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Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 9 Feb 12 21:41 - Edited By: Colonel Juan, 9 Feb 12 21:43



Hello!

And welcome to the Spoof

Happy Valentine's Day!

Below are a few short stories on a theme of Bad Romance

Especially written for February 14th by a few of us writers here on The Spoof

We really hope you enjoy them:-

kiss kiss



Inchcock's
A True Diary Of Woe : Bad Romances


Gail Farrelly's
So What's The Skinny


Iain B's
Badger's Romance


Iain B's
Physicists Guide To Romance


Tommy Twinkle's
A Mixed Marriage - Gillian's Warning


Monkey In The Bath's
A Bad Romance In Every Way

Churchmouse's
Elvis Presley - You Were Always On My Mind

Chris James
Suffering From Mixed Up Bad Romances

Skoob's
Keira Knightley & Vinnie Jones In Bad Romance Love Triangle

Ellie James
Beautiful And Bad Romance Tacos

Roy Turse
All Sent Items: To Katie From Steve

Clive Danton's
Lady Gaga "My Bad Romance With A Homeless Brit Vagrant"

Armfeetandtoe's
A Tale Of Two Lovers

Colonel Juan's
"Vampire Diaries Gothic Romance" - Starring Lady Sybilla

Jean Le Fete's
Kava Blanca

Erskin Quint's
EL Wisty On Romance

Erskin Quint's
Among The New Romantic Books

Chris McManus's
My Best Date Ever

Juanita Juan's
"Alf Starling Pinched My Vajazzles"

Roy Turse's
The Next Level

Queen Mudder's
Camden Kebab Shop Deconsecrates Amy Shrine Amid Pete Doherty Apparition

Pinxit's
Ice Cold In Alex

RIP
Gail Farrelly
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Location: NY, USA
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 00:21
The first one listed (and the first one I read) was my favorite. "A True Diary of Woe : Bad Romance" by Inchcock. Unique and REALLY well done.

armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 10:20
Thanks for compiling this C.J. What a nice gesture.

May the futtting of sponfecious "Our Gracie" Never darken your house or be put on your mp3 player.



Love as always

Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You aint seen me.....right
Gail Farrelly
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 21:27 - Edited By: Gail Farrelly, 10 Feb 12 21:28
Why, oh why, did you have to give us those links to a bunch of Bad Romance stories?

It's sad that your writers are a bunch of malcontents who have nothing to celebrate on Valentine's Day. But why do you have to share the misery?

Yours truly,
Ebenezer Scrooge

Roy Turse
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Roy Turse

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 22:24 - Edited By: Roy Turse, 14 Feb 12 15:30
Ah Mr Scrooge,

You are so right about these Valentine's Day messages.

Merry St Valentines, one and all

Roy.


Quote: Gail Farrelly

Why, oh why, did you have to give us those links to a bunch of Bad Romance stories?

It's sad that your writers are a bunch of malcontents who have nothing to celebrate on Valentine's Day. But why do you have to share the misery?

Yours truly,
Ebenezer Scrooge


All the news that's fit to print or not
Inchcock
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Inchcock

Location: Nottingham, England
Registered: 18 Jun 10

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Posted: 11 Feb 12 04:37
CJ,

Thanks for doing the competition for us, and making it easy for a lesser mortal like wot I am to understand.

May your foibles be fondled, your desires be satisfied, and you win the lottery!

Love

Inchcock

xx

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Chris James
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Chris James

Location: Mingehampton on the Why, UK
Registered: 29 Nov 09

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Posted: 11 Feb 12 16:41
I came 8th. Great, thanks for that.

-=Rumours of my death are completely accurate=-
Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

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Posted: 11 Feb 12 19:57
bump

SERIOUS ABOUT DRIVEL
Gail Farrelly
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Posted: 11 Feb 12 20:58

Quote: Erskin Quint

bump


Ouch!

Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

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Posted: 12 Feb 12 20:02
bump again ouch

SERIOUS ABOUT DRIVEL
Gail Farrelly
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Posted: 12 Feb 12 21:16
To Spoof Readers,

Don't forget to check our the Bad Romance stories. You want to be prepared for Valentine's Day.

Gail Farrelly
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Posted: 13 Feb 12 23:55
In addition to the Bad Romance stories, you may also like to read this article at NYDailyNews.com:

Single? Avoid the lovey-dovey stuff with anti-Valentines Day events in NYC

Ellie James
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Ellie James

Location: Texas
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Posted: 13 Feb 12 23:59

Quote: Gail Farrelly

In addition to the Bad Romance stories, you may also like to read this article at NYDailyNews.com:

Single? Avoid the lovey-dovey stuff with anti-Valentines Day events in NYC



My favorite was February is for Pancakes. For a girl whose had a guy dump her on Valentine's Day, pancakes sounds really good.

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Gail Farrelly
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Posted: 14 Feb 12 00:55

Quote: Ellie James


Quote: Gail Farrelly

In addition to the Bad Romance stories, you may also like to read this article at NYDailyNews.com:

Single? Avoid the lovey-dovey stuff with anti-Valentines Day events in NYC



My favorite was February is for Pancakes. For a girl whose had a guy dump her on Valentine's Day, pancakes sounds really good.

Ellie


I'll take chocolate-chip pancakes with butter on the side. And for dessert, a brownie with vanilla ice cream, hot fudge sauce, and whipped cream. Now that would be a perfect Valentine "dinner." No date needed. lol

Thelonius
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Posted: 14 Feb 12 04:13

Where does the "public" encounter this site? I've been looking for the "Bad Romance" titles, and the "Be My Valentine" advert. I'm trying to show my mum that someone has printed things I wrote. I have shown her some things I've written, and she has the good sense not to believe me. I have also told her I finished just out of the running. Results aren't included are they?

Chris McManus

Ellie James
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Ellie James

Location: Texas
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Posted: 14 Feb 12 05:24
Chris -

Do you see up top, next to the Writer's Login....there is a Story Search link. Just type in Bad Romance and all the stories will show up there.

When I want to point someone in the direction of my stories I will just tell them to go to the Top Writers chart and look for my name. If she has email, she can subscribe to your RSS feed and all your stories will be mailed to her. I have a few friends who get my stories that way.

Also, the General Discussion forum is open to the public. I believe she can read posts without having to register. You can point her to that thread that has all the stories.

Hope that helps....

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 14 Feb 12 06:42
DEATH TO ALL WHO CONSPIRED AGAINST ME AND WRESTED THE LAUREL WREATH FROM MY GRASP!!

DEATH TO THEM AND TO THE CRUEL DESPOT IRANIAN TYRANT PRESIDENT I'M A DINNER JACKET.

JUSTICE FOR THE BETHNAL GREEN 1 !!!!!

HUZZAH HUZZAH...............HUZZAH!

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Inchcock
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Inchcock

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Posted: 14 Feb 12 06:53

Quote: Clive Danton

DEATH TO ALL WHO CONSPIRED AGAINST ME AND WRESTED THE LAUREL WREATH FROM MY GRASP!!

DEATH TO THEM AND TO THE CRUEL DESPOT IRANIAN TYRANT PRESIDENT I'M A DINNER JACKET.

JUSTICE FOR THE BETHNAL GREEN 1 !!!!!

HUZZAH HUZZAH...............HUZZAH!


Is that like Soylent Green?

(Can't find that great old film on DVD)

Inchy

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Thelonius
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Posted: 14 Feb 12 07:31 - Edited By: Chris McManus, 14 Feb 12 07:33

Thank you for the directions Ellie. I appreciate them.

Chris McM



Gail Farrelly
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Posted: 14 Feb 12 07:39
Is that like Soylent Green?

(Can't find that great old film on DVD)

Inchy

Amazon sells the DVD here in the U.S. Don't know about Amazon UK.

Inchcock
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Inchcock

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Posted: 14 Feb 12 08:04

Quote: Gail Farrelly

Is that like Soylent Green?

(Can't find that great old film on DVD)

Inchy

Amazon sells the DVD here in the U.S. Don't know about Amazon UK.


Thanks Gail,
I'll have a decker when I get back from hospital today.

Cheers

Inchy

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Posted: 14 Feb 12 14:19
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY YOU BUNCH OF HEDGEHOG SHAVERS



Love as always


Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You aint seen me.....right
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 14 Feb 12 17:26 - Edited By: Clive Danton, 14 Feb 12 17:28

Quote: armfeetandtoe

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY YOU BUNCH OF HEDGEHOG SHAVERS



Love as always


Arm xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Right back atcha Mr Armandhammer-Gently-Soothing-Tooth-Balm-For-Gibbons.

I bought my missus a card down the market for a quid that said Happy Valentine's Day To My Wonderful Husband by mistake.

Fortunately I dont think she's noticed yet. *light's pipe and applies tourniquet to stump of penis*

Edit. The above is absolutely true by the way. I thought the geezer on the stall looked at me a bit funny when I winked and said "I'll be bollocks deep tonight old son"

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Ellie James
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Ellie James

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Posted: 14 Feb 12 17:48

Quote: Clive Danton

I bought my missus a card down the market for a quid that said Happy Valentine's Day To My Wonderful Husband by mistake.

Fortunately I dont think she's noticed yet. (


You really did??? That's CLASSIC! Nothing says "I don't pay attention to the details" quite like that! You can always get a black marker and cross it out, and write 'wife' instead.

Ellie

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 14 Feb 12 18:03


Sometimes, occasionally, it used to come over me like...

Not often..

But on occasions...

When I was watching lamb roasting in the oven..

Or opening another bottle of Chateau Yquem 1994...

It suddenly used to dawn on me...

that it must be tough being an Afghan woman in Helmand province..

But not any more it don't...

Not since I heard about that poor cow wot lives down Whitechapel way..

that Mrs Danton..

Puts the entire third world back in perspective she does..




RIP

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