This forum does not allow guest posting. You must register to participate in this forum.

Messages ordered by earliest posts first
All times are GMT

Forum Home / General Discussion / Pain.


[This topic is LOCKED]

AuthorMessage
armfeetandtoe
This user is offline Writer
armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Email
Posted: 1 Mar 12 23:07
Slamming the finger in the door.
Stubbing a toe, on the floor.
Catching your willy in a zip.
Falling in thistle when you are pissed..........


You aint seen me.....right
Roy Turse
This user is offline Writer
Roy Turse

Location: United Kindom
Registered: 23 Jan 09

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Email
Posted: 1 Mar 12 23:40
Catching a fingernail with a cheese grater
A muscle pulled now can really hurt later
Your hand slammed, bam! in the door of the car
Foot slips off the pedal then you hit the crossbar

A pain can be caused by the crack of a whip
A well hammered thumb or a simple split lip
A papercut seems far worse than a knife
But a toothache can feel the worst pain in your life

One cautionary tale about pain I should mention
Is not to prep veg without paying attention
If the recipe requires the chopping of chilli
Then, when in the bathroom, don't touch your eye


All the news that's fit to print or not
Lynton
This user is offline Writer
Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

 Forum Profile
Posted: 1 Mar 12 23:48 - Edited By: Lynton, 1 Mar 12 23:50
Someone flicking the tip of your nose - makes the eyes water

Inability to spit out red hot food - can't think why the attention to niceties overrides the logical solution of spitting it out.

Kidney/gall stones - they call it 'exquisite pain'

Someone pulling the hair on the nape of your neck

Watching paint dry
Skoob1999
This user is offline Caretaker
Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Website
Posted: 1 Mar 12 23:57 - Edited By: Skoob1999, 2 Mar 12 00:04
A really hard kick in the bollocks.

Sko...aaaaarrrrrgh!

Some females may say it's childbirth, but women often want more children. You rarely see or hear of a bloke volunteering for another kick in the bollocks.

RIP
Inchcock
This user is offline Writer
Inchcock

Location: Nottingham, England
Registered: 18 Jun 10

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Website
Posted: 2 Mar 12 04:14
Finding out that you mother told the midwife to throw you in the river when you were born.

I'm alright now though.

Inchy

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Simon Saunders
This user is offline Writer
Simon Saunders

Location: The Republic of Ninnies.
Registered: 22 Feb 12

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 2 Mar 12 05:14
Slamming your fingers in a door. Not the side with the lock, the side with the hinges.

Getting your pubes caught in a public swimming pools filtration system.

Being electricuted in the face by a cheap shaver bought off a bloke called "dodgy Rick" who works down the market.

Getting off the bus and being hit in the back of the head by a wing mirror.

Burning your fingers when you try to take your ciggie out your gob and it sticks to your lips causing your fingers to slide along the cancer stick and into the very hot, on fire bit.

Getting cramp in the top of your foot and the bottom of your foot, at the same time.

When your wife runs off with the man who fitted your new boiler because she "liked his arse crack."

When your second wife runs off with the Avon lady because she "felt a bit like being a lesbian for a while."

Currently discussing possible legal action with his lawyer after not winning the writing compo
birbee
This user is offline Yorkshire Kid
birbee

Location: gone....................
Registered: 17 Jan 09

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Website
Posted: 2 Mar 12 10:04
Chopping chillis and then rubbing your eyes / picking your nose / holding your cock (for whatever reason).

Even worse when you do all three at the same time (extreme dexterity of one hand required).............

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts,
And I looked and behold: a pale horse.
And his name, that sat on him, was Death.
And Hell followed with him........
IainB
This user is offline Gentle with me
IainB

Location: (noun) a particular place
Registered: 7 Oct 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Website
Posted: 2 Mar 12 10:48
There is a chart for assessing pain: Pain Chart.

It's very useful.

It allows people to rate how much of a pain in the arse I am at parties.

Iain

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?

 
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Forum permissions

You are not logged in.

  • You cannot create new topics in this forum
  • You cannot post new messages in this forum
  • You cannot add polls
  • You cannot link to external images in this forum
  • You cannot upload images in this forum
  • You cannot upload files in this forum

Who is online?

There are no registered users currently online.


Profile Featured Writer

Herrdoktorfox
Herrdoktorfox
Joined: 11 July 2010
Stories Written: 102
44 readers are online right now!

Go to top