so to speak.

I'm new to The Spoof and have just written my first article. As this is the writer's forum, I thought that, by way of introduction, I would link it here for my fellow writers to critique. Any suggestions for improvement are welcomed, of course.

Maryland Housewife Loses Lottery

Thanks!

Inchcock
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Inchcock

Location: Nottingham, England
Registered: 18 Jun 10

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 03:35
Welcome Dan Williams,
I have just approved your story - liked the twist in it.

Hope you enjoy it here, and continue to supply the site with such input as your first, and stick with us.

Advice on Spoofing I'll leave to those more qualified and efficient in the matter.

Had you wanted advice on failures, disappointments, medication taking, baldness, hearing difficulties, illnesses, diseases, being ignored, getting old, or the effects of being given Morphine spray orally, I'd have been the man to ask. (Using the term man loosely)

Take care

Inchcock

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Danny Williams
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Registered: 1 Apr 12

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 03:46
LOL, Inchcock, what a terrific first reply. Thank you very much for that.

Unfortunately I am adequately experienced in most of the subjects you listed as areas of your expertise. But "being given Morphine spray orally" would qualify as a new experience! As I contemplate what reasons you must have for being prescribed morphine, I must wonder if I should express condolences. If they are in order, I do express them.

Again, thanks for the kind welcome =).

Fergus McCarthy
This user is offline Devil's Avocado
Fergus McCarthy

Location: Hibernia.
Registered: 17 Jan 07

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 03:55
I liked it Dan,my only criticism, and to be honest I wouldn't even call it a criticism, but... I would have called her Mary.

But that's just me, I like rhymes.

You've joined on April the 1st.

That'll make some of them suspicious straight away, they may think you are someone else posing as a new writer.

One or two may think you are me, or maybe someone else, the very fact that I'm still awake and answering your post is enough to raise the eyebrow of the horrible little bastard known as Skoob 1999 who will be online as soon as he sobers up, needs to urinate or even change his clothes after urinating when drunk.


This is a nice site to write on or even just hang out without anything for a long time like meself and the one known as Ersquin Quint, most of the writers are reasonably friendly and are generally just out to wind you up with the odd dodgy remark.

Just take it with good humour and give as good as you get, the main thing to remember is that Skoob 1999 is a horrible little bastard, you may think I'm being harsh on the lad...... I am.

Because he is a genuinely horrible little bastard.

Everyone else is lovely.





Except Skoob.

He is........



Hope you like it here Dan.

Me.


You want me as a moderator!
You need me as a moderator!!!
Fergus McCarthy
This user is offline Devil's Avocado
Fergus McCarthy

Location: Hibernia.
Registered: 17 Jan 07

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 04:03
Really, really horrible!!

You want me as a moderator!
You need me as a moderator!!!
Danny Williams
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Posted: 1 Apr 12 04:22
Thanks for the advice, Fergus.

It's still 3/31 here in Portland, Oregon. That it would be April Fool's Day soon hadn't occurred to me.

I really like the "Mary McNary" suggestion. Food for future thought!

But, yeah, I promise everyone I am legit. Not only my first time writing here, but my first time visiting.

And yes, I will take him with a grain of salt. xD

Danny Williams
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Posted: 1 Apr 12 07:41 - Edited By: Danny Williams, 1 Apr 12 08:07
I only joined in the last 12 hours, but I have written and submitted a second story for your approval. I must admit, I thrive on approval!

Miracle: Man's Memory Instantly Restored

I hope the method of trying to get my stuff read does not break any rules? I did read what rules I could find, and saw nothing to indicate I would be.

If I'm mistaken, please let me know!

Thanks again,

Danny

Inchcock
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Inchcock

Location: Nottingham, England
Registered: 18 Jun 10

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 07:52
Hi again Danny,

Morphine was given when they were removing the wires form the sternum after a heart valve replacement operation, and the wires didn't want to come out!

In many ways it was an exhilarating, memorable moment too! I had two buxom young nubile nurses sat on me while the other tugged at the wire.... Phwerrr!! Oh dear, I'll have to have a cup of tea now!

Cheers Sir

Inchcock



Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Danny Williams
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Posted: 1 Apr 12 08:08
Wow, Inch. That is just...wow.

Glad to see you keeping up the good spirits!

Colonel Juan
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Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 09:47


Hi Dan and welcome..

just a few things..

I read your piece and puked. But I also passed it by way of an encouragement.

Two. I see you introduced yourserlf twice. That's at least once too many.

Three. You used the Faecesbook term LOL. Last person who did that on here got sliced up and eaten alive. We suspect Inchcock's still got her liver in his deep freeze.

Four. Is that you, trying to bring your story up in the story section?

Five. Full marks for being pushy. It's an endearing trait of many Americans... not usually shared by self-deprecating, modest, brilliantly talented Brits..

Is it really April 1st?

Regards

Wonky Eyes







RIP
Fergus McCarthy
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Fergus McCarthy

Location: Hibernia.
Registered: 17 Jan 07

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 10:33
More horrible a little bastard you could'nt even begin to imagine.

You want me as a moderator!
You need me as a moderator!!!
Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 10:36
Hello Dan

I'm up and about early because I wet the bed again after falling asleep in a drunken stupour.

I'm that horrible little bastard that my good friend Fergus warned you about. Fergus and I have a wonderful relationship as cyber buddies - we swear at each other a lot and would probably end up in a proper fight if it wasn't for the fact that he's considerably bigger than me.

The only real rule here mate is to be totally honest with everyone. They won't believe a word of it, but there you go.

By the way, I come from Paris and I'm a lion tamer by trade.

Welcome to the Spoof sir! May the hairs on your back prickle with eager anticipation every time you log on to this site.

Although they probably won't.

Best Regards

Skoob.

RIP
Fergus McCarthy
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Fergus McCarthy

Location: Hibernia.
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Posted: 1 Apr 12 11:03
Told you......

Fuckin Orrible.

You want me as a moderator!
You need me as a moderator!!!
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 11:19
Good evening Derek

I'm Clivey and I'm the best writer on The Spoof by an absolute street. My stories are incredibly great and whenever there's a writing competition I win it by an absolutely embarrassingly wide margin.
I live in London which is in England, down the bottom and a bit to the right. It's quite nice there but there are few trees and sometimes we shoot each other in the face.

Everybody here is a great writer and that's all down to the fact that whenever they want a story written they ask me to write it for them for money. I then write the stories but deliberately make them slightly inferior to mine so that they wont get ideas above their station and start crowing about it.

Everybody's very nice here also except Colonel Juan who's a fucking cunt and Erskin who takes cod that doesnt belong to him. He then eats the cod in the hope that the vitamins and other nutrients will make him intelligent and up to a point it has because he can speak 321 languages fluently including church Latin. Whereas CJ cant speak at all and is a fucking cunt.

Lastly I'd like to give you a few words to the wise Desmond.

1/ Dont let anyone drive you off the forums, even if they attempt this in CAPITAL LETTERS

2/ Dont have any truck with CJ or you'll end up becoming a fucking cunt just like him

3/ Dont leave your cod unattended when Erskin is here or he'll steal it and eat it........in Serbo Croat.

Please have a reasonable day and try not to vote for anyone with a funny name. No good will come of it Dennis.

As you were.

Is this the right forum for a forum?
Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
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Posted: 1 Apr 12 11:21
Don't overdo it Ferg, or he might not believe you.

Feckin eejit

Skoob.

RIP
Jaggedone
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Jaggedone

Location: Back under the bridge!
Registered: 8 Apr 09

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 11:58
I think our new US colleague has just been hit by a UK tsunami in a Royal Doulton

Monkey nutter...
Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 17:12
Hi Dan - No need for me to elaborate on anything - the evidence is there before your very eyes. Welcome to the spoof I've never known a period when so many new writers have arrived on the site.

Watching paint dry
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
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Posted: 1 Apr 12 17:58
you said "period"

Is this the right forum for a forum?
churchmouse
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churchmouse

Location: France
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Posted: 1 Apr 12 20:56

What's happened to Danny?

Has he gone?

Have you bastards frightened him away the way that you normally do ?

He was my only friend here you know.

We were like brothers, me and Donald... Well, more like partners in a wet fish wholesalers... But even so, the strong bonding that bound us together has now been shattered... And all because you couldn't help but take the piss, could you?

Poor Donny. I don't know if I can continue without him.

We were going to have a full roast dinner you know.

I'd done it especially.

Yorkshire puddings and everything. And now it's just me alone again with a KFC bargain bucket and my memories.

Bastards the lot of you.

I'll have to stalk someone else now.





And as the baby rabbit of hope emerges into the soft sunlight of happiness to be confronted with the double barrels of reality
Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

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Posted: 1 Apr 12 21:10
And he didn't even give us a couple of verses of Moon River

Watching paint dry
Inchcock
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Inchcock

Location: Nottingham, England
Registered: 18 Jun 10

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Posted: 2 Apr 12 05:17
I'd like to assure Danny that the vitriolic penning on this forum comes from the more skilled abdurian, adoxographic, and amphigory creating species within our community.

The Spoof Forum Graphic

Time for me tablets now!

Take care all

Inchcock

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Danny Williams
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Registered: 1 Apr 12

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Posted: 2 Apr 12 10:08
Me still here.

But me getting scared...

Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 2 Apr 12 11:49


Look Dougie Boy..

We talked about you all day yesterday..

If you want us to do the same today it'll cost you!

How much you prepared to pay?






RIP
Danny Williams
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Posted: 2 Apr 12 11:58 - Edited By: Danny Williams, 2 Apr 12 12:18
I've been honored, Colonel!

It's just... give me some time, you all have me out of breath. Lord, what a lot you all are, I must say.

Anyway, I have a new piece I'm rather proud of, and can't help but take advantage of the attention with a little more shameless self-promotion.

I'm rather proud of this one, though I'm not sure you Brits will get everything if you haven't kept up:
Zimmerman Vindicated: Cries For "Help" Were Trayvon Martin's

Anyways, thank you all for the (warm???) welcome!

Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
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Posted: 2 Apr 12 12:06

You said LOL...

AGAIN!!

What are you, some kind of woman off a Susan Boyle chat Forum?

Don't bother answering that Daphne!

PS: I read your Dead Mummy story and puked.

That's two of your stories I've read.

Enough to keep me going for months..

PS: Shouldn't you be in bed asleep???




RIP

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