Discussion Forum

Slamming the finger in the door.
Stubbing a toe, on the floor.
Catching your willy in a zip.
Falling in thistle when you are pissed..........

Catching a fingernail with a cheese grater
A muscle pulled now can really hurt later
Your hand slammed, bam! in the door of the car
Foot slips off the pedal then you hit the crossbar

A pain can be caused by the crack of a whip
A well hammered thumb or a simple split lip
A papercut seems far worse than a knife
But a toothache can feel the worst pain in your life

One cautionary tale about pain I should mention
Is not to prep veg without paying attention
If the recipe requires the chopping of chilli
Then, when in the bathroom, don't touch your eye

Someone flicking the tip of your nose - makes the eyes water

Inability to spit out red hot food - can't think why the attention to niceties overrides the logical solution of spitting it out.

Kidney/gall stones - they call it 'exquisite pain'

Someone pulling the hair on the nape of your neck

A really hard kick in the bollocks.

Sko...aaaaarrrrrgh!

Some females may say it's childbirth, but women often want more children. You rarely see or hear of a bloke volunteering for another kick in the bollocks.

Finding out that you mother told the midwife to throw you in the river when you were born.

I'm alright now though.

Inchy

Slamming your fingers in a door. Not the side with the lock, the side with the hinges.

Getting your pubes caught in a public swimming pools filtration system.

Being electricuted in the face by a cheap shaver bought off a bloke called "dodgy Rick" who works down the market.

Getting off the bus and being hit in the back of the head by a wing mirror.

Burning your fingers when you try to take your ciggie out your gob and it sticks to your lips causing your fingers to slide along the cancer stick and into the very hot, on fire bit.

Getting cramp in the top of your foot and the bottom of your foot, at the same time.

When your wife runs off with the man who fitted your new boiler because she "liked his arse crack."

When your second wife runs off with the Avon lady because she "felt a bit like being a lesbian for a while."

Chopping chillis and then rubbing your eyes / picking your nose / holding your cock (for whatever reason).

Even worse when you do all three at the same time (extreme dexterity of one hand required).............

There is a chart for assessing pain: Pain Chart.

It's very useful.

It allows people to rate how much of a pain in the arse I am at parties.

Iain